SURVIVOR

All-Stars Episode 8: Pick a Tribemate

Previously, Colby tries playing the game like a conniving pro, but instead he ends up bossing people around, making stupid errors of judgment and letting his feelings for Jerri cloud his perspective, underestimating the female Ego Ego tribe members, and worse, treating them with contempt, making them more than happy to backstab him when the opportunity arises. His boot, therefore, is supremely satisfying and well worth the loss of some much-needed eye candy on the show. This week, who will be the next idiot to be booted out?

Credits. What is Tuna Wesson doing? I know it's hard to look tough while chopping open a coconut but sheesh, that is lame.

Night, day nineteen, just after Colby took the hike to Loser Lodge. Crazy Kathy has reached the camp after her adventure with the Cheapos, and night vision is making her look like some hungry ghoul foraging through the Ego Ego camp for brains. Brains at Ego Ego? Good luck, zombie! She deduces correctly that the others are still at Tribal Council and now feels depressed because she is so alone. I know, poor Kathy. She enjoyed a day at a yacht, gorging on food and earning an automatic pass to the next few days while she's at it, and now she is so sad because nobody is waiting at camp to greet her. That is so wrong, people! It's the core of hatred all over again! Oh, the rain is coming and she has to save the fire! "I was sipping champagne and now I'm soaking wet trying to save this fire," she sighs. I know, what a bummer.

The other Egos finally walk into camp. Lex Loser calls out wearily to Kathy, asking her whether she's had fun. The Shii Devil tells her that Tribal Council was "brutal". Crazy Kathy says in her confessional that she is so disappointed because nobody hugged her the way the Cheapos hugged her. Gee, that's because the Cheapos are happy while the Egos have just booted someone and they are miserable. But to the silly hag, this means that Ego Ego is in some way "wrong", because nobody wants to hug her. Boy, will she be surprised one day to realize that the world will still turn with or without her! Let's hope that day will come soon. She adds that with Colby gone, the mood of the tribe is "very somber" and "sad".

Meanwhile, the Egos realize that Colby has left his cowboy hat behind. That overconfident twit hadn't packed properly because he was so sure that he would be coming back. They discuss whether they should return it to him and how they would go about doing that while Kathy continues her confessional by saying that Colby's departure "summarizes" the camp, which is her way of singing that Colby prevented Ego Ego from reaching its maximum potential because he doesn't trust anyone and this mistrust keeps the tribe from being fully united. Funny, I thought Colby trusting Lex too much is the main cause of his downfall. Alas, Kathy feels that it is too late now for Ego Ego to start over as Ethanol is "questioning it all".

The camera lingers on Colby's cowboy hat and Ethanol huddling before the fire and casting everyone his evil eye. How sad - nobody wants to sleep with him or let him join a BoyBoy Club so that he can ride the coattails to the finish. And with him not able to follow up on any of these gameplans of his, two-thirds of his game is finished, kapish, kaput, and bye-bye. Will he find a way to turn the tables on the other Egos?

It's a merrier mood and happier music all around as day twenty dawns over Ego Ego. At least, it's a happier day for the birds that are enjoying themselves sunning and flying and catching fish. The Egos are still talking about the Tribal Council. with the Shii Devil relating the gory details to Kathy, from how Colby walked away without any backward glnce to how Jerri "got" Colby at the end. Ethanol, in his confessional, says that he feels like a fool. He was expecting a single vote for him and four votes against Jerri but instead, everyone turned around and stabbed Colby and Ethanol in the back. He had no idea what was coming during Tribal Council, he said, and now he feels hurt because he was betrayed Lex whom he thought was close to him (translation: he is hoping that Lex will again take him to the Final Three, and when Lex refuses to keep Ethanol on as a barnacle on his bum, Ethanol is Very Upset because he thought they were Friends Forever). It hurts, he emphasizes one more time, because Ethanol is all about the friendship in this game as long as his friends bend over and let him win the million dollars.

Speaking of hurt, Jerri Mantis isn't hurting. No uh, not even a bit. In her confessional, she claps her hands and lets out a gleeful laugh. She giggles that she feels evil right now but heck, it sure feels good to gloat! Back at the camp, while the others are working, she is seated on the beach with her eyes closed and her heads holding her hands in some sort of zen pose. I suspect that the others aren't completely lying when they call Jerri lazy, if she can stupidly sit out like that on the beach while the others work. Back to her confessional, she says that one of her main goals on this show is to outlast Colby. "Knock knock! You hear that sound, Colby? That's the bellboy and he just took all my baggage away," she says, adding that her Survivor closet is now clean.

The ladies of Cheapora collect their tree-mail of the day: a "pretty bottle" (as Alicia describes it) with a parchment rolled up inside. There is note on the label of the bottle that asks them to send a representative to bring a pen and this bottle and then get on a boat to Camp Ego Ego. Only at Camp Ego Ego will this representative open the bottle and read aloud the message on the parchment inside the bottle aloud to the Egos. As the Cheapos all look at each other askance, Ambore says in her confessional that nobody wants to go in case that this representative will be forced to stay with the Egos for the rest of the game. Ugh, and we don't want that, do we? They decide to draw straws to choose the representative, and poor JennaLoo gets the shortest straw. Okay, the second shortest straw, not counting Ethanol, but still, a short straw. She's going, oh no! As she gets some good-natured ribbing and Hagrid can't contain his glee at her leaving, she says in her confessional that she doesn't feel that this turn of events will do her any good. As she nervously climbs onto the boat that will take her to Ego Ego, the Robfather calls her "sweetheart" and tells her to have fun. Damn, he really has no right to look and sound this sexy.

The Egos, meanwhile, try not to leave things to chance. Lex tells the others that the decision on who goes to Cheapora is will a decision the entire tribe is comfortable with. Kathy comes out and says that she has a good rapport with the Cheapos - didn't she say in last week's episode that she wanted to avoid letting the Egos know this? - so she would go as they would accept her. She probably believes that there's a chance that she may have to stay at Cheapora for a while and anticipates a chance at jumping ship. As she leaves, the other Egos tell her that they love her. The Shii Devil notices a rainbow and insists that this means that good things are in store for Kathy. If I have a penny for every vapid thing that passes from the Shii Devil's mouth, I'd have bought over CBS and cancel this show by now.

JennaLoo and Kathy both reach their respective destinations and realize that they must list down three items (won only on Reward Challenges, so no personal items of each Survivor can be listed) they want to take from the camp as rewards for the upcoming Reward Challenge. The list must be kept confidential from the tribe members. Over at Cheapora, Alicia says that Kathy tries to reassure them that she will only take things that nobody will miss, but she's not placated because Cheapora has won so many goodies at the Reward Challenges of the past that she will miss any luxury item that Kathy lists down. Hagrid tries to make a funny by saying that Kathy can't write down "Tom". He's not funny, needless to say. In her confessional, Kathy talks about how important her "networking" with the Cheapos is, because apparently a few chit-chats mean that the Cheapos now love her forever and ever. She sure has an inflated sense of her own value to Cheapora, doesn't she? She will be crushed when she learns that the Cheapos are making her believe that they like her, when in truth, she's just an extra vote to subjugate the other Egos after the merge.

Jeff Proboscis, always smiling come rain or shine, is waiting for them at a clearing for the Reward Challenge. The representatives walk in first, followed by the other tribe members. The Challenge today will be simple: two Survivors of the same gender will stand on a log positioned over a shallow pool and they will roll the log with their feet. The first person to fall is out. The first tribe to bring down five Survivors from the opposite tribe wins today's Reward Challenge. Probby reveals what each representative wants from the other tribe. JennaLoo wants the Hawaiian sling (fishing spear), a bag of rice, and the grill for Cheapora. Kathy wants the tarp, the blanket, and the parachute for Ego Ego. Yes, Kathy, nobody will miss the blanket and the tarp, especially not Ambore and the Robfather because they won't notice the difference when they are making out in the open and in the cold of the night. Big Red Tom sits out for Cheapora, for obvious reasons.

First off, the Shii Devil versus Alicia. Alas, Alicia slips on her own before the Shii Devil gets to topple her and she hits the water. Ouch. Ethanol sends Hagrid down. It's now two for Ego Ego and zero for Cheapora. JennaLoo sneakily outmaneuvres Kathy and sends the hag down next. The Robfather versus Lex, the clash of the Alpha Males, which isn't much as the Robfather plays the log like a hamster on a wheel and sends poor Lex crashing down. Both tribes are now tied. Jerri versus Ambore. It's interesting that the former allies barely acknowledge each other as they play. Ambore sends Jerri down, and Cheapora now leads by one point. The Shii Devil sends Alicia down again. Watch and savor, people, because I don't think that the Shii Devil will be winning any more competitive challenges after this. Both tribes are tied at three points each. The Robfather and Ethanol are next. Both are soaking wet even before they step on the log, leading me to suspect that I am watching probably a second or third take on this match. Ethanol is predictably no match for the Robfather - splash! Kathy confronts Ambore and begs to be given a break. Bitch, take that - splash! Cheapora wins! Boy, is this becoming predictable or what, Cheapora's winning streak?

The Cheapos jump into the water to celebrate the way dirty buffalos do, the Egos look appropriately bitter, and Probby tells them that JennaLoo would be dropping by Camp Ego Ego for the Hawaiian sling, the grill, and the bag of rice. The Egos look even more bitter. Yay!

Night falls and the Egos are commiserating over their losing streak around the fire. In his confessional, Lex says that the tribe is anxious because JennaLoo is coming to eat them all. Or something. The Shii Devil tells the others that they should get the items ready so that they don't appear "hostile" to JennaLoo. That way, she won't get angry and eat everybody. Lex continues his confessional, saying that the fishing spear will be really sorely missed because it is their sole method of obtaining fish. And with them losing the rice as well, Lex foresees more moments of darkness and despair for the Egos in the days ahead.

It is dark when JennaLoo reaches Camp Ego Ego. The Egos put on a fake "Aw, we're so glad to see you, please do us a favor and die now, thanks!" cheer as she walks in, but the cheer becomes a little more genuine when JennaLoo reveals that she has brought some gifts to Ego Ego as a small means of reparation. She has brought the Egos some toilet rolls, a toothbrush, a wash brush, and some soap. She tells the camera that she feels bad taking things from Ego Ego, but it's all part of the game. The Shii Devil, forsaking pride to stave off starvation, asks JennaLoo whether she can spare some rice back to the Egos as the Egos' rice stash is half rotten and they have no means to catch fish now. What can JennaLoo say to that but a yes, if she doesn't want to come off as a total rotten human being? Besides, the Shii Devil is holding the rice bag and I don't think she will hand it over until JennaLoo has agreed to give back some rice to the Egos. In his confessional, Lex says that he now regrets making the tribe ration the rice so strictly only to lose it to the Cheapos. They should've just eaten everything! And then they would all die of starvation three episodes ago and I would have my Fridays off to learn to dance like those scantily-clad ladies on MTV music videos. Damn you, Lex, damn you and the rice rationing! JennaLoo tells the Egos that she really doesn't want to do this. She then tells the camera that she can see that the Ego Ego is as down as they can go and they as slowly losing everything they have.

She finally makes it back to Cheapora - I half expect the desperate Egos to ambush her halfway and hold her for ransom - where everyone is glad to see her. Or more likely, as I suspect, the goodies she is bringing back with her. Alicia is pleased as she feels that the Cheapos have now in their possessions all the objects the Egos have that are of value. JennaLoo tells the camera that Hagrid is especially pleased to see the Hawaiian sling, with he dancing around with it while making baby noises to it. Hagrid whines that the spear hasn't been taken care of properly. One season on Pearl Islands and now he's the pro, apparently. Listen close, Egos, to Hagrid's Proper Spear Care 101: always lube it generously with your unchecked ego for maximum self-stimulatory pleasures. He tells the camera that he has waited twenty days to catch fish "properly". He hopes to see that huge grouper tomorrow when he becomes the "hunter".

I really hoot with laughter when the Robfather rolls up his eyes at Hagrid going on and on about his spear. He turns to Ambore and mutters under his breath that he can handle anything after today because his patience is "so good". He playfully swats his buff at her arm and she smiles back at him. In her confessional, Ambore talks about how happy the tribe is, blah blah blah whatever.

At the campfire, the Robfather talks about passing gas, which leads to Ambore playfully swatting his arm. He then tells JennaLoo that Ambore should be disqualified for violence. Hagrid says to the camera that "if Rob and Amber are not playing kissy-face, playing sucky-kissy-face yet, they are gonna be soon". Thanks. I can die now. Hagrid has just talked about oral intimacies in his disgusting slurry voice.

Ambore and the Robfather flirt. They take "long walks in the woods" (nudge, nudge, wink). Hagrid thinks that those two look guilty and they must be up to something no good. Ambore says that at first the Robfather is just a strategy for her (move one step up, two steps left, oh yes, right there!) but now, she has "feelings". I bet she does. Those two cuddle and neck. The Robfather says that Ambore is "slamming". He likes her for her mind, intelligent, et cetera, and oh yes, she has a nice ass. Now I know he's telling the truth. Kissing! Snuggling! Back rubbing! Spooning! You can imagine the rest because I don't want to recap any more of this nonsense. The bottom line is, they both decide that they have deeper feelings for each other - or is that "feeling each other deeper"? - and they both think that the other person is like Jessica Simpson to his Nick Lachey or vice versa. The guilty look the Robfather gives the camera once those two are caught smooching leads me to suspect that they are just mugging up for the camera while getting busy at the same time, but there are reports that those two are still going strong long after the show has ended. The Robfather does say somewhere in the smooch-and-puke montage that he hopes to win the million dollars as well as Ambore. People that say things like how they want to or will win on the show always end up going to the very end or losing in a classic Burnetto-edited moment of irony. Let's just see which kind of ending the Robfather will get at the end of his run on this show.

My hubby wants to chime in here to say that the Robfather is Da Man where he is concerned. Nobody gets the hot chick and trashes all the other alpha males on this show like the Robfather, and hubby thinks that the man is even cooler than cool for that. The Robfather is prime entertainment for men that want to live vicariously. Me, I have the perfect gift planned for these two's wedding: Crazy Kathy as a strip-o-gram on the Robfather's bachelor party.

Day twenty-one. The Robfather notes to the camera that a storm is coming as he scratches himself. I'm sure his observation and his action are not related in any way. At least I hope not. As Hagrid gets ready to kill some fish, the Robfather says in perfect imitation of Hagrid's voice that Hagrid thinks that because he can catch a fish, he is worth a lot to the tribe. As he and Big Red Tom watch Hagrid fish, the Robfather tells the other man that Hagrid's world is limited to the fishing spear. He says that Hagrid looks like Grizzly Adams, thinks he's Aquaman in the ocean, and baby talks. "What is that?" he asked Tom. "You ever noticed that? 'My name is Rupert! I'm a big, big strong fisherman! In the Pearl Islands!'" he mocks Hagrid. I'm not sure whether it's wise to mock Hagrid to Tom's face, especially as Tom is Hagrid's closest buddy on the island for the time being, but hey, he's funny when he's mocking Hagrid especially because he can see through Hagrid so accurately.

Hagrid catches a small fish. Meanwhile, the Robfather says to Big Red Tom that because the Cheapos have the spear, they don't need Hagrid anymore to catch fish. Wait until Hagrid hears that, heh heh heh. Hagrid returns with a few fish and of course, boasts to the two men that he nearly didn't want to stop fishing. The Robfather tells the camera that using the Hawaiian sling shouldn't be difficult. In fact, he thinks that it will be as easy as walking into the pet store and using a net to get the fish he wants. To prove it, he decides to take the spear from Hagrid and try fishing for himself.

The Robfather says in a mocking tone that he hopes he doesn't embarrass himself as he takes the spear from Hagrid, but Hagrid isn't listening to him, intent as he is on telling Big Red Tom about how great he is at fishing and how selfish of that one big fish that got away when Hagrid is this close to catching it. But when the Robfather roars in a parody of Hagrid's own triumphant antics when he surfaces with a fish at the end of his spear, Hagrid's smile is decidedly forced. This leads him to say in a confessional that he sometimes really like the Robfather but at other times he thinks that the Robfather is a pain in the ass. Times like when the Robfather is taking the Hawaiian sling and puncturing giant holes all over Hagrid's ego. The Robfather says at the end of the day he manages to catch eleven fish with that spear - a city kid versus Aquaman, so much for that!

The Robfather gloats that he's shown Hagrid that Hagrid isn't indispensible to the tribe, especially now that they have the spear. The advantage of keeping the spear over Hagrid, he says, is that the spear doesn't eat rice. Heh! "So Rupert's stock just went down about twenty points," he adds with a really incorrigible grin. He and Tom walk side by side back to the camp, with Hagrid, now glaring at the Robfather and sulking like the spoiled crybaby that he is, walking dejectedly behind. Oh Hagrid, who would've thought that there are other people in this world that can catch fish? Time for a new strategy, dingbat!

Is it wise for the Robfather to upstage Hagrid so openly? Normally, I would say no, but come on, this is Hagrid we are talking about, the guy that learned from Big Sandra last season about the plot to boot him out but still refused to believe that the Bobos will dare boot him until it's too late. He's not exactly the sharpest spear in the shed and his position in the tribe isn't as strong as the Robfather's. So while the Robfather's action may not be wise, I don't think that it will do anything more than to keep Hagrid on his toes. Besides, I have so much fun watching Hagrid's ego get some much-needed puncturing!

It is time for the Immunity Challenge. This time around, Probby awaits at a clearing where several targets are set up. He explains to the tribes that they will have to demonstrate their mastery at several different weapons today. For the first round, the Survivors will take part in a blowgun challenge, where the tribe whose member hit closest to the center wins three arrows while the other tribe gets only one arrow. In the second round, the Survivors will take part in a spear competition, same rules, same prize. These arrows will be used for the third round, an archery tournament, where the Survivor that hits closest to the center wins Gaia for his or her tribe. "Survivors ready? Go!" Probby calls, and they're off.

Alicia sits out for Cheapora.

First round, blowgun challenge. JennaLoo's dart bounces off the target, oops. She's really not good at physical challenges, although unlike a useless third pinkie from Ego Ego, she doesn't sit out but instead try hard - good for her! Jerri hits, but her dart strikes a spot that is too far away from the center. Ambore, according to Probby, doesn't have enough wind as she misses the target altogether. Shii Devil - oh, why even bother? Even the Robfather misses the target. What is going on today? Kathy, Hagrid, Ethanol, and Big Red Tom all miss the target as well, leading Probby to declare that this challenge is harder than everyone anticipated. Only Jerri hits the target and because of her, Ego Ego gets two arrows.

Second round, spear challenge. Jerri misses the target. JennaLoo hits a far spot from the target - hurrah! The Shii Devil... whatever, moving on, Ambore misses the target and Kathy misses as well. Hagrid hits the target and so does Ethanol, but Hagrid's spear hits closer to the target. The Robfather and Lex both miss the targets. This means that Hagrid has won two arrows for Cheapora.

Third round, archery. Ego Ego is represented by Jerri, who announced when asked that she has experience with using a bow, and Cheapora is represented by the Robfather who has learned some pointers from his brother who knows his way around a bow. A rock-paper-scissor challenge allows the Robfather to decide that Jerri will go first. Yes, I too think that a coin toss method will be less complicated. Both tribes have three arrows each. Jerri misses, the Robfather also misses, Jerri misses again, and ouch, the Robfather hits the target, not close to the center but enough to make Jerri's next move with her last arrow very crucial. She misses. Cheapora wins Immunity for the three thousand, five hundred, and ninety-eighth time in a row!

Jerri looks disappointed. Her head could be served on a platter during Tribal Council tonight and she knows it. Meanwhile, Cheapora celebrate once again, although Big Red Tom refuses to kiss Gaia. After all, who knows what Ambore and the Robfather do with that thing during their late night walks?

Back at the Camp of Bitterness, So Much Bitterness, Jerri apologizes to the others for failing to secure Gaia for their camp. The others are too downcast to muster up anything more than a muttering of "whatever". To the camera, Jerri regrets sticking her neck out during the Immunity Challenge because she "blew it" (haw, haw) and now she will have to face the music. But Lex Loser tells her in a private pow-wow that Ethanol would be leaving tonight and she doesn't have to worry. Jerri is of course 150,000% into Lex's idea. They hug and he tells her not to worry about Tribal Council before kissing her on the cheek. Repeat after me, people: Lex likes touching the ladies a lot.

Now Lex is talking to the Shii Devil. I guess he respects the Shii Devil enough to care for her opinion because it's obvious that all you need to do to get a Shii Devil vote is to talk to Kathy. Lex could have skipped the talk with the Shii Devil and he wouldn't be any worse for it. He tells the twit that Ethanol is too "charming" and hence too "dangerous" to leave around. Lex, are you afraid that he will start sleeping with the Shii Devil and Kathy at once to secure two votes? I have no idea why women would want to even touch Ethanol with a bargepole, especially after his performance this season, but hey, different kind of meat for different kind of women, I guess. Gosh, now that sounds dirty, and I didn't mean it to come out that way. Honest! The Shii Devil just nods. What else can she do? She's such a useless twig.

In his confessional, Lex says that it is very difficult for him to oust Ethanol because they are friends outside the game. Since Ethanol doesn't want to be blindsided, Lex decides that it is only honorable that he tells Ethanol that the Supreme Diva will be leaving. Hello, Lex, are you mad? This is like Colby telling Jerri that she was leaving - same actions, different motivations, and I sure as heck wish that the consequences won't be the same. Lex says that he has a different gameplan now, however, a different "agenda" that doesn't include Ethanol because as he puts it, "I can't afford ballast. I can't afford dead weight. And I certainly can't be dragging an ex-winner along with me just because he's my friend."

I really, really, really, absolutely love him for describing in that one simple confessional just how absolutely useless Ethanol has been in Africa. Gosh, when even his best buddy can recognize him as a "ballast" that needs to be "dragged along", that's how much worthless Ethanol, one of the worst winners of Survivor, is.

Lex tries to take Ethanol apart from the tribe and explain how his decision is all about business and not about their friendship, but Ethanol whines and insists that it is all about friendship. Yes, because I'm sure Ethanol will happily hand Lex the million dollars if he could. Jerri doesn't deserve to be here, he whines, his voice increasingly louder as he all but stomps his foot and pouts. How dare Lex reward Jerri by kicking out Ethanol before Jerri! Jerri doesn't deserve to be here! JERRI DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE HERE!

Oh, someone please shut that whiny bitch up. Ethanol deserves to be on the show, then? Says who? And why? Just because he manages to hop along on the African BoyBoy Club and then get lucky from a technical glitch and Dim Kim choosing him to the Final Two? Ethanol's "win" is at the same level as Jabba's win, and since he is sleeping with Jabba, he doesn't have much grounds to whine about "unworthy" Survivors in the first place. Apparently Ethanol only deems someone worthy if (a) she is sleeping with him, (b) she is letting him take her for granted, and (c) she spends less time on her hair in front of the mirror than him, or if you're a guy, (d) you say that it isn't about the game and you work hard so that Ethanol can get to the finish line on your efforts.

Lex watches Ethanol watch away. He tries to apologize, and for what I have no idea, but Ethanol is listening to none of that. It is widely rumored among the spoiler community that Burnetto left out subsequent footages of Ethanol throwing things around camp and generally acting like a kid denied his toys. I don't know if this is true, but if it is, I won't be surprised.

Ethanol, in his confessional, whines that he has no idea what kind of game the others are playing. Well, they are playing a game to win a million dollars, dear, and it's called Survivor. You don't know? Oh, right, that's because you were hardly playing the first time around, so busy you were throwing uneaten food into the trash can before the eyes of starving African children and then giving them a freaking soccer ball as a bye-bye gift in between latching on to Lex and Tom to the Final Four. He again says that Jerri doesn't deserve to be here. And he does? Ethanol, do me a favor and go choke on that soccer ball you expect those African kiddies to be abjectly grateful for.

Ethanol runs to Kathy to beg her to be his Dim Kim and shield him from evil people like Lex that want to break Ethanol's sense of self-entitlement. He is whining that same old crock about Jerri and how Lex is playing some sort of game he doesn't understand. Which he doesn't, because Ethanol doesn't understand any decision that doesn't lead to his own gratification. In her confessional, Kathy says that Ethanol is a nice guy with a "big heart". Because she has seen into his core of niceness, I guess, and found a bear hug waiting for her there. Kathy tells Ethanol that she doesn't want Lex to go before Jerri. Hmm, is Ethanol trying to convince Kathy to vote out Lex? Good luck in trying to pull that one off, Ethanol!

As night approaches, Kathy says to the camera that she has looked into Ethanol's eyes and sees someone she can trust while adding that she doesn't trust anybody on the tribe. I'm really confused. She doesn't want Jerri to be in the Final Four because she wants someone who works hard as well as plays the game hard. She really needs to get off that high horse. Oh, and someone please remind her that the Final Four of Pre-Pagong Ego Ego and the post-merge Final Four are not the same. Someone is thinking way too far ahead if you ask me. That or she has truly lost it and really believes that she is now in the Final Five of the season.

Night, Tribal Council. The chatter is short and simple. Jerri apologizes again for her inability to deliver during the Immunity Challenge and the Shii Devil says that stepping up and not delivering can happen to anybody on the tribe. Ethanol borrows JennaLoo's speech - the very speech that he was vocally against at that time, the hypocrite - and insists that he is a good Final Two buddy because no one wants to crown a former winner. Lex punctures his arguments with a well-reasoned explanation that the ex-winner can argue about how he has overcome greater threats to his survival to be in the Final Two and therefore will arguably be a more "worthy" winner from the Final Two. Ethanol shakes his head, because anything that does not automatically benefit him is a Lie and Hence Not Worthy. Probby cuts short the dreary chatter and ask them to vote.

The Shii Devil - Ethanol. She first writes down "E-A-T-H" and then crosses them out. The crossed out word is not "Jerri" like some people speculated.

Ethanol - "Jerry". What a toolshed. Here's his complete, unedited toolshed speech, courtesy of Survivor Insider. From his misspelling Jerri's name in some pathetic "I'm better than you" antics to his bizarre excuses to vote out Jerri, this man is a complete tool. "Oops, did I spell your name wrong again! Hee, hee, hee! Jerri, every day I've bent over backwards to make your life a better place on this island while you slept around and did nothing. Today, you took my life into your hands and you blew it. It's going to be tough for me to live with that. I feel like you do not deserve to be here. I feel you have not played the game well. And I feel you have not worked hard enough. And I think you should be voted off for those reasons."

Ethanol is the last person to judge someone else's gameplay. Don't believe me? See Kathy's vote speech a few paragraphs below as an illumination of Ethanol's "impressive" gameplay on Ego Ego. And what's the nonsense about his making Jerri's life easier on the island? What did he do to achieve that aim? Come on to her because this man thinks that he's the greatest gift to women? For someone who has botched up so many challenges, often breaking and losing instruments in the process, he has the cheek to talk about worthy gameplays.

Jerri - Ethanol.

Lex - "EZ". "I'll leave you with one thing. It's really, really easy to leave a win with grace and dignity. But it's much, much harder to lose with that same grace and dignity. Let's see how you do." And then he winks at the end of the speech. What, he's just joking about that well-deserved put-down? I don't think I love him as much as I used to anymore.

Kathy - Ethanol. If this woman wants to be viewed as honest, she really needs to talk to Burnetto about showing her saying one thing in her confessional and then doing another thing altogether in the vote booth. Right now she comes off as a flakey and untrustworthy hag. Her speech is not shown on TV, but I'll put it here anyway because it really explains why she chooses in the end to side with Lex instead of Ethanol. "You said you were in search for truth and loyalty and yet you never once came to me until two hours before we came here. So I don't understand... I think we could have bonded. Today, when I looked in your brown eyes and you talked, I could see that you really wanted it, but you and Colby, since you both teamed up together on this tribe, you just avoided talking to us - just sent messages down the ladder of information. I can't keep you around because I don't trust you."

See? Colby and Ethanol treating Kathy and the Shii Devil like pawns will return to bite them in the behind. How's the gameplan now, Ethanol?

Ethanol kisses and hugs everyone, because now that he's going to be doing post-show interviews, it's time to lay that Mr Nice Guy schtick real thick again to mask the fact that he doesn't do jack on this show. The excuses are flying fast during the interview circuit, in fact. He is so bad at Challenges because he doesn't perform well under pressure! Thankfully this smarmy idiot man-slut is now gone from my TV and hopefully he will never ever pollute my TV ever again.

Probby talks about the importance of trust and sends the Final Four of the Ego Ego back to camp. The countdown to Pagong has begun.

Next week, no recap as I don't do clip shows although the fact that they put Lex in the trailer clip and then have the caption "Next: The King Of Queens" under him almost tempts to watch that show. Come back again the week after. I'm taking a well-deserved break next Friday for some R&R.

Oh, I can stand a bit more of Ethanol, now that he's going away for a long, long time from TV Land. His final words have him saying that he is honored to be the last former winner standing (omitting the phrase "by default, since I didn't really do anything other than to latch on and play third fiddle to Lex and Colby") and he will always cherish this experience forever, among other canned responses.

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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