THE AMAZING RACE

Season 9 Episode 1: Here We Go, Baby, Off to Win a Million Dollars

Ooh, ooh, the show has started! Look, look, there's... um, what is this mountainous prairie terrain thingie? I know cowboys are in, especially those who are in love with each other in a beautiful forbidden way, but surely I'm watching the correct channel, right? The show then zooms to a city landscape and look, there's Philo "Hello, Happiness!" Koughie. I'm quite embarrassed to say that I actually feel so glad to see him. It's like it's been almost a year since the last season (and it may as well be since the previous season is best off forgotten) and way too long since I have my favorite reality TV show to watch. Philo explains that he's in Denver, Colorado - the "mile high city" - at the base of the Rocky Mountains. The starting point of this Race is the "world famous" Red Rocks Amphitheatre. Right now there are vehicles driving two Teams at the back to the Amphitheatre. And I'm sure we are all pleased to know that we're back to Teams of two instead of Families and if you stay with me and this show long enough, this bunch may just be the most likeable Teams yet. At least for me because I don't think I am annoyed by any one Team at the end of this two-hour special. Anyway, get out the popcorns and sit back as Philo introduces the Teams of this season.

Lake's a dentist and he has some Alec Baldwin thing going on while his wife Michelle works from home while taking care of the kids. I guess she can afford to do that, since Lake's a dentist and most American dentists I know seem to be drowning in dough. These two have been married for sixteen years now, having known each other since they were in their late teens, and I'll just call them LaMichie for my own convenience. Michelle says that she is protective of her family because she's a "typical" southern gentlewoman like that while Lake glowers and looks pretty handsome from the sidelines. He should be handsome, I suppose, since he can make himself a set of pretty teeth anytime he wants to. Lake says that he is ruthless and arrogant - which should reassure his patients that are watching this show - and he also says that people can feel threatened by his "drive" and his tendency to be "goal-oriented". And here I am thinking that they must be intimidated by the sight of him holding a drill in one hand and a dental surgical saw in the other. Lake concludes the introductory clip by saying that the LaMichies will win if nobody can beat them to the finish line. Um... yeah, there's that, I suppose.

Meet Danielle and Dani. No, really, that's what they call themselves and they're childhood friends instead of twin sisters like one could imagine they are with the names that they have. They're blonde, they threaten to be competitive while making sure that they have not one hair out of place, they will be wearing pink as often as they can, and they would like everyone watching to believe that they're a mix of the Pink Poodles and Lara Croft. I'll see, I suppose. Teams of young ladies in seasons past always claim to be kick-ass babes but they always ended up being eliminated before the season was even halfway through. Will the Pink Poodles be any different?

The BoHo Boys are BJ and the Bear, um, I mean Tyler. They are lifelong friends and one of them made a sight of himself in Japan a while ago by doing some melodramatic things to win the attention of a lady there. They would like me to believe that they look like hippies like the free-spirited souls they claim they are, but one look at their big hair and The Mamas and the Papas fashion sense and I immediately think "1970s porn actors". They want everyone watching this show to know that they are very happening guys. Tyler says that he's searching for "the funny and the ironic" in life with BJ by his side. At least he's being honest about how he's not as funny sometimes as he'd like to imagine he is. What, that's not what he means by searching for the funny? The BoHo Boys also hang from the side of the bus when they are not poking at each other with sticks while running around some building. The only thing that saves them from me giving them the finger is because they seem to be genuinely like this all the time outside the show.

Ah, here's the token African-American couple. He's Ray, a lawyer, and she's Yolanda, a teacher, and they are both dating each other, albeit in a long-distance manner most of the time. Yes, yes, the Telcoms are hoping that the Race will bring them closer together, yadda yadda yadda. Yolanda says that she's a strong-willed and competitive person and she sees Ray as the male equivalent of her in terms of personality. Ray brings up the fact that he grew up in the 'hood and he's now hoping that his being a lawyer will help him and his fellow African-Americans face a system that often "sucks". They both portray themselves as athletic people and really, Yolanda looks like she's going to be one of the few kickass female Racers that have ever been on this show.

The token gay Team is the Scoobies, with Scott being the regular Joe kinda guy while John is the one who looks adorable with his big head, big lips, and all. Scott says that he and John are lifelong buddies - Scott's parents even call John their "tallest daughter", which, if you ask me, isn't the nicest thing to say to John - while John says that he's on this show to prove to himself that he has the strength to do things in life that he doesn't normally do. He sounds quite melancholic, but I can't help wondering whether he's at some crossroads in his life because he sounds really serious when he says that he's hoping to overcome his fear of flying and various other inertia and insecurities that he may have. I can identify with the whole "I need to do something really crazy to shake up the way I'm living my life" thing. And what better way to do that than to run the Race and maybe winning a million dollars out of it? John says that he's confident that he and Scott can do anything together. "Or die trying," he says, heh. "Or one of us is," Scott corrects him and awww, they're so cute. I have to chuckle when Scott makes sure to announce that he loves John "like a brother and nothing more than that".

Joseph and Monica form the bland and vaguely good-looking dating couple that this show must have every season. They call themselves the "MoJo" and I'll just use that to call them because they don't inspire me to try and think of something else to call them. They say they argue but they also know when to make up and be nice with each other. They both promise to be competitive and all, the usual.

If the BoHo Boys look like 1970s porn actors, oh look, here are the prototypes for the contemporary porn actor types in Eric and Jeremy. One is a valet, one is a bartender, and they are both so typical of those wannabe-actor jock-types that this show can sometimes attract. They both claim to be goofy, dumb, and lazy-ass buffoons that spend their time playing volleyball by the beach. Oh, and if you do a search about them on Google, chances are you'll find a very scary picture of those two guys in hideous underwear posing together for the camera. No, these two aren't gay-for-pay Sean Cody types, no way, no siree, uh-uh. The Freaking Fratboys say that they want to be millionaires without working hard for the money, as if the other Teams on this show don't want to do just that. By the way, Eric is going to lose all his hair in a few years time if that receding hairline of his is anything to go by.

Lisa and Joni call themselves the Glamazons... and okay, why not, I'll call them that too. They are sisters in their forties but they insist that they're still feitsy and girly and they demonstrate this by wearing tiaras in their introductory clip. They also do some leg-wrestling thing with each other. Wow, that is so hardcore, people!

The token old coot Team is the FranBerries. Fran and Barry have been married for a long time and like all the old coot Teams of the past, they claim that they are athletic and mentally capable enough to keep up with the younger Teams. They won't be kind grandparent types, no. Fran says that they will "steamroller" the other Teams! That will only happen if the other Teams collapse onto the ground laughing and clutching at their stomachs after hearing Fran, allowing Fran and Barry to mistake the gas pedal for the brake and run over the other Teams.

There is a Puerto Rican version of the Gilmore Girls on this Race as well. Our Meninas Do Gilmore are the single-mother Wanda and her daughter Desiree. Wanda threatens to be the dramatic and easily flustered one while Desiree will be the voice of calm and reason. Desiree also says that Wanda is a hip mother instead of one concerned about "frumpy little Christmas sweaters". They seem to be really close. They speak on the same wavelength at least, as Desiree says that she doesn't mind if other Teams underestimate them as some mere "hot tamales" while Wanda adds that the Meninas Do Gilmore intend to "salsa" their way to the top. These two share a laugh over their plans for world conquest.

Finally, the really adorable Team that is representing geeks, nerds, and dorks everywhere, the really cool Dave and Lori. He looks like a good-natured goofball while she looks like the studious young girl who has never outgrown her glasses now that she's an adult. They are the Cool As Geek Team. They are both from Kansas and they have been dating for three years now. Dave says that their "in-your-face nerdiness" will be their secret weapon and goes as far as to say that he is great with taking tests while Lori is great at cards. Wow, there's no way they can lose, especially when Lori says that Dave is on her side. These two are really enjoying themselves and laughing at how they don't fit the athletic jock type, I am utterly charmed by them from the get go. Besides, these two are actually cool types because Dave's in a band that plays underground music while Lori... um, she works at Pizza Hut. Hey, that's not so bad, really!

As the Teams get out of the vehicles to stand before Philo in the now familiar half-circle arrangement, Philo voices over to the camera about how this Race is supposed to test a Team's athletic and mental ability, which old-time fans should know by now is only half-truth. Much of the Race is also dependent on luck, as this very episode will in fact demonstrate. Philo explains to the Teams the usual spiel about racing around the world and winning a million dollars . He explains that the first clues are found among the Team's bags along with the money they will need for this leg of the Race. After reading the clue, they can hop into the vehicles waiting for them in the parking lot. Lifting one brow, Philo then tells them, "The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe... go!" Woosh!

There is a mad scramble up the stairs to get to the bags. The Telcoms and the BoHo Boys reach their bags first and they rip open the clue envelope. Teams are given $140 for this leg of the Race and they must now head over to São Paolo, Brazil. Or "San Paulo" if you're Monica. There are three flights available for the Teams to take: American Airlines 348 departing at 1:25 pm, Continental Airlines 498 departing at 2:30 pm, and United Airlines 932 departing at 3:31 pm. There are limited seats on each flight and tickets will be given on a first come, first served basis. At São Paolo, Teams must locate the next clue on the rooftop of the Hotel Unique. And then it's a mad scramble to the parking lot. The BoHo Boys are the first to leave the parking lot, Monica tells Joseph, who's driving, not to drive recklessly, and Michelle, who's driving, tells Lake that she cannot breathe due to the altitude. Michelle says to Joseph, "God, we're going to Brazil!" As Joseph chuckles, she goes, "Wooooooooh!"

With that, credits.

The BoHo Boys are pleased that they are in the lead and I realize that I can't tell BJ from Tyler yet at this early point in the Race. Behind them are the MoJos. Monica can't believe that the BoHo Boys are ahead and tells Joseph that the BoHo Boys must have not smoked pot in a while now. If these Teams are smart, they would accidentally let slip to airport customs officers that the BoHo Boys have some pot with them because that will be a guaranteed way to delay them when it comes to getting out of an airport. As Teams drive and wooh-wooh at each other on the road to the Denver International Airport, the Telcoms poetically discuss the altitude with Ray saying that she can't breathe and Yolanda saying that she has "a little blood in the lungs". Technically speaking, she really should be worried if there is only a little blood in her lungs but I think I know what she is really trying to say. The Freaking Fratboys try to cram as many "dude" as they can in the space of five seconds as they talk about how cool the vehicle they are in is because they will never drive another one like this again in the near future. Just once, please, just once I'd like to have a season without some beach-dude jargon. Fran is not pleased that she is out of breath so soon into the Race because she lives in Colorado. I'd assume that making mad dashes up the stairs and then down again to the parking lot is not something she does on a regular basis in Colorado either. She may want to consider that as a possible reason as to why she's out of breath so soon. Wanda tells Desiree to fasten her seat belt because Wanda here is going to drive like a crazy woman. Or something. Desiree is most agreeable with that suggestion. The Scoobies are the second last Team to leave and they note that the Glamazons, who they call the Frosties, are behind them. Trailing in last, the Glamazons wonder whether they will be spending $140 on monkey testicles which they will then have to eat. I don't think those monkey testicles are worth that much money.

The MoJos honk as they overtake the BoHo Boys, causing the BoHo Boys to remark that "Barbie and Ken" have overtaken them. It takes a stereotype to know one, I suppose, although I don't really see Joseph as a Ken. He isn't even blond. The MoJos think that overtaking the BoHo Boys is an "intense" experience. I don't think these two people go out of the house much. Lake tells Michelle to drive faster and Michelle balks, saying that she doesn't want to hit a truck that is in front of them. The Telcoms have a confessional where they reveal that this Race will be the longest time that they've been with each other - they are dating long-distance for five years, remember. Wow, the telephone conversations the Telcoms have must be truly intense indeed to qualify them as a "dating" couple. Yolanda acts like she'll be thrilled to learn things about him that she has never known before. She'll soon learn that there are some things about her man that are best kept in the dark, such as how he burps after every meal and other things that have broken many long-distance relationships in this world.

The Freaking Fratboys talk about using their money to pick up chicks because they are sure that there is plenty of leftover from the $140 at the end of the day. Eeuw, $70 per person to spend on a lady? That's so ridiculously cheap, although I'm sure the kind of women they are thinking of "picking up" probably won't mind taking the money as long as they don't have to work for more than fifteen minutes. When the Pink Poodles overtake them, the Freaking Fratboys go, "Oh, the whores passed us!" That may be offensive if those two dolts don't go on to say that they find those "whores" attractive and they, the single guys, think that it'll be a great idea to hook up with those two single ladies. Aha, so that's what the money is for! The Pink Poodles, on the other hand, aren't trying too hard to pander to the camera, discussing instead how wonderful Brazil would be and how they can't wait to brush their hair and put make-up on, although they never really say for who they will be dolling up for. Those hot Brazillian pool boys at the Pit Stop hotel that they will be spending the night in, no doubt.

The FranBerries are working their braincells as they come up with the decision to take the earliest flight first (American Airlines) and failing that, the next earliest flight (Continental Airlines). I'm glad that they have to discuss matters thoroughly before coming up with that notion. In their vehicle, the Meninas Do Gilmore declare that they are Puerto Ricans so they are calling themselves Team Boricua. They overtake the FranBerries and the Cool as Geek, although Lori tells Dave that they can take things easy for now and hit the accelerator later when they are closer to the airport. John is worried that he'll be squashed in a small plane and Scott reassures him that planes flying from Denver to São Paolo are usually, er, big ones. The Glamazons have a confessional where they talk about wanting to "unsheath" their womanhood (eeuw, that sounds like some unpleasant post-menopausal medical condition) because for so long they have been someone's wife and mother for more than twenty years. It's now time for them to find themselves again. Oh, and they also want to represent "big-boned women" everywhere. That's nice, really, but the Bates Sisters from season five have already done that. I'll just have to wait and see how well the Glamazons will represent big-boned women this time around.

In their vehicle, Ray reads aloud from the clue that Teams cannot book tickets on the flights in advance. Cut to Lake who is telling Michelle to pull over by a payphone so that they can make reservations on American Airlines. Yolanda notices in the rear mirror that the LaMichies have pulled over and alerts Ray to this. The Telcoms wonder what the LaMichies could be doing. Maybe Lake needs to go to the toilet badly? Michelle tells the camera as she uses the phone to make reservations on the American Airlines flight that Lake is always giving orders around. She says that more often than not he's right, which is why she lets him boss her around often. Famous last words of many eliminated Teams, those. Ahead of them, the MoJos are ahead of the BoHo Boys, causing the BoHo Boys to say that Joseph isn't really Ken but probably someone "anatomically correct" that Barbie ditched Ken for. Guys who look like 1970s porn actors shouldn't be making fun of guys who look like metrosexuals, let me say, that's like the kettle in the glass house throwing pots around. The FranBerries overtake the Meninas Do Gilmore and the editors believe that this is a sign of the FranBerries' Great Strength and Triumph because Barry now tells the camera about how he in not intimidated by the younger Teams out there as he's certain that the FranBerries can hold their own in the Race in terms of experience and athletic ability. Oh, Barry is so funny, he's killing me. Meanwhile, Michelle manages to book some tickets on American Airlines, causing Lake to praise her for not screwing up things. His dizzyingly generous praises of his wife's ability can be so heartwarming at times.

The MoJos have arrived at the parking lot of the Denver International Airport and they look for a parking space. The BoHo Boys are also here now. The Pink Poodles arrive next but they park at a different area so they end up taking a shuttle bus that they don't have to share with any other Team. The MoJos and the BoHo Boys end up on a different shuttle bus and this shuttle bus ends up picking up the Telcoms, the Meninas Do Gilmore, Cool As Geek, the Freaking Fratboys, and the FranBerries that show up at the airport as well. The Glamazons and the Scoobies end up on a different shuttle bus, trailing as they are behind the other Teams, and John reveals that they call the Glamazons "Frosties". The Glamazons shriek in delight because they apparently find the nickname hilarious. Scott, by the way, looks embarrassed that John is telling the Glamazons that the Scoobies know that the Glamazons color their hair. He's like the gentlemanly Henry McNeely to John's Ian Stark. If you're keeping track, only the LaMichies are still on the road.

The Pink Poodles are the first to arrive at the American Airlines counter. They learn that while the American Airlines flight will arrive in São Paolo at 9:52 am, the United Airlines flight that departs the latest will arrive in São Paolo at 10:25 am, thirty minutes earlier than the Continental Flight which will arrive at 10:55 am. The Pussycat Dolls naturally reserve their seats on the American Airlines flight.

Back at the road, Lake and Michelle have switched roles with him now driving and she reading the clue and checking the maps. This is how she realizes that Lake has, in her own words, "screwed up big". She reads aloud the part of the clue where it is stated that Teams cannot make reservations by phone on any of the three flights and says that "they" have screwed up. Lake admits that "they" have screwed up and says, "Deadgummit!" I am wary that he's the token Bad Boyfriend/Husband character that this show always feels fit to have every season but I must admit that I do like the way the camera zooms in on his stubble. He's a handsome man, that Lake. Michelle says that they have to cancel their reservation and Lake apologizes to her, saying that it is "partly" his fault. Well, she was the one who made the call, so I suppose in some way Lake is blaming her as well for his mistake.

The shuttle bus carrying the BoHo Boys, the MoJos, the Telcoms, the Meninas Do Gilmore, Cool As Geek, and the FranBerries stop at the airport and the nearest counter to where they are is the Continental Airline counter. The Freaking Fratboys, the Meninas Do Gilmore, and Cool As Geek therefore think that it's only sensible to make a stop there to compare arrival times of the three flights. The BoHo Boys, the Telcoms, the FranBerries, and the MoJos on the other hand make their way straight to the American Airlines counter where they get acquainted with the Pink Poodles and each other. The BoHo Boys ask the Pink Poodles whether the BoHo Boys can call them "the Double D's". Is this what normal guys say to the women they have just met? I mean, seriously? The Pink Poodles shrug and say sure, everyone calls them that. Even if they are offended by the BoHo Boys, it's not as if they can do anything other than to weakly laugh the weirdos off and look away, hoping that they go away. The last isn't worth the effort because the BoHo Boys would most likely then call them frigid lesbians or something equally insulting. The Teams at the Continental Airlines counter realize that the Continental Airlines flight is the worst flight of all three and scramble off to the American Airlines counter.

The third shuttle bus stops at the airport. The Scoobies and the Glamazons head over to the nearest counter, the Continental counter. The Glamazons stand in line ahead of the Scoobies and they rather foolishly ask for tickets instead of enquiring about arrival times for all three flights. The three Teams that have just fled the Continental counter reach the American counter and realize at once that they have a very slim chance of getting tickets on that flight, what with five Teams already queuing up at that counter. The Freaking Fratboys quickly head off for the United counter. Seeing them, Desiree whispers to her mother that they should do the same too since they have a very slim chance of boarding the American flight. The Meninas Do Gilmore take off on the Freaking Fratboys' heels. Cool As Geek come to the same conclusion as the other two Teams and proceed to the United counter as well. Meanwhile, the Telcoms do the maths and come to the conclusion that they, at the back of the American queue, also have a slim chance of boarding that flight. They rush to the United counter, although by now three Teams have already beaten them to the counter. The MoJos are in front of the Telcoms but behind the BoHo Boys and the FranBerries. Monica acts like she's about to hyperventilate from her fear that the MoJos won't be able to board that flight and Joseph looks like he just realizes that he may have to spend the next few weeks calming Monica down whenever she starts to go into boiling kettle mode. It turns out that the BoHo Boys and the FranBerries get to join the Pussycat Dolls on the American flight, but the MoJos are out of luck. They rush to the United counter.

Dave and Lori exchange smooches and "I love you" cutesy-smoochy sweet nothings. They come off as two people genuinely into each other instead of two camera-conscious people playing to the camera. Perhaps they are playing to the camera, I don't know, but they do that with a spontaneity and camaraderie that feel genuine to me. I laugh when Lori says that she's hot while fanning herself with a ticket and Dave says dreamily that she definitely is, only to realize that she's being literal! Ahead of them, the Freaking Fratboys get their tickets for the United flight. At the Continental counter, the Glamazons realize their mistake of buying tickets without checking the arrival time of the flights first and they are told by the ticket counter person that they cannot just give back their tickets like that, not when their names are already printed on those tickets. The Scoobies, hearing this, decide to head over and try their luck at the United counter. Finally, the LaMichies show up, snapping at each other because they are so sure that they will be eliminated and Michelle can't stop rubbing that fact in Lane's face. To their dismay, the American flight is full. I wonder what are they expecting to come in last and still show up at the American counter. A miracle? At the United counter, the Meninas Do Gilmore get tickets to that flight and Cool As Geek also manage to board that flight. The Scoobies show up at the counter seconds ahead of the MoJos, and the MoJos realize that the Scoobies have beaten them to the last available seats on that flight. They and the Telcoms along with the LaMichies realize that they have to board the Continental flight now.

As the dejected Teams leave for the Continental counter, Lake starts calling to Michelle to run faster because they have to be first to reach the counter. I suppose it can be considered a matter of great urgency to get seats closer to the exit, hmm. Michelle says that she is running as fast as she can and Lake really skates on thin ice with the PC police when he tells his wife that she is letting a "Black girl" outrun her. Joseph sums up the ridiculousness of the LaMichies perfectly when he wonders aloud to Monica why those clowns are dashing for the last flight since all of them will end up on that flight anyway. The three Teams end up getting acquainted at the counter, where Lake hilariously tells Ray that his name is "Lake, like the ocean". I think Lake must be related somehow with the Whining Weevils of the last season. Without blinking, Ray tells him that his name is "Ray, like the sun". Score one for Ray there, bwahaha. As Joseph predicted to Monica, all of them end up with tickets to the Continental flight.

Philo steps out to recap the flight patterns. The first flight to leave is American Airlines 348, carrying the Pink Poodles, the BoHo Boys, and the FranBerries. The second flight is Continental Airlines 498 leaves next and it carries the MoJos, the Glamazons, the Telcoms, and the LaMichies. It is supposed to arrive thirty minutes later than the flight that leaves last, United Airlines 932 that carries the Freaking Fratboys, the Meninas Do Gilmore, Cool As Geek, and the Scoobies. However, delays in the connecting cities shake things up, as we shall soon see when the first flight arrives in São Paolo at 10:15 am... the United Airlines 932.

Still believing that they are behind the teams that took the American Airlines flight, the four Teams on United Airlines dash for cabs to take them to Hotel Unique. The Meninas Do Gilmore have a tremendous advantage here because Wanda can speak "Spanish and some Portuguese", although her "some" is enough to get her to communicate very well with the cab driver in Portuguese. "We're going to get along like peas and carrots," she says to the camera in their cab.

The Freaking Fratboys manage to get cabs too and they ask their cab driver whether he has seen "pretty girls with big boobs" or "a mom and a daughter". I love how specific they are in their enquiry, as if there are only two pretty and big-breasted women or only a mother and daughter pair that you can find loitering around São Paolo. The cab driver looks befuddled by their question but he concedes that he has seen some Teams around the airport. Now the two idiots ask him what color the hair of those women is. The cab driver says that the women have brown hair. "Mom and daughter," one of the Freaking Fratboys concludes before adding, "They're a couple of minutes ahead of us. Bitches!" Oh, those two. Don't they know? If they want to be viewed as some politically-incorrect macho man type that some women find attractive, they should actually look like grizzled and hirsute Neanderthal types to play that role convincingly. They have the Neanderthal part down pat for now, but their manner of speaking and their overcompensating dude-speaks all make them come off like really bad porn actors trying to look "macho" only to fail miserably thanks to their wooden acting ability. I mean, dude, the Freaking Fratboys talk like they have been taking acting lessons from Jeff Stryker.

With much less drama, the Scoobies and Cool As Geek also manage to find cabs that will take them to Hotel Unique.

The American flight lands some five minutes after the United flight, according to one of the BoHo Boys, because the American flight was delayed for forty minutes in its connecting city. Still, the BoHo Boys says that they have learned some handy Portuguese phrases from fellow passengers on that flight, which they then put to good use by asking their cab driver to overtake another cab and complimenting him when he does that. They seem thrilled that they can communicate with the driver and I would be too for them if I don't suspect cynically that they know how to speak Portuguese all along and are just making up stories about learning Portuguese phrases to get camera time. Cool As Geek notice that the BoHo Boys have overtaken them and realize that the American flight must have been delayed. The FranBerries and the Pink Poodles are left trailing, with the Pink Poodles leaving the airport last. They reached the American counter first and now they are the last of seven Teams, oh dear. But at least they get some thrill out of their cab driver asking them whether they are celebrities, what with the cameras following them and all. Of course they say that they are celebrities, heh.

And finally, the Continental flight arrives. The MoJos manage to leave the airport first, prompting Lake, who with his wife is just behind the MoJos, to say that he wants to beat "Ray and them". Luckily for him, the LaMichies manage to beat the Telcoms and the Glamazons in the race-for-the-cab dash so he doesn't have to look so stupid as a result of his blusters. Trailing behind, the Glamazons have a momentary culture shock moment when one of them realizes that Spanish isn't as widely spoken in Brazil as she initially assumed.

Hello, Hotel Unique. According to a tourism brochure I once read about this Hotel, it's supposed to be shaped like a melon and apparently you can listen to "underwater music" as you lounge by the pool at the roof of the Hotel. Don't ask me what "underwater music" is. I've never been to the Hotel because I'm not loaded with money. The Meninas Do Gilmore are the first to reach the Hotel. Up the roof they go (using the elevator, of course) and they get the clue that tells them to head over to the bridge called Viaduto Sta Efigênia. This bridge was built in 1890 and there was quite a long history of political struggles behind the construction of this bridge. As the Meninas Do Gilmore leave, the Freaking Fratboys, the Scoobies, and the BoHo Boys all reach Hotel Unique in that order. They get their clues and scram. As the men go up to the rooftop, Cool As Geek show up, and lastly, the FranBerries show up as well, just in time for them to meet the Freaking Fratboys who are hoping to leave in second place after the Meninas Do Gilmore.

The Pink Poodles show up next and the Freaking Fratboys are still around to initiate what they hope is an attractive introductory chat-up to the ladies as the men hope to take the Pink Poodles' cab. Calling them "Pinkies", they introduce themselves and the Pussycat Dolls quickly blow them off with a dismissive "See you later!" as they run into the Hotel. While all this is going on, the Scoobies throw a mild panic when they can't get a cab. The BoHo Boys manage to beat them to a cab but thankfully the Scoobies manage to find their own cab before Scott has a complete nervous breakdown. The Freaking Fratboys grin, confident that they've scored with the ladies as they climb into the cab that the Pink Poodles have just gotten out of. Shortly after, the FranBerries and Cool As Geek also manage to get cabs to take them to the Viaduto Sta Efigênia. Dave and Lori demonstrate a simultaneously embarrassing and corny secret handshake that has Lori grinning sheepishly at the camera and Dave voicing over that he, uh, loves Lori like crazy and, uh, nerds rule. As if that will make up for that dorky handshake! Okay, it does. In their cab, the Freaking Fratboys are grinning about the hot sex they think they will be getting from the Pink Poodles who can't help but to be impressed by their manly ways. Boy, won't they be crushed when they see the Pink Poodles, who have read their clue and are now leaving in their own cab, mocking the Freaking Fratboys' introduction to them. "Shut up!" is their reaction to those guys. Oh, and one of them thinks that the guys are "retarded" for calling them "Pinkies". While I would generally side with them as the Freaking Fratboys are pretty idiotic, I wonder why they are so offended at being called "Pinkies" when they are dressed in matching pink baby T-shirts with the word "Pink" stamped on the front.

The Meninas Do Gilmore spot the bridge from their cab. Behind them, the BoHo Boys, the Freaking Fratboys, the FranBerries, and Cool As Geek are on the road hot on the tails of the Meninas Do Gilmore. They eventually get out of the cabs and run for the Bridhe. The Scoobies, however, have separated from the pack thanks to a cab driver that doesn't seem to know where he's supposed to go. Scott realizes that their cab driver is driving in circles and starts to act up. He tries to ask some passers-by for help but they brush him off. John finds this situation of being in a strange place where nobody understands them amusing, earning him Scott's ire when Scott tells him that he may not find things so amusing when they are eliminated. Back at Hotel Unique, the MoJos have reached the rooftop to obtain their clue, with the LaMichies close behind. Lake seems to have this obsession with beating the Telcoms because as he runs through the Hotel he calls out to the people around him whether they have seen "a Black Team" around the place. Speaking of the Telcoms, they are still on the road and Ray is becoming frustrated with their driver's lack of speed. He keeps asking the man whether they are at the Hotel yet and Yolanda shushes him, saying that he won't feel comfortable either if he's in the driver's shoes and there's a "big Black man" at the backseat asking him, "Are we close?" They both have a laugh over that. Awww, they're so sweet. Eventually they too reach the Hotel and get their clue. With much noise and bluster, the Glamazons are last to show up at the Hotel to get their clue.

At the Bridge, the Meninas Do Gilmore quickly spot the clue stand. Desiree and Wanda realize that it's now time for a Detour. Philo steps out to explain that in "Motor Head", Teams must travel about a mile to a motorcycle repair shop where they will have to look at a motorcycle and assemble together a functional motorcycle from various parts based on that finished model before they can receive their next clue, while in "Rotor Head", Teams will travel farther to a small airport, the Campo de Marte, and use a flight directory to locate the photo of one of the three buildings (São Luiz Gonzaga, 2 miles away; Atrium V, six miles away; Hotel Meliá, 7 miles away). They will show the lady behind the counter the photo of the building of their choice and she will hand them a voucher that will enable a helicopter pilot to fly the Teams to the building of their choice. At the building in question, they will search the place for their next clue. There are only limited vouchers for each of the three buildings. Obviously Rotor Head is the way to go unless there's a mechanic in the Team. Desiree sensibly tells her mother that the both of them cannot put a together a motorcycle so the Meninas Do Gilmore decide to ride a helicopter. They look for a cab to take them to the Campo de Marte.

The BoHo Boys are the next to reach the clue stand and they too choose to fly in a helicopter. The Freaky Fratboys are next and they too opt to fly. The FranBerries show up a little while later and they completely walk past the clue stand while wondering where it is. I should probably point out that the colors of the clue stand are such that it can actually blend in very well into the background. It's not invisible nor fiendishly hard to spot but I can understand why a tired Team could miss the stand. When Cool As Geek show up, they quickly spot the clue stand and, unfortunately for the FranBerries, move away before the two old coots could see them standing by the stand. Cool As Geek also choose to fly because both of them are not mechanically-inclined people and they certainly can't assemble a motorcycle. Fran and Barry start moaning and groaning as they keep walking back and forth past the clue stand. Surely it is just in front of them, but where is it? The camera keeps zooming in on the clue stand as the two keep walking past it and the tango of the lost and the coots continue for half an hour, if the FranBerries are to believed when they tell the camera about this. Watching the Meninas Do Gilmore get into a cab to head off to who-knows-where only add to their fun. In the Meninas Do Gilmore cab, Wanda looks like she's going to stress out and Desiree tells her soothingly to calm down. Desiree explains to the camera that one of her roles in the Team is to placate and calm Wanda down when Wanda gets too excited or worried about something. Meanwhile, the BoHo Boys and the Freaky Fratboys decide to take off together, looking exactly like two different generations of porn actors banding together for a common goal. Cool As Geek also manage to locate a cab to take them to the Campo de Marte.

The Pink Poodles show up at the Bridge and they bump into the FranBerries who tell them that the FranBerries have looked everywhere but still failed to locate the clue stand. The Pink Poodles walk along the bridge and lo, they spot the clue stand without much difficulty. I don't know why the FranBerries don't follow or at least try to see where the Pink Poodles are going. The Pink Poodles for reasons only they will know decide to assemble a motorcycle. Perhaps the clue makes that task sound easy, I suppose. As they leave, they wonder how the FranBerries could have missed that clue stand. And trailing behind, the Scoobies' driver is definitely some twit who doesn't know where he is going and John insists that they get out of the cab and... er, walk around trying to ask for help, I suppose.

Ahead, the Meninas Do Gilmore have reached Campo de Marte but the cab driver has taken them to the wrong entrance. Perhaps that entrance is meant for authorized personnels only, because the cab has to make a considerable turn back where they came from to get to the correct entrance. Meanwhile, the Porno Alliance realize that their cabs have taken them to the wrong building altogether. By the luck of having a cab driver who knows where he is going, Cool As Geek are the first to show up at the Campo de Marte helicopter hangar. They quickly locate the flight directory. Now all they have to do is to figure out which of the three buildings are closer to where they are and locate the photograph of that building to show the lady behind the counter. As they study the flight directory, the Porno Alliance show up beside them. The three Teams quickly realize that the building this show calls "São Luiz Gonzaga" (which, as far as I know, is actually a municipal instead of a building) is the closest to where they are at the moment. However, because there are only a limited number of vouchers available for each building, Cool As Geek decide that it's a safer bet to head for Atrium V, the second closest building after São Luiz Gonzaga. The BoHo Boys are the first to locate the photo of São Luiz Gonzaga but because they cannot locate the counter that they must go to, the Freaky Fratboys beat them to the counter. Therefore, the Freaky Fratboys will fly first, followed by the BoHo Boys. Cool As Geek locate the photo of Atrium V so they will be flying third. The Meninas Do Gilmore show up in fourth place and they will be going to Hotel Meliá. Desiree explains that the photo of Hotel Meliá is the first that they come upon in the flight directory so they decide to head over to that building instead of wasting time looking for the photos of the other two buildings. Since each building isn't too drastically far from each other, it does make sense in a way to just take the first building one comes upon and hope for the best.

With much drama, the Pink Poodles show up at the motorcycle repair shop and they immediately grab a guy to help them, as if having a penis automatically confers upon a guy the ability to put together motorcycles. It's hilarious when the guy, who clearly doesn't understand what is going on, realizes that these ladies just want him to help them put together a motorcycle and he can't leave the shop fast enough. The Pink Poodles are left to their own devices which they have no idea how to put to good use. Behind them, the MoJos show up at the bridge and locate the clue stand. The FranBerries spot the MoJos first and notice finally the clue stand right beside the MoJos. The MoJos are sane enough to choose the helicopter but the FranBerries clearly want to entertain the audience some more. Fran announces that she is good at "assembling things" so a motorcycle should pose no problems for her. I think Fran must have misread the clue and assumed that they are going to be assembling miniature models of motorcycles. A part of me is hoping that Fran will reveal herself to be a kickass tough old bird that owns a Harley at home that she can fine-tune and maintain like the best of the biker crowd but that part of me quickly dies when the FranBerries leave and Fran tells Barry that the clue stand surely wasn't there previously when they looked and looked. Nope, she's no tough biker granny there, sorry.

The LaMichies and the Telcoms are running towards the Bridge as the MoJos are leaving in their cab. I squeal in horrified laughter when Joseph spots Lake and tells Monica, ""Oh, there is Scott Peterson - right there!" I think I'm in love. The LaMichies reach the clue stand first ahead of the Telcoms and they decide to assemble a motorcycle because Lake thinks that he is up to the task. Michelle isn't so sure that she's up to the task and says so, causing Lake to tell her in their cab that she's second-guessing him and she shouldn't do that. He's always right, after all, and if he isn't, well, she is partially responsible for that. The Telcoms believe that they are better off playing with motorcycles so they take off after the LaMichies. And still on the road, the Glamazons wonder whether the smell in the cab is because one of them has flatulence problems. Maybe it's the city that smells, although they do try to make sure that the microphone doesn't catch that. Well, it does and really, that's understandable. Not every city smells nice, after all, contrary to what some weirdos that watch this show will insist on.

Even further behind, the Scoobies have had it with their driver and leaves the cab, mostly on John's insistence, and walk around asking the locals for help. Since they can't speak Portuguese and the locals they meet don't seem to know English - in one case, a couple clearly prefers to make out in the middle of pavement and the guy tries to block the camera from capturing him and his girlfriend in their PSA that São Paolo is the real City of Romance - they end up walking around. John becomes more and more frustrated until Scott tells him to calm down. But because John seems to be the Hayden to Scott's Aaron, there is no calming down of John there. John wants them to go somewhere else. Scott wants to know where John thinks they should go. John helpfully tells him that they should go somewhere that isn't this place. As they walk around helplessly, Scott tells John that the next time they are in a situation like this, they should stay in the cab until they really know where they should have gone. He's right there. Scott however insists that leaving the cab is John's idea. John corrects him patiently that it was he who wanted them to stay in the cab while Scott was the one who wanted them to leave the cab. John looks like he's going to start blaming John for daring to be rational and sensible next.

Back to the Glamazons, they have a particularly intelligent conversation where they rationalize that the people of São Paolo aren't actually having a terrible life or anything, it's just that the Glamazons aren't accustomed to seeing these people live in such conditions. That's probably kind of true. And then they go on to say that the people of São Paolo probably won't be happy living in their hometowns either. Because of the pace or something. Huh? These people should leave this kind of talk to the professionals on talkshows on TV.

Lots of monkeying around between the two Teams of the Porno Alliance as their helicopters take to the air. They are making it too obvious that they're putting on all kinds of act for the camera. What happened to subtlety? As the helicopters approach the helipad on the rooftop of São Luiz Gonzaga, the BoHo Boys have to wait because their helicopter can't land until the Freaky Fratboys' helicopter has landed. Once the helicopter has dropped the Team, it will then take off again and will only come back once the Team is ready to leave. In this manner, the BoHo Boys have to wait until the Freaky Fratboys get out of their helicopter and make their way down the stairs to quickly locate a clue envelope "hidden" in plain sight behind the stairs. The BoHo Boys exchange hey's with the Freaky Fratboys as the Freaky Fratboys now reemerge on the rooftop to wait for their helicopter.

As the BoHo Boys now head down the stairs to locate their clue, they call the Freaky Fratboys "the good guys". The Freaky Fratboys take off in their helicopter. The BoHo Boys quickly locate a clue that is located in plain sight along the stairs and now they have to wait for their own helicopter to show up again. As they do, one asks the other whether this is the most "James Bond" thing that he has ever done. One stupid helicopter ride and they now think that they are super-duper action heroes. Men can be so easily impressed sometimes, I tell you. By the way, their clue tells them to head over some five miles to Santa Cecilia, a lovely historical district that is also plagued by noise, pollution, and homeless people. If you look closely when the show moves to Santa Cecilia, you'll see Teams going around homeless people that are comatose on the pavements. I'm sure the Glamazons will somehow be moved to deliver an inspirational speech about that. In Santa Cecilia, Teams must locate Warehouse No 114A on the road called the Rua Frederico Abranches. Inside the Warehouse will be plenty of locals paid to dance, sing, and play musical instruments to reenact some traditional festival celebration for the Teams.

Also in the air are Cool As Geek who are clearly enjoying the helicopter ride. One thing that I really like about them is how unforced their joy seem to be, it is as if they can't believe how exciting their experiences are and they are enjoying every minute of it. Watching them makes me feel happy about watching this show. At Atrium V, they descend to the top floor and search for their clue in what seems like a hotel room. They find the clue on a table held in place under a kettle, of all things, and they now make their way back up to wait for their helicopter. The Meninas Do Gilmore are also enjoying their helicopter ride - as Wanda says, a helicopter ride is the only way to enjoy the view of the city - but Wanda is even more thrilled at the sight of the luxurious hotel room that they have to search for their clue once they've landed on Hotel Meliá. I must admit, it's a fantastic hotel suite with all kinds of beautiful furniture that is to die for. I want to be filthy rich now, bummer. Desiree thinks that this place should have been the Pit Stop. By chance, Desiree stumbles upon the clue placed on the doormat in the bathroom and now they can head back up and wait for their helicopter as well. As they leave, Desiree says that she doesn't know how picking this building will affect their placement on the Race but she's glad that they picked this Detour nonetheless as it will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for her.

On the road, the MoJos are sure that they have spotted the the sign pointing to a turn to the Campo de Marte but their cab driver just drives straight and ignores the MoJos' attempts to get him to see that turn. They end up at the same wrong place that the Porno Alliance ended up at earlier and the driver has to make a turn back. And again, the driver just keeps driving straight when the MoJos shriek angrily and gesture frantically at him to make that turn into that road that they are certain will take them to Campo de Marte. I have to emphatize with them. I've known my share of cab drivers who just keep driving straight even when I have to scream in their ears that they have driven past my place so they have to stop right now and let me get off.

Back at the motorcycle repair shop, the Pink Poodles are going nowhere in their attempts to assemble a motorcycle. They decide to bail and head off to do the other Detour but the FranBerries show up at that moment at the shop. They tell the old coots that the task is very hard but Fran confidently assures them that she knows how to get about assembling a motorcycle. Dubious but hopeful, the Pink Poodles wait awhile to see how the FranBerries put together a motorcycle. Sure enough, soon Fran is going "Oh dear!" and "Oh no!" like nobody's business when she realizes that assembling a motorcycle is not the same as knitting her grandchildren's winter mittens. The Pink Poodles give each other an "I knew it!" look and quickly fled the scene in a cab. The LaMichies show up a while later and Michelle is still voicing her doubts until Lake tells her that she knows how good he is with his hands. Um, okay. Lake actually knows what he is doing as he sets about wotking on the motorcycle frame, causing Barry to come over to see how Lake puts together the motorcycle. Lake tells him generously that he will show the FranBerries how to assemble that danged thing once he's done. Michelle quietly scolds him for offering help to the competition but Lake tells her that it's not a bad thing to do since the FranBerries can help them out later. Michelle pauses as if she's trying to imagine what kind of bizarre scenario will have to happen in order for the FranBerries to be of any help to them. Meanwhile, Fran is moaning that she has never imagined that assembling a motorcycle can be this hard. Please, someone stop her. I still have Gretchen's voice ringing in my ears.

Outside, the Telcoms show up and start to work on a motorcycle that is located outside the shop. Here, Yolanda encounters a bunch of young men that start whistling and making catcalls that, while in Portuguese, are clearly of the insulting nature. Ray looks like he's going to get over there and break every nose of those insolent young men but clearly both he and Yolanda know that they are better off holding on to their temper, ignoring those young hooligans the best they can, and finish the Roadblock as soon as possible. Just like it was with those men that grope women in the trains in India, one can write long diatribes about how insufferable and rude those men are but that's just the way things are in these places and sometimes it's best to just take a deep breath, count to ten, and move on.

After wandering around for who knows how long, the Scoobies finally stumble upon the Bridge. I don't know what the Glamazons do to fall this far behind but they too are asking directions from passers-by as to where the Bridge is. The Scoobies reach the clue stand at the bridge first and they choose to fly in a helicopter. As they leave, the Glamazons show up. I admire how these women can still be so chirpy and optimistic even when they're clearly trailing behind everyone. They too decide to fly in a helicopter. Way ahead, after quizzing the helicopter pilot about his success with the ladies (being that he's a pilot and all) and learning that the pilot has more taste than them when it comes to coming off as puerile and immature as possible on TV, the Freaky Fratboys land back at the Campo de Marte. It's now time to get a cab. The BoHo Boys follow, and while they are leaving they meet the MoJos who are just coming in to perform the Detour. They exchange pleasant hellos. The BoHo Boys talk about how exciting the helicopter ride was in their cab and really, they are always trying too hard to be Exciting! and Crazy! for the camera to come off as genuine in their confessionals.

The MoJos argue a little as they try to decide which building they should fly to but eventually settle for Atrium V. As they get ready to board their helicopter, Cool As Geek land. Dave gives Lori a smooch as they land and I think we can all start a drinking game revolving around how often these two smooch or tell each other how much they love the other person. Also landing at about the same time are the Meninas Do Gilmore. They and Cool As Geek soon board cabs to take them to Santa Cecilia, with Cool As Geek talking in the cab about how they will always remember their helicopter ride over the city. It seems like Teams that take this Detour come away with sweet memories while Teams taking the motorcycle Detour can only come away saying that they met plenty of rude men while getting all sweaty and stressed out trying to put together a motorcycle in a greasy workshop. If I'm on this Race, I'd definitely opt to fly in a helicopter.

As the MoJos reach Atrium V and make a short work of finding their clue, the FranBerries at the motorcycle workshop continue to moan and groan about getting eliminated while the LaMichies are making good progress on their motorcycle, barring Lake's occasional yelling at whatever part that refuse to budge when he's screwing or poking at it. The FranBerries now moan that they have picked the worst motorcycle frame to work on, so yes, it's not them, it's the stupid motorcycle. That motorcycle must be in cahoots with the annoying elusive clue stand when it comes to sabotaging the FranBerries! Outside, Ray and Yolanda have sullen expressions but they too work at their motorcycle steadily but surely.

Back inside, Fran is now whining to Lake about how "up the creek" the FranBerries are. Lake merely tells her that he'll show them what to do once the supervisor checks to see whether the LaMichies' motorcycle can start. It can, and the supervisor hands over the clue to Lake. Outside, the Telcoms are finishing up too, causing Lake to no doubt want to leave as soon as possible. He now goes over to the FranBerries and points out where the carburetor and spark plug should go. And guess what, the FranBerries don't even know which part of the motorcycle is which. They don't even know where the engine is! Lake merely tells them that the engine is the "center part" and leaves with his wife, causing Fran to tell Barry that she thought those two will "show" them what to do. By "show", she obviously means "do everything for us", which is stupid because (a) Teams aren't allowed to perform a Detour for another Team and (b) Lake has helped more than he is obligated to, this being a Race and all. Besides, he said that he would tell them where to put what and that was what he did before he left. Abandoned in the shop, the FranBerries groan and moan some more, with Fran finally confessing what everyone watching this show knows by now: she knows squat about motorcycles. She was apparently hoping that she would somehow know what to do when she sees the motorcycle. Poor Fran, she will probably leave this Race feeling that she's not as intelligent as she clearly believed she was in the past.

Finally, after wasting time just standing still and complaining vaguely about Lake breaking his word to them, the FranBerries decide to try the other Detour instead. The supervisor must have breathed a huge sigh of relief there and then. In their cab, Fran moans that her stomach is killing her (all that bellyaching, you know) and she thought the show would give her some sort of plan to follow when it comes to assembling the motorcycle. So it's now the show's fault then. The clue stand, the motorcycle frame, and now Jerry Bonghammer... they're all conspiring against her! She laments that the FranBerries will be last and be eliminated. Okay. That's not a problem at all for me if they do get eliminated.

At the Campo de Marte, the Pink Poodles settle on flying to Atrium V. As they leave in their helicopter, the MoJos' helicopter lands. Monica notices the Pink Poodles and is glad to know that the MoJos aren't in last place. Meanwhile, the Scoobies show up at the airport but like the Meninas Do Gilmore, they are at the wrong gate and have to make a turn to get to the correct gate. This is just not their day, those poor things. As the MoJos leave in their cab, they notice the Glamazons approaching the (correct) entrance to Campo de Marte. The Glamazons are as loud as ever as they look at the flight directory and then they... er, sort of shriek "OHMAHGAWD!" and collapse onto each other in excitement and maybe relief that they have finally reached the airport. Most hilarious, really. They decide to look for the photo of Atrium V. They then notice the FranBerries coming up at the airport as well and for some reason they are not happy, with one of them comparing the situation to "a big load of turds", when I'd expect them to be pleased that they are not in last place. The Glamazons however are thrilled when they see the Scoobies finally coming up to the airport and shriek the roof down if that is possible. And then they scream again when they get the voucher that will allow them to fly to Atrium V and they keep screaming all the way to the helicopter. I'm sure someone near the airport will mistake them for war sirens and start running for the hills.

Meanwhile, the FranBerries locate the photo for the nearest building, São Luiz Gonzaga, and to their pleasant surprise there is one voucher left for that building. That leaves the Scoobies still at the airport. John is really not being helpful when he is clearly letting his stress get to him. He snaps that Scott is blocking his view and then snaps some more when Scott moves out of his way. It gets worse when they settle for Atrium V but learn at the counter that no more vouchers are available for flights to that building. They now have to waste time looking for another photo in the flight directory. They finally get the last voucher that will allow them to fly to Hotel Meliá. John, who is afraid of flying, is surprisingly calm and steady, saying only as he boards the helicopter that it is smaller than he expected it to be.

Over at Santa Cecilia, the Freaky Fratboys are the first Team to locate Warehouse No 114A. Inside, they light a candle and receive their next clue from a fat lady that they treat respectfully because they don't want to sleep with her. The BoHo Boys show up next and dance their way in for their candle and their clue. The clue tells these Teams to head over to the Pit Stop of this leg of the Race, the Estádio do Pacaembu, the stadium that has hosted several World Cup matches since 1950. Next to show up and leave in that order are Cool As Geek and the Meninas Do Gilmore. Back at the motorcycle shop, the Telcoms' motorcycle sputters but manages to start, thank goodness, and they finally get to leave that place. Meanwhile, the Pink Poodles reach Atrium V and manage to locate the clue. The FranBerries also manage to do the same in São Luiz Gonzaga, bummer, when I am hoping for them to spend three hours looking for some clue that is right under their noses before blaming the maids for stealing the clue. As they leave the building in the helicopter, Barry says that there's no one he'd rather do this with than Fran. That's nice because I don't think there's anyone else in this world that will want to run the Race with either of them after this episode. At Atrium V, the Glamazons are shrieking their way off the helicopter, down the stairs, and back up again with their clue. And finally, at this point it should be clear that the Scoobies will come in last so it's time to play the music of triumph and inspiration as John tells the camera about how surprised and how proud he is of Scott who is steady and calm during the helicopter ride while Scott says that he's proud of himself for taking this helicopter ride and being brave about it.

As the Pink Poodles and the FranBerries hit the road to Santa Cecilia, the LaMichies show up at Warehouse No 114A in Santa Cecilia, where Lake nearly walks out of that place with the candle until Michelle reminds him that he has to place it on the table in order to receive the clue. I'm sure she's partially to blame for his absent-mindedness, of course. The MoJos are close behind the LaMichies. Meanwhile, back at Campo de Marte, despite having prayed during the helicopter ride to Jesus to help them avoid elimination, the Glamazons realize that there are no cabs waiting at the parking lot and fly into panic mode. Oh no! Jesus doesn't care! The sudden lack of cabs allow the Scoobies to catch up with them and now it's a race to see who can find a cab first and avoid elimination. The Glamazons manage to find a cab first and later - who knows how much later - the Scoobies find a cab too.

On the road to the Estádio do Pacaembu, the BoHo Boys claim that they are "clawing" at their "teeth" and demonstrate this by having one of them make a clawing gesture at the other person's teeth. Maybe with some pot I'll find them too hilarious for words. Maybe. Look, there's Philo waiting at the field with this VIP guy beside him that's bouncing a soccer ball on his head. Is this guy famous? I'm not too familiar with soccer players other than Mr Posh Spice so I'm out of my element here. Anyway, the VIP ends up balancing the ball on his neck as he welcomes the first Team to arrive... the Freaking Fratboys. Ugh. Philo gives them $10,000 each for coming in first. That's better than $140, I suppose - at least some girls will be getting their time's worth with that amount of money. They then tell the camera that it's a good thing that they dropped out of school, didn't think so much, and still ended up first in the first leg of the Race. Maybe I will get offended at their shtick if I don't get this impression that these two spent a lot of time before the show devising and practising the very Neanderthal/Shock-jock characters that they are playing right now on the show. Right now I'm just feeling a little embarrassed for them. They think they come off as shocking? Funny? Humorous? Maybe one day, guys, maybe one day.

The BoHo Boys are second.

Cool As Geek actually arrive before the Meninas Do Gilmore but they make their way into the stadium via the wrong gate, thus running a longer way to reach Philo and allowing the Meninas Do Gilmore to beat them to the finishing mat at third place. Cool As Geek have to settle for another smooch and fourth place.

Back at Santa Cecilia, the Telcoms manage to locate Warehouse No 114A and collect their clue. The Pink Poodles however are stuck in traffic. The FranBerries beat the Pink Poodles to the Warehouse because of this.

The LaMichies come in fifth, the MoJos sixth. Joseph tells Philo that the MoJos have "redeemed" themselves from their... stupid cab driver, perhaps.

The two trailing Teams are now at Santa Cecilia, looking for the Warehouse in their cabs. The Scoobies see John doing his I Dream Of Jeannie "cross arms and wink" thing that Barbara Eden's character is famous for and they explain to the camera that the "genie" is a powerful act that will help them in their time of need. That's cute, really, but at this late stage of the Race, that's also quite sad in how desperate and hopeless the gesture is.

The Telcoms come in seventh and the FranBerries eighth. Barry hopes that they have put their mistakes behind them. To which I'd say, fat chance. The Pink Poodles, through bad luck and bad judgment in choosing Detours, come in ninth.

The show edits things to make it seem like it's a close race between the Scoobies and the Glamazons to the finish but in the end the Glamazons come in tenth, thus forcing Philo to send the Scoobies home, awww. Still, that's not too sad a development as I don't think Jack's nerves can stand the Race much longer and Scott will only unravel further when he finds that calming Jack down is too much work for him. I can't help feeling that Scott is on the Race only because Jack wants to do it badly. Indeed, Jack is the one who has the storyarc in this Team as he tells the camera that he has finally felt that he can start finding courage to do things that he is normally afraid of doing. Well, good luck in that. His story on the Race of this season ends here but for me, it seems like the fun has only just begun.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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