SURVIVOR

Pearl Islands Episode 11: Would You Be My Brutus Today?

Previously, Jon tells a lie, Sandra indoctrinates T&A on the fine arts of eavesdropping, Burtman can't spell "liaison", and in the end, T&A doesn't understand the meaning of "majority" and that is apparently the biggest mental deficiency on the show as she is promptly booted for her sins. Incidentally, allow me to thank the wackos that stop seeing this show since Hagrid got the boot. Your insane rantings on the online message boards about how Hagrid is the most noble guy on Earth since Jesus are not missed a bit by yours truly here. Anyway, Probby reminds everyone that there are six people left (yes, that includes Darrah - you do remember Darrah, don't you?) and someone will be eliminated at the end of the episode.

Credits. I really don't like this season's theme song. Maybe we should get those South Park kids to sing a new theme song next season. Something like Unclef**ka, a G-rated version of course, will be nice.

Morning, day thirty-one. Birds fly. Birds wander on the beach preening for the camera. A lizard looks around and flees when he sees Lil, looking at the birds, maybe contemplating on whether she can whip out her Amazing Giant White Granny Panties, choke a few of them to death, and serve up barbecued birdies for dinner. Burtman walks into the waves to go catch some fish. Sandra and Cokecasta walk down to the shoreline and clean their pots and forks and spoons. Please try to keep awake. Things will get interesting soon. I hope.

Cokecasta asks Sandra whether the bitchsnitch thinks that Jon is lying. She is talking about Jon's promise to take the two women to the Final Five in exchange for them booting out T&A the night before. Sandra says that she thinks so, yes. So why did they betray T&A then? There's nothing more irritating than spiteful and colossally stupid Survivors, and the Repulsive Hags here are serving up a helping of irate with an extra side dish of moron. Sandra talks about very big pictures revealing the lie or something equally gibberish, and Cokecasta tells the camera that last night the Repulsive Hags accepted a proposal from Jon to boot out T&A in exchange for him and Burtman taking the Repuslsive Hags to Top Four, a promise that they are now starting to believe to be a lie "all along". Just like I know you are a twit "all along", Cokie. How Jon's offer is more favorable to T&A's offer, I have no idea, especially when they are now saying they don't trust Jon all along. What are they doing? Should I even be asking this, because I don't think even they know what they are doing?

The Repulsive Hags turn to watch Jon coming up to them. In his confession, Jon repeats what he had promised the women last night and then repeats that stupid "promises are like a fat woman on wicker furniture" joke. He snickers because he thinks he is so funny. I am shallow in that I may find him funny if he's gorgeous and evil and teases with a playful glint in his eye, but Jon looks like a kebab after it's been run over by heavy traffic, so no, he's still not funny. Sorry, Jon. He tells Cokecasta not to worry too much. Cokecasta isn't assured. In her interview, she believes that she is being deceived by Jon and now she thinks that she has a better chance in the game by allying herself with Lil and Darrah. Which is what she could have done last night - only substitute Lil with T&A - but instead she trusts Jon which she now claims to distrust from the start. Maybe there is an interesting social observation in the making, something about women not trusting each other but will buy everything a proven untrustworthy man says due to self-esteem issues, or something. Then again, I hate to imagine that Sandra and Cokecasta are in any way a representative of the female sex.

Sandra and Darrah are now conducting a private chit-chat as they go forage for firewood. Sandra tells Darrah that the women (she and Cokecasta) are equally matched against the men and Darrah is the swing vote. Oh? What about Lil then? Sandra in her interview says that since Darrah is willing to vote for Burtman last night, Darrah will do it again this week. Um, newsflash, dumb bitchsnitch: Darrah has just witnessed how the two of you stabbed T&A in the back after you set her up to do your dirty work. I don't think Darrah is so stupid as to fall for the same line you gave T&A hook, line, and sinker. Sandra tells Darrah that she and Cokecasta got rid of T&A last night because Jon promised the women Top Five position (which is what T&A and Darrah would be, only now the Repulsive Hags have betrayed T&A and Darrah to move in on the hierarchy) and now Sandra decides that it is best that they should get rid of Burtman first and Jon later, because as Sandra puts it, Jon is "like a girl". How insulting for little girls everywhere! To convince Darrah, she adds that Darrah is the next to go, followed by Lil, if the current alliance the Hags have with Jon and Burtman holds. Darrah says that she expects to be courted from all sides as she is the swing vote and she intends to think about what she does only after she's heard from every side. To Sandra, she says okay, she'll go with them. Looks like Darrah has no compunctions about lying - good for her.

Gawd, this episode is boring and I am lecturing instead of making jokes. Burnetto, what is this? Please show something interesting, for heaven's sake!

Oh, there's Burtman. Jaws music comes on, a perfect soundtrack to accompany superb predatory instincts of our hero here as he swims slowly and stabs at a puny little stingray. What, you are expecting a great white shark? Triumphant crescendo music blares as Burtman swims to shore and holds the dead stringray aloft, he calling out to the Bobos to come see what he has caught. Cokecasta is already there to gasp accordingly. "Oh goodness, Big Daddy!" Lil shrieks as she runs up to greet her paramour. I'm afraid to speculate on what she is talking about, but if she is talking about what I hope she is not talking about, I hate her, life isn't fair, and I really hate her. Darrah gives Lil a really funny dark look when Lil says this. I sympathize, truly.

Jon calls out to them, apparently having received Chest Mail for today's Reward Challenge. He is called to come over to the Stringray Appreciation Society meeting to read the missive aloud to them. The missive says something about getting pampered should one wins but getting wet should one loses. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere, I'm sure. Sandra says that whenever she hears about wet and water, she knows that it is never good news for her. Right, and that is why she is on this show, because it is understandable to assume that the Pearl Islands are located in the middle of the Kalahari.

The Survivors walk into the seaside where Probby awaits. He congratulates them for lasting thirty-one days on the show and introduces today's Challenge. Teams of three are formed by random selection. The Challenge set-up is like this: the first member of the team will swim up to a balance beam structure in the sea. There, this person will cross the balance beam and then swim down to untie two paddles tied to two separate crates at the bottom. Then the person will take the paddles and swim to a second balance beam structure. The second member of the team is waiting on this structure. Once the first team member reaches the second balance beam structure, the both of them will cross the balance beam and then swim down to untie and release three barrels. Then these two will swim - with paddles and barrels and all - to a third balance beam structure, where the third team member awaits. They will untie a third paddle, swim to the shore, and then get on a canoe and paddle themselves back to the starting point of the race, upon which the first team to do so is the winner. Probby reveals that the winners will get to fly to a spa on a nearby island and spend a day living in comfort. They will also get their swimsuits back.

By random selection by the draw of numbered coins from Probby's bag, Sandra, Cokecasta, and Burtman are on one team. The first team member - the one that swims the most - is Sandra, the second Cokecasta, the third Burtman. The other team consists of Darrah (first), Lil (second), and Jon (third). Sandra winces. She knows she's in trouble.

Now we see the Survivors standing at their respective balance beam structures. Uh oh, Lil has her trousers off and it's full-blown White Granny Panties on display today. Not that I am making fun of them or her, mind you, but... lawd, White Granny Panties on TV! Haw haw haw. Ahem.

"Survivors ready, go!" Probby says, and ouch, Sandra hits her chin hard on the beam as she falls right into the water. Darrah does a better job, unsurprisingly, and as Sandra struggles with untying the paddles, Darrah and Lil swim down to untie the barrels. Burtman covers his face with his hands. Darrah loses her top as she swims but those darned pixels spoil everything if you like seeing skinny nudity on TV. Darrah gets the second barrel now and Lil releases the third barrel and Burtman throws his hands up in the air in exasperation as now Jon joins the fray. Lil, Jon, and Darrah are swimming for their canoe when Cokecasta finally jumps in to help Sandra with an exasperated, "Here, I'll do it!" She pushes Sandra up to the second balance beam structure and swims down to complete the untying of the barrels. The Great White Granny Panties Team, in the meantime, seems to have problems in pushing their boat into the water. Cokecasta swims up after releasing the third barrel and her top slips down to reveal blurred pixels too. Again, Cokecasta drags a struggling Sandra to the third balance beam structure as she and Burtman get down to releasing the third paddle. By then it's too late though. The Great White Granny Panties Team crosses the starting, er, finishing line in triumph as the remaining team swims to shore for their canoe.

Lil screams in joy. First a big breakfast, then a boat, and now a spa. You know, for a miserable prune of a woman, she has actually enjoyed all the Reward Challenges so far. Either she's very lucky or she's very sneaky. Darrah, still topless, makes to high five Jon, only to realize who she's giving a free show to at the last moment. She quickly lowers her hand and pulls up her top. And then she high-fives Jon, who, being Jon, leers at her anyway. Burtman glowers at Sandra as he stands at the shore, watching as The Great White Granny Panties Team sail away to the great spa of the distant shores. Deciding that it won't do to let Sandra drown, he gracelessly reaches out and pulls her out of the water, making me groan in disappointment. He, Sandra, and Cokecasta walk back to camp as the triumphant Lil gets her team members to punch fist as their boat sails away.

Happy tune comes on as Jon says to the camera that he feels that this reward is the best reward ever. Darrah says to the others that "this" is "awesome". She wishes to get into a hot tub soon. Lil says that it's time to party. They all get onto a plane, Lil still pantless if you must know, and they all make the appropriate awe-struck comments as they look down from the plane. Sandra waves at the plane and says that it should have been her up there. How sad, snigger.

The spa in question is actually a two-story wooden building with a pool in front shaped like the number eight. All three again gasp at the white sheets, the large rooms, the bathroom, and of course, the food and all that. They crowd the bathroom and gape at their reflections in the mirror. Lil and Darrah express shock that they have lost so much weight. Darrah is especially shocked that her eyebrows are coming this close to saying hi to each other. Then the camera pans on Darrah bathing, a slightly transluscent curtain allowing this show to retain its PG status, as Lil wanders around the house in her Great White Granny Panties that will be starring in its own Broadway musical soon. Jon combs back his hair, trying to look like Porno only to come off like Porno's bastard son that missed the father's handsome genes.

Jon tells Lil that he will tell Darrah that he's taking her to the Final Three just to string her along and Lil says that she is willing to go along with it. In his interview, Jon says that this reward is the best because it allows him to talk to both Darrah and Lil without the Repulsive Hags hovering over him while allowing him to relax in style. All three are now in their bathrobes - let's not wonder anymore about Lil's panties, because the othe likely alternative is that all three are naked under the bathrobes and I am still scarred from the trauma of putting "Jon" and "naked" in the same sentence. Third World Minimum Wage folks come in to give them beauty treatments and massages, although with Jon, I think nothing can help him unless it's a complete restructuring of his face. As Lil gets a slice of cucumber placed over each of her eye, she says that she needs a whole cucumber. It takes us Giggles ten seconds to come up with around fifteen really nasty cucumber-for-Lil jokes, not all of them related to facial treatments. Let me know if you can beat our record. Lil's loud and unintentionally amusing moans during her massage serve to keep the whole cucumber jokes coming. Darrah says that she feels sorry for Burtman. Sorry, hon, but I think his heart and soul are devoted to Lil and Lil alone. But hey, you had Ryan O, so what's to complain about, right?

Speaking of Burtman, I can't help feeling sorry for him as well as he's stuck at camp with Sandra and Cokecasta who are pressuring him to commit himself to Jon's promise to them. Burtman tells them that he hasn't talked to Jon yet so he can't tell them anything definite. These women should have asked these questions before they cut off ties with T&A and Darrah, sheesh. In his interview, Burtman says that he feels vulnerable because he hasn't talked to Jon so he doesn't know what to say and he doesn't want to say anything that he will regret later. (Translation: our himbo here is lost without Jon.) Sandra presses him, and Burtman responds by evasively pointing out that Sandra and Cokecasta saved themselves, not him, by voting out T&A. No, Sandra says, they saved Burtman. So the least Burtman can do is to be grateful, she sniffs. She ends her silly tirade by saying that Burtman is going home. Promises, promises.

Burtman tells Sandra and Cokecasta that lying is a tradition of the game and you only know who is telling the truth when the final vote is cast in the Tribal Council. Cokecasta says in her interview that this statement opens her eyes to make her realize that it's all about the game. Wow, and it's only day thirty-one of the show. Welcome to the show, Cokie, so glad you can join us at last! Burtman tells her that her best buddy on the show can't measure up to a million dollars - that's why people betray each other on the show. Cokecasta goes all "Wow!" in her interview and says that she will have to play the game and stop thinking of playing with friends in the Pearl Islands playground. I'm so proud of her. Maybe there's hope for this dim-witted twit yet to graduate from grade school sometime by Christmas 2006.

Lil, Jon, and Darrah are making happy noises when they find pajamas laid out for them on the bed. Lil and Darrah hug and then it's time for dinner. Jon orders for them, overriding Lil's suggestion for clams because he says that they have been eating too much seafood, and Lil purrs that she loves it when a man takes over. Ugh, I want to throw up. Jon says that he makes a great date because he knows all about "gourmand" food and then proceeds to mangle the pronunciation of half the things he orders. To this, Lil says that he is so much smarter than she is. I love watching philistines trying to act all cultured on TV - it makes me appreciate my own unpretentious philistine lifestyle so much better. Jon tells the camera that see, he's so much more than just a pretty face. Of course he is. He is a singularly, remarkably grotesque freak whose delusions reach new heights never seen before. Yup, he's so much more than a pretty face.

Then they talk about intrigue, if by "intrigue" one means repeating the events that took place yesterday. Lil talks about how Sandra and Cokecasta tried to get her to oust Jon and Burtman. Jon says that he had to swear on his grandmother to get the Repulsive Hags' cooperation to oust T&A and Lil acts shocked that Jon blatantly abused his supposedly late grandmother's name in telling lies to other people. Jon says that his supposedly dead gran will forgive him. In his interview, he says that he told Lil and Darrah that gran's last words to him were for him to win the game. He finds this so brilliant that he launches into an unpleasant snicker that seems to last too long. He's the only one snickering.

Lil is now jumping up and down on the bed. It's funny, and I appreciate this scene better because she could have been jumping up and down in those Great White Granny Panties and then things will get ugly. Then the camera cuts to all three of them cuddling up on the couch - a cautionary tale to all of you swingers out there - and Jon teases Lil because she is antsy and tensed when they should all be relaxing. She takes offense at his calling her the catwalk queen or something (don't ask), smacks his arms, and says that she's not talking to him anymore. She jumps off the couch and goes to bed. In her morning interview where she is in her one-piece swimsuit looking really freshened up nice, she says that Jon talks down to her in order to take control of the situation as well as to separate her from him. Or something. Well, she did like a man to make the decisions for her, so why she is complaining when the man thinks her a fool for doing so is beyond me. I mean, she likes Jon making decisions for her, of all people.

As Lil sleeps, Darrah and Jon sit on the balcony looking stupidly at the rain pouring heavily outside. Lil's snorings can't be that bad, surely?

Finally, morning, day thirty-two. I thought day thirty-one will never end. Cokecasta and Burtman are doing their morning walk on the beach, with Cokie telling Burtman that she is willing to vote Sandra out if that's what he wants. Cokecasta, remember, is now a new woman - she has seen the light and she is willing to play the game at last. She tells Burtman that Darrah is the bigger threat though because Darrah is a cheerleader and Cokecasta reasons that cheerleaders can stand or hang around much longer than any of the non-cheerleaders of the tribe. This is the cue for Burtman to reveal that he's a cheerleader at school too... nah, just kidding. Burtman says to the camera that with Cokecasta's willingness to stab Sandra in the back, he is willing to keep Cokecasta around to the Top Four as back-up. He reasons that members of the Jury have more reasons to dislike her than he, after all. So he tells her that okay, he'll take her to the Final Four. Cokecasta in her interview that betraying Sandra is nothing personal on her part. It's just a way of getting ahead of the game, she says.

Back at Hotel Sunset Panties, the Third World Minimum Wage Waiter serves fruits, orange juice, and various pastries for breakfast. Lil is still asleep, so Jon and Darrah take the opportunity to plot. Or rather, Darrah just listens and nods vacantly as Jon tells her that no one can beat Lil in the Final Two so he wants to take her along instead. Darrah says in her interview that she knows Jon lies but she also knows that Jon tells the truth (huh?) and she thinks that he is telling her the truth (huh? huh?). You know, the more they show this woman speaking, which isn't often, the more I think I know why they never let her speak. I don't know what to believe anymore. Is Jon lying when he tells Darrah he will take her to the Final Two? He told Lil last night that he will string Darrah along with false promises after all. Time will tell, I guess. Hopefully Lil and Darrah will gang up and kick this loser's bum out of the place soon. Oh, and Jon slicks his hair back to get that Porno look. He's no Porno. He's not even a wee-wee.

Sandra is the first to greet the three when they return from Hotel Sunset Panties and she says that she wants to hear everything that went on there. She confesses to the camera that she's glad that the reward is over for the three because she's very jealous. Lil wants to play down their reward but can only shrug helplessly as Jon launches into a detailed and most likely exaggerated account of their experiences at the spa. It's not her fault, she declares in her interview. Meanwhile, Jon talks about how they ate for four hours. Burtman finally walks back from his daily fishing expedition and asks Jon whether the man is hung-over. Cokecasta and Sandra whisper that Jon and Burtman are pretending to be antagonists. Lil and Darrah share a moment of private pleasure that the Repulsive Hags aren't aware of how they are going down one by one.

Jon and Burtman now walk along the beach. Jon tells Burtman what he had told Darrah and Burtman thinks that Jon is doing a great job stringing both Lil and Darrah along. He asks Jon who should go next, and Jon says Cokecasta must go. Burtman noticeably cringes, no doubt remembering his recent promise of Final Four to Cokecasta. For a man that talks about the necessity of lies on the show, he sure is paranoid about offending even a little the members of the Jury. In his interview, he says that he is going along with the plan, but he hopes that Jon will be seen as the "bad cop" while Burtman is the "good cop" when it comes to the Final Two. That way, the "good cop" wins.

The fact that Burtman's plan is revealed at this stage of the show means that most likely, this plan will fail miserably next episode. Now it just remains to see who will take the fall from the failure of this alliance - Burtman or Jon.

It's now night and both Burtman and Lil are awake. Lil whispers to Burtman, asking whether it's still the both of them in the Final Two. Burtman noticeably freezes up, and Lil, who should recognize passive-aggressive reactions when she comes across them, immediately asks, in a noticeably colder voice, whether he is having second thoughts about them. Burtman weakly replies that he's just not thinking that far ahead yet. In her interview, Lil says that Burtman told her to do things one by one, and from her expression and tone, she is not fooled by this man at all. Back at the scene of A Scoutmarm Scorned, Burtman tells her that he is "not having thoughts". If there is a clash of cymbals to signify whenever someone makes an unintentional funny, there should be one right now. Lil tells him that she will not "screw" him (I have to bite my tongue and sit on my fingers to stop myself from making a very easy rejoinder to that remark). Still, Burtman doesn't say anything - he just looks away. In his interview, he says that he isn't lying as he never exactly told Lil that he is taking her to the Final Two. In her own interview, Lil concludes that she's determined to win Immunity to safeguard herself and to "even justify my turning my back to him". Ah, a scene of foreshadowing, perhaps?

Day thirty-three and we're heading straight to the Immunity Challenge. It's a simple one - the Survivors will have to use flare muskets to shoot three targets. Since Darrah is the only one that knows how to use a gun, this challenge makes me snort in cynicism-tinged disgust. If next week's challenge requires the Survivors to inhale and withstand formaldehyde fumes the longest, we can safely say that the show is rigged towards a Darrah win.

Cokecasta steps up first. Probby notices how she is holding the gun all wrong and steps up to show her how to use it. She confirms, when asked, that she has never shot a gun in her life. Surprisingly, she manages to hit her first target. Lil is next, she aims too low. Sandra hits her target but the flare bounces off the target instead of puncturing it, so technically it doesn't count. Burtman laughs and Darrah turns to look at him in what I suspect is an infatuation that is only now shown on TV. Jon misses. Probby asks Darrah to show them how it should be done and she does. Burtman also hits his target.

Next round. Sandra misses, Cokecasta hits, Lil misses. Burtman misses, Jon misses, Darrah hits. Darrah and Cokecasta are tied now. Sandra and Cokecasta exchange a worried look as Darrah hit her second target.

Third round. Cokecasta misses, sealing her fate, Lil hits, Sandra hits, and Darrah hits. Since Darrah has hit all three of her targets, it is enough for Probby to stop the Challenge and return the Mattel Sabre to Darrah. Probby imaginatively remarks that once more the smallest member of the tribe is safe at tonight's Tribal Council. Staring at Darrah won't convince people that you and Colby are merely stamp collecting buddies, mister. Darrah beams and smiles. She has really large and scary teeth.

While walking back to camp, Lil congratulates Darrah. Cokecasta, meanwhile, complains that she is always this close to winning Immunity but she never does. Well, there was that time when she lost the weight challenge to the Feuhrer, that time when she deliberately threw the Challenge so that Hagrid won Immunity, and there's this recent one, but I can't recall any other previous incidences where she came second in winning an Immunity Challenge. It's not "always" like she seems to think it is. Oh well.

She confides to Sandra as they work around the camp that she feels vulnerable. Sandra reassures her that they have turned the tables before on their opponents and they will do so again this time. How will they do this? Sandra asks Darrah whether she has decided to voteout Burtman with her and Cokecasta. Darrah tells Sandra that she's voting out Lil and gestures at the others, telling Sandra that Burtman is right now preparing Lil for her departure. Goodness, now that's what I call a flat-out lie. Sandra asks for confirmation, Darrah nods happily, and Sandra runs back to report to Cokecasta.

Jon and Lil are walking along the now infamous Liaison Beach. Jon tells her that Cokecasta wants to be in the Final Four along with Burtman, Jon, and Darrah and Cokecasta wants either Lil or Sandra out tonight. Since Cokecasta is such a bad person, Jon can only concur that she must leave tonight. Lil of course agrees. In his interview, Jon talks about how Lil and Darrah are naive because he can manipulate them so easily. Jon assures Lil that Darrah already knows that Cokecasta is leaving, but Lil, in her interview, says that she can never be sure so she's packing for tonight anyway, just in case.

Something... a spider or a moth, I'm not sure... caught in a web. I'll have to consult a clairvoyent to understand the significance behind this truly cryptic scene. I mean, what does insects or arachnids have to do with a human show like Survivor? I don't understand Burnetto sometimes, I tell you.

While relaxing in the sea, Sandra and Cokecasta discuss last-minute strategy. Sandra says that Jon swore on his grandmother's grave so he can't be lying to them. Famous last words. Cokecasta says in her interview that this is a cutthroat game and lying is the only way to go about in this game. Camera cuts to Darrah, than Burtman, then Jon. Cokecasta concludes that everyone is lying on this show very well. And with that, it's now time for Tribal Council.

Tribal Council can't start until the members of the Jury are in attendance. So in walk Ryan O, alas, still missing the mojo, Hagrid, still angry, and T&A, looking good and exchanging a smile with Darrah as she walks after the two Glowering Angry Males. Probby then invites the remaining Survivors to "catch me up".

Jon talks about the camp being "hope filled" right now, that is, people are hoping that their allies don't betray them. Burtman says that lying is integral to this game if one wants to win it. Cokecasta says that she's lied some but not always. Sandra says she fears to face Lil in the Final Two because apparently everyone likes Lil. Lil goes all "Aww!" and takes her hand briefly. Probby asks Lil whether her being nice is a liability on this game, and Lil says that the Jury will hopefully consider strategy instead of just who is nice and who is not. Incidentally, I am quite puzzled as I must have missed the memo about how Lil is now universally well-liked and even more perplexingly, now Lil has a strategy to boast of. Cokecasta says that she has rubbed people off so that's a reason why the rest may want to keep her around. Probby asks everyone whether he or she trusts the alliance he or she is in and they all say yes. Probby laughs and points out how ridiculous it is that they all say that everyone lies but they are sticking to their alliances nonetheless. The Survivors laugh too, because everyone's very funny today at the stupid farm. Darrah is keeping the Mattel Sabre. Now it's now time to vote.

Jon - Cokecasta. "Love it, hate it, but learn to live with it 'cause it's the best thing going today. Woo!" Ric Flair. I hate that guy, but I find this quote surprisingly appropriate in this instance.

Lil - Cokecasta. Only, she writes "Krista" on the paper. From "Tyuana" to "Krista" - goodness.

Cokecasta - Lil. "Uh, hopefully everybody else is doing the same thing and voting for you. You're too nice - bye!" This quote is so wrong in just how dumb it is.

Burtman - Cokecasta.

Darrah - Cokecasta.

Sandra - Lil. "You're too much of a kind person and I know they'd just hand you the money and I can't have that happen. Adios." What the TV does not show is the portion of the speech that comes before the above, this part: "Lil, we've had our differences or shall we say, I've always been the one to disrespect you and you've always treated me with kindness." See? Sandra is a mean old bitch that behaves badly for the sake of being spiteful, and the fact that she is aware of her nastiness only makes her more unpalatable to watch.

So Cokecasta goes, stabbed in the very same way that she and Sandra have stabbed T&A, and I guess there's some nice poetic justice in this situation if one cares to think too much about this show. Lil is the cannon fodder this week, and I don't think she's happy with the situation. In the meantime, Cokecasta gives Sandra a small wave and walks out into the long and lonely path to Loser Lodge. Probby turns to the rest and says that this is the third "surprise" vote. There are six days left, he reminds them, and adds that there are five very skilled liars (Lil too?) fighting for the coveted one million dollars. It will be an interesting few days, he concludes and then sends them away.

Next week, the men think that the women are weak, the women are annoyed with the men, and Jon swears on his grandmother some more when he's surrounded by these angry women, hopefully which they'll stone him and then barbecue him afterwards. Next week's episode title is Mutiny, by the way, which should be interesting. If anything, it's better than this week's Would You Be My Brutus Today?. Burnetto must be on crack when he decides to use that title. In case you are wondering, the title came from a scene that is shown only on Survivor Insider. Sandra asks Cokecasta whether Cokecasta would be Brutus should Sandra be Caesar. Cokecasta's answer? "I don't know who the hell Brutus is."

Cokecasta's parting words: canned nonsense about she has made good friends with Sandra and Hagrid, she is not expecting tonight's boot, it was an adventure, et cetera. Oh just get lost, you tragic Courtney Love-wannabe. Your booting is the only bright point in this slow and dreary episode.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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