SURVIVOR

Pearl Islands Episode 7: What the...? (Part 2)

Previously it's all about the Twist. Probby calls it the Big Twist, no doubt as a reference as to how Burnetto gave the Rules a Big Twist so that he can show the studio people that this show can still break a leg or two in the ratings sweep. Angry Castaways return to compete and win (with a little help from Fairy Godmomma Burnetto) and everyone else will pay, pay, pay, pay, pay. Osten quits, Shawn checks and mates himself, and it's one more episode down, six more to go before Hagrid, Jon, and the rest of the unpleasant monsters of Pearl Islands leave my TV screen.

Credits. Darrah and Nicole are shown to be the first women to jump off the ship. Since Nicole is the first person to leave, I sincerely hope that this shot is not a foreshadowing that Darrah is the last one standing on this show. I'd hate to see an invisible woman with an annoying accent win this show. Which gives me pause: who do I want to win, exactly? Currently the only ones not making me nauseous are Ryan O and T&A. Ryan O is as good as fish meat and I don't see how T&A can last any longer than Ryan O. Ergo, this season's theme song: I HATE THIS SHOW.

Credits over, nighttime, day nineteen still. It's been a long day, but it's not over yet as it's time for the Outcasts to hold their Tribal Council. Probby is all smiles, as usual. "Come on in, have a seat," he says, just like how he will greet me should this show tank and he ends up working at the nearest KFC. "Look at all these smiling faces!" Damn it, Probby, look at me. "This is a first: a tribe excited to come to Tribal Council!" Yeah, I can barely control myself. He congratulates them for bringing lots of laces and fabrics, I mean, working hard and having the mental and physical strength to win that now famous Barbarians In The Cage challenge. How do the Outcasts feel?

Michelle says that she almost wet her pants but since this is all about revenge and they've had revenge, it's all good. Probby singles out Nerd&Shoulders' DIE, JERKS buff and asks him how much revenge plays a factor in his recent performance. Nerd&Shoulders of course says revenge is a "huge motivation" for him because the Morgons have never given him a chance. He adds that it gives him great satisfaction to emerge the victor and look around to see the Feuhrer still struggling to free himself from the cage. Burtman repeats that it is determination, internal drive, and strength blah blah blah that earn the Outcasts their victory. No mention of the buffs or the fabrics or good meals and sleeping accommodations at the Loser Lodge. I mean, hello, did anyone see Nicole's bikini tanline? Life must be so tough at Loser Lodge.

Now Probby asks each of them to state their case as to why they should be allowed back in the game. Nicole says that she's a loud-mouthed fool and she'll be a loud-mouthed fool with grudges when she gets back in the game. Or something. She knows she has no chance of going back anyway, and so does everybody watching this show, so at least she says something and it's the thought that counts, I guess. Scoutmarm Lil wants to show those "son of bitches" that she is tough and she can kick ass and prove those evil Morgons wrong. Trish says that she never takes her eyes off the "ball" and she will make sure an Outcast will win this thing. Michelle says that every one of the Outcasts deserve to go back (nice try, missy) but it will be really great if the "sweet little girl" kicks everyone's ass at the end. Um, no, I don't think so. Moving on to Nerd&Shoulders, who reminds everyone how much he loves this show and presumably he knows how to play the game as well so he will make sure an Outcast win this thing. Burtman says that he is the most competitive person he has ever known and if he gets back in, he will never lie to another Outcast. Whatever, he's going in. If he doesn't get back in and take off his shirt and thrust that crotch straight at the camera, I'm gonna fly right over there and do some shorts-ripping myself. Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. But vote in Burtman, y'all. Granny here needs her eye candy or she'll be a certified alcoholic when the finale rolls in.

Probby reminds them that they can vote for two persons to come back in - the two names are to be written on separate parchments, of course - and they cannot vote for themselves. Burtman mutters under his breath, "Drats, foiled!"

Nerd&Shoulders. According to Survivor Insider, his first vote is for Burtman. His next one is for Lil. "Lil, I would never put your name down unless it is for something good. If it's not me, I hope it's you," he says and with a smile, folds the paper and puts it in the jar.

Trish. Her first vote is for Burtman. "I'm voting you back in because I know you can win the individual immunities and I think you have a real shot at winning. If I can't win, I want an Outcast to win this thing, so good luck buddy. I hope you can do it and I hope you get back in the game." Her next vote is not shown, but Survivor Insider shows that she also voted for Scoutmarm Lil.

Burtman. His votes are not shown on TV, but they are for Michelle and Nicole. Looks like he's the only one throwing votes at people that aren't his rivals in order for him to get back in the game.

Lil. Her first vote is for, of course, Nerd&Shoulders. "You were my friend from the very beginning. You were my only friend this whole entire time. You accepted me no matter what and I want you in as much as I want to be in. I hope we can be together. Thank you." Her next vote is not shown, but it's for Trish.

Nicole's votes are not shown, but they are for Nerd&Shoulders and Scoutmarm Lil.

Michelle's vote for Burtman is not shown on TV. Her next vote is for Nicole. "Nicole, this is for the underdogs. I know you're one bad bitch and I know you'll go get 'em. Good luck!"

Probby goes to "tally the votes". Let's see, first person voted back in - Burtman! "I'll make us proud," he says. Yeah, and I'm sure a million dollars have nothing to do with it. Give me a break. What's with these Survivors this season acting as if they are the new spokesperson for St John Ambulance or something? Anyway, back to Probby and his votes. The next person going back in - Lil! Lil gasped. "I am a nice person!" she says as she turns to look around her. "Thank you!" And, to herself, "Oh my God!" Burtman tells her, "Those guys are going down." On Lil? Yes, I'm twelve, why do you ask? "My heart," Lil whispers loudly, clutching at her chest.

Those two then stand up and go light their torches, because fire is life and now they have life again so their torches have fire, blah blah blah. Maybe next season we should replace the torches with sparklers. Then they stand there and hold hands as Probby turns to the others and commends them for, er, playing the game, I guess. Then they have to leave now. Bye Michelle. Bye Nicole. See ya, Trish. Nerd&Shoulders stops to hug Lil. Awww, that's so sweet. Probby doesn't even give these losers a board game for a consolation prize. Burnetto should look into this for the next season.

Wait, one more thing. Probby takes up a cylindrical container and says that there are two colored buffs in it. Now one of them must pick up the buff to determine which tribes the both of them are going to. Burtman allows Lil to go first. She picks up the red buff of the Morgons. "Oh God, help me," she murmurs with a distinct upward eyeroll and a shudder. Yeah, I can see where she is coming from, but Lil, you get to see Ryan O shirtless. It can't be that bad! Burtman takes the blue Quack buff. With Probby's sage (ahem) advice telling them to make the most of their second chance ringing in their ears, they both go separate ways to their respective tribes.

Lightning flashes. Thunder crashes. The Quack camp are gathered around the fire. Rain falls. Camera pans on raindrops falling onto pots and pans. Yeah, yeah, it's a Stormy Time for the Survivors, we get it, enough with the heavy anvils already, Burnetto. Big Sandra is lying down looking as if she's the ass in PMS. If it's Burtman coming back, "I will fall out," she moans. In her interview-cum-shampoo-ad, she says that Burtman may be angry with them all. May? I say there's a good possibility that he may be angry alright. What's the brand of shampoo that she uses, by the way? I can never get my hair to sparkle like that.

Lightning! Thunder! Burtman pauses along the beach and surveys the empire that has betrayed him. He is holding the blue buff, rumpled up into a ball, in one hand as he resumes walking to the Quack camp. "Are you guys asleep?" he asks as he pokes his head into the shelter. Yes, Burtman, I'm awake now. Punish me, baby, punish me now! Ahem. Hagrid wonders in an interview how Burtman seems all smiley and happy. That's where Burtman is hot and you aren't, Hagrid - Burtman doesn't fly off the handle and scream at people that voted him out. It's called "subterfuge" and "cunning", you idiot. Scream at your troubled teens to look these words up the dictionary for you. Back at the camp, massive bootlicking, toadying, and insincere remorse-wringing ensue, including Jon Fairplay's amusingly fake apology. Burtman tells them that everything is "under the bridge" now. Big Sandra says in her interview that she's glad he's here. Uh oh, someone is already contradicting herself so soon on the show. She adds that Burtman has energy and he props everyone's moods up with his presence alone. Amen, sister. Nothing like total hotness in one hirsute - if short - package to make one's mood perks up. In his personal interview, however, Burtman says that he's keeping one eye open. "It's a game about deceit," he concludes with an ominous expression on his face.

Eeek, a zombie! Uh no, it's a very horrifying shot of Lil, glowing dead eyes and leathery skin and all, as she walks towards the Morgon camp. Now this is what I call the return of the living dead. The Morgons see a glimmer of a torch in the distance and speculate whom that may be. The monster to eat you all, of course. T&A says that she can tell that it's Lil from that hat she's wearing. Lil walks tentatively into the camp and T&A greets her as if Lil is her scoutmistress coming to save her from tigers in the jungle. In an interview, Lil says that T&A talks about how happy she is to see Lil. "And I'm thinking - whatever!" Lil says with a roll of her eyes. Heh. Mean evil Lil. I like that. Back at the Morgon camp, Lil is telling the others that she will make them proud, which is a funny statement in hindsight when I juxtapose this statement with what she does to the Morgons at the end of the episode. The Feuhrer is feeding her some nonsense about how they all miss her and love her. Privately, he confesses to the camera that he doesn't think that Lil trusts her as he plays a role in kicking her out in the first place. In her interview, Lil confides that the Morgons that they never made her feel as if she was part of the tribe. She brings up the Feuhrer's promise to tell her that she was going on the day Lil was booted. The Feuhrer never did inform her that she was leaving, and obviously Lil still resented what she perceived as a betrayal on the Feuhrer's part.

It's very early, pre-dawn, day twenty. Hagrid asks Burtman to go chit-chat with him. This is a very amusing and even ironic mirror image scenario of Burtman asking Hagrid out for a private chit-chat in Episode 4. Hagrid then tells Burtman why he is hurt by Burtman teasing him. Yes, even when Hagrid wants to suck up to Burtman, it's all about him. He tells Burtman that he was a fat kid in school and he was picked on a lot, so that was why he had the right today to indulge in psychotic temper tantrums and having a big case of self-entitlement, I guess. Shut up, Hagrid. I don't like your immature and arrogant self anymore. You give fat kids in school a bad name. Burtman, of course, apologizes as any smart guy would do in this circumstance. Hagrid says to the camera that everything is good between he and Burtman now. Oh, as good as your promise to aid Burtman in throwing the challenge and getting rid of Cokecasta, Hagrid? One can only hope.

He tells Burtman that the "logical" step now is to get rid of Jon Fairplay. Why? Because Jon wrote Hagrid's name on Day Eighteen, Hagrid tells Burtman. I think only Hagrid sees this as a valid reason to vote someone out. Unlike, say, Burtman seeing Hagrid's boot as "logical" because Hagrid voted him out on Day Twelve, which is Treachery that will make Hagrid want to rip heads off like f**king chickens. See? Everything is about Hagrid in his delusional toilet-bowl shaped brain. Hagrid calls Jon a traitor that goes against his word and hence Not Worthy to be in this game. I would love to know what Burtman was thinking at that very moment. Hagrid is so devoid of self-awareness and filled with self-importance, I really have no words to describe him. He's not even funny, unless you count me going ha-ha-ha in a horrified manner. Hagrid concludes this Let's Masturbate Hagrid Off chit-chat session by patting Burtman's back very condescendingly and says that he and Burtman are the strongest team now.

Later that day, Lil picks up firewood. She is working solo. She tells the camera that the others have no energy - "dead weights" - because there is no wood and no food and even no water left. How can they have no water when the watering hole is within walking distance? Lil gets the fire burning and the Feuhrer comes to stand beside her. Here's what I don't understand: instead of sweet-talking Lil and making her feel welcome to the tribe, that man begins telling her about how unfair the Twist is and how he has to tolerate her coming back in the game! Look, lawyers are supposed to be smart with words and in dealing with people, right? In this case, the Feuhrer's inability to shut off his emotions, however valid they may be concerning the Twist, and adapt to the situation is the biggest cause of his downfall. Has it ever occurred to the Morgons that should they lose the Immunity Challenge, they may need Lil's vote to save themselves? Or worse, should there be a merge and it's five against five, they will need Lil more than ever if they want to avoid a Pagong. Sheesh, Mr Feuhrer - sucker up, plead, apologize, wheedle. It's what you lawyers do, right? Lil, like it or not, is not something one can dismiss with a wave of the hand.

In her interview, Lil says she is trying to figure out where she fit in in this scheme of things. A loaded question indeed.

Day twenty-one. I guess Burnetto has nothing more of day twenty to show us TV viewers. Which may be a blessing, as I don't think I can take much of Lil's Pickled In Vinegar, Washed In Brine sour-pruned face of martyrhood any longer.

Camera pans on blue water. Hey, nice fishies. The Quacks are eating breakfast when Burtman learns that the Quacks have found a lemon tree in his absence. He, Cokecasta, and Hagrid take off to look at this tree, leaving Jon to look at Big Sandra pointedly. It is interesting that she looks back at Jon with a "Now what?" expression. As the three Quacks make their way through the undergrowth, Cokecasta tells Burtman that Jon must go because Jon tells lies to people. Cokie, have some meth and shut up on that loyalty nonsense. Sheesh, we always have at least three of these sanctimonious creatures every season. What do they think they signed up for? Bible Camp? Burtman says that they must stop lying because if they don't, the Morgons will eat them alive. Because all the Quacks will win a million dollars and share the money between them, I guess, in Burtman's way of thinking. Cokecasta says that Jon will "play 500 games at one time" and jump ship the moment they merge. Hagrid says that the Morgons will not want Jon because the Morgons hate him. Burtman reminds that oaf that you don't have to like someone to use him for your own gains. Hagrid, as usual, is too full of himself to realize that Burtman's words could very well apply to Burtman using Hagrid for his own gains.

While the Quacks get lemons for breakfast, the Morgons get a different kind of lemon as Lil uses the last of their rice for breakfast. T&A mourns that they have no rice left. The Feuhrer says that the food situation has switched from "critical" to "dire". He says he doesn't know what they can do in this "terrifying" situation. Gee, I don't know. It's too tough to hunt for food, it's not nice to eat each other, hmm, tough one, that. Why don't all of you starve to death then? T&A wonders how their hunger will affect their performances at future Challenges. Another tough question. My guess is that they will all drop dead like flies anytime now. Start the watch. I'll make the popcorns.

Okay, now Probby is waiting as the two tribes file in for their routine kiddie games of the day. He waits until they are all standing before him and then asks Sandra about the food situation at the Quack camp. Sandra immediately comes up with a long list of what they've had, leaving out though that huge bag of spite gas that she inhales the first thing every morning. I don't like her. She's mean and petty for the sake of being mean and petty and then pretend that she's not like that, oh no. What a bitch. Did I mention that I don't like her? How did I start out liking her and Hagrid only to find myself disgusted with them at this point in time?

The Morgons give a collective sigh at Sandra's getting her jollies off by reciting food list. The Feuhrer admits that the Morgons have no food and they eat only mussels and coconuts. I guess to the Feuhrer somehow mussels and coconuts aren't considered food. Probby asks him if he is expecting a merge. The Feuhrer says no, he's not expecting a merge or - hopeful face here - a "big buffet". Probby shrugs and smiles and says that it's time for the tribes to merge. T&A goes, "Oh my God!" and hugs Ryan O hard. Probby tells them that the merged tribe will live on the Quack camp and asks them to remove their buffs. Probby picks up a stack of black-purplish buffs for them to replace their old buffs. Probby then takes back Bruce from the Feuhrer and unveils the individual immunity idol: a tacky sabre looking as if it came from a grade-school prop department. Ugh. It's better than the toilet seat idol on Africa though.

This Immunity Challenge will be a G-rated version of the old pirate practice of keel haul. In the old days, naughty pirates are tied up and dragged along the waters by the boat until sharks and other happy sea creatures are finished with them. In this show, the Survivors will run along a pier structure, dive into the water, hold the rope under the pier structure and propel themselves along it to the other end, come out of the water onto the pier structure, the end. How many ways can I say "lame"? This Immunity Challenge is carried out in three rounds. The first round has five people competing, the second round the remining five, and the fastest four will compete in the third round for the Mattel Sabre.

Probby says the Survivors are chosen at random to compete in either the first or second round. "Random" therefore means that Hagrid will be competing against a malnourished T&A, a malnourished Darrah, well-known lousy swimmer Jon, and another well-known lousy swimmer Sandra. I am waiting for the invitation card to the wedding of Hagrid and Burnetto. Can we be a little bit subtle here, Burnetto? Hagrid and Jon win. I bet nobody saw that coming.

Round two - Burtman, Ryan O, Cokecasta, the Feuhrer, Lil. The Feuhrer can't see without his contacts and hence gets stuck in the weeds. Ryan O, by the way, pops out again. I don't notice it, but there are some people online that captured that scene where Ryan O runs out and jumps back in the water, magnifies the scene, and there it is: the entire dingaling pops out from the front of the shorts, and unlike the last appearance where I dismiss that cute lil' chubster as a cocktail sausage, this time it is... well, not bad at all, Mr Opray, not bad at all! Ryan O and Burtman emerge the fastest here.

So now we have wet Burtman and wet Ryan O - ooh, heavens, I'm melting into a puddle on the floor - versus a wet Hagrid and a wet Jon Fairplay. This round is a little different: each of them must do the keel-haul bit five times, each time moving a medallion from a rack at one end of the walkway to the other end. Hagrid almost wins, but Burtman sprints and beats him by mere seconds. I love it - Burtman didn't even need the Immunity (remember, he and Lil are immuned from expulsion) and he steals it from Hagrid! Hee, hee. Poor Ryan O though. I wanted him to get it. I don't want him to go, because I need my eye candy.

Probby tells Burtman that he can give the Immunity to someone else of his choice. Burtman can think about this until Tribal Council tonight. As everyone leaves, Probby calls out to the Feuhrer, his new boyfriend, and tells him that the buffet is waiting for them back at Camp. Everyone looks happy and Darrah hugs Cokecasta in joy. Whoa, is that an inter-tribal alliance thingie forming? So soon?

Birds are flying in the sky. Nice seaside scenery. Pearl Islands will be great were not for the cretin humans currently polluting the scenery. Hagrid is happy because everyone has agreed to name the new tribe Balboa, after his dead snake. I refuse to accept that it's All About Hagrid, so I am not going to call this tribe Balboa. Bobo is more like it. Hagrid goes on to say that it's great to have new people coming to live in his kingdom.

The Bobos hug and rejoice when they see the feast laid out for them back at the Bobo camp. T&A wonders in her interview how long this friendly atmosphere will last. Burnetto has a huge feast laid out, including oranges, cheese, bread, ribs, a wide selection of fruits, and of course, alcohol. We can't leave out alcohol. The sight, or more specifically, the sound of Hagrid eating is really unpleasant and I wish they have not shown me that. Big Sandra confides that she "tore down" the food. Hagrid adds that the feast is great. I don't get it. Why do they show Hagrid talk all the time when we don't hear Darrah say anything on this show? No, it's not All About Hagrid and nobody can convince me otherwise, so screw you Burnetto. Stop shoving your unhealthy fixation on Hagrid on me already!

Back to the feast of all schmucks (apologies to Anne Rice), the Feuhrer says that he feels human again after the heavy repast. He puts his arm on Hagrid's shoulder. In his interview, he smiles and says that his morale is high. He just may make it out of this place, he says. He has no idea how right is here: he will make it out of this place, definitely, but not in the way he envisions, heh heh.

Sandra tells T&A that she depends on Hagrid for food. Ooh, that's a subtle way of telling people not to mess with Hagrid. Lil wonders how long this peace will last. "Here is where the game starts," she says.

The Feuhrer calls the Morgons aside and asks whom they should boot out. Unfortunately, Lil is not included in this group. Ah, those stupid people, do they expect to make the decisions and then tell Lil to do what they want her to do? I don't understand why they are so foolish in continuing their ocstracization of Lil. Four against six is still four against six no matter how much corporate seminar BS the Feuhrer tries to spin. Anyway, they all agree to target Jon.

Meanwhile, Jon is actively recruiting Lil to the darkside, er, good side, oh sheesh, whatever, the Quack side. Lil nods towards the Morgon conference, telling Jon that "they" are "very tight" and should she be eligible for booting tonight, she will be gone. Here is what I don't understand: why do the Morgons, including Lil, let their personal emotions and petty conflicts get in the way of their strategic skills? Jon reports to Hagrid about Lil's enmity with her former tribesmates and Hagrid talks about how pleased he is that "little Lil" is the key for the Quacks to eat up the Morgons one by one. I really hate this guy's condescending way of talking and addressing other people. Shall I call him Fat Stupid Lardball With Hair from now on?

Burtman tells Lil that the Quacks are willing to take her in. He also reminds her that he and she can go "all the way" (not that kind of "all the way", so don't get too excited, people) in this. Lil is left alone to consider her options.

And what are the Morgons doing all this time to stop Lil from defecting? Nothing. They are picking their teeth. No, really, they are. Darrah, who may be the smartest of them all, tells Ryan O that Lil is talking to the Quacks too often for her liking. "Do you know what she's telling them?" she asks. "I have no idea," Ryan O says nonchalantly. I want to bang my head against the top of the TV set. You have no idea, Ryan O? Then find out! Talk to her! Tell her you're sorry! Apologize, grovel, JUST DO SOMETHING YOU FOOLS! I don't like the Morgons that much, but watching them dig their own graves is driving my blood pressure soaring through the roof and straight into the stratosphere. Do something, Morgons, and I don't mean picking your teeth.

The Feuhrer confides to the camera that if Lil goes over to the Quacks, the Morgons are in "serious trouble". Talk about an understatement. He approaches Lil and asks her if she wants to vote "with the Morgons". Hmm, I thought she is part of the Morgons. Way to exclude her even now, Herr Feuhrer. He says that it is important to the Morgons that she votes with them. Wow, now that's a persuasive argument. Remind me never to hire this guy should I need any legal help. He'll probably irritate the judge and I'll get convicted for six more crimes I didn't commit. Lil tells him that she knows the Morgons will ditch her the moment they can. Hagrid sneaks up to eavesdrop, because look, there's the camera and Hagrid wants to be in Every Scene Of This Show. The Feuhrer points out that Lil will be booted out the first from the Quacks once they are done with the Morgons. This is true, of course, but I think Lil will prefer to hear something more persuasive from the Feuhrer. Probably "I'm sorry", "you're important to us", and "we'll get rid of the Quacks and then deal from thereon". But my husband thinks that Lil is too caught up in her own need for righteous vengeance that there is no chance that she will ally with the Morgons. I don't know if I agree with that, but in the end, how sad for the Morgons that none of them can put their differences aside to stand against the common enemy. Oh, and all this time Hagrid is shaking his head. Get lost, Hagrid. I'll pretend I didn't see you. Lil says that she hasn't made up her mind yet who to vote for. The Feuhrer asks her whether she will let know when she does. "Remember when I asked you to let me know and you didn't?" Lil says, flinging his own treatment of her back in his face, the perfect coup de grace. The Feuhrer has no rejoinders for that one, and Lil walks away.

Lil says in her interview that she is "in a whirlwind" because everyone is offering her friendship but she knows it's because they all want to use her as a swing vote. She doesn't know who to trust at this point.

Meanwhile, Burtman tells Hagrid that they need to get rid of the Feuhrer as the man is the leader of the Morgons and "you start by chopping the head off". (Of course, this will also prevent Hagrid from causing trouble for Burtman by making any secret pacts with his buddy the Feuhrer - although Survivor Insider will reveal that Hagrid and the Feuhrer have tried to form an alliance earlier on after the merge - but Burtman, needless to say, doesn't tell Hagrid that.) Hagrid agrees with Burtman. The Feuhrer is going down.

T&A says that the Morgons figure out that the Feuhrer is being targetted and Lil is the "swing vote". Vintage Morgon there - talk, talk, talk, but no walk. They know they have no food, they talk about it, but no one works to get any. They know Lil is the swing vote, they talk about her, but no one works to win her vote. The Morgons deserve everything they get from the Quacks.

Tribal Council time. Inane chit-chat: T&A was shocked when they merged, Lil was thrilled when they merged and is now happy that she has a larger "family", Ryan O doesn't know anybody well enough so it's tough to pick whom to vote (and here I thought he just does what the Feuhrer tells him to). Oh, Probby reminds everyone that Burtman can't be voted out and neither can Lil. Burtman gives his Mattel Sabre to Hagrid and Hagrid beams with approval, completely unaware that he's being played like a violin by Burtman. Of course Burtman will give the immunity to Hagrid - he has nothing to lose by doing that and an egomaniacal but useful pawn and the two dumb groupies that follow that pawn to gain.

Now it's time to vote.

The Feuhrer - Jon. "Little John, you talk too much smack."

Burtman - the Feuhrer.

Hagrid - the Feuhrer.

Jon Fairplay - "Savage". In his annoying Randy Savage impression, "Ooh yeah, Mr Macho! Mr Savage is going down! Dig it?"

Darrah - Jon.

Ryan O - Jon.

Cokecasta - the Feuhrer. "You are our biggest threat out here. You are such a smooth talker dude. Bye!"

Sandra - the Feuhrer.

T&A - Jon. "Johnny Fairplay this vote is for you. You're a troublemaker and you're very manipulative."

Lil - the Feuhrer.

Probby tallies and reads the votes. Here's the funny part - first vote, Jon. The next five votes, the Feuhrer. Jon grins in that obnoxious cocky way of his, that finger gesture thing in full swing. Then Probby calls out Jon's name. And again. And again. Heh, Jon's smile fades faster than you can say "Can ya dig it, sucker?" Still, the last vote is revealed, and the Feuhrer goes. But now everyone knows Probby hates Jon - he set the whole thing up just to stick it to Jon!

"Rhino, D, T, hang tough," the Feuhrer says as he walks out of the Tribal Council. Way to go to remind the Quacks to move in for the kill, O Wise Leader, not that I'm sure the Quacks have forgotten. Lil rolls up her eyes again. Enough with that sourfaced act already.

And that's a wrap. Probby congratulates the others for making it as far as the Jury and sends them back to camp. Credits.

Next week: stingrays, plots, work ethic debates. Zzzzz.

The Feuhrer's last words? He made it this far, he can do it, he is proud of himself, and oh yeah, the remaining three, hang tight and kick the Quacks' butts for him. And then he's off to Loser Lodge to share a tequila with Nerd&Shoulders.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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