SURVIVOR

Vanuatu Episode 8: Now the Battle Really Begins

Previously, the show is in the doldrums and showing no signs of life. This week, I actually enjoy myself for once. It just goes to show that sometimes the best twist one can get for this show is the simple, back-to-basics merge. This is also a Survivor first of sorts in that with women dominating the men in this episode for the first time, the show morphs into some bizarre B-grade Planet of the Amazons moment with Ami reigning supreme - for now - while the previously cocksure men are running scared with tails between their legs. I guess I'll have to see how long Ami can control her pack before they turn on her. The track record of alpha leaders on this show has never been good. But for now, I'm pleased. We don't get many alpha females on this show - they either work sneakily under the radar like Tuna Wesson, slip through the cracks like InVeeSible and Big Sandra, or ride coattails under they are figuratively wet like Ambore and Jabba. The closest I've come to an alpha female is Queen Hippodeena of Amazon but alas, she overplayed her cards too soon and became the second member of the Jury. Ami is playing an aggressive in-your-face game from what I can gather from the sloppy editing even harder than Queen Hippodeena. If she makes it far, she may as well be the first real female alpha player on the show. But I'll just have to see. Suffice to say, my interest in this show has finally taken seed. After seven episodes, it's about time.

Credits. Go, Elazya! Go, Julie! Go, Ami! No, I'm not being facetious. Somehow I find myself wanting the sneaky Julie, the alpha Ami, and the loose cannon Elazya to go really, really far. Then again, I wanted Dr Evil in Big Brother 2 to go far too even when everyone else is on the hate bandwagon and I am on the Robfather love train from day one, so yes, I do have rather twisted tastes when it comes to the people I root for in reality shows.

Night eighteen, Camp JLo, when the ghost of John K can still be felt lying by the fire if the JLos have the imagination to think that way. Because the last of the pretty hunks is gone and Chris the Slug, sure that prettiness and hotness in males are the main reasons that mankind sucks, gathers everyone around the fire and ask them to reiterate their loyalty to the Fat and Ugli pledge. Julie tells the camera that the Tribal Council was wonderful because she didn't leave but John K did. Well, duh. And then she sits between Lea's legs. Everyone else goes dumbstruck, including Lea, for a while because dude, it's Lea whose crotch she is snuggling the back of her neck against. Julie assures the men that they can trust Twila and her now because they went ahead with the guys to boot John K. I'm not sure if that is loyalty as much as self-preservation but the guys are placated. Told ya they are dumb twits. Chad3P0, who never liked Julie anyway, says in a quite annoyed tone to the camera that the very married Lea is just letting Julie do her thing with him. I don't see him complaining when Lea is snuggling with Twila.

I believe that Chad3P0 is missing the big picture here. It is very likely that Julie is playing Twila rather than Lea in her advances towards Lea. Julie knows that Twila and Lea are close and by letting her cuddle up to him, the stupid Lea is only taking the chisel Julie hands over to him and drive it deeper into the wedge between him and Twila. Last week Julie had also demonstrated that she wasn't above using everything she has to advance herself in JLo. Judging from Twila's dark look towards Lea when Julie snuggled up to him, I'm sure Twila will have no problems believing that Lea did indeed extend a Final Four offer to Julie like Julie told her.

Night turns to day, and it's now morning, day nineteen. Chris the Slug and Chad3P0 are still talking about Julie and Lea, like kids who are just shocked that their friend has gone past second base with the school cheerleader and they are trying to sound supportive and even in awe without showing any of their bitter jealousy. Chris tells Chad3P0 that Julie is just trying to "solidify" another "three days" on the island. Yes, she's solidifying something alright. He compares Julie to Ginger of Gilligan's Island. I haven't watched a single episode of that show so I'm afraid Chris' comparison flies over my head. The camera cuts to Julie resting her foot on Lea's knee. Twila sighs to the camera, saying that she can't compete with Julie in the sex appeal department because Julie is twenty-two years younger than she is. She chuckles. But I'm sure, inside her head, she's playing several lovely and gruesome death scenes in which Lea stars prominently. Lea tells the camera that Julie is so fine and so hot and well, he doesn't get any opportunuty to hang out with "model" types like Julie, and he left things unsaid at that. At this point, I hope he wins the million dollars because it will be tough to go home a loser and then be greeted by his wife who must be thrilled by how her husband is making a complete ass of himself on TV with women who are playing him like a violin.

Now we have Lea, Twila, and Julie lying on the beach. Hey, aren't they supposed to be working? I thought they called themselves a hardworking tribe? Twila is or isn't exactly topless, I'm not sure, because I'm too scared to look too closely, but I know that Julie is definitely topless thanks to the ever helpful pixellated blur. Lea is wearing his shorts and T-shirt. And then, Lea announces that he feels like taking his shorts off. He's keeping his T-shirt on, I notice, so this is indeed the kind of pathetic things very sad men do when they feel that the only way they can score with a hot chick is by flashing her what they believe is some Mighty Big Penis that will immediately drive her into lust. Sorry, Lea, but that doesn't work outside bad porn. Julie encourages him to take off his shorts anyway and he does, revealing a mighty fat blur to the world. I'm sure Lea's drinking buddies are cheering him on when they watch him on TV. Nothing like seeing a sorry twit getting whipped by a hot gal to make a man come off like the hero of the drinking hole, I say. Twila and Julie both note that his butt is very, very pale. Lea justifies his actions to the camera by saying that Julie told him that he had a mighty fine body so he should bare more of it. Which explains why, I suppose, he is baring his pasty-white ass and not his torso. He also says that he has been to Europe so he's very comfortable with baring his pasty-white ass. Twila, not to be outdone, decides to expose her ass as well. Something tells me that Lea doesn't care too much about what she chooses to do. Julie of course follow suit. Now Lea is very happy. For a brief moment, he believes Julie's incredibly fake flattery about his mighty fine body, oblivious to the howls of laughter from everybody who is watching this show, and imagines that he is indeed some super stud daddy who will score with some hot twentysomething model like Julie.

Lea's delusions are shattered when Chris the Slug starts flinging stones at Lea's butt. Chris the Slug asks in dismay what Lea thinks he is doing. Behind him, Chad3P0 is staring and scowling. I'm sure if anyone gives the word, he'll be dashing on his bionic leg to grab some wood, start a bonfire, and throw Julie into it. Chris tells the camera that he will never be able to erase the sight of Lea's pasty-white ass from his memory and calls Julie a bad influence. Julie in her confessional says that if the men want to keep her around for eye candy purposes, hey, she's all for it. She will use what she has to get as far as she can. The show zooms on her sunbathing serenely on the sands while poor Twila walks up and down the beach collecting wood for the camp. The guys don't like lazy male slackers but they sure have no problems allowing the pretty female slacker to laze around while they make the not-so-pretty one work.

But the Fat and Uglis of JLos aren't the only ones capable of outrageous lack of self-awareness and hypocrasy. Rory, who was a total useless team player back in the old JLo and was kept around only for his vote, decides that he's now the only team player in a tribe of lazy women and announces to the camera that Elazya, Ami, and Leann should be disgusted with themselves because the three women are lazy. The camera pans on the three women waking up from a nice nap in the shelter. Ami asks whether coffee is ready. Ooh, how lazy. Rory continues to complain that all Leann does in the morning is to complain, complain, and complain. The show cuts to Leann telling Scout that Scout left too much water in some bowl. Ah, so now I know why they keep Scout around even when she's useless in Challenges - she's their Cinderella! Rory goes on to call the women stupid and useless and generally pass himself off as a truly charming misogynist pig, calls Elazya an idiot for not knowing how to handle the fire, and wants to "knock Ami down a peg".

Here's the thing: the men couldn't stand him back in JLo because he was a lousy team player, he created troube for them, and he was generally a pain in the ass. And now, he's whining and moaning because he couldn't deal with these women? Who is he to play the self-righteous card? It is easy for him to call other people lazy, but he should look in the mirror before throwing stones in glass houses.

Before these useless men disgust me completely, it's time for the Reward Challenge. It's a pattern with every episode so far this season: first the show drives me crazy with all the stupid things the Survivors say and do and then it cuts off to some challenge before it drives me totally berserk. I have a feeling that Burnetto is toying with me and I don't like him anymore.

So here's Jeff "Smarm's My Middle Name" Proboscis, greeting the Survivors. And the JLos, who were previously oh-so-flabbergasted at the Yazoos' apparent stupidity by voting off Lisa instead of Rory, are kind enough to make it even with the Yazoos by showing them that the JLos too voted off one of their own to keep an interloper. Scout is so thrilled because, even though it is she who sent Twila off to a different tribe to face the wolves, she dreamed last night that Twila was voted off so now she is thrilled to see Twila still here. She's like the judge who sent the prisoner to death row only to weep when the electricity goes out at the last moment because she loves the prisoner. That's Scout - all warm sentiments but watch out for what she does behind your back. Lea growls that Twila is going nowhere. Probby tries to stir the pot by wondering aloud whether Scout's joy means that Scout and Twila still have an alliance going. Scout denies that, saying that she's just happy to see Twila, that's all. Nobody is fooled, except maybe Lea who's proving to be that stupid, but everyone pretends to be anyway so they all proceed with the Reward Challenge.

Today's Challenge is simple - the Survivors of a tribe form a line from the beach to a wooden tower farther up. The Survivor closest to the sea scoops up water with a can and then throw the water to the next Survivor, who must catch as much water as possible into his or her own can. And this pattern continues until the Survivor at the end of the line will take the water collected to fill a bucket in the wooden tower. This bucket, when filled, will raise a flame up to light a fire at the top of the tower. The first tribe to do this wins - Probby unveils the prize with much ado - chocolate chip cookies, milk, and the biggie, a chocolate cake. The Survivors are excited at the cunning ability of Burnetto to spend around a measley twenty dollars on this Challenge. What, no Snickers at least? Maybe Burnetto has hit a creative peak with Pringles and now the poor man can no longer outdo himself in future Reward Challenges.

Since it's really impossible to describe the excitement of people spilling water over each other, I'll just say that Ami and Elazya really don't know how to pass water around. They spill nearly everything they collect. Poor Rory, who is the person at the end of the line, has to empty the water in his shoes and even squeeze the crotch of his shorts to get as much fluid (eeeuw) as he can into the can. The men have a steadier rhythm and they easily beat the Yazoos to the cake. I really laugh when I realize that the five members of JLo have to share the single plate of cookies and the jar of milk between the five of them. The budget of this season must be really tight. Oh well, at least the cake is big enough for the five of them.

Before the greedy JLos run off to gorge, Probby remarks that JLo is "back" (and it's a big back too - just ask Lea) and Chris the Slug quite prematurely agrees. They are back, baby! And then everyone sticks his or her fingers into the cake and... ugh, I don't need to see that.

Day twenty. Morning, Camp JLo. Why am I seeing so much of the JLos today, Burnetto? It's not as if they have anything interesting to say or do on TV. Lea talks about how indigestion has set in after their gorgefest on the cake, cookies, and cream. But the JLos still stick their fingers into the cake. Lea is not too comfortable with Scout professing her love for Twila because while it is okay for Rory to go back to the men, how dare Twila still maintain some bond with her allies from the other tribe! Next thing you know, they will want to go out on evenings to see their friends and then nobody will cook and clean the house and give Lea beer when Lea comes home from a night out with his friends to sit himself before the TV! Twila tells the camera that she wishes that Scout will keep her trap shut about love and all that because Scout could ruin Twila's attempts to convince them that she is completely loyal to them.

Now it's Chris and Chad3P0 having a private pow-wow while Lea dozes off, no doubt after a hard day at work at dealing with wood around the camp. For a tribe all about hard work, these people seem to have plenty of leisure moments all of a sudden. Chris says that Julie is definitely with them (maybe because she's in love with Lea, isn't that right, Chris?) while Twila is "too stubborn" to rejoin the women. What does "too stubborn" has anything to do with Twila not rejoining the women? I tell you, it is bizarre underestimation of women like what Chris is doing that ultimately sinks the Fat and Uglis. Chad3P0 and Chris decide to make a Final Two pact and they both agree that Lea will be hard to beat in the Final Two. After all, how can any woman in the Jury resist Lea's hot body and hotter ass? Chris also says that Chad3P0 has a "leg up" over him and despite the charming homoerotic imagery that sentence gives me, it turns out that Chris is talking about a more mundane kind of "leg up". He is horrified that he uses such a phrase when addressing a one-legged man and they both laugh as Chad3P0 assures him that it is okay, he's used to the puns. They playfully push at each other and then the camera leaves the boys to play in private. Damn, I'm hoping to see what Chad3P0's bionic leg looks like when it's waving in the air.

Chris tells the camera that he has also similar Final Two deals with Lea and Julie, hoping that at least one of them will watch his back for him. Ooh, that's so sneaky. It's just too bad that Lea, Julie, and Chad3P0 aren't exactly power-shakers in this game, isn't it? A yipping pomeranian will do better in taking care of Chris the Slug's back for him.

It's finally time for the Immunity Challenge as the tribes file in to greet Probby. Probby takes the Great Dong of Kamukaba and notes that it's broken. Apparently Rory gets too excited when he has the Great Dong in his hands. Well, it doesn't matter, Probby says, as it's time for a merge. Will the Survivors please drop their buffs? For a while, Julie has a brief panicked expression on her face as she tries to remember whether she is wearing anything under her buff. Unfortunately for Lea, she is. Probby hands out orange buffs to everyone and Scout hugs Twila really, really hard. Rory hugs Chris too and tells Chris that he is so happy to be out of "there". I'm sure Chris the Slug is as delighted to see Rory. Probby asks the newly merged tribe to pick a camp to move to and Twila tells the women that the old JLo camp is better, with better waterfalls and all that. So it's off to old JLo they will go.

But first, the Immunity Challenge, which can only be won by an individual. Probby holds up Yet Another Cheap Necklace, the Dong Ring of Kamukaba, as the individual Immunity Idol. This one has long pointy things and some leafy things too and really, I'm sure it's actually the same necklace pasted with some colored paper and reused again and again for the last few years. This particular Challenge will take place in several rounds. Five people will compete per round and the two winners from each of the two rounds will compete in the final round, where only one will wear the Dong Ring with pride. What the Survivors will have to do is to swim out to a platform located a distance away from the beach, climb onto it, pull out a flag, swim back to the beach, and place the flag in a slot on their respective stations. Each Survivor will need to retrive three flags.

Lea, Chris, Elazya, Julie, and Leann compete in heat one. Lea trounces the competition and believe it or not, Elazya beats Chris to come in second. In heat two, Scout makes me laugh when she hobbles so slowly, she's not even in the water when the others are swimming back with their first flag. Oh, I'm so evil that way. Rory beats the competition with a significant lead while Ami comes in second. Chad3P0 could do better if his leg doesn't give him balance problems on the platform, the poor thing. But at least he tries, which is more than I can say of Scout. Ami, Elazya, Rory, and Lea compete in the final round and Lea wins easily. Elazya's stamina has run out completely, Rory can't catch up, and Ami trails behind Rory. so Lea gets to wear the Dong Ring with pride. I hope Julie is impressed with the sight.

The newly merged, still unnamed tribe heads back to the old JLo camp where everyone is hugging and pretending to be delighted to see each other. Scout declares that she misses Twila deep down in places she can't talk about. How touching, I must say. But why does she send her away in the first place then, the stupid old bag? She adds that reunions are always such happy moments. Chris says that he's going to forget about the game for a while and enjoy the moment. Elazya narrates that they find a feast laid out for them at the old JLo camp, including remains of the cake the JLos won earlier in the show. Wow, they are reduced to eating leftovers now? Have the sponsorships dried up so quickly this season, Burnetto? There is plenty of alcohol as per the norm and Lea, drunk, humiliates himself further in this episode by calling the reunion "off the chain" (just like he is) and declares that everybody is so happy. His shorts, thankfully, remain around his waist. Should a drunk man drink coffee? I don't know but Chad3P0 tries to warn Lea of potential caffeine overload as Lea proceeds to wipe out the coffee like he wiped out the booze.

Rory tells the camera that he is so happy to be back with his buddies. I hope he never hears how Lea called him a troublemaker and expressed how glad he was when Rory was sent off to Yazoo. Rory tells Lea that he is sick and tired of "female conversations" and hopes to hear more grown-ass man talk. Conversations in JLo, as I'm sure viewers who have watched since day one, are always intriguing, rivetting, and so fascinating so I can't blame Rory for wanting to be among more erudite company. They can discuss auction blocks for grown-ass brothers, for starters. Rory also warns Lea that Ami is the one to bring down. In an amusing juxtaposition, Chris is telling Ami what a wonderful guy Chad3P0 is. Wait until she sees Chad3P0's bionic leg waving in the air like he just doesn't care, woo-hoo.

Rory blames Ami for Bubba's ouster, omitting the part where he voted for Bubba and vice versa. Lea is aghast and tells the camera that Bubba was "crushed" like a "doggone bug". Thanks for telling me, Lea, but I've watched that episode so I know this already. Oh, and did anyone tell him that Bubba is a blooming idiot to pull that stunt in the first place? Rory then runs Chad3P0 and warns Chad3P0 that Ami is planning to target Rory next. Chad3P0 is annoyed because, as he tells the camera, Ami has the temerity to vote out the men over her female allies. How dare she! Maybe she should vote off her allies just to make Chad3P0 happy then, huh? Chad3P0 calls Ami's strategy "condescending". I'm not sure whether to be worried or not that Chad3P0, who has in one short confessional completely shredded any illusion of his superior intellect, is a schoolteacher. To Rory, he reassures the man that Twila and Julie are thick with them and the JLos are one big family (even when, you know, he's been gunning for Julie since day one of the tribal mix-up). Chris suggests that they rope in some "minority" from Yazoo to join them. In a way, they have done just that, bringing in Rory, but I'm sure Chad3P0 doesn't mean what he said in that context. Lea, hoping to get Rory back under his thumb, apologizes to Rory for calling him a lousy team player. Chad3P0 reassures the camera and everyone that the men's problems with Rory in the past are now "water under the bridge" where there are plenty of hungry fishies waiting to eat.

Rory tells the camera smugly that now that he is back in the original alliance, he is like the "cat who swallowed the carnary right now". I have to hand it to Burnetto: I thought he outdid himself in the casting of a truly horrid minority character in this show with Hosannah the Bride of Satan in Amazon but here comes Rory, a certifiably crazy idiot with anger issues who says the dumbest things ever. Nobody beats Omarosa of The Apprentice (of which I must be the only one who enjoy watching her in action), of course, but Rory? Is nuts. As night falls, he has a brief lucid moment when he contemplates the fact that Twila and Julie may have a bond with the other men but these women don't have a bond with him. Therefore, they may not be as enthusiastic in saving him as his male allies suggest. Still, he insists that he is happy because he is back among the guys who love him and adore him. May he never learn the truth.

Morning, day twenty-one. Many of the Survivors are working on the tribe flag, which is turning out to be a pretty, very red piece of work with trees and hearts and all that. Scout explains that the new name of the tribe, Atlinta, is suggested by her and it means "the people of the fire". With matchsticks provided, courtesy of Burnetto, naturally. I'm always amazed by how some languages can convey so much meaning in just one word. If only two-thirds of this cast speak in that language, this show will only be fifteen minutes long and ten times less annoying. Then the Atloonta flag goes up and then it's time for the Atloonteans to use the remaining body paint to decorate each other. As Elazya bends over Julie's face this close (oh hush, guys, I know you love watching them) and plucks Julie's eyebrows with her fingers (ouch), she tells the camera how much she misses Julie because they were so close before the tribal mix-up. I wonder whether Julie has forgiven her for betraying the Bowheads and offering Dolly as a sacrificial lamb.

Poor Lea, he is not happy. He moans to the camera that there is a gender war going on. The camera pans of Julie getting painted in the stomach by Ami (don't lick the TV monitor, guys, you can get short-circuited) while Lea grumbles because Julie doesn't want to tell him he's hot or see his pasty-white ass anymore. Earth to Lea: you've been played. You've been, in fact, whipped. Kitty-cat whipped, if you what I mean. The show cuts to Ami demonstrating to the men how to crack open coconuts ("Hey, I'm supposed to do that! Bitch!" wails Lisa from the Loser Lodge) in what I gather must be some allusion to Ami's testicle-crushing ways just as Lea moans that the women outnumber the men and... oh. If he's so worried, why then did he keep Julie over John K, may I ask? Wait, I think I know the answer. Serves him right, really. Serves all the Fat and Uglis right. Now they know how the Young Studs feel.

Scout thanks Lea later that day as Lea makes them all dinner and ponders to the camera over the fact that the men are feeling uneasy, nervous even, about the women outnumbering the men. I know. I'm sure there are guys who would be thrilled to be living in a camp surrounded by hot babes like Scout and Twila.

Chad3P0 meet Twila and Julie in the bushes where Twila tells him that she and Julie are thinking of voting off Rory. Chad3P0 is not happy because losing Rory means that the men will lose in the game of numbers against the women. Twila tells Chad3P0 that they should take out Rory first and Ami next, arguing that these two are physical threats that should be taken out ASAP. Chad3P0 demands to know whether the two women are with JLo and Twila insists that they are. They just want to take out Rory first, that's all. And like the men this season always do, Chad3P0 starts telling the women what to do, telling them that they must consider the tribe as a whole because this is a numbers game, blah blah blah. Funny, shouldn't he be thinking of this before he voted off his own tribemember over a hot ass? Now when he should be thinking of himself, he is advocating playing for the tribe? Someone has his BS all mixed up. Chad3P0, after talking to Twila as if she's a really slow woman, concludes by telling her to get over her old alliances. Gee, I don't see him getting over his old alliances though. Twila, not as slow and dim as Chad3P0 would like her to be, just plays at being obtuse and tells him that she isn't getting over them any time soon.

Back at camp, Elazya asks Ami whom Ami wants to get rid of. Ami says it doesn't matter to her as long as it's a guy. She tells Elazya that that's the best thing they can all do. Elazya agrees, telling to the audience who can't count that the women outnumber the men six to four so it makes sense to Elazya to pick off the men. Ami tells the camera that it is critical that they eliminate the men, although I don't see how this can benefit her in the long run unless she believes that she can definitely beat the women of her tribe.

Chris meets Twila privately to tell Twila that voting off Rory makes no sense because it leaves them at a disadvantage. No, it leaves Lea, Chad3P0, and Chris at a disadvantage - Twila and Julie have a safety net in the sense that if they get rid of Rory but things don't work out for them in the Sapphorific Babes camp, they can always go back to the men. The three remaining men would have no choice but to take them back if they want to have a chance at staying in the game. Chris and Chad3P0 are full of it when they tell Twila to vote out Ami for the good of the alliance - it's their own asses they are trying to protect while at the same time they are trying to keep Twila and Julie entirely under their thumbs. Twila and Julie, bless them, aren't so dumb as to fall for their BS. Chris concludes his confessional by saying that Twila is "scared" and needs to have her strategy laid out for her by others. Namely, him. For a person who claims in the first episode to understand how women think, he is doing an awful job at deciphering Twila's expressions and body language.

Lea is back at whining about how Ami stole Julie from him, only he tries to pretend that he's just annoyed because Ami is pulling the rug from under his feet. Why doesn't that mere woman understand that Lea is supposed to come in and all the mere women are supposed to defer to him? He has everything planned, you know. He and the men, naw, maybe he and Julie if she treats him sweet, in the Final Two and everyone else is supposed to do things his way - what happened? What freaking happened? He hates Ami! Hates Ami! Hate! As Lea goes in in his litany of anguishes against Ami, real or imagined (at one point he is worried because Julie and Ami lie down side by side for some afternoon lazy day moments), the show really cracks me up when it juxtaposes Lea's increasingly hysterical ramblings with a montage of the women fawning over Ami. Touching Ami's face. Laughing with Ami. Following Ami. Devoted to Ami. Ami comes off like some black widow lesbian queen controlling her devoted harem and the poor men are like flies trapped in the web unable to free themselves.

Lea complains to Twila that Julie has fallen under Ami's spell. The camera cuts to Julie painting Ami's belly button. Hubby declares that this is his favorite season ever. Lea tells Twila that they must get Julie away from Ami or Julie will fall under the evil lesbian queen's spell and Lea will never have any hot babe to tell him that his ass is hot again. Hate Ami! Lea complains about Ami's "aura" (come on, Lea, it's called "seductiveness", you can say it) is turning the Sapphorific Babes into mindless zombies (only he says it more delicately, of course) and warns Twila to watch out when Ami tells her to, and I quote Lea, "'Come on, Twila, let's go lay down.'" Twila laughs nervously, remembering her laying down with Scout, no doubt, and tells Lea that to each her own but she doesn't swing that way. The both of them laugh and continue fishing or whatever it is they are doing on the beach.

As an aside, I am struck by the fact that this is the closest this show has ever come to promoting lesbian erotica for mainstream TV. This beats even the Pretty Pretty Princesses of Amazon's nude bathing. Will I ever see an aggressive gay man doing in a future season what Ami is doing now, only this time to a harem of hard-bodied muscular young males?

Lea tells the camera that he can tell, from the two women's tone and body language, that they will be with him and the guys in voting out Ami tonight. I love a confident man who is always right about things. Indeed, Twila tells Chris that he can tell her who the men will be voting out. I notice that she never says that she will go along with the men but Chris nonetheless tells the camera that yes, the women are definitely on their side and things are looking good. They will be picking off the women one by one, he says with glee. Why this is okay when Chad3P0 is so offended by the idea of the women picking off the men one by one, I will never know. This is like some straight men saying that gay male sex is disgusting and should be banned while collecting lesbian porn by the dozen - these men are usually so lacking in self-awareness that they will never get it if one tries to point out the incongruous double-standard in their way of thinking.

Ami tells the camera that Twila and Julie have never left the Sapphorific Babes.

So who is right? Twila tells Julie privately before they leave for Tribal Council that they will just have to "play the game". In her confessional, Twila says that while she cares for everyone in Atloonta and she knows that "somebody" is going to be furious at her for what she is going to do at Tribal Council, she thinks she has to "cut" the "throat" of the people in this game before they cut hers. If this is how she treats the people she cares about, I'm terrified of knowing how she deals with her enemies.

Night, Tribal Council, pointless and oh-so-insincere chatter time. Lea explains the meaning of Atloonta and fails to do so, maybe distracted by the jealousy he is feeling when Julie bares the heart Ami has painted over a breast, a heart with "Jeff" inside it. Probby tells Julie not to flirt with him because he can't help her. After all, he's already taken, although by whom I have no idea. Colby? The Feuhrer? Is Probby still stalking the Robfather and leaving headless chicken carcasses on Ambore's doorstep? I'm afraid I don't really keep track of these things. Rory says that he's been given a second chance. To annoy everyone? Ami insists that she contributes to her tribe by bringing in her "positive attitude". Rory and Chad3P0 make exaggerated faces because they are so mature that way. Twila, when asked about being a swing vote, demurs by saying that she likes both tribes, she is comfortable with the men, and so she feels stuck in the middle. And then it's time to vote.

Chris the Slug - Ami.

Leann - Rory. She says that she likes Rory but Rory is the "unfortunate victim" of the "master plan" in this instance. Don't ask me whether she's high on something. I don't want to know.

Scout - Rory. Chad3P0 - Ami. Elazya - Rory. Ami - Rory. Lea - Ami.

Rory - Ami. Calling this his first personal vote, he says that Ami has made his stay in Yazoo miserable and hopes that Ami, "like a rash", is finally gone. I don't know whether he should blame Ami for how people treat him on this show. When two very different tribes treat him badly like he claims they did, the fault usually lies in him, I'm just saying.

Finally, the two swing votes. Alas, Julie - Rory, Twila - Rory.

Probby, the evil man, tortures the men further, as if Julie hasn't led them on a merry-go-round already with her topless "European" stunts, by first calling out Ami's name. Ami, Ami, Ami, Ami. Chris smirks. Rory smirks. Then Probby calls out Rory's name. Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory - Chad3P0's mouth falls open in shock - Rory. Adios, Rory. Chad3P0 does a really dramatic head tilt and eyeroll as he realizes that the men are very well screwed unless an internal friction within the Sapphorific Babes causes them to cannibalize one of their own. And then Rory is gone. And that loser didn't even burn the shelter down like he swore to do so in the episode last week.

Next week: Lea is upset because there is so much hugging between the women around him. This has to be a first. Most men I know will enjoy just taking in the view. The snippet of Twila and Scout in a deep cheek-to-cheek embrace may have something to do with Lea's disgust, although I don't see why he is complaining since his pasty-white and flabby ass isn't that hot either. Oh, and he fights with Elazya over a pig.

Rory says that he's the victim of the gender war but enjoys his time on this show. Yes, nothing on this show that didn't turn out the way he wanted is his fault. The mastermind, the crack-locater, the grown-ass man is finally out. And what a relief it is to see him out. I hope he doesn't burn the Loser Lodge down just because he misses out on being on the Jury, heh.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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