THE AMAZING RACE

Season 9 Episode 2: I'm Filthy and I Love It

Previously, the ninth season of The Amazing Race took off effortless by sending Teams of two to São Paolo, Brazil, where bad decisions and bad luck worked in synchrony to send the Scoobies out of the Race. At least John got some, er, lessons, I suppose, that he wanted out of the Race. It was a satisfying episode, well-paced and well-edited. This episode is slower-paced with all kinds of artificial producer interference (chartered vehicles, operation time) showing up, so it's more of a Just Another Episode thing. Oh well.

The show opens at São Paolo, which our host Philo Koughie explains is the largest city in the southern hemisphere. The Pit Stop of the previous leg was the soccer stadium Estádio do Pacaembu, which Philo feels is appropriate given that there are some twenty million soccer fans living in São Paolo. Given that soccer is one of the most homoerotic sports around - all those guys running around pulling off each other's pants or celebrating a goal by running around in their underwear while being mauled by the other guy, what's not to love, eh? - this show makes it sound like São Paolo is a pretty happening place indeed. Maybe the Freaky Fratboys will consider moving here permanently after the show to change their names to Karlos and Pablo and star in their own gay adult films that have titles like Hot Brazillian Trucker Studs XXX. Back to Philo, he goes into the obligatory Team speculation. Will the FranBerries survive another leg? Will the Glamazons' tiaras light their way to the end of the tunnel? Never mind, I think we all know the answers to those questions.

5:34 am. The Freaky Fratboys were the first Team to arrive so they get to leave in first place in this leg of the Race. Their clue tells them to travel some two and a half miles to Edificio Copan and locate the clue stand in "Bloco F". The show doesn't say it but Edificio Copan is considered an interesting building as it was built in the shape of a serpentine curve by the famous national architect Oscar Niemeyer back in 1950. The first floor of the Edificio Copan is a well-known red light district for transvestite sex trade workers to ply their trade, by the way, a fact that will come into play later when the Freaky Fratboys make a mistake of some sort. Hey, I read that somewhere. It's not like I know the place personally. (And if you do know the place personally, there's nothing wrong with that, of course. Just... be safe.) Back to the Freaky Fratboys, they decide to wait for the BoHos who would be leaving the Pit Stop some two minutes behind them. The Fratboys then tell the camera that they have "girls" on their "brains". I know, I know, they have brains. What a surprise. Then again, I've heard that some crazy people also claim that they have wings. Anyway, Eric, the one with the receding hairline and is therefore overcompensating way too much as a result, says that they are hoping to have sex on the Race. Not with each other, of course. Jeremy, the less obnoxious one because he still has a full head of hair, is still obnoxious when he says that they'd settle for maybe a date or two. Eric says that sex will be better. Why do I get this feeling that sex would be better for them but not for their partners? Guys who overcompensate usually have some kind of... shortage... to hide, after all.

5:36 am. The BoHo Boys display an uncanny ability to shout and prance for the camera whenever the camera is on them. Therefore, their shouting and fist-pumping are very predictable. This is what separates true camera hogs from mere amateurs: some, like the Robfather, do it like they are born to be a snake on TV, while others, like our BoHo Boys here, are way too obvious and desperate in their antics. Can the BoHo Boys be more interesting or at least less predictable in their camera hogging antics? As the BoHo Boys leave, they meet up with the Freaky Fratboys and once more the Porno Alliance stands strong. As the four men leave in the dark, one of the BoHo Boys tell the Fratboys, "Let's go, Muscle from Brussels." Hmm, now that I think of it, that's an accurate thing to call the Fratboys. Jean Claude Van Damme always exude this repulsive skeeviness that makes his bad acting painful to watch, and the same skeeviness is radiating in full force from the Fratboys. The BoHo Boys tell the camera that they are in a competition as well as a brotherhood with the Fratboys. How sweet. They say that the Freaky Fratboys and the BoHo Boys are from two different worlds but they manage to click. Of course they can click, they are made from the same cloth - the cloth of the garish banner that says "Look at me!" Those two Teams each get a cab.

5:45 am. Compared to the "Heavy! Intense! Look At Me! I Want Your Attention!" antics of the previous mentioned two Teams, it is a relief to see the Meninas Do Gilmore leave the starting line with only a simple confessional about how they have become more confident about Racing after coming in strong in the previous leg. They also get a cab to take them to the Edificio Copan.

5:49 am. Another gimmicky "Look at me!" Team starts the Race, although Cool As Geek's gimmick is far more watchable and even adorable compared to the exhausting antics of the Porno Alliance. What gimmick, you ask? I suspect that we all have a drinking game where we take a sip whenever Dave declares his love for Lori and vice versa, we'll all be attending the same AA meetings by the end of this season. As those two leave to get a cab, Dave tells the camera that their love is the glue that holds them together in the Race and announces to all that Lori is his "hottie bomb body with the naughty Pilates". Or something like that - he's speaking so fast and Lori is laughing hysterically beside him so I can't really catch what he says.

Ahead, Eric notices a transvestite sex trade worker and being Eric, of course he has to point out that the "chick" has a "hot ass". Jeremy points out that the hot ass belongs to a man and both of them play up their horror at Eric having admired a man's ass. The BoHo Boys, meanwhile, holler and howl when they too reach Edificio Copan. See what I mean? These Teams are so, so predictable that I am already bored watching them three minutes into the show. I can make jokes about the Freaky Fratboys knowing too well when to zone in on men's asses or bring up the fact that these two have homoerotic amateur self-pics spread all over the Web, but really, these guys are so dull in their shtick that I can't find any enthusiasm to mock them. The Porno Alliance learn that Bloco F is off-limits until 8:00 am and the BoHo Boys predictably squeals "Oh, crumbs!" to the camera. So, so, so boring. The Meninas Do Gilmore and Cool As Geek soon catch with up and they all settle down to kill the time. Well, at least there's some scenery to watch while waiting, eh, Eric?

6:10 am. The LaMichies reveal that each Team is given $23 for this leg of the Race. As they leave to get a cab, Michelle tells the camera that Lake is "obviously" a Type A personality and her job on this Race, therefore, is to calm her down. That's an admirable vocation indeed and I am filled with respect for her strength and determination.

6:13 am. The MoJos leave. They babble the predictable yammerings about being determined and never giving up, yadda yadda yadda.

6:47 am. The Telcoms take off. Yolanda tells the camera that she doesn't like the fact that the Telcoms are, as she puts it, "floundering" so early in the Race because she's used to smooth sailing through things. Ray however says that they can look at the Race as some kind of marathon, where how you finish the Race is what counts the most. Then again, you can always finish the Race and still come in last, so I'm not sure what exactly Ray is trying to say. Maybe it's his way of saying that slow and steady wins the Race?

7:06 am. The FranBerries get ready to leave. After a smooch at the starting line, they're off to look for a cab. Fran tells the camera that she had breast cancer four years ago in the past and now she wants to prove to herself and to all that she's in as good shape as any. I hate to come off as mean and uncaring but I don't think she's doing a good job so far in proving that. Barry says that Fran's strength and preserverance "exceed most people". Now, I know that he loves his wife very much but love can only explain so much before Barry starts to come off as a rather delusional man when it comes to his wife's capabilities. Or is he saying that Fran "preserveres" a lot because they are so slow and stressed out and therefore she has to remain "strong" or she'll have a nervous breakdown on the Race?

7:19 am. The Pink Poodles are set loose. As they leave, Dani tells the camera that they thought they could use their "femininity" to skirt through the Race but now they realize that it requires one knowing how had one wants something and how hard one tries to get that something. What, no mention of luck? Luck is a very important factor in this Race.

7:28 am. The Glamazons finally leave. Lisa tells the camera that the Race is tougher than she believed it could ever be. At least she's honest about being out of her league, I suppose. Joni says that Lisa tends to withdraw into herself and be gloomy when she's stressed out so Joni's responsibility is to try and keep Lisa's spirits up when that happens.

The trailing Teams are naturally pleased when they realize that every Team is bunched up outside Bloco F of the Edificio Copan until 8:00 am. Tick, tick, tick goes the clock and then it's 8:00 am. The gate is opened and it's a mad dash up the stairs to the roof where the clue stand is. The BoHo Boys reach the clue stand first, beating the Meninas Do Gilmore by mere seconds, and learn that it's now time for a Roadblock. Philo walks up a spiral staircase as he explains how in this Roadblock one person from each Team will run up a spiral flight of staircases all the way up to the top where he or she will then rappel down the building before being given the next clue. It's a four hundred feet distance up and down the building, so that's a large number of stairs this person has to climb indeed. There are three spiral staircases that can be accessed by the Teams, but they have to take note of the fact that the person at the top will rappel down one by one. It makes sense therefore to pick a staircase used by as few people as possible so that one can rappel down the building and complete the Roadblock as fast as possible.

Up Staircase #1 are Desiree, Jeremy, and Ray in that order. Danielle stupidly heads for Staircase #1 as well after Ray but the dummy award goes to Fran who takes after Danielle. Why be the fifth person in the queue in Staircase #1 when there are two other underused staircases available? Dave is smart because he heads up Staircase #2 - the first person to do so. Lake and Joseph take one look at the overloaded Staircase #1, spot only Dave running up Staircase #2, and head in the direction of Staircase #2. Joni foolishly goes up Staircase #2 as well, leaving Staircase #3 completely wide open with nobody using it. The BoHo Boys quickly realize this and head for Staircase #3. Oh look, BJ, who is performing the Roadblock for them, just has to vault over the railing instead of starting from stair one like any less camera-conscious person would.

At Staircase #1, Jeremy has overtaken Danielle and Desiree while Ray is close behind him. I'm sure everyone sees that coming, heh. Eric yells at Jeremy to run faster while Danielle, standing beside Eric, shouts at Danielle to beat Jeremy. Eric turns to her and calls her a sassy filly. He then tells the camera that he has to make the "girls" feel good so that he can "get in their pants later". Hey, everybody, Eric loves to wear female pants! He just hasn't been the same since he starts losing his hair, I hear. Over at Staircase #2, Joseph reaches the top first, followed by Lake, while Dave huffs and puffs slowly up the stairs. I'll leave it to you to guess who reaches the top first in Staircase #3. The guys at the front of the pack in their respective staircases now rappel down. Jeremy reaches the ground first, earning him a sobriquet from Eric ("the best fireman ever") and clue telling them to head over by bus to the bus stop where they will pick one of three available charter buses that will take them to the city of Brotas some 150 miles away. The buses leave at 10:15 am, 11:15 am, and 12:15 pm respectively. In Brotas, Teams will pick an old VW Beetle to drive in - the next clue is in the VW Beetle. After Jeremy, Joseph is the next to reach the ground, followed by BJ, Lake and Ray at about the same time (ooh, they're so destined to be together, the Telcoms and the LaMichies), Dave, and then Desiree.

It is worth noting that the LaMichies take a cab instead of a bus to the bus station like the clue specifies while the other Teams obediently grab a bus. Back at the rooftop, Danielle starts freaking out about rappeling because she's terrified of heights. I wonder why she decides to perform this Roadblock then. Perhaps Dani can't run up the stairs for a height of forty feet, I suppose. Either way, Fran sweetly comforts Danielle by telling her to calm down and all. I could be cynical and say that Fran wants Danielle to get over her fears so that Fran can rappel down the building faster, but Fran really is sweet in that scene. They say that waiting is the most terrifying part, so once Danielle gets started, she actually rappels down the wall pretty well. Dani calls her "so tough it's not even funny" while Fran cheers Danielle as she watches Danielle rappel down. So far the FranBerries are not as painful to watch as Gretchen of the Cannon Fodders from the last season but while I do find them sweet and likeable, I fear to watch the FranBerries in case I will get a repeat of the Cannon Fodders' prolonging of their and my misery as they excruciating blunder week after week and just won't go away. It's like watching a terminally ill person suffering week after week to the point that you want that person to have a quick merciful death just to end everyone's suffering. Please, let the FranBerries go away as soon as possible because they are clearly cast as cannon fodders. Danielle touches the ground, followed by Joni, and finally Fran begins rappeling down.

At the bus station are the Porno Alliance, the MoJos, and the Telcoms. Everyone now rushes to find the correct bus terminal and it's a chaotic moment due to language barriers. Unfortunately, the Telcoms end up missing out on the three available seats on the 10:15 am bus. Meanwhile, the LaMichies are taken to the wrong bus station and they have to take another cab to get to the correct one. Oh dear, Lake and Michelle are displaying a distressing inability to read and fully understand the wordings of their clues. Hopefully I'll get to see them end up in a wrong continent altogether soon. The Meninas Do Gilmore and Cool As Geek show up at the bus station at about the same time and Desiree gives Lori a high-five as both Teams secure their places in the 11:15 am bus. Yay, my favorite Teams on the same bus! Knowing my luck, they'd most likely end up with a bus driver that spends every ten minutes taking a wrong turn and they'll end up reaching Brotas one week behind the other two buses. Knock on wood and hope for the best, me.

The Pink Poodles reach the bus station and learn that there are only 12:15 am bus tickets available for them to rip off from the stand. They meet the Porno Alliance and ask them what time the guys are leaving. "Two hours before you guys!" is the answer they receive. Here, Eric, who is fast making me wonder just how many things about himself that he is overcompensating for, gets Danielle to show off her biceps before asking her whether he can touch her ass. She lets him with a laugh and I'd like to imagine that she's laughing only because there are cameras on them and if this is real life, she'd knee him in the balls and rip off hair that he can't afford to lose from his scalp. The idea that there are women out there that actually find this creepy weirdo attractive depresses me, truly. Rounding up the 12:15 pm bus are the LaMichies, the FranBerries, and the Glamazons.

10:15 am sees the first bus leaving and Teams marveling at the scenery because for some the scenery is really beautiful and for others they realize that it's the politically correct thing to do. One hour later, the second bus leaves, and finally, the third bus leaves at 12:15 pm.

Hello, Brotas! It's a tourist hotspot and looking at the scenery, I can see why. The first bus pulls up at the bus depot and the BoHo Boys are the first to reach the VW Beetles and tear open their clue. With appropriate hoots and hollers, of course. They learn that it's now time for a Detour. Philo steps out to explain that in "Press It", Teams must head over to an "old" cane plantation, Camping Dela Vista, use an old-fashioned cane press to extract cane juice, and ferment the juice using basic laboratory equipment that is already set up for the Teams to obtain 500ml of ethanol. The ethanol will be used as a fuel for their car, which ties in nicely with the fact that ethanol is used as a fuel source by nearly one-third of all Brazilians. In "Climb It", Teams will travel to Usina Jacaré and use a mechanical ascender to climb up a ninety-foot distance by the waterfall there. Needless to say, the "Press It" detour is for Teams who are not the most athletic type.

All three Teams will climb. As they get into their VW Beetle, Tyler says to BJ, "Back to our roots in these VWs, huh, buddy?" Wow, thanks, Tyler. For a second I've nearly forgotten that they are the Fun! Exciting! Hippies! on the show. They stop by a store to ask for directions and act shocked when the guy they encounters speaks to them in Portuguese instead of English. "No comprendo!" is all Tyler can say. Meanwhile, Monica also decides to ask for directions and as she runs out of her car, Jeremy watches her and says to Eric, "Too bad she has a boyfriend!" Eric answers, "Yeah, I'd spank her butt too!" Memo to the casting dipshits that cast these losers: please, please, please stop finding these birdbrained guys to pollute the show. They are not funny, witty, interesting, or amusing one bit. They are like all the bad possible boyfriends one can have melded into two huge chunks of ugly and they are taking up way too much screentime.

The Porno Alliance finally get moving. All that pointless camera muggings and desperate attempts at wit just to get their asses out of the parking lot... sheesh. The MoJos hit the road as well, with Monica telling Joseph that she may slow them down being that she's not as strong as the guys in the Porno Alliance, but she's going to do her best nonetheless. Good for her. I hope she can walk the walk as much as she talks the talk. Without much problems, the three Teams locate Usina Jacaré where they learn that Teams can ascend (one person at a time) at the same time so there's no need to take numbers. Fortunately, the BoHo Boys don't wear Speedos like they threaten to on their way here. On the other hand, the Porno Alliance are again predictable as they get ready to ascend the waterfall - the BoHo Boys are making all kinds of weird howls and hoots while the Freaky Fratboys want women in bikinis to enhance the scenery. They are like overgrowth babboon babies let out of the zoo for the first time, the way they are jumping up and down squealing to be noticed. I find myself wondering whether there should be men armed with tranquilizer darts on standby near these people just in case the Porno Alliance get too excited and start humping each other's legs in a frenzy of self-love and mutual admiration.

The second bus pulls up at the bus depot. At this point, it is clear that with the way the Teams are staggered apart, the Teams in the third bus will never be able to catch up, which makes fast-forwarding this episode straight to the last five minutes most tempting indeed. How exciting can watching people rappel or stare at boiling cane juice be, right? Anyway, Cool As Geek and the Meninas Do Gilmore decide to ferment some cane juice (Dave thinks he has performed a similar experiment in school - hey, so have I!) while the Telcoms predictably choose to climb. They head off to their respective locations in their VW Beetles.

Back at Usina Jacaré, the BoHo Boys finish their climb and learn that they can now head straight to the Pit Stop - the Primaverra Da Serra, a 19th-century coffee plantation located some twenty miles away. After hooting and hollering as they are programmed to do, the BoHo Boys depart with a yell of "Hippie power!" Nope, not self-conscious at all, those two. Meanwhile, I do get some enjoyment at last from Eric, or rather, from the sight of him dangling stupidly as he tries to ascend only to be beaten to the top by Joseph. Go, Joseph! Monica has already finished her climb while Jeremy is still waiting for his turn, which tells me how useless Eric is at the climb. Yay for Useless Eric! The MoJos leave in their car, with Monica giving this episode its title as she tells Joseph how filthy she is and how she loves being that way, heh. Meanwhile, Eric slowly manages to reach the top and Jeremy now climbs. Since they are an hour ahead of the next three Teams, their slowness do not affect their position in the Race much, unfortunately.

Elsewhere, Cool As Geek and the Meninas Do Gilmore are on their way to Camping Dela Vista while the Telcoms are looking for Usina Jacaré. Yolanda announces that she's hot and she's ready to get wet and I think quite a number of folks watching this show swoon from her announcement. Thank goodness that the Freaky Fratboys are too taken by blonde hair and big chests to realize that Yolanda and Desiree are by the far two of the most attractive women on this show. Then again, that means I'd miss seeing Ray snap Eric into two when Eric puts a crude move on Yolanda, bummer.

The third bus has finally arrived. The FranBerries decide to ascend the waterfall. Now, now, don't call those two coots crazy. They have a perfectly reasonable explanation: the last time around, they couldn't put together a motorcycle so this time around they're going to avoid anything that requires thinking and therefore, it makes perfect sense for them to tackle the waterfall cliff. Okay, those two are crazy. The LaMichies also decide to climb, as do the Pink Poodles, while the Glamazons decide to boil some sugar. The Glamazons encounter some drama on their way to Camping Dela Vista when Lisa, the one prone to being stressed, encounters difficulty in driving the VW Beetle. When Joni is a little slow in telling her which way she should drive, Lisa snaps that she can't be expected to drive as well as read the map. Lisa acts like Joni is deliberately withdrawing information from her, which is a clear sign that Lisa is fast approaching ground zero when it comes to snapping completely and falling apart from the stress. Oh dear. Finally a helpful passerby takes the time to show them the direction they should take. Lisa takes out her frustrations on the clutch and the gearstick.

While the BoHo Boys and the Freaky Fratboys try to find their way to the Pit Stop, they pass the Pink Poodles who are driving towards the Usina Jacaré. The Freaky Fratboys then launch into this eerie conversation where they pretty much finish each other's sentence, saying that they don't want the Pink Poodles to be eliminated because there will be no one to hook up with other then the "hippies". I hate to imagine that these two actually practiced saying these things before a mirror because such lame attempts at comedy aren't worth the time and effort. The Porno Alliance nearly lose sight of each other but alas, that is not to be and they end up getting directions to the Pit Stop from a helpful local that offers to drive ahead and let them follow him to there.

At Camping Dela Vista, Cool As Geek are here and they are watched by severe-looking Hollywood idea of scientists (paid actors, more like) as they slowly work fifteen sugar canes, one by one, through the press to obtain cane juice. Meanwhile, the Telcoms reach Usina Jacaré where Ray begins to climb first. The Meninas Do Gilmore lose some time when they make a wrong turn on the way to Camping Dela Vista, oh dear, while Cool As Geek are now starting to boil fermented cane juice. They eventually show up and greet Cool As Geek just as Cool As Geek are waiting with Dave saying, "The spirit of Mr Wizard is with us right now!" Let's hope that Mr Wizard is more helpful than Jeannie. Wanda operates the cane press as Desiree pushes the first cane through it.

Ray finishes his climb and Yolanda makes her climb now. Ray tells the camera that Yolanda's legs are stronger than his and the camera hones in on those legs. Yes, they're fine legs indeed. I will be more excited for the Telcoms if this Race is more physical than it actually is. Still, there's something to be said for a likeable Team that's athletic, because usually it's either the Teams that I like or the Teams that are athletic and therefore never going away from which I have to choose from.

Dave says to the camera that it's apparently nerve-wrecking to wait and watch as ethanol drips one drop at a time into the beaker at the end of the fermentation funnel. If that's nerve-wrecking for him, maybe he should go out more. Eventually they have collected enough to get their next clue. After wishing Desiree and Wanda luck, Cool As Geek pour their ethanol into the fuel tank of their VW Beetle and take off. At Usina Jacaré, Yolanda reaches the top and the Telcoms are now free to head to the Pit Stop as well. The Meninas Do Gilmore finish pressing their canes and now watch and wait anxiously as their ethanol begins to boil. "This is karma for all the times that I passed out in chemistry class," says Desiree aloud. See, BoHo Boys? This is how one delivers amusing one-liners without becoming too obvious and therefore too desperate.

The FranBerries and the LaMichies are making their way to Usina Jacaré, with Fran saying, "We're better at climbing than figuring out how to turn raw sugar cane into ethanol." If they say so, I suppose. The Pink Poodles however are slowed down by a truck that they cannot go past. As for the Glamazons, Lisa is really losing her cool, complaining loudly that her attempts at driving is killing her and how she is going to pass out from the fumes of the VW Beetle. Joni tries to calm her down by pointing out how lovely the scenery is and Lisa snaps that it's ridiculous to even try to enjoy the scenery given how the driving is killing her. Joni must be wishing that Lisa, who is clearly beyond reason at this point, will indeed pass out from the fumes soon. Back at Camping Dela Vista, the Meninas Do Gilmore finally obtains their 500ml of ethanol and they get to leave for the Pit Stop.

Ahead, the Porno Alliance are becoming uneasy because their helpful buddy has been driving for a long time now in their estimation. The Freaky Fratboys in particular decide to stop at a gas station and ask for directions, thus breaking away from the BoHo Boys who choose to keep following the vehicle ahead of them. To their dismay, the Freaky Fratboys learn from the guy at the gas station that they are indeed in the right direction and the Pit Stop is just a kilometre away from the gas station. The Freaky Fratboys hop back in their VW Beetle, moaning that they could have been first in this leg. Oh, spare me. Because of their mistake, the Freaky Fratboys have to watch as the BoHo Boys come in first and win a tour package to Tahiti. The BoHo Boys try to do a dance that they have no doubt rehearsed just for the occasion but screw that up and just settle for a hug instead. But they are still loud and desperate for attention so there's that. The Freaky Fratboys show up next, shouting that they've had a bad day and they're going to smack Philo whom they call "woman". Philo raises a brow as the Freaky Fratboys assure him that women is on their mind all the time. How nice. I think I've better start hitting my head until I've damaged my brain so that I can start liking them so much, because I have this sickening feeling that the Freaky Fratboys are staying around for a long time barring a delicious Dumb and Dumber moment of stupidity. The MoJos come in third with delicious lack of drama accompanying them, bless them.

At Usina Jacaré are the FranBerries and the LaMichies. It must surprise people watching this show that Fran immediately starts whining that she doesn't understand how the ascender works and she's not moving, wah wah wah, while Barry looks to the ground in exasperation. Hey, Barry, I thought she's supposed to be stronger than most people! Michelle makes steady if slow progress but Fran is even slower, so Michelle finishes her climb first and Lake now climbs. Fran finally makes slow progress up and actually beats Lake in reaching the top, so she's not that slow. Fran is instead very fast to pull a Gretchen on everyone, moaning loudly in defeat even when she hasn't even started doing anything, and that's what makes her excruciating to watch. As Barry climbs, the LaMichies dash to get out of that place.

Cool As Geek check in as team number four while the Telcoms are fifth. The Telcoms are not pleased but they really can't expect to be any better, being that they are stuck in the middle of the pack in this leg and the leg is designed in such a way that there is no way of beating the three Teams ahead of the three middle-of-the-pack Teams. The Meninas Do Gilmore come in sixth, much to their relief because they rather foolishly believe that their getting lost on the way to Camping Dela Vista have cost them enough time to cause them to be eliminated.

At Usina Jacaré, the Pink Poodles finally show up where Danielle quickly overtakes Barry to the top. But Barry reaches the top shortly after so the FranBerries take off for the Pit Stop while Dani begins to climb.

Complaining and arguing and having a mild moment of panic when their VW Beetle stalls, the Glamazons finally reach Camping Dela Vista where they begin working on the press. Joni tells Lisa, "Pretend you're giving birth to a child!" Lisa is a killjoy as she tells Joni "I didn't, I had a C-section." Elsewhere, the Pink Poodles are done - they are good at all these physical stuff, I'd give them that - and they take off for the Pit Stop. Ahead, the LaMichies are having troubles with directions, prompting Lake to tell Michelle, "Don't expect me to ask anybody! I am over - done! - with Spanish." She tells him, "It's Portuguese." He merely mutters as a response, "I can't understand it!" If this is how Lake behaves, boy, I'd love to see what happens when he ends up in, say, Korea. They eventually locate a guy who offers to drive and lead them to the Pit Stop. What's with these locals and their willingness to show people with cameras following them around town?

The FranBerries are on the road when their VW Beetle sputters and dies on them. Bwahahaha! As those old coots try to revive their vehicle, the Pink Poodles pass them, much to the ladies' delight. As the ladies tell the camera, they think the FranBerries are great people but this is a Race so of course they are happy to be given a reprieve. The FranBerries declare that they are done and they are going to be eliminated. If you're keeping count (not for a drinking game, I hope), this is the second time in two episodes that they announce that they are done for. How many episodes did it take before watching Meredith and Gretchen become excruciatingly painful? The FranBerries are on a headstart, it seems, to beating those two's track record. Elsewhere, the Glamazons finish up their Detour and they are good to go.

Minor drama ensues in order to create an illusion of suspense. Oh no, the LaMichies' guide has to stop for gas! But they eventually reach the Pit Stop as team number seven, beating the Pink Poodles who are team number eight. The FranBerries get a replacement VW Beetle, which is something the show will do if a Team's vehicle breaks down through no fault of theirs. However, there will be no time credit given to the FranBerries. So it's now down to the FranBerries versus the Glamazons to avoid elimination. It is dark when the FranBerries show up to come in ninth place, and it is very dark when the Glamazons finally show up to be booted out of the Race by Philo. Lisa and Joni must have really screwed up the driving to fall so far behind the others. Still, Joni tries to be supportive and comforting when Lisa breaks down and cries. Surprisingly enough, it is Lisa who wants very badly to be on the Race as she cries to Philo that she has always wanted to be on the Race ever since she saw it on TV. Poor Lisa - being on the Race only to learn that she is unable to fully withstand the stress must be most disappointing indeed and I feel for her in that regard. Both sisters claim that the Race has brought them closer and this experience is something that a million dollars can't purchase. Oh yes, they don't want the money, no indeed, snort. With that, the Glamazons are gone like they should be.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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