SURVIVOR

Pearl Islands Episode 10: The Big Lie

Previously, Hagrid got kicked out and all his fans generate more column inches in the online media that only serves to inflate his ego. While I'm so happy that he's out of Pearl Islands, I am really dreading his Final Tribal Council speech. I bet it will be all about him, why no one appreciates him, how wonderful he is, how great his integrity is, and how dare anybody vote him out as he is the best ever. Of course, we are talking about one big loser that lasted only until the sixth day after the merge, but Hagrid will never let that stop him. He has All Stars Survivor to repeat his psychotic act all over again. Can someone take mercy on me and cancel this show before ASS starts?

By the way, I'm so looking forward to ASS. I have so many ass jokes waiting to be unleashed.

Anyway, let's go on with the show. Credits, as usual. I think this season's theme song is most uninteresting variation of the usual "Yeah yeah oh gay woah gay!" chant of all the seasons I have seen so far.

Night twenty-seven, an epilogue to Hagrid's unceremonious heave-ho. The Bobos are walking into the camp site, and things seem to be a little stormy around the place. Cokecasta, Hagrid's prime concubine, is the first to speak. Slurring in her annoying way as usual, she talks about how she cannot believe that Hagrid is gone. She wonders whether she has been too cocky in not seeing the boot coming. Well, Cokie, even if you're cocky, I don't think your cockiness comes with the mental capabilities you will need to see the boot coming. Because you dimwit, you have been cocky and you are still stupid now, aren't you?

Meanwhile the resident bitchsnitch Sandra is trying to raise a stink. Calling Jon a "bitch", she points a finger at him and addresses the "ladies", saying that Jon will "backstab you in a f**king heartbeat just like he did everyone here!". Which makes no sense, because Jon did not backstab Lil or Darrah or Tijuana, only the 9-to-5 clique, so Sandra's use of "everyone here" suggests that she's still a pompous diehard addressing herself in third person as if she's some bloody queen. Jon snaps that all Sandra did was to ride on Hagrid's coattails and he tells her smugly, "The coat just left." Sandra fires back that everytime a plan goes crashing down, Jon is the guy behind the crash and burn. I don't know what the bitchsnitch is trying to do here, but it seems odd that she's trying to get the others - that benefit from Hagrid's expulsion - to feel sorry for her and Cokecasta while feeling angry at Jon. If anything, I suspect that only Cokecasta and Sandra are the ones angry at this moment and everyone else is likely to open a champagne and celebrate once the two Repulsive Hags are asleep.

Jon in his interview says that Hagrid's booting is one of the proudest moments in his life. Which, if you ask me, reflects on just how limited this man's life must be. He says that "greed" is what led T&A and Darrah to help him, Burtman, and Lil oust Hagrid. What, so "greed" is now synonymous with "wanting to cover myself and advance further in the game"? Then again, I guess one can say that greed is what motivated these people to come onto the show in the first place. Greed for fame, greed for money, it's all greed. Next thing I know, Jon will be telling me that it is greed that led the others to oust him on his scrawny bum out of the island.

Sandra tells aloud that she hopes T&A, Lil, and Darrah will betray Jon and Burtman. With that, she sniffs in triumph and storms away, leaving behind an audience that is far from impressed.

Now it is time for Burtman to show up. In a voice that is surprisingly wooden, he demands to know what happened to the fish Hagrid has caught earlier in the day. He asks Sandra whether she's the one that threw the fish away. She yells back that she has been screaming all this time, so she can't sneak away and throw the fish out. Burtman turns to Cokecasta. Cokecasta starts denying it, Sandra starts shouting, and in the confusion of bleeped words and pointed accusations, Cokecasta begins to cry. Jon, in his interview, says that what Cokecasta did is the most childish and idiotic thing he has ever seen, and no, he says this with a straight face and without any hint of irony. Then again, do I expect an idiot like he to have some self-awareness? Cokecasta, in her interview, tearfully repeats that she did not throw the fish away and she expects to be voted out next because of this.

Crabs tearing away at a fish. As usual, the cryptic symbolism of Burnetto's subtle use of nature scenes eludes me.

Day twenty-eight rolls in. T&A wakes up and looks around, and the camera moves away to pan on Jon, Burtman, and Lil discussing with grave faces about the Mystery of the Finangled Fishies. Burtman is telling the other two of his brilliant plan for the morning: while he and Lil go refill their water supply ("Oh, Burtman, we must hurry! They must not catch us in the bushes!" "Muah, muah! Oh, you sexy hot Scoutmistress! Muah! Muah!" "Burtman, oh!", et cetera), Jon will use his nose and track down the stench of fish to the location where presumably Cokecasta has dumped them. Burtman and Lil's bushy rendezvous comes to a grinding halt though when they come across the fish strewn at the side of the path they are taking. When interviewed, Lil says that she is convinced that Cokecasta is the Fish Fiddler because the woman is very angry at Hagrid's ouster.

Back at the camp, Burtman and Lil again confront Cokecasta and she again starts crying as she reiterates her innocence. No one is buying her story and she laments in her interview that just because she left the group last night for a short while to put down her water canteen, now everyone thinks she's the evil fish-napper. I don't feel sorry for her - remember, this is the woman that accuses Ryan O of all sorts of nonsense from orange stealing to who knows what else while knowing full well that Sandra is the one taking the food behind everyone's back. This is the woman that makes everyone but her two allies dislike her keenly. How does she expect to be treated fairly when everyone else thinks she's rude and nasty? Burtman keeps admonishing her and taking her to task for sabotaging the Bobos, she keeps loudly saying that she is innocent, and Sandra gives a nasty smirk as she ducks away from the scene.

In her interview, the bitchsnitch explains that it is she that threw the fish away. Apparently no one can eat the fish Hagrid caught now that he's out of the Island, so she decided to take the fish away to hide them, only that she tripped and the fish fell onto the ground. Since I'm sure she will eat the stingray that Burtman caught should there be any left if it was Burtman that left last night, it doesn't matter whether she tripped or deliberately threw the fish out - she's still a Class A Bitchsnitch and she will be that viper that betray anyone for the sake of being despicable alone.

T&A tells Cokecasta that she saw Cokie lurking the background last night while Sandra and Jon were fighting. Cokecasta wonders why everyone hates her. Gee, I wonder why myself. Sandra wonders whether she should confess and earn the hatred of everybody here or not. She says that she is "in a bind", bound as she is by her own spite and mean-hearted soul. Cokecasta throws a pity party for one, saying that she feels so alone here and she wants to leave this place and go back to her man and normal life as she knows it, and announces that it "sucks" that she's stuck at this place. Somewhere, Ryan O and Shawn Muggwitt are laughing and exchanging high-fives.

It's now time for the Reward Challenge. Probby meets them at the beach and gesturing at a stage set-up built by the sea, talks about walking the plank being the pirates' "most brutal" punishment. It takes Burnetto ten episodes before walking the plank crops up. I'm impressed by his restraint. As the Survivors sit on the bench opposite the plank-walk stage set-up, Probby brings out their loved ones. Yay, loved ones! Time to see the poor sods that are related to these freaks.

Out from a crop of rocks that function as the "stage entrance" comes Marcus, Sandra's husband. He has my sympathies. Sandra makes the appropriate noises and Lil starts crying. Out comes William or Billy as she calls him later, T&A's really gorgeous high school sweetheart. They make a pretty lovely couple. Cokecasta wipes at her eyes as T&A high-fives Billy and tells him to kick some butt. Then comes Burtman's mom Dee Dee and she must be related to Jan the Hen because these two women look just alike. Mom expresses surprise that Burtman is still here and Burtman tries badly to come off as witty. Then comes Lil's husband Lonnie, a truly cute version of Jabba the Hut and Lil screams and runs up to hug him. T&A and Darrah weeps as Lil kisses Lonnie, but no open mouth kissies here unlike the one she gave Burtman last week. Burnetto skirts lawsuit from James Cameron and James Horner by using a familiar but not too-similar tin whistle music reminiscent of the theme song of a movie about a sinking ship as Lil and Lonnie reenact a senior home version of that "I'll never let go... I'll never let go..." thingie. Bradley, Darrah's boyfriend, is very pale and he reminds me of that guy Sabrina the Teenaged Witch eventually marries at the finale episode. Darrah proves that she can emote when she cries and hug him while whispering a dramatic "Oh baby!" as she presses her lips very close to his (but not quite touching, and yes, I feel like a dirty voyeur, thanks for asking). Where is Celine Dion when we need her? Cokecasta laughs and runs towards her hubby-to-be and he's pretty easy on the eyes. "I'm about to cry," Probby deadpans. Dude, shut up, you're ruining everything. With a "I can't wait to meet this guy!", Probby then introduces Dan, Jon's friend, and let's just say that yes, vermins do have friends, even if these friends are equally vermin-like. Doughy, pale, and looking just like that slob that gets routinely slapped whenever he tries to pollute the singles pick-up scene, Dan comes on and both men make idiotic finger and hand gestures just like they should be used to, since I doubt they have much success in finding decent people to socialize with.

What happens next is not the most daring lie on the show as Burnetto and Probby hyped it to be, but a surefire sign that Jon and Dan cannot act and they make those wooden actors in Passions look like master thespians. After the idiot smirk sessions, Jon puts on a transparently fake solemn face and asks Dan about his grandmother. With a dumb smirk on his face, Dan tells Jon that his grandmother has died. Jon puts on a hangdog face that seems to be on the verge of breaking into an arrogant smirk and hugs Dan. Probby, who's definitely in on the whole thing, asks Jon what he has to tell the others. Jon of course announces that he wants his grandmother or his friend to be here, but oh, his grandmother "is not around". Everyone goes aww and boo-hooes accordingly, except for Sandra who looks suspicious. She should recognize a fellow snake after all. Burtman pats his shoulders, Lil holds his hand, and even Darrah looks torn up. Jon shamelessly says that he hopes to win this so that he can find out more information about his grandmother. Sheesh, I don't know whether to admire or hate this guy.

Jon may not know it, but his lie actually ruins what could have been Burnetto's greatest triumph since he made the Idiot Four of Rowtwo chop down coconuts in Marquesas and expose their alliance and gameplan. As Probby explains the rules of the Reward Challenge, it becomes apparent that this is the first really brutal challenge the evil Burnetto has created: this time around, the Survivors and their Loved Ones will answer a series of questions, and those whose answers match with their Loved Ones will get to decide which Loved One will take one step back along the plank. Four steps back and the Loved One will have to dive into the water and swim out of the game. Last Loved One standing wins twenty-four hours with the Survivor that loves him or her. This could have turn ugly and mean very fast, but because now everyone wants Jon to win, a potentially ugly situation is defused. So Jon's lie may not be so bad after all as it manages to avert harsh feelings between allies or expose any boot order within the Bobo ranks.

Question one: give the Survivor's nickname. Sandra and Marcus both get it right - her nickname is Chinga, not Cujo like I initially suspect. Darrah wants her boyfriend to call her Nub Nut (what on earth?) but he rather calls her DJ. T&A thinks her nickname is Tia but Billy thinks it is Marissa. Personally, he can call me anything he wants, except Nub Nut, that is. Lil and Lonnie reveal on TV that he calls her Big Lil. Unlike Hagrid, Lonnie knows who's the boss. Cokecasta is Lovie, not Cokie or Meth Head, so get it right people. Burtman and Mom know that he has no nickname or sense of humor. But I'll call him Sexy Buns, how's that, Burtman? Jon and Dan both know he is Jonny Fairplay. Sandra eagerly sends Jon's Dan one step back and Jon acts aggrieved and says that he has a "million questions" he'd like to ask Dan about his grandmother. Lil nods righteously and sends Marcus one step back. Jon asks Marcus to step back too. Burtman orders Billy to step back and Cokecasta sends Dee Dee one step behind.

The subsequent questions and what happens next are pretty quickly edited, with Burnetto showing only a few answers to a few questions, and I'm not too sure, upon rewatching the montage, the actual order of who sent who back one step. Billy knows T&A's favorite food better than she does when she reads his answer and goes to say that he's right and her answer is wrong. Heh. Burtman thinks that his sense of fun may cost him the game, and his mother and the world scratch their heads in bewilderment. Darrah wants to model while Bradley thinks she wants to be a nurse, and she says that they really need to talk when they get back home. Heh, Darrah cracks a funny. Next, hell is freezing over. Along the way, Marcus is the first one down, followed by Cokecasta's guy, next is Bradley, then Dee Dee takes the plunge (Burtman cringes in a truly comical manner), and then Billy takes a dive with gusto after sending Jon his condolences and T&A cheers her on with tears in her eyes. Aww, those two are really so sweet and so obviously affectionate with each other, I wish them both the best, really. It doesn't matter who goes first though, because other than Sandra, everyone else wants Jon to win and they are turning what could have been a bitter contest into a moment of fun and laughter, all angsts and enmity temporarily forgotten. Like I said, Jon should be thanked for his lie in this case, because he defuses a potentially nasty aftermath to this challenge. It finally comes down to Lonnie versus Dan, and Burtman sends Lonnie down with Lil's complete understanding and even agreement. Everyone else nods too when Burtman says that Jon deserves to win this and Lil says yes, absolutely, she and Lonnie are in complete agreement with Burtman. "Show us what you got baby!" Lil tells Lonnie in a very un-Lil way, and everyone cheers as Lonnie dives like a hero - a big blobby hero, but a hero nonetheless.

Jon tells Lil how sorry he is and as they hug, Lil tells him not to be. Jon won't be winning any Oscar soon because his acting is really atrocious and transparent. Then Dan hugs Jon and Probby tells him that Jon has lost thirty pounds. Dan says that he thinks Jon has gained ten pounds. Some people will do anything to get on TV, including showing their inner and outer moron, I tell you. Probby then drives a truly heavy punishment on the other Bobos for their generosity: they are to move to another island where they will be given only a machete and a waterproof matches for twenty-four hours. If you ask me though, it'll be wonderful to get away from Jon and Dan. Those two look as if they will get drunk, yell crudities at the top of their voices, and then strip naked and shove straws up their bums as well as nostrils. Give me chill and deserted islands anytime.

Jon comes up to the rest and introduces Dan as "Thunder D". Wonderful. And I'm Grunter G.

The camera pans to another island, imaginatively called "Isla Hermita", and onto the shore, where the remaining Bobos are stranded on the shore. "Home sweet home," Sandra says in a tone of disgust - she obviously doesn't buy Jon's story and I don't blame her. Darrah sighs. Lil looks sullen. But then again, Darrah and Lil always look miserable, so I won't read too much into their expressions. T&A says to the camera that it is hard to be on this island with no provisions and no shelter while Thunder D and Jonny F are getting drunk and slapping each other's butts before wrestling naked on the sand. After cutting open a coconut only to find it rotten, Burtman repeats to the camera about how they gave Jon the Reward because Jon's grandmother died while they can still return home and meet their Loved Ones. In her interview, Lil wishes that she can spend some time with Lonnie but she and Lonnie both understand the situation and realize that Jon needs the Reward more than they do.

Which is of course the cue for the show to cut to Dan and Jon walking on the beach congratulating each other. Jon commends Dan on his performance, calling it "brilliant", and he will be the only one to do so. Dan says that he can't cry though even if he tried to make himself teary-eyed. Jon tells the camera that his grandmother is watching Jerry Springer right now. One of these days, I may just see both Granny Fairplay and lil' Jonny on that show, screaming at each other over some bizarro redneck trailer park family issues. Jon says that he wants to get every advantage he can grab on this game, so a dead grandma lie may as well be it. Dan says that he and Jon have concocted this plan before Jon left for Pearl Islands. Jon cackles, saying that this may be the dirtiest thing a Survivor has ever done on the story. It's too early for self-congratulations though. Other than the petty thrill of making the others spend a miserable night on Isla Hermita, there is no actual benefit he has gained from this stunt. So "dirty" this trick may be, but it's in no way brilliant. It's just a crude, clumsy stunt reminiscent of grade school behavior, pulled off without any actual strategy behind it. An attention-grabbing "Because I can!" stunt, if you will, from an imbecile sadly unaware of how redundant he is now because Amazon's crude and overrated Rat Boy, even at Rat Boy's lowest, outshine him in the brain and wit department. I'll see if the Jury will go as far as to give the money to Jon because of the dead grandmother lie, but since Probby said in interviews earlier during the season that the lie doesn't affect the game, I doubt that Jon makes it that far to the Final Two. But like I said, we'll see.

Dan says that Jon's grandmother will hate Jon. Jon says that his grandmother will love him. More likely, I suspect that Jon's grandmother doesn't give a damn.

The other Bobos disembark from their boat on day twenty-nine, to be met by Dan as he gets ready to leave on the same boat. He asks them how they feel, and it seems that the Bobos have a hard night at Isla Hermita. To think that Burnetto spared me the gory details, how mean! Jon, that stupid man, could have at least put on a sad face but he pumps fists happily with Dan as Dan leaves. I suspect that I may appreciate Jon's crude and clumsy stunt better if Dan is a tall, bronzed, muscular, and handsome hunk that spends his time on the show lathering soap over his nearly naked body under a waterfall, but instead, Dan is just an ugly fat slob no different from one of the many ugly fat slobs prowling around Belly. Why we never have a handsome and evil and intelligent devil on this show, I don't know. Can we cast one such guy next time, Burnetto?

Anyway, Thunder D is gone, and it's back to our usual plot and betray fun and games. Sandra takes T&A on a walk as she, in a voice-over, says that she and Cokecasta have been trying to find a way to get T&A and Darrah to their side. Sandra tells T&A that Cokecasta is the next target because Cokecasta is the strongest woman and they must get rid of Burtman as Burtman is the most likely person to keep winning Immunities until the bitter end. T&A and Darrah are at the bottom rung of the new order of the Burtman Gang, so it is to the women's benefit to side with Cokecasta and Sandra. T&A should be familiar with this argument. Replace Burtman with Hagrid and the Burtman Gang with the 9-to-5 clique and you'll get the same spiel Burtman and Jon sold the women so that they helped the Burtman Gang oust Hagrid last week. T&A listens but doesn't say anything to Sandra that can be construed as a positive response that Sandra is looking for.

Night falls, and now Burtman and Jon decide to sneak around at night to talk. Sandra opens her eyes from where she is sleeping and next thing I know, she is sneaking around too. To nobody's surprise, she says that she always sneaks around to eavesdrop on people's conversations so that she knows what everyone else is up to. This time, she wakes T&A up and asks her to join along. So we have two women with their camera crew chasing after two men with their camera crew. Unless the camera crew and the four people are trained in stealth walking, I really don't understand how these people can sneak around each other without each party discovering the other. Jon and Burtman obligingly blab their strategy like the villains in an Austin Powers movie, only this time they aren't trying to parody anybody but themselves. As T&A listens, her expression increasingly grave, she hears how Burtman and Jon decide to bring Lil to the Final Three while stringing along Darrah and T&A with false promises. Sandra in her voice-over smugly says that T&A will listen to her now after T&A has heard the men blab about their plans. Indeed, T&A in her interview says that she has experienced a "heads-up" and she needs to think of what she needs to do. She tells Darrah that the "boys" are taking Lil, not them, to the Final Three, although why this should be shocking news to them is beyond me. Isn't it obvious that Burtman and Lil have an alliance between them? T&A has hoped that she can sway Jon into taking her and Darrah to the Final Three, but now that Jon is solidly in Burtman's camp, she and Darrah will have to think of a Plan B. Darrah says that they must boot out Burtman the next chance they get, and T&A agrees. Both of them hope that Burtman doesn't win the next Immunity, and then it's time for nitey-nite nappies.

Day thirty starts with a bang right to the Immunity Challenge. Probby talks about how this Immunity Challenge will tax the Survivors' mental capabilities. Oh no, what can this be? Differential equations? Trigonometric derivations? Well, not quite. The Survivors will each be standing before a chalk board where they have to make as many words as they can from Survivor Pearl Islands. Probby tells them that they have to provide three three-lettered words, four four-lettered, five five-lettered, six six-lettered, and at least two seven-lettered. The tie-breaker will be the one that can repeat the previous sentence the fastest, nah, just kidding. No names, no plurals, Probby tells them, and here's the tricky one - no spelling mistakes. Then they're bending over the boards and working their spelling skills as much as they can.

Cokecasta says she's done. Probby calls everyone to put down the chalk and he goes to inspect Cokecasta's work. Oh no, Cokie has misspelled "lavender" as "lavendar". She's disqualified, and Probby calls the others to resume their work. T&A says she's done next, and Probby says she is really done indeed and she's out, thanks to her having a plural in her answers. Jon is next. Probby rightfully has no idea what a "sandle" is and Jon's kicked out without much ado. Then Burtman is done. Probby comes over and look, and the camera thoughtfully pans on the word "liason" on Burtman's board. Probby, of course, intoxicated by Burtman's eau de sweaty, overlooks that misspelled word and gives Burtman immunity.

The elephantine Music of Triumph comes on and then fades away when Probby goes, "Yo! Survivors, come back!" (Hubby's deep thought: just why are they called Survivors? What have they survived, exactly?) Now Probby notices the misspelled word on Burtman's board and poor Burtman, ironically the king of midnight liaisons, has to hand back the Mattel Sabre to Probby. Probby says that Immunity is again up for grabs, but since he fears that the remaining players have seen each other's answers when they leave the site and hence the game is no longer fair, he proposes a new alternative. Now the remaining Survivors that aren't disqualified yet - Lil, Sandra, and Darrah - will get back to their boards, only now they must make as many words (the words must have at least three letters) out of Outwit Outplay Outlast in one minute. After one minute, Probby makes a count of the women's answers. Lil has ten words, Sandra has twelve, and ohmigod, it's really snowing in hell and Satan is making a snowman in his back yard as Darrah beams and takes the Mattel Sabre from Probby!

Sandra hugs Darrah. "Good job!" she tells the happy mortician model-wannabe fiercely. "Anyone but him," she adds, giving Jon a nasty look. T&A comes up and hugs Darrah.

As the Bobos walk back to camp, Darrah and T&A are beaming as T&A tells the camera that she and Darrah are the swing votes and now they must decide between voting out Burtman or one of the Repulsive Hags. Camera focuses on Burtman, shirtless, taking a drink. I need a cold drink myself. Darrah and T&A then move into the bushes to hash out their plan further. T&A says that they'll get rid of the strongest player (Burtman, of course) first and then they'll get rid of Cokecasta. She's doing fine until she announces that she will bring in Jon into her plan. Er, what on earth? Hello? Earth to T, don't bring in Jon! DON'T BRING IN JON! On their own, Sandra and Cokecasta agree that Burtman must go. Camera pans to Burtman getting the spear to go fishing. Here, Burtie Burtie, I'm a big fish, come to mama. Sandra announces that Burtman must be crushed just like how Hagrid was crushed! Um, okay. Hagrid crushed. Heh heh heh. Um, where are we? Anyway, the women agree that after Burtman is crushed like Hagrid was crushed, they must initiate a second plan, whatever that second plan is.

Now, T&A, Darrah, and Jon are sitting by the rocks where T&A tells Jon of their plans and how Jon must side with the "majority" or he is gone. Silly T, doesn't she know that Cokecasta and Sandra and Darrah and T&A make four against Burtman, Lil, and Jon? Why does she need Jon for? Jon puts on an apologetic face and pretends to meekly submit to Mistress T&A's threats. Then he's running to Cokecasta and Sandra, telling them that T&A and Darrah proposed to Jon that after they've booted Burtman, Cokecasta is the next to go. Sandra asks whom Jon thinks should go next, and Jon of course proposes that T&A to be evicted tonight. Sandra says that she is afraid to trust Jon. Talk about pointing out the very obvious. Cokecasta asks Jon to promise that after T&A goes, Lil is next. Jon promises to take the two women to the Final Five with them, and the women ponder over this, Sandra's last words for the day a reiteration of her distrust of Jon.

Night time: Tribal Council is starting. Probby announces the Jury's entrance, and Ryan O walks in, still looking for his lost mojo, and then Hagrid walks in too complete with shades stuck up on his hair. Both of them look very angry to be on the sidelines of the Tribal Council. Maybe those two should get back to Loser Lodge and have lots of wild angry sex to exorcise those blues and come back smiling the next Tribal Council, because a smiling Ryan O is a sight to behold.

Chit-chat. T&A says that the tribe is in chaos. Sandra says that it is horrible that Cokecasta is blamed for the Fishie Fiasco without coming clean about her actions. I wonder if she is aware that she has reminded the others to vote out Cokecasta if they are still resentful about the incident. She says that there is so much fighting and cursing and what-not, again not aware that she's the one doing most of the fighting and cursing and shouting. Sandra is the type of woman that will complain about hatred and violence in the world even as she pours poison into the town water supply. Hagrid shakes his head at Sandra's words. Um, Hagrid, newsflash: you lost. We don't care about what you think, not that we care in the first place, come to think of it. Cokecasta says she is innocent but says that she can't prove anything. Even if they believe her, I don't think they will spare her when it comes to elimination. Talk then revolves around Jon's grandmother, with Probby trying so hard to feign ignorance. Yeah right. I bet Burnetto and Probby are in on the thing from day one. Why else would they send the other Survivors away to Isla Hermitia? With Sandra sneaking around, I bet they need complete isolation of Dan and Jon to get their confessions. Also, from Dan and Jon's acting talent - or the complete absence of it - any prolonged exposure of Dan to the Bobos will not doubt cause the others to doubt the story. So I'm on to you, Burnetto and Probby. The Big Lie here is Jon thinking that everyone is fooled by his badly executed stunt. Burtman tells Probby that he doesn't need to like his alliance members to form alliances with them - what counts is how the alliance can advance each other's mutual interest. Hmm, sometimes himbo baby here can say the smartest things. Jon says that his grandmother's death has given him a new perspective on the game and if you believe that, I have some tundra acres in Siberia I'd love to sell to you. Darrah gives up her chance to deliver one more line in this episode by shaking her head when Probby asks her whether she wants to give up her Mattel Sabre.

It's time to vote.

Sandra - T&A, with a happy birthday wish before her name. Her confession is not shown, but it's so rude and petty that I will put it here just to show what a disgrace she is: "You came to our tribe and you tried to delegate what we were going to do and how we were going tp do it. Frankly, we're sick and tired of you. By the way, happy birthday. Take care, goodbye, adios." It is so lovely that she is castigating someone for being rude and nasty.

Darrah - Burtman. Heavens, she speaks! She says that Burtman is the biggest threat around the tribe. This speech is heavily edited, because the actual speech she gave is a long and rambling nonsense where she also thanks Burtman for the fish and for bringing her and T&A into his alliance. Don't speak, Darrah. We won't think less of you if you keep quiet. Provided, of course, you don't win this season.

Cokecasta - T&A. Again, like Sandra, her confessions aren't shown on TV but she is just as nasty as Sandra in her parting words: "You are very rude. Disrespectful. You like to order people around and I just don't want you around anymore." And she wonders why she has no friends other than Sandra and Hagrid and why everyone hates her?

Incidentally, what's up with Cokecasta and Sandra stabbing T&A in the back? Why do these women keep trusting Jon but not each other? Frankly, these two women should go down in flames like they deserve to, honestly!

Burtman - T&A. "I know it's your birthday tomorrow and I know only one of us is going to be here to see it." He also has a very sarcastic follow-up which is edited out, where he caustically advise T&A not to be so sure that she is in control of the tribe until she has all her bases covered. A great advice coming from a man whose butt has just been saved by Jon. Self-awareness is a very rare commodity on Pearl Islands.

Lil - T&A. She spelled T&A's name wrongly ("Tyuana"), which explains why she doesn't win Immunity this episode.

T&A - Burtman. She talks about how the vote is nothing personal, brings up the conversation that she overheard, thanks Burtman for giving her and Darrah a chance to come this far, and hopes that they can be friends at the end of the day. Only the part about T&A overhearing the conversation is shown on TV though.

Jon - T&A. He quoted Hulk Hogan this time around, but his words aren't shown and I am therefore not obligated to report them.

So T&A goes. She looks surprised but she is also gracious in her stepping up to have her torched snuffed. As she leaves, the camera pans on Darrah's face but she looks like she always does: vaguely annoyed. Probby reminds them that Burtman said it best and this game is no longer about trust but about mutually beneficial interests. And then he sends them back to camp.

Next week, spas, Lil and Burtman realize that there may be some irreconciliable differences between them after all, and more fish being eaten by crabs. Say, I feel kinda hungry.

T&A's parting words has her talking about how she tried to become a leader only to lose the game, but she begrudges no one in this game. She's made the Jury so she's proud of herself, and wishes everyone else remaining on the game peace. Like Trish, T&A doesn't mix up her personal feelings with the mechanics of the game and I am quite sorry to see her go. She tried to do the right thing, but she just has to bring in Jon and ruin everything. Oh well.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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