SURVIVOR

All-Stars Episode 9: Mad Scramble and Broken Hearts

Previously, no, not last week's recap episode, but the one before that, Ethanol is gone, The Robfather And Ambore Show moves to second base at least on TV, and I don't think we should do another season of All-Stars because this season isn't really coming off as too exciting. This week, Burnetto tries to introduce a twist to break up the Robfather-Ambore coupling, but alas, the idiots fail in any way to break up the power couple. Are there any intelligent people on Planet Reality TV? Stay tuned... and don't hold your breath too long waiting.

Credits. It occurs to me that the first few booted out - Tuna and Rudder - may as well be the only ones to escape this season with their dignity intact. There must be a moral lesson in here somewhere.

Day twenty-two, morning, Cheapora. The Robfather and his consort Ambore snuggle up, asleep and dreaming to the sounds of wood being sawed. Don't read too much into that statement, as it's only Hagrid and Big Red Tom sawing their morning wood. No, not that way - if it's that way, I would have really rip out my eyeballs and I will be at court right now suing Burnetto instead of writing this recap. Hagrid yells "Timber!" and this causes the Robfather to open one eye in displeasure. Seeing that it is only the idiot minions hard at work, he decides to resume snuggling up to his consort.

Predictably, Hagrid starts whining to the camera about how he and Tom are the only ones working. He adds that he doesn't like people who are lazy. Personally, I'd take a lazy tribe who manage to win nearly every challenge over some sanctimonious village idiot like Hagrid who works really hard at losing and annoying me totally. When is he leaving my TV forever? I've had it with this idiot after two seasons of Survivor. Hagrid continues to say that he can't wake everyone up to get them to work, although he wishes that he could. I like how he acts as if the tribe hasn't been working well before he arrives at Cheapora. I bet that in his own mind, he thinks that he has saved Cheapora from Laziness, a Fate So Dire indeed. Can he go away now, please, somebody?

Now the two Big Fat Buffoons are going fishing, with Hagrid telling Big Red Tom that he hopes that the tribe will merge soon because Hagrid is convinced that the Egos aren't lazy. He may have a point, or he may not, but while it is one thing to be annoyed at fellow lazy tribemembers, it doesn't reflect well on Hagrid to act as if it is a sin to sleep. With or without Hagrid, Cheapora has been doing well, so who on earth is Hagrid to whine about the sins he thinks Cheapora is guilty of? And going straight to the camera and acting like a sanctimonious camera-conscious buffoon - yucks.

Big Red Tom tells the camera that he and Hagrid often fish together in the morning while the others are still sleeping. Unlike Hagrid, he stops short at calling the others lazy, he just says that they sleep a little longer than he and Hagrid. When Hagrid makes Big Red Tom look like a contemplative self-aware person, that's how bad Hagrid is. Big Red Tom says that Hagrid has been hogging that Hawaiian sling since they won it from Ego Ego, but now he wants a chance to catch a fish and he won't leave until he gets to do so. Hagrid with a prune-faced expression hands over the spear to Big Red Tom and makes some disparaging remarks about Big Red Tom wearing his shoes into the water. Tom catches a fish and cheers. Hagrid says to him in a very patronizing tone, "Very good, Big Tom." In his confessional, Hagrid calls Tom's fish a "fish-tank fish" but says condescendingly that he's thrilled for Tom.

Compare this infuriatingly patronizing attitude of Hagrid towards Tom to Hagrid's jealousy when the Robfather caught nearly as many fish as he did. He mocks Tom when he thinks that he is better than Tom but calls the Robfather a jerk because the Robfather is better than him. Can you blame me for focusing all my hate on this idiot now that Ethanol and Colby are gone? Can you feel the hate, Hagrid? HATE!

Over at Ego Ego, Jerri wakes up and moans while Crazy Kathy works at making fire. In her confessional, Crazy Kathy whines about how hard it is to make fire because everything is wet. Why doesn't she just set her hair on fire then? She also whines that it sucks to be on a tribe that keeps losing, as if she has nothing to do whatsoever with her tribe sucking like a Hoover. Oh, did I say that I hate only Hagrid? Let's dump the hate on this idiot woman and her core of whininess too!

The Shii Devil shows up with the tree-mail she has collected. Oh yes, let's hate this useless and sanctimonious idiot too! There's so much hate to spread around today. The tree-mail talks about how they can either stage a Battle Royale or make new friends. Hmm, Battle Royale - is Burnetto talking about that Japanese movie where schoolkids are stranded on an island and ordered to kill each other with an assortment of weapons? He really shouldn't tempt me with such sociopathic notions. This show is already driving my sociopathic tendencies up the wazoo. The Egos believe that the merge is imminent. Ooh, the merge! The merge!

The tree-mail also comes with a small can of green paint. The Egos look at the can and at each other. Jerri says to the camera that they have no idea what to do with the paint. Kathy tells the camera that were she a betting woman, she'd say that there will be a merge coming soon. Since she already said that on TV, is she saying that she is also a betting woman? I wish people will stop talking in what-ifs. Lex, the walking tattoo parlor, tells the camera that he has no idea what the paint will be used for. He smells the paint. Maybe he hopes that it's actually green ice-cream. Nope, it turns out that the paint is not suitable for eating. He tells the camera that in the end, they decide to just bring the can along with them to their rendezvous with Probby. They don't want to show up looking like "a bunch of weirdos" after all.

The Cheapos however are dipping their fingers into the can of red paint that comes along with their tree-mail and happily stabbing their fingers at each other's face, chest, stomach, and back. JennaLoo talks to the camera about the fun they have making each other uglier than ugly. Tom talks in his confessional about how tickled he is to poke and rub his hands all over everybody. Back at camp, he does an impersonation of a horny bull. I hope the cows he keeps at his ranch don't see this. Alicia thinks in her confessional that something big is going to happen soon.

Jeff Proboscis, smiling wider than ever because he is at the center of a tempestous love triangle between the Feuhrer, Colby, and the mirror, is waiting for the tribes at a stretch of beach. Probby calls out to them as they walk in, pointing out for the Cheapos' benefit that Ethanol is gone from Ego Ego. Ambore is pleased. Probby points out that the red-painted Cheapos are looking good and wonders why the Egos don't run wild with their can of paint. Crazy Kathy says that they are just conserving the paint, no doubt for the ritual suicide when they finally lose the last challenge ever. Lex, on the other hand, says that his "canvas" is full. Not full enough for "Loser" to be added to his forehead, though.

Probby now asks each tribe to give its members numbers and then line up in order of ranks. He explains that the extra two members of Cheapora - Cheapos #5 and #6 - will not be doing whatever it is the others will be doing. Probby asks the Egos who Ego #1 is. Lex Loser steps up. Probby tells him that Lex can select one member from Cheapora for a private chit-chat session. Lex selects the Robfather. Big Red Tom selects Jerri Mantis. The Shii Devil chooses Hagrid because she says that they are both the only contestants from their season. The both of them are also in running for the most irritating Survivors this season so they're a match made in heaven. Alicia has no choice but to settle for Kathy. Meanwhile, the remaining Cheapos, Ambore and JennaLoo, will have to settle for each other. These two women cheer and hug like silly sorority sisters. Probby reveals some nice picnic sets for each pair to enjoy while chit-chatting.

I don't know about anyone else, but these Survivors eat more better food in the last few episodes than I did for the entire last year. I wonder what is on the menu on the episode next week. Truffles? Maybe I'll join the next season because I have a craving for gourmet bread imported from France.

As the pairs wander off to their pow-wows, Big Red Tom tells Jerri that one must always pick "the good-looking woman" for a date. I guess the reverse - a lady should only date a nice guy that doesn't smell like goats - doesn't hold true where Tom comes from. Jerri blushes because it's nice to be called "good-looking" for once by the opposite sex after the barrel of misogynistic verbal abuse she's gotten from fine and upstanding jerks like Colby and Ethanol. Ambore and JennaLoo say that it's great to just sit down and have fun without thinking about the game. It's too bad that they don't have nail colors, because I bet they'll start coloring each other's nails if they do. Wait, where's the Egos' green paint?

Hagrid is nodding as the Shii Devil talks about how lazy Jerri is. Pots and kettles have nothing on this delusional idiot woman, I tell you. She tells Hagrid that she adores Lex and Kathy but Jerri is so lazy, oh no. Hagrid is all condescending nods and affirmatives, because he loves listening and whining about Lazy People. Lazy People make him feel so superior, as if he really matters in the scheme of the world. Big Red Tom tells Jerri that he is worried for her - awww - and she tells him that while the experience at first nearly "broke" her "spirit", in the end she finds it "humbling". Big Red Tom tells her that she has lasted this long so she's a "stud" and she should "put her chest out". Wow, does that line actually work?

Lex Loser tells the Robfather that he is ready for the merge. The Robfather nods absently, thinking about more important things that matter like the two suggestive stars painted over Ambore's breasts. Who is Lex Loser? The Robfather has never heard of him! Meanwhile, the Shii Devil is telling Hagrid that the Robfather is an Immunity Threat, because Hagrid, who lives with the Robfather 24/7, may not know that. The Shii Devil is so astute that way, you know. JennaLoo wonders whether they will merge after this picnic, but Ambore isn't so sure. That isn't a dirty sentence, by the way. Sorry, guys, this is not Girls Gone Wild after all.

Once the picnic session is over, Probby calls them over and asks them to stand in line in any order. He then asks them to drop their buffs. Is this the merge? Not quite, as Probby picks up an urn that contains the Survivors' new buffs and asks them to put their hands in and pick one out for themselves. The new buffs will represent their new tribes. There will be five red buffs for Cheapora and five green buffs for Ego Ego. Lex Loser pulls out a red buff - he's now a Cheapo. The Robfather gets the green Ego Ego buff. Big Red Tom joins the Robfather. Jerri and the Shii Devil join Cheapora. Hagrid is now an Ego. Gosh, that's a loaded statement, isn't it? Crazy Kathy joins Cheapora, Alicia goes to Ego Ego, and JennaLoo joins Alicia. This is spooky, and even Probby commented on it: so far all that has happened is the Survivors changing tribe names. Unfortunately, Ambore is the last to pick a buff and she gets the Ego Ego buff by default. That means only Ambore experiences a genuine tribal switch.

Since everyone is arguing whether this "twist" is fixed, I may as well weigh in too. I don't think it is fixed - Probby asks them to line up in any order, after all. Burnetto wants to weaken Cheapora and give Ego Ego a chance to shine, but instead he succeeds in handing Ambore over to Ego Ego. Oh well, things like this happen. Now it's up to the New Cheapora to make the best of this golden opportunity to split up the power couple.

The Robfather looks genuinely upset as his girlie is ripped from his side for the second time in his playing Survivor. No doubt that were Burnetto standing before him, Burnetto will be eating Robfather's knuckle sandwich by now. In fact, it looks as if he's ripped the buff and worn the remnants around his head. As the newly reshuffled tribes congregate before Probby, Probby asks them for their thoughts. Hagrid says that Ambore should have been with them. He loves making empty grandiose statements, doesn't he? Probby says that the possessions of the tribe will remain with the reshuffled tribe. This means that the hard-earned loots and rewards of Old Cheapora now belong to New Cheapora. Ouch.

As they leave, JennaLoo and Alicia suddenly break ranks and run towards New Cheapora to give Ambore a farewell hug. Get a grip, you people, the New Cheapora is not going to execute Ambore anytime soon. Ambore runs over and embraces the Robfather tight. Melodramatic music swells in the background. It's truly a touching moment, in a "finger touch the back of the throat" kind of touching, that is.

The New Cheapos are delighted to see their new home. The Shii Devil thanks their "hostess" Ambore for showing them around. Ambore tries to keep a happy face. In her confessional, she sighs, saying that she feels like the one that got screwed by the reshuffle, so that's a really bad kind of screwing, as I'm sure we all know. She was hoping to pick the same color as the Robfather, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. Back at camp, the New Cheapos are enjoying the rewards they have done nothing to earn, from the near-perfect shelter to the swing to even the wood the Old Cheapos chop and neatly piled up earlier that morning. Lex Loser is amazed at the Cheapora camp. And then they find a housewarming food basket from Burnetto and they all cheer. Wow, was it just, what, an hour since they last gorged on yummy picnic food? Forget the overpriced health farms, people, let's join Survivor instead to be pampered like crazy! Even better, Burnetto will pay us to eat these yummy foodstuff! The New Cheapos eat - again - while Ambore tells the camera sadly that it just doesn't feel like home when the people that belong here are at the other tribe.

Speaking of which, the New Egos are staring at their new home in revulsion. Alicia comments to the camera that the New Egos have gotten the short end of the stick as the New Egos survey the uncomfortable ramshackle shelter. It seems that the shelter is in danger of being caught in the oncoming tide and the Old Egos had lost many important things, including the only cooking pot. The Robfather asks them whether they should get to work at building a new shelter because he doesn't think that he can sleep on the floor of the old shelter. JennaLoo gently suggests that they should work on repairing the roof of the shelter for now. The New Egos find their housewarming basket, but the mood is noticeably subdued as they limply make a toast to Ambore. Alicia tries to be optimistic as Hagrid complains about losing their old shelter and the items they once had, saying that perhaps when the New Cheapos see how well the Old Cheapos maintained their camp, the New Cheapos will realize just how much they really suck and will be demoralized even more. That's the spirit!

Back at the Camp of Undeservingly Bountiful, the New Cheapos have discovered the toiletry stash. Jerri gives a detailed demonstration on how we should all brush our teeth. Thank you, Jerri, now please don't come onscreen ever again, thanks. The Shii Devil and Crazy Kathy take to the waters to wash their hair. Ambore says that it isn't easy to see these upstarts use the hard-earned rewards of the Old Cheapos, but she will have to get used to the situation as like it or not, the New Cheapos are here to stay as her new tribemates.

The Robfather is apparently discovering that love can really hurt, poor thing. He says in that "I'm so drunk because I am in pain, people, IN PAIN!" tone that he hopes that Ambore will be alright at New Cheapora. JennaLoo, maybe hoping to poach the turf as she's been trying to do since she moved to Old Cheapora, puts her hand on his shoulder and tells him that everything will be okay and they will see her again. Tsk, tsk, these silly people. Do they imagine that the New Cheapos are torturing Ambore or something? He proposes a toast to Ambore. All of them drink to Ambore.

Night falls. The Robfather tells the camera that nothing matters to him now - not this wretched camp, not their lost possessions - all he's mad about is that they've "got" his "girl" at the other camp. Normally I won't blame anyone who bristles at his use of the word "girl", but I confess that a part of me really melts at the protective/territorial manner in which he fiercely makes his confessional. And over at New Cheapora, Ambore sits alone by the fire, staring unhappily into the embers. If my hubby ever tells you that he actually hands me some Kleenex at that moment, I'll have you know that he is lying, I am not that easily manipulated by Burnetto, and it's just the dust in the living room. It serves me right for not using the vacuum cleaner more often.

Morning, day twenty-four, New Cheapora. What happened to day twenty-three? Never mind, I don't particularly care. The Shii Devil and Ambore discover their tree-mail of the day. It's a cute little flipbook with each page emblazoned with a Survivor logo of previous seasons and a line of "poetry" referring to a contestant from that season ("And Ghandia screams, 'You're getting too close'..."). As Lex says to the camera, they all guess that the Immunity Challenge will test their knowledge of Survivor trivia. As they walk to the Immunity Challenge site, they discuss potential questions and the answers to these questions. Ambore and Jerri reminisce about Mike Stumpin's brush with a burning log, Jerri recalls Keith Famished's rice fiasco and Kel Jerky's beef jerky scandal, but no one remembers the name of Nicole, the first person booted off Pearl Islands. They remember that dress, though. This is a nice foreshadowing from Burnetto, considering how Nicole soon comes up in the Immunity Challenge.

Ambore tells the camera that she knows that she will go if New Cheapora flunk even this Immunity Challenge. She hopes that she can save herself should that come into passing, and given New Cheapora's track record, chances are she will be crossing that bridge soon enough.

The New Egos are also hard at work rehashing potential questions and the answers to these questions. There are four Robs on Survivor, did you know that? The Robfather tells the camera that he has promised that he would take Ambore to the end and now he hopes that he can find a way to do just that. "Pretty much the next move I make is gonna have consequences for everybody left in this game - serious consequences!" he promises. Ooh.

At the Immunity Challenge clearing, Probby retrieves Gaia from New Cheapora, pointing out that Gaia actually was won by the Old Cheapora, in case people have forgotten by now. Memo to Probby: we haven't, but thanks for thinking of us anyway. He explains that he will ask the two tribes ten Survivor-related trivia questions pulled at random from a pot (I don't know why he can't use pre-selected questions). Each tribe can discuss and come up with an answer, write the answer on a small blackboard, and if the tribe gets ten answers correct first, they win Gaia.

If New Ego Ego loves Ambore so much, you'd think that they would throw the challenge and get rid of Hagrid, right? Wrong. So much for the Ambore love, I tell you.

The first question is about the Cleopatra of Marquesas, which both tribes get right. Both tribes remember that it is Frank Grouch and Brandy the African Queen that went to the movies in Africa. But while the New Cheapora remembers that Survivor Africa took place in Kenya, the New Ego Ego for some reason believes that it's held in a country called Nairobi. Big Red Tom, you are such a twit. Kathy makes a show of blaming Jerri for not getting that the idiots on the first Survivor ate bootok in the first food challenge (Jerri suggested "grubs", which Probby says is not specific enough). JennaLoo remembers correctly the answer for New Ego Ego. Both tribes remember that it is Sean Can't Whiff who used the idiotic alphabet strategy to vote at Tribal Council. All remember Mike Stumpin's helicopter ride from Australia to obscurity and Papsquak getting the purple rock in Marquesas. They also remember Tooollll grabbing Bray by the neck in Thailand. And they, especially Lex, remember Darrah as being the mortician on Pearl Islands, and Burnetto shows a lingering PG-rated nude shot of Darrah to remind people who understandably can't remember who Darrah is. They also remember Osten Powers as the idiot who had to be saved from drowning in Pearl Islands and Kel Jerky accused of smuggling beef jerky. If you are keeping count, both tribes are at a draw at the end of this round. To break the tie, Probby asks each tribe to list down the name of the first Survivor voted off each Season in the correct order from Pulau Tiga to Pearl Islands. Here, New Cheapora's inability to remember Nicole's name sink them again. Guess who's going to the Tribal Council for the sixth thousandth time?

But ah, as the tribes leave, the Robfather walks up to Lex Loser and tells him to take care of Ambore and he'll take care of Lex, if Lex cares to. Probby asks them to break it up and move along. So that's the Robfather's move that will have serious consequences for everybody? Pffft!

As the New Egos walk back to camp, it's time for some post-win autopsy. Hagrid calls the victory "bittersweet" while Alicia says that the Egos did what they have to do. In this case, it's them stupidly having a victory regardless of consequences, unless they're all insincere about Ambore, that is. The Robfather repeats in his confessional what he told Lex earlier. If Lex is smart, the Robfather says, he'll keep Ambore around. In this case, "smart" apparently translates to "do whatever I say".

Hagrid tells the others to hope that Ambore finds a way to stay, because that's what he's very good at doing: paying lip service to benevolance. Just like how he told Rudder that they were allies forever even as he silently stood back and let the others stab him in the back and now he hoping that Ambore would stay, Hagrid is good at saying things to make himself look good while not actually soiling his fingers in actually doing the things he says that he wishes he could do. It probably doesn't bode well for the Robfather that nobody else shares the same sentiment about Ambore as he does, at least, not to the extent that the Robfather goes to save her. This isn't surprising, of course. I'm just saying all this to point out that the Survivors really shouldn't try so hard to come off as buddy-wuddy when in fact they are all looking out for themselves.

The Robfather shows off to the camera the A he has drawn on his upper left arm as he commiserates about how hard victory has been for him because he is hurting at the thought of losing Ambore. While hubby is aghast at the sight of his no-nonsense evil cold-hearted hero turning into a self-mutilating lovesick dope, I am actually quite charmed by the whole nonsense. I look forward to the drama that will result when one of them has to sell the other out of a million dollars. Maybe the Robfather will draw a bigger A, this time on his chest.

Crazy Kathy over at New Cheapora is whining about losing. She is whining more than Jerri whom she whines about whining too much. She also talks about overhearing what the Robfather said to Lex and calls what the Robfather did a "Godfather move". She tells the Shii Devil that she doesn't like the idea of kowtowing to the Robfather by keeping Ambore. Given her track record, Kathy can bitch and whine but she'll go ahead and do it anyway, and this time it is no different. The Shii Devil thinks that the Robfather won't last long into the merge, so wonders at the wisdom of keeping the deal Lex made with the Robfather. I wonder whether they are even aware of the fact that the Robfather made no mention of taking care of them - he said he'd take care of Lex specifically, right? And he said this in a hushed discussion to Lex, in a tone that suggests that he doesn't want everyone to know about this deal. These women aren't just counting the chickens before they are hatched, they already have the slaughterhouse named after their first-born.

These idiot women lose me even more when they talk about how worried they are about angering the Robfather, to each other as well as to the camera. Come on, the Robfather isn't even in the tribe! What is he going to do when they kick out Ambore? Or more accurately, what can he do? The Shii Devil compares on camera the potential wrath of the Robfather to the wrath of God, which must be one of the most imbecilic things ever said on this show.

Meanwhile, Kathy and Ambore are in a secret meeting. Ambore says to Kathy that she hopes to sway them to vote Jerri out in a "desperate" attempt to save herself. She says that she is a better player than Jerri and Kathy nods, because a better player is one that doesn't annoy Kathy. Because other than that, there's no way that Kathy can really deduce that Ambore, who hasn't even participated in a physical challenge for New Cheapora, is better than Jerri, is there? Kathy tries to joke that Ambore would have to do better than that to convince them to keep Ambore over Jerri. Ambore wonders aloud whether she should get down on her knees and beg. To the cries of "Hell, yeah!" from horny perverts everywhere, she actually does.

Ambore tells the camera that her plan is to wheel and deal anything and everything to get her to stay a few days more on the island. She tells Kathy that she can offer her and Lex a ticket to the Final Five with her, her consort, and Big Red Tom. I am tickled that the Shii Devil isn't even included in the package and Kathy doesn't even try to get her included. Ambore sweetens the deal by telling Kathy that Lex Loser will be most amenable to ally with Big Red Tom again. Kathy nods, convinced that Lex wants to ally with Big Red Tom and the Robfather. Lex may love cozying up with the ladies, but in the end, he will always be some alpha male's subservient, after all. Kathy confesses to the camera that she is convinced to keep Ambore over Jerri because she fears the wrath of the Robfather.

Kathy now tries to persuade Lex to go along with booting Jerri. Lex, to his credit, isn't at first too enamored of this new development. Kathy presses her case hard, however, until Lex agrees weakly that should the New Cheapos deliver what the Robfather wants, the Robfather will deliver as well. Because the Robfather alone makes up the New Ego Ego, a tribe of one, and whatever he says will go, and of course, the Robfather has always been a man of his word, as evidenced by his noble and dignified gameplay in Marquesas, which I know Lex has seen because he did his silly analysis of those episodes on some Reality TV website. Lex however wants to tell Jerri because he doesn't want a good friend to get blindsided at the Tribal Council.

I don't understand why they never consider the idea of booting the Shii Devil. I can see why Kathy doesn't - she dislikes Jerri and the Shii Devil is a more amenable pawn for her gameplay. But shouldn't Lex at least try to persuade Kathy to boot the Shii Devil over Jerri, his loyal ally? Maybe Jerri is right: the water here really has brain parasites.

Now Lex and Jerri talk by the beach. "You know I love you," Lex starts to say, and Jerri knows at once what he is going to say. She wants to know why he is voting out a loyal ally over Ambore. Lex explains the Robfather's deal. Jerri says what may be the only sensible thing on this episode, telling Lex that the Robfather will say anything to get the New Cheapora to keep Ambore in the game, that the Robfather will betray Lex at the earliest opportunity, and that Lex is giving up a loyal ally for a potential knife in his back. Lex says that he needs to think things over a little longer and leaves Jerri to brood alone.

Lex, Kathy, and the Shii Devil now stand by the beach, looking like three idiots waiting for a clue or a thunderclap to shoot down from the sky and strike them all down. Crazy Kathy talks about paying some token attention to Jerri's pleadings before they "blip" her "into the stratosphere". The Shii Devil says that they shouldn't have told Jerri that they are booting her tonight, because Jerri is so, so wrong and will always be wrong. Kathy says that they have to tell her. The Shii Devil quickly agrees - yes, they have to tell her! She is such a pathetic syncophant, "tongue through sphincter" isn't enough to describe the extent of the worthlessness that is her entire presence on this show. Lex tells the camera that they have to head to Tribal Council soon but they aren't so sure as to what they should do. But he's certain that whatever it is, it won't be pleasant for all involved.

Night falls. Tribal Council commences as the New Cheapos take their seats and face the ever-perky Probby. Some pointless chatter commences about their new home, with Kathy amusingly announcing that with the new and improved living conditions, the New Cheapora has only gotten stronger. Hey, Kathy, your tribe just lost. Again. Ambore tries to deflect Probby's inquisition about her loyalty to New Cheapora by playing the Silly Harmless Sweet Girl act and saying that she's playing with her "new" team. The Shii Devil says that Ambore has the opportunity to earn the trust of New Cheapora one day at a time. I will laugh when the merge takes place next week and Ambore runs back to her old tribemates, leaving the New Cheapora to eat the crow delicacy called Pagong. Jerri tries to pretend that Ambore is still her best buddy forever, although she admits that the game - and people - have changed since Australia. Finally, after more boring and insincere ramblings, Probby ends the painful session and lets them vote.

Lex - Jerri.

Jerri - Ambore. Her complete words: "True irony and a lot of respect, Ambore. I'm very proud of the way you're playing this game and I'm glad that we got to play together even for a little while. So if it's you that goes home tonight, you did go down fighting and I'm really proud of you. And if it's me, then get out there and kick some ass! Take some names, make me even more proud!" Here, she smiles and wipes away some tears in her eyes. Aww, if that's sincere, awwww. If she's not, someone give her an Oscar. She's good.

The Shii Devil - Jerri.

Ambore - Jerri. Her complete words: "It's crazy that it's come down to me voting you out to keep myself in this game. I owe you huge thanks for that. Go get yourself some chocolate, girl. I love you!" Yeah, a true friend takes the bullet for you while you get the dough. I wonder what she expects the Robfather to do for her love.

Crazy Kathy - Jerri.

Jerri hugs Ambore and Lex, tells the others before she leaves that she finds it an honor to play with them, and then she's gone. Probby tells the others that it really isn't over until it's over, just like how his career will be once this show gets cancelled, and sends them off.

My thoughts? Kathy and the Shii Devil are idiots, period, for assuming that the Robfather will care to let them tag along with him. Lex Loser may be working under the assumption that it is better for him to enter the merge with the Robfather's good favors, but how trustworthy is the Robfather? Enough to ditch an ally for an uncertain replacement in his alliance? Lex may pull this one off, but I really doubt it. New Cheapora may as well have committed tribal suicide this episode.

Next week: the Robfather makes a backup alliance with Alicia and then breaks his words to someone. Oh, I didn't see that one coming!

Jerri's final words have her babbling about finding her inner peace on this game and now she's excited to see what other wacky hijinks she can get into. Apparently this translates to her joining a band where she plays the drums and wears very little. That's the spirit!

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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