THE AMAZING RACE

Season 9 Episode 5: Good Thing I Took That Human Anatomy Class in High School

Previously, the Meninas Do Gilmore continued to crash and burn as stress and fatigue set in, and they ultimately came in last in an otherwise mundane double-leg and were eliminated. Sigh. It seems like the Porno Alliance will never be beaten. I can't stand them but I have to hand it to them: they are Racing very well indeed. Why do they have to be so obnoxious in the process? You know what I wish? A return of the Fast Forward in every leg. That way, a Team at the back has the opportunity to speed straight to the front and shake things up a little. Right now it looks like the Porno Alliance are going to win and if they do, good for them but at the same time I'm not looking forward to watching a predictable season where it's a matter of seeing Teams go down week after week until the inevitable win by either Team in the Porno Alliance.

So what say Bonghammer? The ratings are slipping, there's a new scavenger hunt show around the corner, Treasure Hunter, that promises to be a nice alternative to this show, and the current problem of this season lies in the design of the Race. The cast is fine. It's the design - the tasks are becoming boring, the location aren't so interesting anymore, and every leg starts to feel formulaic. How about bringing forth some interesting historical details of the locations visited by the Teams and creating some challenges that actually are interesting to watch, like sending the Teams to the Rat Temple in India that was visited back in the first season. If there are logistics issues to be worked out, then by all means, work them out! Put this show back to its one season a year schedule if that has to be done. I don't want to watch this show two times a year if it means that I will be bored by formulaic and repetitive "run here, do this, yay" episodes week after week.

Anyway, back to this episode, which is the first one to truly entertain me since the first episode. Philo "Wish I Was There" Koughie steps out to explain that he's in Munich, a thousand-year old city according to him that is well-known for everything from beers to banking to Eric Bana. Okay, maybe not exactly Eric Bana. The "fourth" Pit Stop is right here in the Siegestor, the monument of peace, or so Philo says because it's actually the third Pit Stop. But who's counting? Philo doesn't care anymore. The Teams will start this leg of the Race from the Siegestor and therefore, let the Race begin.

2:15 am. The Freaky Fratboys, it seems, molested their Travelocity gnome pretty enthusiastically when they came in first previously and like the hot studs they believe they are, they are now leaving in the dark of the night while the poor gnome is still asleep in bed, dreaming of wedding rings and babies with receding hairline. In what will be the, oh, six hundred or so variations of pronouncing "Palermo", Jeremy haltingly reads out from the clue that Teams must fly to Palermo, Sicily, and in Palermo use a cab to get to the Teatro Massimo. Actually, that's the Teatro Massimo Vittorio Emanuele, the largest opera house in Italy that dates back to 1864 and was only reopened back in 1997. As the Freaky Fratboys leave, once more they attribute their success so far to their happy lack of thinking in this Race. I think these guys must have been really humiliated in the past when they flunked college, which can only explain why they are on TV trying to build a career out of their anti-intellectual kill-tall-poppies-forever stance. Maybe they take the whole "women like dumb silent guys" thing to heart a little too literally, forgetting that the only way women like these dumb silent guys is when they are, you know, silent. Meanwhile, Jeremy wants everyone to know that they are still getting "hot chicks", even though nothing on this Race so far even suggests that. Eric wants the Pink Poodles to "pull their heads out of their asses" so that he can still make out with them. That's nice to hear, really. I like men who aren't afraid to admit that they like to kiss lips attached to heads that have been previously stuffed up someone's ass. That sounds kinky!

Now, where were we? Ah yes, 3:04 am. The BoHo Boys are leaving now. They want everyone to know that they are hippies by saying that they believe in karma in terms of personal relationships with people. I don't know what they mean and they don't elaborate, perhaps because they too have no idea what they are babbling about. Maybe that's their way of saying that their girlfriends are just as loud as they tend to be when these ladies break up with them. The BoHo Boys also want everyone to know that they are funny people and they demonstrate this by dancing in some weird manner to a cab driver that they are trying to get directions to the airport from. With that, the BoHo Boys take off, secure in the knowledge that the world is so enamored with them that they will be embraced by zillions of adoring fans all wearing "T-tow!" T-shirts when the show is over. I sometimes wonder what they are like when there are no cameras around them. Do you think BJ will turn out to be some manic depressive that bursts into tears every five seconds while Tyler will be a chronic crotch-scratcher when the camera is not on them? Hmmm.

3:09 am. The LaMichies take off, meeting up with the BoHo Boys who exchange high-fives with them. Tyler is already on his another creative joke trip: he's now saying "Mama mia!" in the most obnoxiously affected Italian accent that will continue to the end of this episode. Lake tells the camera that Michelle has some "room to grow" when it comes to being a navigator and that while she has been right maybe two or three times, he's been right more often so he's still the boss around the place. I guess for someone who spends his time staring down people's throats on a daily basis, it is important that he comes home to feel like a boss for once instead of an overpaid dentist.

The Freaky Fratboys are at the airport where a nice lady behind the information counter informs them of an Alitalia flight that departs at 6:35 am and stops at Rome, where the idiots will have to switch planes before reaching Palermo at about 10:15 am. To repay her kindness, Eric asks her, "You girls have hickeys? Somebody been kissing you? Is that why you have the scarves on?" The lady smiles tightly and says no. The two idiots act like they've just said something too witty and snigger as they head over to the Alitalia ticket counter. I wonder what they are like when the cameras are not on them too sometimes. Do they ever feel self-conscious about the fact that one of them is balding while the other resembles an offspring from an ugly simian branch? And that they are both beach bums that have nothing better to do than to play shirtless beach volleyballs with each other while pretending that the ladies on the beach are ogling them? Do they sometimes catch on that the ladies are actually chuckling at Eric's balding tapestry and Jeremy's blank-eyed resemblance to Lance Bass? Is this show their way to show the world that the world has underestimated them? Hmmm.

The BoHo Boys and the LaMichies reach the airport where they find the Freaky Fratboys in wheelchairs playing for the camera. I am a cynic - I right away think that the show people must have provided these wheelchairs for the "adorable" guys to goof to the camera with, since I can't imagine anyone in the airport will be amused at the sight of two idiots abusing wheelchairs meant for the handicapped. Lake makes me laugh when he tells the Freaky Fratboys, "Just like we hoped - that y'all broke a leg!" If only, Lake, if only. Michelle asks for the Internet booth. She and her husband head on downstairs, leaving the Porno Alliance to race each other in wheelchairs around airport posts. Again, I can't help thinking that the show set them up for this. I don't think any airport authority will happily allow these clowns to create such a fuss in an airport. Eventually the Freaky Fratboys beat the BoHo Boys and the BoHo Boys head over to join the LaMichies at the Internet booth. Michelle for some reason cannot read the webpage she's looking at, because it's in German. I wonder why she can't just use the Babelfish or Google web page translation program if she can't read German. These people can be such amateurs. BJ isn't so much an amateur because he knows how to locate the English version of the website he is visiting (must be an airline reservation service website that is in competition with Travelocity because otherwise the show will toot its horns about how the Teams find Travelocity so useful). The BoHo Boys make reservations on the same flight as the Freaky Fratboys. Michelle eventually reaches the same website but now freaks out because apparently she just "cannot" make reservations. Lake is not amused. Tyler is, though, telling BJ as they leave that it will be so "sweet" if the BoHo Boys end up taking the last seats on that flight.

It is much later, 5:03 am actually, when the FranBerries leave. Fran says that they try not to repeat the mistakes they have made in previous legs. Yeah, yeah, whatever, just be quiet and go away.

5:28 am. Please, please, stop with the "Cool As Geek And In Love" drinking game because the game is turning very dangerous indeed. Right on cue, those two smooch for the camera and declare how much in love they are. At this point, their constant declarations of love are really becoming contrived to me. Give it a rest, guys. Why can't these people be themselves instead of trying to become as one-dimensional as possible for the camera? It's okay to be human. As they leave, Dave tells Lori that they have to be "smooth like butter".

5:52 am. Say hello to the MoJos. As they leave, Michelle wants the world to know that she's more than some dumb blonde that people, for some reason, apparently keep mistaking her as. When there's fire, dear. I'm just saying.

The Freaky Fratboys, who are proud about not using the Internet for non-entertainment (ahem) purposes, are now probably wishing that they know more URLs than http://www.onehandedchatting.com because the BoHo Boys, thanks to the wonders of online flight reservation, manage to get the last two seats available on that 6:35 am flight ahead of the Freaky Fratboys. Lake, overhearing the Freaky Fratboys' discussions with the ticket agent, blames Michelle for their inability to get seats on that flight and she challenges him back by asking him whether he reads any German. Lake could have scored a zinger by replying, "Yes, dear - Babelfish!" But he doesn't because he's... Lake, heh. Like the ocean. The Freaky Fratboys decide to gamble on getting seats eventually on that flight by being put on standby. The LaMichies however head over to the Lufthansa counter where they take a 9:30 am flight without much hesitation. They will arrive in Palermo at 2:00 pm.

The FranBerries reach the airport some time later and they too end up at the Lufthansa counter. However, they don't take the 9:30 am flight right away, they ask the ticket counter person for alternatives and learn of an Alitalia flight that will take them to Palermo at 1:25 pm. Naturally the FranBerries make reservations on this flight. Perhaps this is why when Lake asks them whether they have seen anyone else on their way in (Lake is hoping to keep Lufthansa a "secret", you see, from the other Teams), Fran obnoxiously tells him to back off. Lake tries to explain that he's not cutting queue or pumping for secrets because he and his wife already have tickets but Fran keeps telling him to back off. Lake now asks her why she is being rude to him and Fran just lifts a hand and tells him, "Please." If those two old coots are still bitter about the motorcycle thing in the first episode, please. Lake said he'd show them where the parts should go, it was the two old coots that deludedly believe that Lake would do everything for them. Meanwhile, Lake whispers to Michelle that Fran is a "doctor's wife" so she shouldn't behave like that. Heh.

At the Alitalia counter, it turns out that the 6:35 am flight isn't so full after all because the Freaky Fratboys are able to get seats on that flight. Do the math: they'll be arriving in Palermo some three hours at least ahead of the other Teams. These two Teams not only Race well, they are also disgustingly lucky. UGH. They and the BoHo Boys take off at 6:30 am for Palermo. Cool As Geek show up at the airport at about that time and learn of the same flight that the FranBerries are taking. They make reservations on that flight.

6:48 am. The Telcoms finally leave. Ray talks about how he loves finding out how strong Yolanda is and how strong-minded she is. Gee, I'm sure his new buddy Lake will be appalled at Ray's willingness to adore a woman for her opiniated mind. Ray and Yolanda have better do more than just talking because they are only Team left that I like on a reasonable level so they have better not be eliminated, damn it. Okay, I am being amused to no end by Lake too but that's a not-so-reasonable kind of like.

The MoJos are at the airport where the ticket counter guy blinks in befuddlement at Joseph's request for tickets on a flight to "Palomino". Monica corrects him on the proper way to pronounce the name of the city (that's "Pal-ler-mo" according to her) in a half-laughing and half-exasperated manner. The ticket guy looks like he'd like to take a vacation away from these confusing Americans as he gives them seats on the same flight as the FranBerries and Cool As Geek.

7:28 am. The Pink Poodles leave. They tell the camera as they leave that they are hanging on this Race "by a hair" but they won't give up. They'll just... go slow and steady and hope for the best. I suppose that they can't do anything else, really. It's not like they can grow wings and fly right now to Palermo ahead of everyone else.

The Telcoms and the Pink Poodles arrive at the airport shortly after the remaining Teams at the airport take off in the 9:30 am flight. The two Teams are stuck with a flight that will get them to Palermo by 2:00 pm. Ahead at Rome, the Freaky Fratboys realize that their connecting flight differs from the BoHo Boys'. In fact, they will leave after the BoHo Boys, a fact that they are of course not happy about. The BoHo Boys are soon in Palermo with the usual fanfare of thick and affected accent that some people believe will endear them to the locals. It says a lot that the BoHo Boys, especially Tyler who is supposedly well-traveled, will sell their soul and play the dumb tourists for camera time.

Later at Rome, the 9:30 am flight lands, only to have the LaMichies realize that their connecting flight will leave after the one that the other Teams are taking. Lake curses in his unique way, "There's not one of those sumbitches on this flight, dang it!" He really looks dejected seated there in the airport, he's like some overexcited fan of this show who has waited so long to be in it only to be so disappointed every time he screws up. Oh, Lake. Michelle tells him that it's not so bad. Other Teams will surely screw up. Not them, though, says Michelle, because she has Lake has a partner. And Lake doesn't screw up, after all. I am somewhat amused by the dynamic of these two. I'm sure that under normal circumstances Michelle will push back as good as Lake gives, but here, she's willing to boost Lake's ego so that he won't feel so blue. The LaMichies end up on the same connecting flight to Palermo as the Pink Poodles and the Telcoms, which is most unfortunate indeed considering that they left the Pit Stop some three hours ahead of the Telcoms. Ah, but such is the way things are when it comes to the airport.

In Palermo, the BoHo Boys' cab pulls up at the Teatro and those two, with affected accents that could give grounds for the locals to murder them, surely, clown around as they read their clue. They may be outside the biggest opera house in Italy but the show would rather that Teams head over some 42 miles to the seaside town of Castellammare Del Golfo in one of the vehicles parked nearby and locate the fortress of the same name as th town. The clue stand is on the terrance overlooking the sea. Behind them, the Freaky Fratboys are in Palermo and they are in a cab on their way to the Teatro. Jeremy says to the camera that Italy is their "flavor" because there are "nice warm weather" and "Italian women". Since they are in a cab and there are no women in sight, it is bizarre how he can talk about those beautiful women. It's as if the more they talk about hooking up with hot women, the higher the chances of the possibility of that happening will be. Are they like this when there are no cameras around them? "Oh, look, Eric, that's a fish. Wow, I love this place, I love hot chicks. Dude, the sun is fine. Hot chicks, mmm, I love hot chicks. Say, Eric, have you been working out? Your nipples look kinda elastic. Hot chicks. Oh. I want hot chicks. Say, dude, your nipples are funny when I pinch them like that. Hot chicks will love them, man. Hot chicks! Hot chicks make me hot! I love hot chicks. Say, Eric, wanna make out?" They get their clue from the clue stand and get into their vehicle.

The FranBerries, Cool As Geek, and the MoJos arrive in Palermo later that day and much later the LaMichies, the Telcoms, and the Pink Poodles complete the party. Everyone is off in their cabs looking for the Teatro. Ahead, Jeremy fixes his hair while Eric looks on as he is driving and tells Jeremy that he looks fine. Maybe it's those grotesque self-conscious photos of them playing around with the BoHo Boys that they deliberately spread around the Web to jumpstart their gay-for-pay post-show porn career that are clouding my mind, but the more I see those two, the more they come off like guys who would use the excuse of watching some dirty movie together to start doing freaky things to each other in bed.

At Castellammare Del Golfo, the BoHo Boys learn that it's now time for a Detour. Philo explains that in "Foundry" Teams must walk a short distance to the Premiata Fonderia Birrione Campane (established since 1600 according to the sign) and carry a 110-pound church bell onto an Ape and drive it to a church, Chiesa Maria del Soccorso. They will have to then carry the bell up a flight of stairs to deliver it to a waiting priest before they receive their next clue. In "Laundry", Teams will head over to an intersection where there are many laundry lines hanging across the balconies. Teams will get over to apartment balconies and search among 2,400 pieces of laundry for one of the sixteen that have red and yellow tags. A "laundry lady" will hand over the clue in exchange of the piece of laundry. Is it just me or "random hunt for things" is the new "eat gross food by the bulk"? After their obligatory clowning around, the BoHo Boys decide to play with laundry.

Back at the Teatro, the MoJos show up first and leave, followed by Cool As Geek (Dave amusingly reach for a clue the same time as Lori, earning him a playful reprimand from Lori to pay attention), and finally the FranBerries. Fran is concerned about Barry's speedy driving but he shrugs off her concern by saying, "Drivin' like an Italian, man, I love it!" So will his insurance people, I'm sure. Meanwhile, Cool As Geek as stuck in traffic, causing Lori to go, "Jeeeeee-miny!" Or something.

The BoHo Boys find a piece of clothing with the red and yellow tag and continue to use their obnoxious fake Italian accent as they meet this so-called laundry lady for their next clue. From where I come from, it's not polite to use the thickest accent you gleaned from bad TV shows to talk to locals like that. That's as bad as imitating the way the slaves talked in Gone With The Wind as you head on down to some predominantly African-American burg and ask for fried chicken or heading over to Chinatown and start asking for directions to the laundromart using the worst Charlie Chan accent you can come up with. These guys need to stop reenacting some of the more offensive Looney Toons episodes out there. Anyway, the BoHo Boys learn that they must now head over to the historic city ruin of Segesta thirteen miles away and locate the famous amphitheatre located on the slops of Monte Barbaro. Oh, and the clue warns them that there is a Yield ahead of them. Here, the camera angle allows me to see that the BoHo Boys are wearing T-shirts that say "Bowling" and "Moms" respectively. Oh look, it's another obnoxious effort to wheedle themselves into becoming fan favorites, I see, by giving "shout-out"'s to the popular Team of season five. Getting more desperate than ever, aren't we, BJ and Tyler?

The Freaky Fratboys are now approaching Castellammare Del Golfo. Back at the Teatro, the trailing three Teams show up for their clues. Here, the Pink Poodles have sudden issues with the gear stick, which is odd as I've never seen them having this problem before and Teams did a lot of driving so far in this season. Maybe the vehicles are different from what the ladies are used to. Anyway, on this show, having problems with the gear stick is the kiss of death to the Team so things look bleak for these two. Lake notices those two ladies having problems starting their vehicles and is understandably pleased with the situation as the LaMichies who trail in last place until that point get to overtake the Pink Poodles.

The Freaky Fratboys reach the clue stand on the terrace and decide to play with laundry as well. So they do, with Eric holding up a black shirt and saying that it is Philo's. Maybe he will then steal it and sniff it the next time he decides to, er, talk about hot chicks with Jeremy in bed. The MoJos are next at the terrace and they decide to ding-dong-bell. Back to the Freaky Fratboys, they again joke that they have one of Philo's shirts. The jokers on this show are becoming more and more amateurish, I tell you. These two really should know that repeating a joke two times does not make it any funnier if they both have a brain to share between the two of them. Needless to say, this doesn't bode for their upcoming career in non-porn showbusiness. They eventually find the correct piece of laundry and leave, wondering whether the BoHo Boys will Yield them.

The BoHo Boys are now hiking up the slopes of Monte Barbaro to get to the amphitheatre. They choose not to Yield anyone after doing their usual "Look at me!" antics for the camera. How sad that they don't have the excuse of being inebriated to explain their antics on this show. The BoHo Boys reach the clue stand and learn that it's now time for a Roadblock. This Roadblock involves putting together several pieces to form a "classical Greek statue" of a naked man (don't worry, people, there's a fig leaf to cover the naughty bits). The catch is, there are two pieces that don't belong and shouldn't be used. After the hoo-ha that these two men do in place of breathing that mere mortals like you and me do, they decide that Tyler will do this Roadblock since BJ did the last one.

The MoJos are asking for "8 Via Renda", the address of the foundry that they are looking for, and are led to the correct address by a helpful local. As they hoist the bell onto the Ave, the FranBerries drive by on their way to the clue stand at the terrace of the fortress and are dismayed by how heavy the bell looks. The better for them to moan and groan about, of course. When the MoJos reach the stairs, Joseph says that he will carry the bell on his back. Monica protests because she feels that she should help too but she probably recognizes that she'll be more of a hindrance than help in this situation because she doesn't pursue the matter.

The FranBerries reach the terrace and once more they cannot spot the stand. The camera fellow helpfully zooms in on the stand. Unlike Desiree, the FranBerries don't have the sharpness of mind to follow where the camera fellow is looking so they walk by the stand. I feel so embarrassed for them. These two are like a more broken down version of Gretchen and Meredith. Ahead, Joseph delivers the church bell to the priest and Monica calls him her Hercules. As they drive away, she says that she loves Italy like she always knew she would. How nice that someone still appreciates the scenery instead of trying to hog the scenery by clowning around at a frenetic pace. Back to the FranBerries, after walking past the stand twice they finally spot it. I wonder whether Fran will blame UFOs for hiding the clue stand this time around. They have seen the church bell and therefore they sensibly decide to play with laundry.

The Franberries take a short walk to reach the intersection and, upon spotting the laundry lines, decide to wax about the "old days". Barry snorts that people nowadays don't even know what a clothespin is anymore. I know I live in a third world country but... what, nobody dries laundry outside anymore in America? Or is it just those two, being the usual self, that couldn't find the clothespins in their house for years even if they are right on the kitchen table and assume that nobody sells them anymore? With those two, I can never tell. They look through the clothes on the line and eventually locate one with the tag. As they leave, they bump into Cool As Geek who decide to do laundry since they are not the most athletic kind of people.

The trailing three Teams reach the terrance clue stand. The Telcoms decide to lift a bell while the Pink Poodles and the LaMichies decide to do the laundry. The Pink Poodles are the last to reach the clue stand and as they walk to the intersection, one of them (I can't tell them apart from the back of their heads) tells the other that they are always last. Still, one of them consoles the other by saying, "We're two girls. We're twenty-two, we just graduated from college. All these people, they've traveled all over the world. Calm down, we're doing good." In a way, she's right. This show is not kind on all-female Teams. Whether they are weaker or more unlucky, all-female Teams always bite the dust early in the Race. Season five is the best season for all-female Teams but fourth place is as good as it gets, sigh.

As the Telcoms start to haul their church bell onto the Ape, Lake nearly sticks his hands into the laundry of some innocent people until Michelle stops him in time. Lake protests that they are looking for laundry and look, that's laundry! Oh, Lake. He's like this overexcited bear, all eager for action to the point that his brain shuts down a litle. Michelle tells him, "Baby, people live there. That's their stuff!" Chastened, Lake follows Michelle to the correct place where they catch up with Cool As Geek and the Pink Poodles. The Pink Poodles beat the LaMichies to the place thanks to Lake's near-pilfering of some innocent lady's underwear basket. Dave is becoming frustrated because he isn't sure what kind of tag he is looking for. Lake on the other hand cheerfully asks the other two Teams whether they are all having fun yet. Dani says that she wants to kill herself. Dave in the meantime wants to give up but Lori persuades him to hang on and search a little longer. She also reminds him to put back the clothes he has searched through back on the line. He sheepishly says that he knows that all along even as the camera pans to some clothes strewn on the floor around him. Maybe he is trying to steal those clothes to auction them off on eBay as rare Philo Koughie merchandise.

Ray, like Joseph, carries the bell on his back up the stairs, causing Yolanda to tell the camera that Ray is a strong man, the kind of man that she has been looking for. She's looking for a man like Ray to ring her bell, I suppose. She then calls out to Ray not to drop the bell at the priest's feet. Oh, won't that be something to see if he does drop the bell at the priest's feet? Back to the Lines of Laundry, Lori finally finds a piece of clothing with a red and yellow tag and happily takes off with Dave to Segesta. The Telcoms are on their way too, but they have to stop and ask for directions. This Team do that a lot. Navigation isn't their strong suit, it seems, which explains why they dated long-distance for so long. They probably could never find the restaurant where they intend to meet for a date or when they do, the restaurant in question has long closed its doors because it is three in the morning. The Telcoms happen to meet Cool As Geek and they exchange some playful taunts before - sigh - they each go their separate ways. While it isn't wise to blindly follow another Team, the Telcoms could use some blind following once in a while because they really seem very poor in handling navigational issues.

At the Amphitheatre, Tyler finishes the statue, apparently not worried at all about the two extra pieces, and clowns around predictably until he gets his clue. He and BJ hop and jump and contort themselves some more in their desperate plea to be loved until they learn that they can now head over to the Pit Stop just a mile from where they are at the moment. Then they clown around some more. Meanwhile, the Freaky Fratboys are closing in. The BoHo Boys check in with Philo and the VIP in first place and clown some more. Philo tells them that they have won a lame "digital imaging package" (camera, printer, computer, and of course batteries) and they go, "Wooooooh! Digital imaging!" These two are a bunch of freaks.

Meanwhile, Eric plays with the statue and Jeremy offers himself as a model for Eric to, um, base his attempts on. Jeremy offers to take off his shirt. And then, these two will later go on to reenact some fake drunken gay orgy thing with the BoHo Boys. I think when these guys start pretending to be gay in order to get fifteen seconds more of fame by any means necessary, that's when things go from pathetic to outright tragic. Why not just go to Sean Cody, Straight College Boys, or any other gay-for-pay websites to earn some cash? After some pointless cracks from Jeremy about how the statue has a bigger penis that him, Eric mercifully completes the statue and they too head off to the Pit Stop. Team number two! They look glum though and when asked why by Philo, say that they made "many" mistakes in this leg. I'd put "speaking" into the list of these mistakes but that's just me, I suppose.

The MoJos show up next at the Amphitheatre and Monica does the Roadblock because as Joseph says, it's more of her thing. What, she likes playing with statues of naked men? How nice.

Michelle finds a piece of clothing with the red and yellow tag and Lake goes, "Kiss me, darlin'! Sugar blossom!" He's not really asking for a kiss, he's just surprised. I must say, that is a most amusing exclamation of surprise indeed! They leave poor Dani and Danielle to keep searching through the laundry lines alone. As the LaMichies drive to Segesta, Lake wonders whether they should Yield the Pink Poodles. Michelle tells him that the decision will be entirely his because she's not going to do anything on this show, it seems. Finally, the Pink Poodles manage to find what they are looking for. They are in last place but they console themselves by saying that things could be worse - they could be in Russia, for example. Things aren't completely done for though for the two ladies because the Telcoms are in the meantime really, really, really lost.

The FranBerries show up as Monica is slowly fretting over the two pieces that she can't fit into the statue that she has, unknown to her, completed. Joseph warns her not to freak out and his tone suggests that he has seen her freak out in the past and he's not keen on dealing with her in that situation ever again, heh. Barry announces that Fran is good at assembling puzzles. I know. She's a wiz at motorcycle assembly. I hope she still remembers which part should fit into which part. Meanwhile, Monica manages to somehow let the supervising "archeologist" know that she thinks her statue is finished. It is, so she gets her clue, much to the surprise of her and Joseph. It looks like the archeologists cannot point out that there are two unused pieces to the Teams, which is pretty evil in a nice way if you ask me. Fran finishes soon after and the FranBerries are hot on the MoJos' tail.

Cool As Geek must have gotten lost or something because they and the LaMichies end up at Segesta at about the same time. The LaMichies, however, waste precious time walking down the hill until they stumble upon the Pit Stop before realizing that they have to hike all the way back where they came from in order to locate the Yield stand and the clue stand. Meanwhile, the MoJos check in as team number three. The LaMichies meet the FranBerries who are on their way to the Pit Stop and Lake asks them where the Amphitheatre is. With a complete bitchface, Barry says curtly, "Can't tell you." I don't like how this show is casting meaner and more incompetent old people with every season. Can we bring back Don and Mary Jean? Anyway, Bitchface and Pruneface are team number four.

Cool As Geek are running up the slope but they are fast becoming out of breath and even - gasp - a little testy with each other. Look out, here are the LaMichies closing up on them. Cool As Geek reach the Yield stand first but Lori is worried that what goes around will come around so they won't Yield anyone. Lori will be the one to assemble the statue. In the meantime, Lake happily Yields the Pink Poodles while Michelle groans and apologizes loudly to the Pink Poodles. The Pink Poodles run up the slope only to learn that they've been Yielded. They squeal that it's so "pathetic" that they've been Yielded. Meanwhile, Lake says that he's good with his hands - how nice - so once more he's doing this Roadblock. That's four in a row. He has two more Roadblocks that he can do before Michelle has to start doing all the Roadblocks from then on. But seeing how simple the Roadblocks are so far in this season, I suspect that Michelle may not experience too much difficulties should she be forced to start doing Roadblocks.

As the Pink Poodles call the LaMichies Southern hicks, which isn't a nice thing to say but an understandable thing nonetheless to me since they're just letting off steam, and think that they've been Yielded because the LaMichies think that the Pink Poodles are big threats. Hey, if that makes them feel better, I suppose they should be allowed to maintain some delusions. Meanwhile, Dave tries to encourage Lori by pointing out that the Pink Poodles have been Yielded, but Lori starts freaking out because she has two extra pieces that she can't fit into the statue anyway. She interprets the clue in a way that she believes she needs to use all the pieces provided to assemble the statue. Down at the bottom of the slope, the Telcoms finally show up. They know from the number of vehicles in the parking lot that they are in last place. Back to Dave and Lori, Dave says that those extra pieces look like they should be placed at the thighs of the statue - I feel so odd typing out this sentence, I tell you - and Lori tells him that these pieces don't fit. She seems to be near tears, no doubt because she is at this point fast approaching meltdown. Lake on the other hand doesn't worry about the two extra pieces so he gets his clue first. The Pink Poodles in the meantime are released from their Yield and they rush forward where Dani will assemble the statue. Finally, a dejected and miserable Lori decides to ask the supervisor about the two extra pieces and this "archeologist" interprets her words to mean that she is finished and he passes a surprised Lori the clue. As she and Dave leave, Lori tells Dave that she has reassembled the statue correctly three times before she gets the clue.

The LaMichies are running to the Pit Stop when Lake tells Michelle, "We've got fat Dave behind us and the girls." Michelle scolds him, "Don't be ugly," Michelle scolds. Lake hilariously seems chastised by his wife as he tries to say instead, "Well, I mean, he's bigger than me..." Oh, Lake. He wants to be this macho guy on the show but sometimes Michelle just won't let him. They meet the Telcoms who are on their way to the Amphitheatre and they tell the Telcoms that they can still beat at least one Team and escape elimination if they hurry up. Lake ends up carrying Michelle like the triumphant hero that she decides to let him be for once and once he reaches the Pit Stop, he lets her down and drops onto his knees before Philo at the mat. I think I hear Jeremy saying that he's supposed to be the one doing that to Philo. Philo tells Lake dryly, "Rise, my friend!" Oh, Lake. Please don't get eliminated anytime soon or I will have to start drinking to make it to the end of this season. The LaMichies are, of course, team number five.

Ray takes this Roadblock and says that Yolanda's thighs are his inspiration. Is he comparing her thighs to that of a man's? Hmm. Dani thinks she's finished her statue but it seems like one piece of the statue - in the right thigh - is positioned wrongly. Ahead, Cool As Geek check in as team number six and Dave gives this speech about how he felt testy with Lori today and he doesn't want to feel that way ever again. Lori reassures him and Philo that she and Dave will work things out. That's nice but I wish these two will stop shoving their "We're in love! The power of our love will carry us through!" shtick down my throat every time they open their mouths. Back to Ray, he's teasing Dani as he works on his statue, "Come on, Danielle, 'cause I'm coming like Christmas!" Ooh. He finishes his statue first while Dani, after a few false starts, finally gets hers right shortly after Ray. It's a race to the Pit Stop now and it's a genuinely suspenseful race for once since the Telcoms actually stop to study the map of the area. But in the end the Telcoms come in at seventh place.

The Pink Poodles are last and therefore they are eliminated. They want to talk about how the Race has taught them what they can do and other inspirational stuff these Teams often give when they are eliminated, but Philo is more interested in pointing out that the ladies "have the most successful connections with the opposite sex ever on The Amazing Race - that was a pretty quick hook-up with Eric and Jeremy". Is he calling them easy? I'm not sure if I like how Philo calls the Freaky Fratboys "Casanovas" but the Pink Poodles easy and cheap. Philo obviously has issues that he should try to keep out of this show. The Pink Poodles say that they will be friends forever with the Freaky Fratboys because, really, what else can they say to Philo after what he has said about them? "We're just playing!" will only make them come off worse. Dani and Danielle insist that the Race experience means a lot to them before the credits roll. Good luck, ladies, in trying to live down the reputation as the ladybirds of those two toads!

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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