SURVIVOR

All-Stars Episode 10: Anger, Tears, and Chaos

It just hit me as I sit down to write this that half the season has passed and the party hasn't actually started, so to speak. Where is the excitement? Why isn't All-Stars Survivor really thrilling me like it should? This season is quite pathetic when it is just hovering above Thailand and Africa in the suck pool. Oi, Burnetto, forget your increasingly desperate "twists" on this show - let's just scrap the show, give these "All-Stars" some board games, and start a new season with a new cast altogether!

Previously, the Robfather and Ambore got married, had three kids, and laughed at the face of the other suckers in this game. Also, Lex and Kathy were stupid. And this week, stupid people get what they deserve.

Credits. There are, like, twenty more All-Stars remaining on this show and we will all be dead before the finale ever comes.

Morning, day twenty-five, New Cheapora. Crazy Kathy and the Shii Devil terrorize the crabs on the beach while Lex Loser cuts down some wood for their camp. Lex Loser gets a confessional where he tries to justify Jerri's boot last night - he thinks that the Robfather is "good on his word" and when Lex delivers Ambore to him, signed and sealed with love and kisses from New Cheapora, the Robfather will "deliver". Yeah, a knife in the back, that's what the Robfather will deliver. The show cuts to some sharks swimming in the ocean, Burnetto's subtle way of showing me that Someone Is Going To Get It on this show.

New Ego Ego. The Robfather looks as if Ambore has run away and married Colby and it hurts, it really hurts, ow. Hagrid eats his breakfast of rice and tries to look as if he carries the burdens of the world on his shoulders. Maybe it's time the Robfather introduce some hazing on this show and get them all to gang up on Hagrid and shave off his stupid beard. JennaLoo tells the camera rather unnecessarily that the tribe thinks that Ambore has been booted previously - because come on, the New Cheapos can't be that stupid, right? - and therefore despair and gloom have struck the tribe because losing a competitor in the quest of a million dollars hurt them so much, ow. Especially when, as JennaLoo says, the Robfather and Ambore are "like, dating out there" and stuff. It is so sad that the New Ego Ego's plan to honor this Grand Love is thwarted. With all this love going around, I bet the other New Egos will each voluntarily quit week by week in order for the two lovebirds to get the million dollars. I can picture it now, JennaLoo weeping as she tells Probby that she needs to quit before the Reward Challenge because "Ambore and the Robfather are, like, true loves forever and ever and I cannot bear to stand in the way of such pure goodness". Hagrid will shake his head in the background because damn, this show is full of quitters and he will not quit, until the Robfather lets him know that quitting will only make Hagrid come off like some super saintly nice guy, and then Hagrid can't quit fast enough.

The Robfather gives a misery-laden confessional where he hopes and prays - prays? - that Ambore makes it through. Maybe Hallmark should make a TV movie out of this: Surviving The Tribal Switch - A Story of Valor, Courage, and True Love. He hopes that Lex Loser will honor his word. And then the Robfather slips on some rocks while walking on the beach. Hubby declares that the Robfather is dead to him now. Big Red Tom gives the camera his brand of hillybilly wisdom: "I've never seen Rob all screwed up like this. It's like when a calf is sucking its mommy's titty. When you wean that calf, it bawls and it'll go crazy. It tries to go through fences, bushes and stuff. Rob's the same way. It'll take about three days to get a calf weaned from its mother. A human's about the same." I really, really hope that this idiot is not suggesting that he's witnessed the Robfather sucking on Ambore's "titty", because that will be even more wrong than Janet Jackson's nipple clamp - not the act, but the person watching, I mean.

Alicia and the Robfather are seated together in the camp. They talk half-heartedly about the game and alliances before the Robfather gets straight to the point and offers her a secret alliance. He tells her that without Ambore, he'll have a mark on his back. Alicia tells the Robfather that she will never write his name down and that's what she's giving him her word for - she will not "screw him over". He informs her that he has never promised "anyone else" that he will never write their names down so his word must be good for something. "I'll never write your name down" is, if you ask me, a promise that isn't as airtight as it should be - Hagrid didn't write Rudder's name down, but that doesn't do Rudder any good as Hagrid didn't even alert Rudder to the plot brewing behind Rudder's back, for example. But I don't think the Robfather and Alicia are looking forward to actually being permanent allies as much as they are just in it for short-term convenience.

Well, it's now time for the Reward Challenge. "Come on in, guys!" Jeff "Casey Kasem's Long-Lost Bastard Child" Proboscis calls them. The New Egos walk in first, and they all turn to look as the New Cheapos walk in next. Ambore gives her old teammates a small but triumphant smile and the New Egos squeal in delight that she's still here. The Robfather actually sends her a full-blown "hi, sweetheart, I'm officially a lovelorn sucker" smile as he wipes at his eye and she gives him a small "Hey!" back. And he just keeps staring at her, never taking his eyes off her, as the others listen to Probby detail the instructions for today's challenge. Hubby is really depressed now and he now needs to seek therapy from his Ferris Bueller tape.

While the tribes haven't merged, this Reward Challenge is individual in nature. All the Survivors have to do is to jump off the platform on the sea and dive down to get pots. The catch here is that there are nine Survivors but only seven pots. Two that fail to get a pot will have to sit out. The next round sees seven Survivors fighting for five pots. Finally the five will fight for three pots. The last three standing will then dive down and move a heavy crate to the beach. Well, that leaves all the women out. The first to do this will win the Reward - a visit to a spa! With food and bed! And this person can select two persons to go with him or her!

Memo to Burnetto: maybe we should just hold the next season in Club Med.

The Shii Devil and JennaLoo are culled after the first round. Crazy Kathy and Ambore lose out in the second round, with Ambore correctly pointing out that she had a pot in her hands but Big Red Tom snatches it out of her hands. Big Red Tom tries to grab the Robfather's in the next round but nobody messes with the Robfather, so he and Alicia sit out, leaving Hagrid, Lex Loser, and the Robfather to battle it out for the Reward in the final round. The Robfather really, really wants the Reward so that he can catch up with Ambore, but alas, he and Lex Loser struggle, leaving Hagrid and his Dumb Brute Strength to reach the finish line at the beach first. Hagrid wins Reward, and now he selects JennaLoo to go with him, because apparently he and she know each other for the longest time, and Ambore as his idea to make up for her lost day away from New Ego Ego. Yes, Ambore will love to catch up with her old teammates by spending time with Hagrid. The things that idiot Hagrid will say to justify his inner horndog, I tell you. Creep!

The helicopter comes to take the three out of the game, but not forever in a Mike Stumpin way, alas. Everyone waves goodbye. I notice that Big Red Tom is holding the tribe flag and thrusting his crotch repeatedly in short stabs towards the pole while he's saying goodbye and... never mind, let's just move on.

Hagrid says as they take to the air that his kid will be so proud because his hole-digging, slow-rafting, bad tempered, jealousy-laden, strategy-free, emotional bullying, baby talking, sad sack crippled-by-stupidity daddy is the "toughest Daddy in the world". Who cares if Hagrid can't plot his way out of a thimble - dude, he has brute strength and he catches fish, so he's tough, and that's all that matters! Anti-intellectuals unite - Hagrid will deliver you from enlightenment into the more democratic world of abject ignorance! When we are all stupid, Hagrid will never feel insecure ever again and he will then be the Big Kid in High School that is The Boss Of All Of You instead of that Fat Kid That Always Get Bullied.

I shudder when I see Ambore and JennaLoo press their shoulders against Hagrid's bare, leathery, and splotchy shoulders in the helicopter. Creepy, really creepy, as C Girl of Amazon will say.

As the helicopter lands on that resort place, Hagrid gushes that he's in the company of "two goddesses". They all ooh and aah at the spa, bathrobe, shoes, bed, et cetera, and Hagrid tells the camera that he has never won a Reward before. Gee, so who was that Hagrid I saw when his Old Cheapora/New Ego Ego tribemates win those Reward Challenges these last few weeks? Why am I even asking this? Hagrid's an idiot. The two women squeal over the toiletry waiting for them and promise Hagrid that they will look pretty for him tonight. Hagrid drools. Oh boy, is he finally going to make it with some real-life cheerleaders? JennaLoo squeals some more, to herself, to Ambore, and to the camera. Ambore demonstrates a crucial skill a young lady must have to become popular in high school with the aid of an electric toothbrush.

Hagrid calls out from the shower (the curtains are not see-through, thankfully) whether he should go for the deep moist treatment before or after the shower. Someone please throw a toaster into that bath, because "deep moist" and "Hagrid" should never ever be put in the same sentence, much less context. Those keeping note of Premonitions and Foreshadowings, I hope you have caught on that JennaLoo put on Outlast lipstick, which may or may not signify anything in the long run. The two women hold hands as they doll up and get pampered. Hagrid says as he gets a back rub that he can last fifteen days standing on his head because he feels so fired up by the massage. I wish he'd make good his promise and spend the rest of the season with his head in the sand, but that dumb wretch is all words but no action. What else is new? This show sucks.

Now they have dinner. I roll up my eyes and mentally send a plane flying over Burnetto's head with the sign "Don't Care - Get On With The Program". Hagrid does that disgusting girly-shiver thing in his confessional and says that he wants to "kiss and hug" the women "all over". "Grossness personified" doesn't describe him adequately at that moment. Learning nothing from his sojourn at Pearl Islands, as if that is anything surprising, he offers a toast to a Final Five of he, JennaLoo, Ambore, Big Red Tom, and the Robfather because they will be a strong and powerful alliance forever and ever. JennaLoo enthusiastically drinks to that, while the camera closes up on Ambore's guilty expression. Ambore tells the camera that she's promised Lex and Kathy a Final Five deal and wonders how she will pull through with the double-dealing she's done.

Morning, day twenty-six, New Ego Ego. The Robfather picks up the tree-mail and puzzles over the nonsense that talks about rising and shining and keeping one's survival skills sharp and the game being over if one takes too long. Yes, what is that all about? There hasn't been two Reward Challenges back to back before, he muses. He rather stupidly asks Big Red Tom about this, and as expected, the redneck doesn't have a clue either. Oh well, they'll find out soon enough.

Big Red Tom calls Probby something that may or may not be "Jeffro Bodine" - with him, I can never tell - as they all walk into the Immunity Challenge site. They all watch as the helicopter lands, bringing back Hagrid and his two unwilling harem girls, and Probby comments that Ambore has had her nails done. He would have asked for the color if he has the chance, I'm sure. He retrieves Gaia from the Robfather and points out that the Survivors are standing at Camp Sobroken, because the game is "about to change again". Yes, it's the merge, as Probby asks them to drop their buffs and passes them an urn containing their new blue-colored buffs. Hagrid gives a loud laugh, because he'll now be making new friends with Hardworking People... wait, didn't he just toast to a Final Five with Lazy People only yesterday? Oh, my head hurts. JennaLoo says that she doesn't like the green Ego Ego color - she likes the blue better. How old is she? Thirteen?

Probby tells the new tribe that they will be staying at this camp from now. Telling Hagrid and JennaLoo that the camp has changed since strong tides and heavy storms (and Hagrid's Hole In The Ground) wrecked it, but the Home Depot tools are still laying around on the ground somewhere, along with pots and pans. But scavenging is too much of a hard-work for this bunch of spoiled brats, so Probby also gives them two new Hawaiian slings, tarps, blankets, and paint as housewarming gifts. Why not just fly them off to that resort, Burnetto? Am I the only one disgusted at the obscene amount of food, aids, and comfort getaways these idiots are getting? This is Survivor, right, or has it morphed into that imbecilic British celebrity camp-out reality TV show? Do that make the Robfather and Ambore the new Peter Andre and Jordan? The day is nearly over, Probby tells them, and asks them to get to work. The Survivors prefer to hug and cheer first.

At camp, Ambore and Alicia try to come up with a name for their tribe. Ambore suggests Sapera Mogo and Bogamopera. The others don't like the names. Alicia suggests Chaboga Mogo. Everyone likes it. Me too. The Cheap Broken Egos - perfect! The Cheap Broken Egos sing and dance because they really like their name. Lex Loser tells the camera just how overjoyed he is to have arrived at the merge because he loves the game, he lives to play it, and he's such a "game player". Really!

Lex Loser and the Robfather are now walking together on the beach. The Robfather tells the camera with a sneer that the first thing Lex does after the merge is to run straight at the Robfather and ask the Robfather to make him feel "comfortable" but assuring his safety. The Robfather tells Lex that he will do everything he can and also points out tha Lex has other friends on the game too. Translation: bug off, creep! Lex wonders to the camera whether the Robfather is screwing him over. The Robfather laughs to the camera, asking me, "You guys didn't really believe it, did you?" Hah, Lex, I told you, I TOLD YOU! And Jerri told you too, hah! Lex tries to tell the Robfather that the Robfather must honor his agreement to Lex or Lex will... er, he'll get back to the Robfather on that. The Robfather, in his confessional, reiterates that he has been in game mode since day one and make no mistake, this is a game. Translation: Lex, watch out for that horse head on your pillow. No, not that - that's just JennaLoo.

Now, sappy music comes on as the powerduo of the Robfather and Ambore are finally reunited. The Robfather tells her in a sappy dew tone just how glad he is to see her came out for the Reward Challenge earlier today. ("Dead! So dead to me!" hubby wails.) She smiles up at him. Aww, what could be sweeter than this? Why, some intrigue and promises of betrayal, of course! The Robfather tells Ambore that they must get rid of Lex tomorrow. Ambore is startled. Why not JennaLoo and Hagrid, she asks. Ouch - I love just how easy it is for Ambore to sell out JennaLoo, her sister and girlfriend and hand-holding girlie-wirly sweetheart forever. Ambore says that she isn't comfortable with booting Lex because she is still in the game thanks to him and Kathy being dumber than dumb. Of course, she doesn't actually say that "dumber than dumb" thing, but she should have because it's the truth. The Robfather rubs his face with his hands in exasperation, telling her not to go soft on him. He's promised Lex the same thing too, he reminds her, so he knows how she is feeling.

Ambore tells him that she's not feeling guilty - heh. Instead, she's worried at how they will juggle the promises they have made to many people on this game. They will talk, she warns him, and they will figure out what Ambore and the Robfather are up to and then they will gun for those two. The Robfather tells her not to worry - with Lex gone, Big Red Tom "doesn't have a leg to stand on". No? How about Hagrid? Then again, I can see where the Robfather is coming from. Big Red Tom is a sexist and he will not ally with a woman (see the African BoyBoy Club). The Robfather tells Ambore that everyone - Tom, Hagrid, JennaLoo - will betray them if they can, so they can't show any mercy at this stage of the game.

Ambore tells the camera that she is really concerned about the many promises they have made to others on this game. Still, back at their rendezvous, the Robfather tells her that he misses her, wraps his arms around her, and she leans her head against his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head as she smiles at him. They really make a sweet and evil couple, truly. I know they are hogging this show as much as Hagrid did on Pearl Islands, but come on, without them, this season would be even duller than it already is, especially when no one else seems to be playing this game with even half the efforts these two are putting into their gameplan and strategy.

Night fades to day, day twenty-seven, that is. The show plunges straight to the Immunity Challenge. Probby explains that today, the Challenge will be a underwater breath-holding competition held in two stages, only with a twist: the men will be competing with each other, while the women compete separately. The winner from each group wins Immunity, so this means that there are two Immunities up for grabs. Probby reveals the new Immunity Idols: cheap scaly Limited Tool necklaces stolen from the Robfather's top drawer.

The women compete first. They submerge underwater. The minutes tick by. Alicia comes up first, JennaLoo second, and the Shii Devil third. Kathy and Ambore exchange a look and the both of them surface, having qualified for the second round. Now the men submerge themselves. Hagrid is the first to come up for breath. What a quitter. Big Red Tom joins him shortly. Lex Loser and the Robfather qualify for the second round.

Now it's time for the second round. Here, the Survivors must swim and release ten buoys tied to the ocean floor. The first to do this wins a Limited Tool necklace. Like the previous round, the men and women compete separately. Ambore overtakes Crazy Kathy at first but exhaustion eventually gets the better of her and Kathy wins that stupid necklace. The Robfather and Lex Loser are neck to neck and at the late stage of the race, it seems that Lex will actually win this competition. But Lex can't untie the tenth buoy fast enough and the Robfather snatches the Limited Tool necklace right from under poor Lex's nose.

Lex spends the rest of the new few scenes looking like turkey who has seen the farmer sharpening his ax and realizes that it's Thanksgiving Day. I wonder if he can hear Jerri's laughter echoing in his head.

Back at Camp Cheap Broken Ego, Lex Loser and Crazy Kathy commiserate privately. Lex tells her that he finds it very "telling" that the Robfather hasn't lifted a "finger" to make them feel welcome. Oh, the Robfather lifted a finger alright, but I guess it's not the finger those two want to see. Kathy says that she is "discouraged" by the turn of events. In his confessional, Lex wonders whether he has made a big mistake that can cost him his game by voting out Jerri.

Not happy at all, those two decide to confront the Robfather privately. The Robfather appreciates what those two did for Ambore, but alas, he informs them that he's decided to stick with his old tribemates to stick the knife deep into Lex's back. Lex decides to be utterly horrified by the Robfather's decision. "That was not a game or strategy decision! It was a brother coming to another brother saying, friend to friend!" he whines to the Robfather. The Robfather just shrugs and tells him that if Lex is really acting out of friendship, Lex shouldn't expect any favors in return and therefore Lex has nothing to be angry about.

Lex now changes his tune and tells the Robfather that if Lex kept Jerri, Lex would enter the merge with a "numbers advantage". Five-four is still five-four no matter how I try to look at it differently, but I guess Lex lives in a different planet, one where four is bigger than five. The Robfather just tells him that he will have to screw everyone else just to save Lex. He doesn't see the benefit in angering everyone else just to save Lex. "You've got more allegiance to them than you've got to me! It's about being betrayed by my friend!" Lex tells the Robfather. The Robfather informs him that it is Lex that is putting their friendship on the line here, because this is just a game and what the Robfather is doing is merely strategy. The Robfather reminds Lex that he promised to take care of Lex as much as he could - and in this instance, he can't do much.

I agree with the Robfather here. Okay, so Lex and the Robfather may be friends in real life, but come on! No matter how Lex tries to put a spin to this turn of event, what Lex did by keeping Ambore is motivated by strategy and not friendship. So for him to squeal like a gutted pig about betrayal of friendship is ridiculous, not to mention hypocritical. This isn't even a strategic move by Lex, him pulling the friendship card. In post-boot interviews, Lex claims that he cannot be friends with the Robfather anymore after what the Robfather did to him on the show. Didn't Lex pull the "this is business, we'll still be friends outside the game" card with Ethanol and Jerri? And now that he's at the receiving end of the karmic beat-down, he pulls the friendship card? Give me a break.

Crazy Kathy starts crying to the Robfather, blubbering about how Lex is so "proud" to bring the Robfather to the Final Four. Yeah, I find that an honor as much as the Robfather does. She and Lex have always planned to bring the Robfather to the Final Four, she wails. For someone who walks into the merge at a huge numerical and power disadvantage, she is the one to talk about pulling people with her to the Final Four, I tell you. "It's brutal!" she wails. What is it that she finds brutal? The extent of this woman's absurdity? I agree. Can someone drop a piano on her? "He put himself on the line for you!" she tells the Robfather. The Robfather agrees with her that it is brutal, too nice to point out that Lex was never in any danger in his tribe to save Ambore - Lex was never "put on the line", to quote Kathy.

"I should have listened to you!" Kathy blubbers to Lex. Aw, stop it, Kathy, you're breaking my heart.

"You're breaking my heart," Lex whines to the Robfather. Hey, stop parroting me, you freak!

The Robfather is sorry that Lex feels that way, and tells him that there is nothing the Robfather can do.

Crazy Kathy laments in her confessional that "despite the fact" that the Robfather is "a really nice kid", there's "something inside of him that came out in Marquesas" that is "still here" and it makes her feel bad because "it's just so sad". I have just gotten a glimpse of Kathy's core of delusions and it is a traumatic experience. What is she talking about? The Robfather decides to honor an agreement that will benefit him - as he should - as opposed to just rolling over and die so that she and Lex can get the money and because of this, she finds him "sad"? What planet is this woman living on? Does she even listen to herself? "Sad" is right, because it's not the Robfather who is the sad headcase here.

She and Lex are still not over the pain and bitterness after the Robfather leaves them. They sit down and lament the injustice of Lex Loser getting a knife in his back. Kathy starts crying and telling Lex that she will pass him her Limited Tool necklace. If you have been watching this show, you can predict by now that what Kathy says, she never does. Lex tells her not to give him that necklace. In her confessional, she says that she wants Lex to have Immunity so that she doesn't come back to camp "cowering". Why should she cower? Does she imagine that the others will start hunting her with stunners and cattle prods once Lex is gone? And here I thought she told Lex a few weeks back that the Old Cheapos accept her and love her as one of them! Heh heh heh. If Lex got voted out tonight, she says indignantly in her interview, the Robfather would have gotten away with it and she is not going to let that happen.

Gotten away with what, exactly? The only tragedy I am seeing here is the tragedy of being as dumb as a sack of bricks, and even so, the Robfather is not playing a starring role in this tragedy, Lex and Kathy are, with Jerri playing the Cassandra. The good news is, Lex is not getting away with being stupid.

And with that, it's onwards to the Tribal Council as night falls. Probby reminds them that the person voted out tonight will be the first member of the Jury.

Probby then asks the Cheap Broken Egos to describe how things are after the merge. Hagrid tells Probby that "everything was tested" today and "today was a very hard day", and true to his empty vessel style, he says nothing with the gravity of a crackpot prophet. What is tested? What is very hard? Being Hagrid, perhaps? At that moment, heavy downpour begins. The Robfather laughs as he gets drenched, because as he tells Probby, one can either laugh or cry. Don't worry - I'm sure the next Reward Challenge will earn them a new roof that comes with cable TV and a satellite dish.

The talk now moves to alliances and divisions. Ambore says that they will head back to a camp "divided". At least until every one of the New Ego Ego is Pagonged, I'm sure. She thinks that today's vote will be "very important". Maybe it's important because it's the first step of three to get the camp all united again, I guess.

The Robfather announces that he has something to say. He says that he considers the game and his friendships with the people on the game to be separate and distinct from each other. He knows that emotions are real, so he is bound to hurt some people's feelings in this game. But he hopes that their friendship will endure after the game has ended. Also, if the Robfather gets a million dollars, friendship with him will so much easier to maintain especially if he is very generous with gifts, if you know what I mean, so Lex is indeed a fool as well as a spoilsport sore loser for actually ending his real life friendship with the Robfather.

Probby snarks that he'd love to give them all a hug. Damn, he can really be sexy when he's so bitchy like that.

Now Probby reminds people that this is the first time that there are two people with Immunities on Survivor. Come on now, Probby, surely you can't have forgotten the first post-Outcast twist Tribal Council where Burtman and Lil both hold Immunities? He asks the Robfather whether he wants to pass the Limited Tool necklace to anyone else. The Robfather of course won't. Kathy contemplates her answer for a while and then says no too. The camera pans on Lex's shocked and annoyed expression. More betrayal! It's the Night Of The Long Knives for poor Lex Loser! Of course, in his Early Show interview he insists that he's not really shocked and Burnetto sneakily edited his face to be there, but like I've said on the Early Show, I wasn't shocked too when Hugh Jackman ditched me for the women he eventually married because I never liked him much anyway, no siree.

Big Red Tom - Lex.

Ambore - Lex. She shivers and remarks that it is cold as she runs back to her seat.

Lex - Ambore. "I'd much rather be casting this vote for your little errand boy. But you're just going to have to do." He should have followed his own advice to Ethanol about losing graciously.

JennaLoo - Lex.

The Robfather - Lex. "Hey buddy, sorry about the vote. Thanks for keeping Amber around. I hope we can get over this man and have a beer on the outside. Thanks."

Hagrid - Lex.

The Shii Devil - Lex. Well, well, isn't this to be expected? Her speech is not shown on TV, but here's what she said, courtesy of Survivor Insider: "Lex, it's been a pleasure to get to know you. I'm so sorry you didn't win the Immunity Challenge today. For me, this is the best choice right now strategically. It would be a wasted effort to vote for anyone else - only you. I'm sorry and I hope to see you soon."

Alicia - Lex.

Crazy Kathy - Ambore. She says that Ambore shouldn't have lied to her. Yes, Ambore should have just played dead, eh, Kathy?

Probby goes to tally the votes. He announces them as the Survivors shiver, clang their teeth, and embrace each other to desperately keep warm - Ambore has one vote, and then it's a non-stop barrage of Lex votes. Lex's face turns positively demonic as he steps up to get his torch snuffed out. When the Robfather says that he will take care of Lex, he really does, only in ways that Lex doesn't anticipate, heh heh heh.

Next week: Kathy tries to get JennaLoo voted out and JennaLoo tries to retaliate. Videos from home. The Robfather reveals that he has really big balls, literally and figuratively speaking, in a lovely crouch shot. Ambore is so lucky, I tell you. Yeah, guys, I know, it's how he uses it, et cetera, but that's what women tell men to make them feel better. You are aware of that, right?

Lex's last words? Ooh, he's the wealthiest Survivor because he has his wonderful family. The sore loser says that he is rooting for Big Red Tom. Lex knows that Tom voted for him too, right? And then Lex is gone, having taken a bloody beating from the karmic broomstick. It's too bad that he's made Jury and hence won't be heading to the same Loser Lodge as Jerri, Colby, and Ethanol. I bet they would make Lex feel most welcome in Loser Lodge!

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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