THE AMAZING RACE

Season 9 Episode 10: Man, They Should Have Used Fake Names

Previously, Teams left Jabreen, Oman and made their way to Fremantle, Australia. Along the way, some not-so-hot guys flashed some skin, some people ran inside the Fremantle Prison to canoe the underground tunnels, and some did a little to educate the viewers on how to prevent beach erosion and oh yes, always to use Duracell stuff. The MoJos emerged to be at odds with every Team left on this Race but their archrivals at the moment are the BoHo Boys and the Telcoms seemed to have made up in. Ultimately, the one Team who was out of the drama, the FranBerries, finally couldn't avoid putting off their elimination any further. Four Teams remain, there is one more episode after this before the finale, so I'm sure you can deduce that this is a non-elimination leg.

Philo Koughie, looking a little rough today, steps out in front of the camera to explain that he's at the southernmost point of Perth, Australia - more specifically, he's at the South Breakwater in the Fremantle Sailing Club, the Pit Stop of the previous leg of the Race and, as everyone knows by now, the starting point of this leg of the Race. Philo does the obligatory "reasons everyone should keep watching" thing where he wonders whether the MoJo/BoHo feud will keep going on and on and boring me some more and whether the Telcoms will ever succeed in not coming in second to last. Pondering over those questions sure makes me become even more rivetted to this episode, I tell you!

11:47 pm. The Freaky Fratboys get to leave first. I'm pretty much resigned to seeing them win this Season - how about you? The fact that the BoHo Boys have really gotten on my nerves so much at this point that I would happily root for these two braindeads to beat the BoHo Boys to the finish line so, er, yeah, go Fratties! Whatever. The two braindeads realize that they must now head over to Swan Bells, a tower located some fifteen miles from where they are. Philo explains that this six-story tower that overlooks Swan River holds those eighteen church bells that the Great Britain gave Perth for Australia's bicentennial celebration. As gifts go, church bells are a step up from smelly and cruel convicts, I suppose. As they leave into the night, the Freaky Fratboys take delight in how the MoJos and the BoHo Boys are at loggerheads with each other while the other Teams' nerves are all frayed. No theirs, of course, because simpletons don't overanalyze things enough to get offended over other people's imagined slights towards them.

11:48 pm. The MoJos are off. Joseph talks about wanting to beat "those hippies" - I'm sure he doesn't really want to literally beat them - while Monica assures everyone that the MoJos aren't so petty like that outside the Race. But just what did they do to annoy the BoHo Boys or vice versa? This is a perplexing feud because it just comes up in the previous episode out of the blue. Am I supposed to care about these two Teams wanting to behaving like silly kids fighting in the schoolyard? Anyway, those two catch up with the Freaky Fratboys who are waiting for any cab to pass by. They end up borrowing a cell phone to call up two cabs to take the two Teams to Swan Bells.

11:56 am. The BoHo Boys are off and I am most entertained by how the editing makes sure that they slide down the slippery slope from the pedestal straight into the gutter, especially when I'm certain that those two idiots fully expect to come off like fully wholesome and huggable hippies that everyone supposedly wants to put on TV and buy T-tow merchandises from. After all, they don't come off well at all when they brag about how they threatened to Yield the MoJos if they didn't give the BoHo Boys any money in the previous leg so now they'll do it. Okay, so that makes them even worse than the MoJos in this instance, because it's now pettiness combined with a distasteful dose of ridiculous self-entitlement.

They see the Freaky Fratboys and the MoJos waiting around a bus stop. Tyler asks the Freaky Fratboys whether they are all waiting for a bus. The Freaky Fratboys say yes. In the previous episode, Monica calls the BoHo Boys "followers". In that episode, Tyler was seen trying to get Joseph to "work together" to find the torch and batteries in the Fremantle Prison. Now Tyler wants to know what the other two Teams are doing, and I will bet that the next thing he will ask is whether the BoHo Boys can join them in whatever they are doing. Let's just say that I'm starting to see where Monica is coming from when she calls them mere followers. Then the cabs show up for the MoJos and the Freaky Fratboys, and the BoHo Boys are like, hey, Monica, perhaps she can call another cab for them too. Monica says that the MoJos have called two cabs already, and the BoHo Boys get to see their former buddies happily getting into the second cab. The BoHo Boys have to approach some random guy who is apparently just sitting on the wharf staring at the sea at midnight. Boy, it will so nice if that guy turns out to be some deranged fellow that rob them at knifepoint but alas, that fellow instead agrees to lend his phone to the BoHo Boys so that the BoHo Boys can call a cab for themselves.

This action of copying the method of MoJos and the Freaky Fratboys in obtaining transportation is supposedly so life-fulfilling that it prompts Tyler to go "T-tow!" This is followed by a painfully unironic rambling to the camera by the BoHo Boys about how "T-tow!" is supposed to be some "power word" that can do everything except make the BoHo Boys remotely amusing. I've a hunch that they are rushing to trademark "T-tow!", if they haven't already, not aware that even as some tagline for the BJ and Tyler product that they intend to market to the hilt after the show, "T-tow!" isn't a good one as it's one that will make people immediately think of annoying stammering dweebs. Back then when those stupid Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles were a big fad, their catchword was "Cowabunga!" which was instantly recognizable even by someone in India as something fun and ridiculous. "T-tow!"? How on earth do you even pronounce that word?

12:23 am. The Telcoms finally join the party, and as they leave, they once more talk about how they are only starting to know each other and learning all those pesky little things about each other like the noise Ray makes when he brushes his teeth. As relationships go, if they can weather learning all those little things about each other, they'll be fine. They fortunately stumble upon a cab dropping off some passengers so they are just in time to get a cab to Swan Bells without having to do much searching and worrying.

At Swan Bells, the MoJos' cab pulls up and Joseph, spotting those gold swan statues lining the path to the tower, says that they are definitely at the right place. The tower, however, is closed until 8:00 am. Well, isn't that nice? I can't wait for Treasure Hunters to start, I tell you. Screw this show, I'm looking forward to enjoying something fresh and new! The MoJos are not pleased with this development, which is understandable, but I'm sure they should be used to getting bunched up at every ten minutes in every leg by now. Anyway, Monica asks this guy whether he knows any cheap place to say and that fellow says that she can stay at his "joint" for free. She laughs but Joseph isn't laughing. The man says that he's just joking. He then pauses for a second in perfect comedic timing that Jeremy has mastered but the BoHo Boys haven't, and tells Monica that he wasn't joking, he just saw her boyfriend, heh. He's funny and he reminds me that Australian accents can be sexy too. It will be nice if he and some buddy of his get to replace the BoHo Boys for the rest of the season. He really makes me laugh when the Freaky Fratboys' cab pulls up and he goes, "More of them?"

Monica however doesn't really get the joke so her response is completely off as she says that yes, and they all want to get into the tower at 8:00 am. The guy looks like he's sure that these folks are a bunch of nutters. At any rate, the Freaky Fratboys suggest that they just sit around here to kill time. The BoHo Boys and the Telcoms show up as well. Yolanda tells Ray that they can find some spot to get some sleep until 8:00 am so those two break away from the main group outside Swan Bells. Eric, sitting with the MoJos, says that Yolanda clearly has Ray on a short leash. I don't know, it could be equally likely that Ray doesn't enjoy the Freaky Fratboys' company that much. Joseph jokes that Monica has him on a leash that's about five feet long. Monica looks like she isn't enjoying where the conversation is heading but she feels obliged to "joke" that she doesn't have Joseph on a leash. And here, for the first time I actually see what could be the real Eric at work as he immediately deduces how Joseph could have put his own foot in his mouth where Monica is concerned and says that he never lets Jeremy out of the house. He speaks in this unexpectedly serious manner that has both Joseph and Monica laughing out loud.

But unlike the Freaky Fratboys who seems to be toning down their shtick to more tolerable levels with every episode, the BoHo Boys seem determined to make me burst a blood vessel. Every time they speak, I feel like telling my TV, "Shut up!" or snorting in disbelief, "That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!" This time around, it's no different. Those two idiots talk about how apparently Eric is flirting with Monica so they could maybe try to cause a rift between the two Teams. Yes, like the MoJos will listen to anything the BoHo Boys will tell them and as if Joseph has never experienced seeing another guy hit on Monica before that he'd automatically assume that Eric is flirting with her, even when he's actually part of the conversation with Monica and Eric. God. Those two nitwits are obviously talking for the sake of getting some camera time, yucks. And then Tyler tells BJ, "T-tow, huh?" and BJ answers, "T-tow!" I don't know what to say, other than I actually would prefer it they would spend the rest of the season saying only "T-tow!" to each other.

At 7:30 am, Ray calls for a cab to pick the Telcoms up at about 8:00 am, giving the operator his name and calling the cab driver to watch out for a Black male. Tyler also reserves a cab under his name. On the other hand, the Freaky Fratboys and the MoJos also do the same but the Freaky Fratboys use the name "Doug Brubaker" and then pretend to be Ray and Tyler to cancel those two's reservations. Joseph is smiling as Jeremy is doing this, as he would be (and I would be, I'm not proud to say), because he's okay with the plan since it will give the MoJos a way to move ahead as well in this instance. Eric says that Tyler and Ray should have used their fake names.

Yeah, yeah, some people will be complaining that this kind of thing is against some ethical rules that they believe the Race should be all about, but again I should remind these people that those ethical rules are actually created by themselves inside their own heads rather than by the designers of the Race. Whenever people start talking about how The Amazing Race should be about sportsmanship and enjoying the scenery, I would remind them that this Race has rules that no one outside the Teams and the designers of the Race really know for certain and any "rule" therefore that these people are talking about are their rules, not the show's. And if they don't like the fact that the Freaky Fratboys or the Robfather or anyone else aren't doing things according to their rules, well, tough.

At 8:00 am, Teams rush up to the roof of Swan Bells for the clue stand and learn that they must now travel to Darwin, some 1,700 miles away from Perth, and locate what Philo simply calls "a crocodile farm". Maybe the people running that crocodile farm didn't pay enough to get the name of the farm mentioned on this show? Teams will have to walk through a bunch of crocodiles to get their next clue. The camera provides some close-ups on some gaping maws of the crocodiles as if to get me to believe that someone may actually get eaten by a crocodile in the next twenty minutes. Oh please. I will only believe that they are in real danger if I see Steve Irwin hanging around them.

Outside, the BoHo Boys flag a cab that is approaching Swan Bells and get in. The Freaky Fratboys however take the opportunity to poke at the metaphorical hornet nest by asking the driver whether he has the name of the passengers he's supposed to pick up. The man says that he's looking for a Joseph. Lo, here's Joseph at the moment protesting that the BoHo Boys are trying to steal his cab. Eric happily points at BJ and tells the cab driver, "That's not Joseph!" Joseph offers to show his ID to the cab driver but at this point Tyler has gotten out of the cab in self-righteous indignation and BJ follows after him. As the MoJos leave for the airport, BJ demands to know from Tyler why the man chose to leave the cab. Oh, maybe because if Joseph flashes his ID to the cab driver, the cab driver will make the BoHo Boys leave the cab anyway so Tyler may as well leave first? Tyler says in a cloud of haughty righteousness that he doesn't think it's worth fighting with the MoJos over the cab, although he uses some bleeped expletives to make his point in the process. BJ agrees, saying angrily that "it's not worth a million dollars to piss somebody off". But of course he certainly thinks it is, judging from his tone. But he always agrees with Tyler, as previous episodes have suggested, like some obedient little kid brother who would do everything the object of his hero-worship says.

The Telcoms learn that their cab hasn't shown up. Ray calls up the cab company only to learn that his reservation has been cancelled. In a most amusing turn of events, the Freaky Fratboys' cab also doesn't show up, prompting Eric to say that well, at least their plan worked in some way and Jeremy to agree, adding that perhaps they have somehow cancelled their own cab in the process. Because the MoJos are the only ones with a cab, Yolanda immediately guesses that the MoJos must be behind the cancellation of the cabs. The Freaky Fratboys wisely choose not to say anything other than to admit that they did call a cab and let Yolanda assume that their reservation was cancelled by Joseph as well. Yolanda storms to the BoHo Boys to tell them of the MoJos' heinous perfidy, which only makes the BoHo Boys swell up further in self-righteousness. Those two Teams walk along the road, complaining and whining and saying that the Race is now personal.

Even more comedic is how those two Teams manage to get cabs shortly after, leaving the Freaky Fratboys trying to get a cab without success. Eric thinks that karma has bitten them in the ass. I am so entertained by this development. Hey, I'm an equal opportunity person - I adore sneaky acts of sabotage and I also adore watching how those acts backfire on the perpetrators. Finally those two manage to realize that they may have better success going to a nearest hotel and hunt for a cab there instead of standing by the road looking like two ugly (one balding) twits. Finally they manage to get a cab. As they head towards the airport, they have a good laugh about how they have inadvertently turned the MoJos into the target of the righteous fury of the Telcoms and the BoHo Boys.

Ahead, not knowing how their reputation has gone completely down the drain where the Telcoms and the BoHo Boys are concerned, Joseph inadvertently makes a funny when he talks about how the "game" is "getting dirty". He's talking about how the BoHo Boys tried to steal their cabs, of course, and he and Monica are pleased that they managed to thwart the BoHo Boys from running away with their cab. Those poor dearies have no idea at all, oh dear, that the BoHo Boys are determined to Yield the MoJos the first opportunity they have and Ray in envisioning Monica the "plastic Barbie doll" being eaten by a crocodile. I understand the Telcoms' anger, but I hope that when they calm down a little, they will also realize that while it's logical to assume that the MoJos cancelled their cab reservations, they don't really have definite evidence about the MoJos' perfidy and maybe a talk with those two is in order. Oh, what am I saying? They can't stand each other, so of course they would happily think the worst of each other. Back to more neutral territory, Yolanda says that Black people won't be so stupid as to get into a pool of crocodiles. Or maybe they would, she has to amend herself into saying, since she and Ray are going to do just that, heh. Ray is like, hey, it's for a chance at a million dollars so it's not that dumb a thing to do, really.

At the airport, Joseph wants the ticket agent to get them on the fastest plane to Darwin and keep the other Teams from getting on this flight. The ticket counter asks Joseph how much that would be worth. Joseph assumes that the man is talking about how much doing what he wants the man to do is worth to Joseph, so he says it's worth a million dollars. The ticket agent clarifies that he wants to know how much Joseph is willing to bribe him to carry out Joseph's wishes. Joseph offers the man a kiss from Monica. The ticket fellow gives Joseph a "You've gotta be kidding me, you silly fool!" face and I don't think he'll be helping Joseph anytime soon. Joseph is trying to be a sneaky fellow but he's not even halfway there, I'm afraid.

The BoHo Boys and the Telcoms show up and they confront the MoJos about the cab reservation cancellation. Joseph's way of avoiding the truth while not really lying is to not look at the other person and just grunting out short, simple, and non-committal answers instead, as I've seen in the last episode when he avoided Tyler's badgering in the Fremantle Prison. Here, he does the same thing, maybe because he's trying to protect the Freaky Fratboys in some misguided form of loyalty. Oh man, if he wants to play sneaky, he should be prepared to lie. Anyway, Joseph comes off looking like a guilty person and he is dealt another blow when he learns from the BoHo Boys that the Freaky Fratboys told the BoHo Boys that someone cancelled the cab reservations. Joseph tells Monica that the Freaky Fratboys are letting the MoJos get the blame. So when the Freaky Fratboys show up, the MoJos confront them. Now, anyone watching how smug Eric and Jeremy are as they try to deny the MoJos' accusation would know at once who the real culprits are. The BoHo Boys are watching, but I don't think they are capable of rational analysis apart from what they should be yelling at random moments at the top of their voice for the duration of this leg. Instead, BJ goes to Eric insinuating that there are rampant rumors about Eric making his move on Monica. And all this serves a purpose... how? Watching all these people trying to plot is like watching a really hammy telenovela series, only this time these people are supposed to be being themselves instead of acting out a dodgy script written by hacks.

To cut the long story short, all Teams are on a flight to Darwin that leaves at 12:15 pm. At 7:30 pm, they arrive in Darwin and hop into the designated vehicles (or "pimp daddy" if you're Monica) waiting for them in the car park. The MoJos reach the crocodile farm - its name turns out to be Crocodylus Park - first in the dark where they learn - unsurprisingly - that the Park is open to visitors only at 9:00 am the next day. Hey, anyone keeping count on the number of bunchings that have occurred so far in this episode? The other Teams all catch up with the MoJos, which means that only the events in the last few minutes of this leg will determine which Team gets eliminated. As the Teams sit in their vehicles to kill the time and get some sleep, Monica complains that there are many bugs in this place and they are irritating her. Eric, who is walking around to stretch his legs, tells Monica that the bugs are attracted to her. Tyler, who is nearby, says with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to Eric, "Just like you are!" He then asks Eric whether he and Monica are "getting close". Monica rolls up the window to tune out that idiot. Seriously now, does Tyler believe that he's fooling anyone with his clumsy attempts to cause trouble? Okay, maybe he can fool BJ because BJ is... well, BJ.

Tyler now tries to ask Eric what he has planned for him and Monica. And once more I find myself wondering whether I'm seeing some aspect of the real Eric when Eric skilfully brushes Tyler off by saying aloud in a deliberately idiotic manner, "I'm going to put some meat around Joseph so that he gets attacked by crocodiles. Then my plan will be in full effect!" And then he walks away. I'm pleasantly delighted at the way Eric so easily stumps Tyler by giving Tyler an answer that is technically a humorous answer to a stupid question but delivered at the same time with an obvious dose of screw-you sarcasm that Eric manages to downplay just enough for it to be detectable but not enough for Tyler to accuse Eric directly of mocking him. I don't care for the me-so-horny Johnny-Bravo-gone-wild cartoon character that Eric is playing on this show but I'm starting to wonder whether that man has a wit that he keeps hidden on this show that he can use in dizzying effect to stump fools and idiots of the world like the BoHo Boys. If that's the case, I may end up thinking that he's kinda cool despite his receding hairline, puny basket, and his tendency to shave every hair on his body, and that possibility really scares me, I tell you.

9:00 am now. Teams realize that they have to dress up in rubber pants because they will be wading into the crocodile-infested pool to get their clue. Trust Eric to compare wearing those rubber pants to having safe sex. The Teams are briefed by supervisors not to step on the crocodiles (duh), walk by sliding along the ground rather than lifting the feet, and don't make sudden movements. Fair enough. By the way, the BoHo Boys are wearing stupid hats here, which make me wonder: shouldn't these freaks have all their possessions nabbed by Philo at the end of the leg two episodes ago? So where did they get these hats from? I'd love to see the hat on Tyler's head fall off and poke a crocodile in an eye but really, things never happen the way I want them to. At any rate, the crocodiles never bite - in fact, they look pretty bored by the whole thing. These crocodiles must be used to being the center of attention. The BoHo Boys get their clue first and they tell the crocodiles goodbye with a most imaginative "See ya, wallets... I mean, crocodiles!"

The BoHo Boys learn that Teams must now travel to the airfield in Batchelor some fifty miles away. The clue also warns of the Yield ahead. After the BoHo Boys, it is the MoJos' turn to step into the fool, followed by the Freaky Fratboys and finally the Telcoms. Teams are soon on the road. The BoHo Boys announce that they intend to Yield the MoJos. Of course they would, since it is only sensible to treat the Race like a petty audition for a career in some C-grade clown-capering kiddie show featuring ugly puppets and uglier clowns. Because that's the best thing that the BoHo Boys' crude, witless, and unsophisticated "shout loudly and everything will be automaticall funny" sense of so-called humor is suited for, at the end of the day. The MoJos know that the BoHo Boys will Yield them so both Teams are trying to beat each other to the Yield.

Ahead, there's the airfield! Alas, the MoJos are sticklers of sort for the rules in that they take time to park their vehicle at the parking space allocated to the Teams the BoHo Boys just leave their vehicle along the road to rush to the Yield stand. The BoHo Boys therefore have the lead and predictably and stupidly enough, they use the Yield on the MoJos. I would appreciate this if there is any strategy behind this move, but it's a petty show of screw-you on the BoHo Boys' part, and a very stupid one at that because there is really no point in Yielding a Team who is just behind them when they are actually at the head of the pack. It makes sense to Yield the Freaky Fratboys, not because they are the main culprits but because they are towards the back of the pack and this may be a good chance to take out a strong competitor from the Race. It does not make sense at all to Yield the MoJos unless it's just to make a pointless screw-you gesture. At any rate, Tyler then has the cheek to call out to the MoJos, "Sorry, guys!" as the BoHo Boys run along to the airfield. The BoHo Boys are much better at being petty than funny, I tell you.

Ahead, the BoHo Boys realize that it's now time for a Roadblock. They are in an airfield. What do you think the Roadblock willi involve? That's right - skydiving, with an instructor attached to the back of the fellow doing the Roadblock of course so that I will not get the satisfaction of seeing any of these morons impersonate Wild E Coyote falling off a high cliff. BJ takes this one. He's due for a cool Roadblock anyway.

Meanwhile, Monica complains that they being Yielded is not fair, wah-wah-wah, to the point that Joseph once again loses his cool like he's programmed to do and tells her not to get upset in his "Listen to daddy and DO IT!" way. The Freaky Fratboys run past the MoJos on the Yield mat and tell the MoJos not to worry because the Freaky Fratboys will "get" the BoHo Boys for the MoJos. Yes, and no doubt the Freaky Fratboys want to win a million dollars now to avenge the MoJos' honor, snort. Still, I have this feeling that the Freaky Fratboys have over the last few days actually enjoy the MoJos' company more than they enjoy the BoHo Boys'. The Telcoms run past the MoJos and they do not have any nice words of comfort to share, as to be expected, heh. Monica continues to mope and complain until Joseph tells her curtly to act more mature. As she is programmed to do, she starts to cry. These two seem to know how to bring out the worst in each other with ease.

Eric takes one for the Team. Ray will also take it for his Team. If you are keeping count, Ray has used up his allocated six Roadblocks so Yolanda is on her own now. I don't understand why she can't even skydive. On paper, she's this athletic woman but on the show, she just isn't much of a participant as much as she is a follower. That's very disappointing. Back to the MoJos, he is trying to get her to stop crying and she is telling him that he can't tell her what she's supposed to be feeling. Eeuw. Personally, I have no patience for people who react to a non-earthshattering situation by crying and Monica would drive me crazy three hours into the Race if I'm partnered with her, so in a way, I'm feeling more empathy for Joseph in this scene for having to deal with someone whose first reaction in any situation is to cry and whose second reaction is to tell off anyone who tries to get her to stop the waterworks and do something more... useful. Eventually she stops the sniffles, only to once more get back to complaining and moaning about how the Yield is just "not fair". Poor Joseph. It's a wonder that his bald spot isn't bigger than Eric's by that time. Joseph tells her that the Yield isn't a big deal because he knows, like we all know, that this leg is a non-elimination leg.

As BJ gets suited up, Tyler tells the camera about how terrible it is to be Yielded so he'd be as sad as the MoJos if he's in their shoes. He does remember, right, that he and BJ are the ones that Yielded the MoJos? The fact that he Yielded them and is now talking to the camera about how terrible it is to Yielded makes him come off as even a bigger tool than he already is. BJ is ready to get onto the plane so they go "T-tow!" Overhearing those two, Monica mutters, "T-tow, my ass!" My sentiments exactly! BJ's plane takes to the air. Eric's also takes to the air with Jeremy hollering to Eric that he hopes Eric's parachute opens at the right time. Ray's plane also takes off. Back to the Yield mat, Monica is once more watering the grass with her tears. Joseph tells her to cheer up and she responds by saying that she'll feel better if he will not talk to her for a while. Well, she's his girlfriend. He should know what he's getting into.

BJ jumps. Guess what he is shouting as he goes down. No, really, take a guess. Watching him from the airfield, Yolanda tells Jeremy that BJ is "so corny". Jeremy says diplomatically that the BoHo Boys both have "unique personalities". Really? And here I am thinking that the BoHo Boys remind me of dropouts from clown school. Jeremy then tells Yolanda that if she's not with Ray, she'd be "in trouble" with him. Yolanda goes, "Oh yeah?" in that way women go when they are not sure whether to be flattered that someone thinks of them in that way or be dismayed that this particular someone thinks of them in that way. In a typical everyday situation, the response would be, "That's so sweet, but honey, let's just be friends!" but in this situation, the woman would have to seriously think about whether she wants to be friends with him as well.

BJ reaches the ground - here, Jeremy watches and deadpans that BJ looked kinda cool; for some reason I find him most amusing at that moment - and receive the clue that tells the BoHo Boys to drive some twenty miles to the Litchfield Wildlife Park and locate the "natural anomaly" called the magnetic termite mounds. I once saw a documentary on TV describing these magnetic termite mounds to be built in the magnetic north-south direction with the mounds always pointing to the magnetic northern direction. Some researchers are trying to figure how why and how the magnetic termites build their homes in this manner (they believe the temperature and direction of the sun have something to do with the "how" of this matter) while most people are content to look and wonder at the beautiful termite mounds that have been said to be comparable to odd tombstone-like monuments. Among the magnetic termite mounds is the ever-familiar clue stand.

The BoHo Boys leave but not before Tyler gives the MoJos the thumbs up sign that Joseph reacts accordingly in the same manner that most people would under the circumstances. Tyler than has the cheek to act like the offended party in the BoHo's vehicle, going ooh, Joseph is so angry. There's nothing more attractive than a twit who doesn't have the guts to admit that he's just being as petty as the rest of them. At the Yield stand, Joseph decides that Monica will perform this Roadblock and Monica, like she's programmed to do, acts in a rather lifeless manner to Joseph's "suggestion" that Joseph sees fit to "tease" her about. She then lashes back accordingly and it's downhill all the way. Eventually Joseph realizes that they've been squabbling for who knows how long after the hourglass has emptied and they take off, where they both kiss before she gets ready to suit for the Roadblock, everything apparently forgotten now that they are both driven and determined to continue Racing.

Eric jumps and Jeremy disappoints me by not making any cracks about Eric hitting the ground with a man on his back. Yolanda, however, doesn't. She coos to Ray as the man rests on the grass after he's landed, telling Ray that the instructor, still tied to Ray, is so sweet because he is holding Ray and all. Ray mutters, "It's not funny!" Guys never find this kind of thing as funny as ladies do sometimes, I tell you.

The BoHo Boys have reached the Litchfield Wildlife Park - it's amazing how the show is paced so that Teams travel at what seems the speed of light sometimes while at other moments everything slows of an agonizing snail's pace in this season, eh? - and now they are running around the place looking for the clue stand while BJ is wailing that the termites will eat every wood in Tyler's body. The punchline is G-rated because these two want to appeal to the strange fans of this show that insist how family-friendly this show is: Tyler goes oh no, his peg leg is in danger. They soon locate the clue stand and realize that it's now time for a Detour. For "Wet", Teams will drive six miles to a roadside park called Rockhole - eh, what a name - and make their way by hiking and swimming for one mile down a river. Philo promises that the route will be dotted with marsh spiders and poisonous plants. Yeah right, all that in a public park. I can believe that, yes indeed. A clue stand awaits at the end of this "treacherous trek". For "Dry", Teams will drive some twelve miles in total to a rock formation called the Lost City. There, they will pick up a didgeridoo, the wind instrument of choice of local aborigines and muzak-churning so-called New Age artists everywhere, follow the sound of the didgeridoo to a nearby aborigine, and learn how to play a note on the didgeridoo from that fellow. The thing is, there are a few aborigines around blowing their didgeridoos and each Team must locate the aborigine whose didgeridoo produces a note that matches theirs. Once they have done all this, they will receive their next clue. I think the Dry option sounds easier but the BoHo Boys on the other hand believe that hiking for a mile is no sweat while they may not know how to play the didgeridoo. So it's wet for them it is.

Back at the Batchelor airfield, Monica jumps, lands safely, and the MoJos quickly take off to catch up with the other Teams. At the magnetic termite mounds, the Freaky Fratboys also opt to get wet. Oh dear, I think I'm becoming as terrible as those two. Yolanda on the other hand can't swim, something that anyone who has watched the third episode can testify, so they will stay dry instead. Ahead, on the way to the Rockhole, BJ announces that he may strip down to his underwear while Tyler announces that he is not wearing any underwear. Cardinal rule of people who want to be funny but too stupid to come up with genuinely funny things to say: always threaten to get naked when everything else fails to do the trick. And no, that still doesn't do the trick. As they run down the path to the Rockhole, Tyler goes, " Feel that rush of adrenaline in your head? That's first place!" No, that's not a rush in my head, that's a bloody migraine thanks to having to watch those two. I missed those early episodes when these two would come in first and vanish after twenty minutes into the episode. Now I have to watch them for the entire one hour and my head is hurting like crazy.

The Freaky Fratboys show up next and announce that they want to go hunt down some hippies. Ooh, that's the sexiest thing they have ever said on this show and I would be giddy with ecstasy if they then whip out tranquilizer guns and start hunting. Heaven help me, I'm starting to like these two. Maybe it's because there isn't really any Team left to like so I may as well start with the one that's somewhat entertaining and definitely competitive and even sneaky without acting like self-righteous hypocrites in the process. Meanwhile, the MoJos are on their way to the magnetic termite mounds, with Joseph saying that they can still be in the Race if they make the correct Detour option (remember, he's very paranoid about a Detour being too difficult or taking too long to finish) but Monica on the other hand is still bitching and moaning about being Yielded while saying that they are going to be eliminated for sure. She is really angling for a curt response from Joseph so that she can start crying again, isn't she?

At where it's wet, the BoHo Boys are learning that it's not so wild when they start to struggle against the soft muddy terrain. The Freaky Fratboys are starting to realize that this one-mile hike isn't as easy as they expected it to be. Back at the magnetic termite mounds, the MoJos find the clue stand and they opt to remain dry.

Indeed, dry is a pretty good choice, at least for the Telcoms, because Ray is a musician in real life and has been in a band. Ah, but can he blow? They have no problems finding a didgeridoo but they fail to find the aborigine with matching didgeridoo in their first try. They eventually locate the correct person and now they have to each learn how to play the didgeridoo. Ray gets it right easily and Yolanda has to try a few times because she's too busy laughing whenever she blows into the instrument. I have a feeling that Yolanda must be thinking inappropriate thoughts when she's blowing on the didgeridoo. But eventually she gets it right. The Telcoms can now head straight to the Pit Stop: the freshwater lake called Lake Bennett that blows up now and then to scare anybody foolish enough to park a boat there for a very long time. In their vehicle as they start to head towards the Pit Stop, Yolanda giggles and says, "Ray doesn't need a didgeridoo to make those noises. He does that all the time!" Ray just tries to look serious in the driver's seat and deadpans, "That's funny." As they leave, they see the MoJos approaching the Lost City so they are quite pleased to know that the MoJos are trailing behind them.

In the Rockhole, the Freaky Fratboys are fast gaining on the BoHo Boys, not that they are doing much rapid movement since they are struggling against the mud and the terrain. Alas, no monster Venus flytraps or giant hungry spiders though to make their lives more difficult. Ahead, the Telcoms seem pleased that they actually remembered to get a map earlier that day (really, getting a map should have been a top priority for every Team) and Lake Bennett is clearly stated on the map, as it should be since Lake Bennett is a popular tourist attraction in Darwin. Back at the Lost City, the MoJos locate the aborigine whose didgeridoo plays similarly to theirs and Joseph gets the hang of the didgeridoo soon enough. Monica, however, has to get Joseph to show her how to blow (don't snigger, people), maybe because she finds the aborigine's tribal markings too scary or something. They leave, and over at the Rockhole, the former Porno Alliance also manage to reach the end of their trek, much to their collective relief.

Da-da-dum, the Telcoms are at Lake Bennett and there they go. Philo checks them in as team number one and the Telcoms' taste of being in first place for the very first time is sweetened by a prize of a year-long lease on Mercedes vehicles. Hmm, I'd rather take just one free Mercedes than to rent a hundred in a year. Still, Ray makes Philo promise that the Mercedes will have the steering wheel on the "correct" (read: American) side and both Yolanda and Philo notice that Ray's stoic facade cracks a little here, for the first time in a very long time, according to Yolanda. But she loves him for being the stoic man he is anyway.

The MoJos are on their way to the Pit Stop. Also on the road, the Freaky Fratboys stop an ambulance (heh) to ask for directions to the Pit Stop. The BoHo Boys are on to them, so they stop too to allow Tyler to ask for directions. And remember how Monica called the BoHo Boys followers? Tyler does nothing to dispute that allegation by asking the Freaky Fratboys to tell him what they have learned from the ambulance driver. Jeremy tells him to go ask the ambulance guy (the ambulance is still there). So Tyler goes off to do just that, and he has the temerity to ask the Freaky Fratboys to wait for the BoHo Boys! The Freaky Fratboys needless to say drive on without a backward glance.

And look, the MoJos show up and very nicely overtake the BoHo Boys. The Freaky Fratboys are still leading at this point but they are not pleased to see the MoJos, correctly deducing that they are really trailing behind if the MoJos can catch up with them. Joseph in the meantime shows the BoHo Boys the finger as he drives past their vehicle. I like Joseph. He's quite a guy, heh, although he really should take some correspondence courses from the Robfather, Colin, and Blake on hints and tips on being a more ruthless and effective Racer. He tries to play the cutthroat and ruthless Racer thing, I'd give him that, but he's not exactly there yet.

Tires screech to a halt and doors are furiously opened before being slammed shut again. Three Teams are now racing for the mat since they all arrived more or less at the same time, all knowing that which Team that comes in last will be the last Team to arrive in this leg. Run, nitwits, run! The Freaky Fratboys take the lead and it's pretty obvious that they will be team number two. It's down to the BoHo Boys versus the MoJos, or more specifically, BJ versus Monica since they are the slower person of their respective Teams. BJ could beat Monica, but he decides that he should try to cut across the path and run across the rocks to beat Monica instead. He is not wearing any shoes so not only does his attempt to be precious allow Monica to beat him to the mat, his feet can't fare too well in the process, heh.

So there it is, the Freaky Fratboys come in second and the MoJos third. "We got here before you! You Yielded us!" Joseph says triumphantly and really, I can't blame him for doing that at all. He needs lessons to be a master player, but he's alright, that guy. I wish Monica will stop crying every five minutes though. The BoHo Boys are last but first, Tyler wants to shake hands with Joseph, even if he, Joseph, and the audience know that Tyler isn't going to actually let things be bygones in the next leg. But that's Tyler - he would want to do things on the camera that makes him look good. I understand from the accounts of the buddies of Tyler that Tyler is actually like this all the time since he made a circus in his attempt to get into the college of his choice (he couldn't get in at the end of the day, heh, and he couldn't make the cut for his second-choice college either, heh), so I don't know if I should feel better about Tyler now that he's apparently some congenital attention hog. Monica refuses to play to Tyler's latest circus stunt even if Joseph does, which isn't too unreasonable since Tyler was trying to get Joseph to think that she's fooling around with Eric behind Joseph's back early on in this episode.

Philo asks about how the Race is turning out and Monica says that at least she and Joseph aren't trying to start nasty rumors or play "mind games". BJ insists that there are no "mind games", which is pure bull as the BoHo Boys could be seen earlier in this episode as clear as day very ineptly trying to portray Monica as the cheating bimbo in Joseph's eyes. I have nothing against trying to play a little underhandedly to win at times as long as the Rules are bent rather than broken, but I don't like people who do these things and then insist when called on their actions that they've been pure and wholesome all along. That's bollocks. That's even cowardly.

Anyway, Philo takes whatever the BoHo Boys aren't wearing on their body at the moment because this is a non-elimination leg, but I'd bet those stupid hats will magically reappear in the next episode. Anyway, I'll be very relieved when this season is over and I don't have to hear another "T-tow!" ever again.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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