PROJECT RUNWAY

Season 2 Episode 11: What's Your Line

Previously, the expected Santino and Nick square-off took place but it was a total anticlimax because it's obvious that the show would never, ever cut Santino out. Nick was also shown early on bragging and being confident about the challenge, which on this show is a surefire sign of him getting cut. This rule, by the way, applies only if the contestant is not named Santino. The challenge was to design a makeover for a fellow Fashionista and Chloe won for designing something utterly generic for Nick. Santino's jumpsuit for Kara fell apart at the sleeves but Tim would like everyone to believe that the jumpsuit looked better on the Runway than Zulema's outfit which caused Zulema to be booted on the basis of poor construction skills. What can I say? Have to love a show that knows how inconsistent it is being and sends Tim out to sell the last of his credibility in trying to keep people from seeing that the show is falling apart like Santino's jumpsuit.

Morning, the Apartments. Chloe's voiceover comes on, put in by the editor to explain the scene, as she "tells" Kara, "Nina Garcia tells Santino, 'So what's up with the sleeves?'" Kara does her best to look like Victoria Beckham as she snarls dramatically to Chloe in her Santino impersonation, "Your sleeve, your sleeve, tuck it in!" Kara is telling Chloe how Santino was behaving towards her before the previous Runway show started as the two ladies get ready to head out to Parsons in the bathroom. She tells Chloe, "I'm like, 'Are you crazy?'" Chloe tells the camera that she doesn't think that Nick should have gone and she thinks that Santino "got lucky again... and survived". To Kara, Chloe wonders aloud who will sew Santino's clothes for him should the man ever make it to the Olympus Fashion Week because apparently Santino hasn't done any "machine-sewing". That explains why Santino overuses all those dangling bits and braids over his designs, I suppose, that he embellishes in an attempt to mask the fact that he can't really do any actual complicated sewing. Chloe wonders about Santino's sewing skills because that man can't even sew his jumpsuit. Kara tells Chloe that Santino would "kill his young" to make it to the final three. He doesn't have to, really, the producers will kill the show instead to get him there. Kara says that Santino will walk over anyone to get there.

Over at the men's place, Dan poses for the camera in his underwear while he brushes his teeth. Verdict: not sexy. At all. Meanwhile, Santino is in his underwear and a shirt, looking like he's meditating or something in bed. His hair is all messed up and he looks like he hasn't bathed as much as he just stands under the shower with his clothes on and lets the water run for ten seconds. Verdict: Kill me, somebody. Dan tells the camera that he is not happy with Santino and therefore he doesn't have much to say to him. He hopes that it's him and the two ladies all the way to Fashion Week. As he gets dressed - thanks! - Santino tells the camera that "everybody" has contempt for him but he doesn't care about all that. He is more excited about the fact that he's so close to being on Fashion Week. He says that he's "excited", "feels really pumped-up", and adds that this is his time to "shine".

On to Parsons. At the Runway, Heidi steps out to announce the next challenge. She says that this challenge is an important one because it allows three Fashionistas to show off their designs at the Olympus Fashion Week. Actually, we all know that all four of them will be putting on shows under the tent (with one of them, Kara in this season, being the decoy line to throw people off the identities of the final three) and therefore all four of them will get their works shown off to the industry insiders and journalists that may be in the audience. Therefore, there's no real "loser" in this episode unless we're to count Austin from the previous season for his lacklustre decoy line, but I kind of understand why the show wants to play up the pretense for suspense purposes. If we all know that the person cut at the end of this episode will still get to be on Fashion Week, we may not watch this episode with too much anticipation. Heidi reveals that for this challenge, the Fashionistas will offer her, the judges, and of course, the audience a sneak peek at their proposed designs for the Fashion Week by designing an evening gown that will represent their designs at Fashion Week. Dan goes, "Yeah! Just like that!" while his eyes are wide open. He looks like he's just been hit with a cattle prod where it hurts the most. The other Fashionistas respond in rehearsed surprise and excitement while Heidi whirls her arms on the Runway like she's a crazy windmill. I'm not kidding about the windmill part.

But first, there's the matter of Rachel to address. Rachael knows that Chloe will never ditch Grace for her, Heidi knows that, I know that, and I'm sure you know that, so the whole procedure is merely a matter of formality. When Rachael leaves, Dan calls after her, "Thank you, baby." Whatever for? For being Nick's model? Strange, really, the way Dan always tries to put himself into a spot where he comes off as being magnanimous and fair even when it doesn't make sense for him to do so. I mean, Rachael doesn't have anything to do with him at all throughout the season!

At the Sweatshop, Tim asks the Fashionistas to gather around and they do, in the most obviously rehearsed "spontaneous group pose" that I've seen before Tim. I wonder how many takes are required to get this scene right, heh. Ah, this show, there's nothing spontaneous about it at all. Tim explains that the Olympus Fashion Week is organized by the company called 7th On Sixth and the Fashionistas will be going on a "brief field trip" with him to meet the executive director of 7th On Sixth, Fern Mallis. The Fashionistas act awed and delighted like they are told to. Tim says that this audience with Fern is a great opportunity to ask her things. "Isn't this great?" he asks them dryly. "That is great," murmurs Kara. Tim agrees, saying enthusiastically now, "Yeah!" This show doesn't really know the meaning of subtlety when it comes to hyping the people with the moolah behind this show, I tell you. Kara tells the camera about how awesome it is to meet a woman of "such power and such esteem" in the fashion industry. As the Fashionistas leave Parsons and hit the road, Chloe calls Fern "a fashion icon" because Fern gets to decide what's going to be under the tent at Olympus Fashion Week. Isn't that like calling the boss the new Tiger Woods because he's the one determining whether one gets a pay raise?

At the conference room at 7th On Sixth, Tim says in a way that can't be more scripted if a teleprompter is placed right before his face that he is seated beside "the executive director of 7th On Sixth, Fern Mallis" and therefore it is "thrilling" and "wonderful" to be given an opportunity to have a "private audience" with her. As private as it can be with four Fashionistas, Tim, a camera crew, and an audience watching the show on their TV sets, that is. Fern tells them that there are about seventy shows a week in the tent and 7th On Sixth want to make sure that only the best shows from people with "a point of view" are shown. That is why they get into bed with the people behind this contrived show, of course. It's all about the integrity of fashion! She now invites some questions from the Fashionistas. Santino asks her whether it's true that the people in the audience focus more on the negative aspects of a line than the good aspects. If he wants some validation about how misunderstood he is and how his detractors don't "get it", he will have to remain disappointed as Fern tells him that the audience of Fashion Week are, unlike the audience of this show of course, "pretty well-trained" to remember all the good things that they have seen on the Runway.

Dan now asks what advice Fern can give them on mistakes commonly made by beginners in the industry. I don't know whether Fern is told to say this (of course she is, duh), but she then talks about how you can't be too nice in the business. The gong plays in the background because I'm supposed to be gullible enough to go, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Does this mean that Santino will finally be cut this week because he's really such a mean person and the show is now onto him?" Dan, who is determined to shoulder the burden of the world from Kara Saun and make it his own duty to judge and condemn his fellow man, quickly turns to give Santino a condemning look. Santino looks like he can't care less while Dan tells the camera that when Fern starts talking about how we should all be nice and hold hands with each other in the fashion industry, he wants to "really quickly glance" at Santino and tells him that he told Santino so. But he did glance at Santino so there's that, I suppose. Fern tells them that they shouldn't be a bitch or be nasty or play to win at all costs because apparently "people" have no patience with "bad people".

So what does that say about the producers and judges on this show who clearly have patience with Santino? They aren't "people", then? I'm always amazed at the lengths this show sometimes go to delude itself that it isn't what it actually is. On one hand it rewards Santino for being a TV villain, it punishes Fashionistas like Diana for being innovative, and it rewards genericity from Chloe and Dan, but at the same time, it drags Zulema through the mud for using an opportunity to switch models that the show provides since day one, moans that there is no creativity in the designs after it has ejected all its more innovative Fashionistas by mid-season, and pretends that bitchery and catfighting are horrible things indeed that have no place in a "fair" competition even as it pushes for these things to happen. See the problem here? I don't care if the show is rigged, but I do care when the show starts playing up the hypocrite card and pretends to be something it is clearly not.

As Santino listens to Fern babble, he voices over that people can't be nice all the time. And then the tone of his voice changes noticeably, suggesting to me that the editors are splicing in snippets from a different confessional, as he "continues to say" that the Olympus Fashion Week is the Superbowl of American fashion. Thanks for reducing that event into an overcommercialized circus featuring sweaty brutes pounding chests with each other while wearing see-through pants and crotch pads! Fern meanwhile calls the "private audience" to an end and says that she will see three of them at Fashion Week. Still pretending that only three Fashionistas will be on Fashion Week, I see. I tell you, she is going to be surprised then when she sees Kara on Fashion Week as well, snort.

As the show cuts back to the Sweatshop, Tim's hilariously obvious voice-over comes on: "We're back at Parsons, the new school for design, and you have an hour to sketch." Doesn't that voiceover bit reek of desperate product-placement for Parsons? The Fashionistas enter the Sweatshop and quickly get out their sketch pads and pencils. Chloe unnecessarily repeats to the camera what the Fashionistas have to do in this challenge and adds that she will be creating something "1940s Hollywood glamour" for the Olympus Fashion Week. Like everything else about Chloe, she is stunningly original. Her design for the evening gown will be "completely open-backed" which she thinks is "slightly sexy and sophisticated". Not to mention, done to death. "Definitely clean lines, nothing messy," she tells the camera.

Dan tells the camera that he already has a specific silhouette in mind as he sketches. He wants to create something "high-impact" for the Runway. Therefore his design will have "a high slit and flowing fabrics". He claims that his design will be "very body-conscious", which he modestly claims is something that he is "kind of known for". Yeah, body-conscious like his blimp bag orchid dress which makes Rebecca look like an out-of-shape bag lady? Since when is Dan is famous enough to be considered well-known for anything? I want the silent and nearly-invisible Dan from the early episodes of this season back. Please take this hubris-laden judgmental twit version of Dan away, somebody!

Santino is busy sketching too and he explains to the camera that he too is designing a collection that will be "very Hollywood and very glamorous". I know these Fashionistas want famous people to buy and wear their clothes - who doesn't? - but two Hollywood-themed collections for Fashion Week? Come on. I'm starting to miss Kara Saun's "when aviation meets technology" line already. Speaking of Kara Saun, has anyone informed her yet that aviation is technology and not ridiculously long skirts that are impossible to walk in? Santino's sketch however looks really interesting. Isn't it strange that Diana Eng gets hammered by Tim for being too conceptual when Santino may just end up being the biggest conceptual artist on this show? Maybe being a man who claims to be gay will persuade Tim to overlook plenty of flaws in that person. Anyway, if I am deranged enough to want to pay a lot of money for the sketches of these Fashionistas, I'd probably bid on Santino's. Santino tells the camera that he wants to make magic happen and create a really beautiful dress. Alrighty then. Make it work!

Kara however is having problems since she claims that eveningwear is not her thing. It isn't? Her sketches are those of several variations of those empire-waisted dresses that she usually favors. She claims to the camera that she doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't seem to make up her mind yet when the hour is up and Tim comes in to take them to Mood, the only place that matters in this show. He also tells them that the Fashionistas will have two days to finish their designs. The Fashionistas and Tim then hit the streets, where poor Santino is left to walk alone a noticeable distance behind the other three Fashionistas. How sad. Anyone else would be heartbroken when a judgmental and overrated emo-rocker wannabe, a boring sanctimonious lady, and an overexcited lady on the verge of a nervous breakdown give that poor person the cut.

At Mood, Dan ponders aloud whether to get silk charmeuse or satin. He tells the camera that the Fashionistas are each given $300 to use and therefore he can this time around look for "very expensive fabrics" that can "flatter and shine" for the Runway. He seems interested in a dark blue bolt and gestures wildly to Tim about what seems like a graphic description of that moment when his other testicle finally dropped. Santino has a specific color in mind: gold. He tells the camera that he ends up with gold wrinkled silk chiffon, gold pleated tulle, and gold chiffon embellished with plenty of medallion-shaped paillettes. It isn't Santino, after all, until it has plenty of things hanging all over the place! Chloe shows Tim what she wants to buy: jersey fabrics. Kara however dawdles at the chiffon aisles and seems unsure as to what to buy. Kara's next confessional is spliced together from two different confessionals where she says that she has no clear design in mind and therefore she has no clear idea of what she needs to buy. She voices her reservations to Tim, saying that she wants to create something simple because she's simple that way, and Tim helpfully tells her that he wants this shopping trip to be successful for everyone.

With their purchases in hand, the Fashionistas return to the Sweatshop. The clock begins ticking: day one of the challenge has started. As the Fashionistas get to work, Kara gets Dan to comment on... um, the way she drapes some fabric on her mannequin, it seems. Dan gets conformation from her that her look is going to be the 1940s - my, everyone is so original today! - and adds most unenthusiastically that he loves the idea of Kara putting a "racer back" on her evening gown. Remember, Dan also loved Nick's design that same way. He tells Kara to keep doing what she is doing while Kara seems stunned that he thinks that way. In hindsight, she may probably wish that she hasn't listened to Dan's "advice" like that. Chloe merely tells Kara to stick with what she feels is right for her. Kara explains to the camera that she really doesn't do eveningwear "at all". It seems to me that Kara is handicapped by the more conventional ideas of an "eveningwear" design - long skirt, bias cuts, flowing fabrics, the kind of generic things that Dan and Chloe are doing - that she misses the fact that, as a designer, she could design something that is out of the box instead of trying so hard to fit into the box. Her empire-waisted designs that she favors, for example, could be easily adjusted into eveningwear material. The Fashionistas all think "Hollywood" when they are told to create an evening dress, it seems. I don't know whether it's because they are not as creative as they'd like to be or that stress has sucked their creative juices dry by this point of the competition, but I'm surprised that Kara seems to believe that there is only a limited range of acceptable designs for eveningwear that she has to follow.

Kara spots Santino's gold paillette-laden chiffon spread out on his worktable and moves over to admire it. "That's amazing stuff!" she says while Santino's bald spot replies with, "That's a lucky find!" Santino tells the camera that when Kara compliments him, he merely thanks her and quickly puts his head back down to keep working. Except, he never did thank her for the compliment, that jackass, heh. He explains that at this stage of the competition, it's all about "individual visions" and not helping other people. I agree that he is not obligated to help the other Fashionistas but I wonder at his belief that Kara is trying to lure him into helping her. After the way he treated her in the previous show and after the way his jumpsuit fell apart on the Runway, Santino must think really, really, really highly of himself to imagine that Kara will still want to turn to him for any advice. As Chloe tells Santino that his paillettes create a sound that is like "a tree rustling", Kara tells the camera that this is a competition and everyone wants to make it to the Olympus Fashion Week. She says that she and Chloe have been helping each other out but Santino hasn't spoken a word to them that day. What, is she complaining about that? I thought they all like it when Santino isn't speaking to them? These people don't know what they want, I tell you.

Meanwhile, Chloe pipes out about how sad that one of them has to leave at the end of the challenge. Yes, that is the kind of rivetting conversations that I always want to hear when I'm hard at work in a challenge where my butt is on the line. Dan starts getting really obnoxious when he starts talking about how he is worried whether he will make it to the final three. Chloe and Kara assure him that he will definitely move on and Dan, obviously fishing for compliments, insists that there is no reason why the judges won't cut him out of the show. Santino mercifully cuts through Dan's nonsense by telling him, "Oh, auf wiedersehen!" Kara turns and tells Santino that he is being "so rude" while Chloe stands there and looks appalled. Dan tells the camera that Santino is "very arrogant" and "should have gone home". He then says that Nick should have been given more credit as a designer. Why is he dragging Nick into this? He's just annoyed that Santino has the temerity to call him on his ridiculous fishing for compliments. As much as I dislike Santino, I will be happily on his side if he is going to call Dan on his passive-aggressive little snit antics.

11:10 pm, or according to the caption, one hour until the end of day one. Work, work, work. Kara is working beside Chloe and she tells Chloe that she is starting to see how things should come together for her design. That's nice to hear. 11:50 pm. Santino tells the camera that he worked hard to reach this stage of the competition. He wants to win, he says, and he wants to show amazing clothes. That's nice to hear as well but I won't hold my breath until I see some evidence that the amazing clothes are really going to materialize. 12:00 am. Ding-ding-ding! Time to head on back to the Apartments now.

At the men's place, the two men walk in through the door and pause before the message Nick left on the blackboard by the door, no doubt because the show wants a "tribute to Nick, someone we eliminated because we know it will be great for dramatic water-cooler chatter" moment and the two men are obligated therefore to enact the scene for the show. Nick's message is: "Good luck Daniel - make it to the top. Heart, Nick". No good luck wishes for Santino? Nick is always a gracious loser.

Once the two men seat themselves down, Santino tells Dan that it is most unfortunate that Nick was "fickle" towards him. He tells Dan how Nick, when he was cut, kept saying that at least Nick's garments weren't taped together. Santino says that he was like, "Whatever!" It does seem like he's a little hurt by Nick's dismissal of his work like that though. Santino goes on to insist that everyone's design was falling apart on the Runway and Dan says that Santino's assumption isn't true at all. Santino shrugs and says his design was better than Nick's "regardless". Dan says that again that isn't true at all. "You're just lucky that the judges have bad eyesight," he tells Santino. Santino rolls up his eyes and says, "Dude! I mean... whatever!" It is most reassuring to see this man speak like he's a Valley Girl, I tell you. He has more to say to Dan but the show decides that since most of the people that still watch this show are crazy Dan groupie-wannabes with no sense of perspective, it is better to have Dan babbling to the camera instead. Dan announces that he has appointed himself the Arbiter of Quality Fashion Designs and talks about how "sad" it is that Santino keeps talking about how great his designs are when they are actually falling apart before everyone's eyes. He asks Santino whether Santino is not a little troubled by the fact that Santino can't send a "sewn" garment to the Runway. Santino goes whatever when he has the right to show Dan the finger and ask Dan who killed Kara Saun and appointed Dan the new Project Runway Guru of Morals, Soul, and Scruples.

In the morning, as he gets ready to head over to Parsons, Santino tells the camera that Dan is not going to make him feel guilty after last night because he doesn't really care what anyone thinks of him. Oh, and he knows that Dan is "full of shit" and is "jealous" of him. I don't know about the jealousy part since I'm not a thirteen-year old schoolgirl sure that everyone disagrees with me because of jealousy, but I agree whole-heartedly about the Dan being so full of it. Santino vacates the toilet as Dan walks in to bend over in the toilet bowl while he's brushing his teeth - don't ask me why Dan doesn't use the sink - and those two men refuse to even look at each other. Dan tells the camera that Santino is a "one-trick pony" and hopes that the judges will look closely at the final designs and choose the people that Dan likes the most because only that will be the correct thing to do.

Day two is here as the Fashionistas walk into the Sweatshop. As Santino examines the dress he has half-way done on the mannequin, he tells the camera that he feels that he needs to do his best for this challenge. Lo and behold, Tim shows up when it's still early and the Fashionistas have plenty of times to make changes that he will suggest. Maybe his office is being fumigated and he can't exchange pornographic emails with teenaged girls pretending to be Emmett. Tim senses blood from Kara and moves in on her. He seems taken aback by the racer back in Kara's design and Kara hopes that the racer back will make a nice twist in the usual eveningwear formula. Kara puckers her lips in her confessional as she is nervous about the challenge and has many reservations - the usual "I'm so worried about what I can do!" spiel, really. She also thinks that it is not good to be "too safe" in the fashion industry - a little risk is to be expected. Now, if only she puts what she preaches into practice. On to Dan, Tim thinks that the dress Dan is making looks "Marlene Dietrich" and Dan says, "Exactly!" and adds that he wants his dress to look modern instead of "period". Marlene Dietrich is "modern"? I think I am missing something here. As Tim and Dan agree on some changes in the location of some "band" on the dress, Dan tells the camera that he doesn't want his model Rebecca to look too old. "Sophistication can be had for a twenty-year old but it also can be had for a fifty-year old," he says. Okay, that I can agree with but what does that have to do with not making Rebecca look too old? The editing of this entire scene between Tim and Dan is bizarre and Dan seems to be contradicting himself with every sentence he utters. What is going on here, editors?

Tim is confused by Chloe's design and asks whether the skirt of the end garment will have more "body" and "volume" than the bizarre lavender thing Chloe has on the mannequin. Chloe says that Tim is looking at what will be pretty much the final garment. Tim isn't so confident about it, saying that the garment looks like "a bathing suit with kind of like a towel wrapped around it or something". Chloe doesn't seem to be willing to make too many changes and what minor changes she suggests for the skirt don't placate Tim. He finds the whole design "odd". Tim then moves on to Santino and proclaims the top of the design "beautiful". But not much else seems to be done, causing Tim to wonder about Santino's time management. Santino admits that he still has to "connect the skirt" and put all those elements of his design together. Meanwhile, Chloe is shamelessly eavesdropping as she works on her own design. Santino explains that all the elements of his design will be sewn one by one and Tim is really worried that the man can't finish everything in time. Santino tells the camera that Tim's reservations don't bother him because he is confident about several things about his design. One, he's being different in that he isn't using silk charmeuse like everyone else - he's using stretch satin, and two, his design is different from the others. "And different is better!" he says. Wow, he is so... correct here. If he keeps this up, I may just end up rooting for him in the final three!

Tim now asks them to stop working and waste precious minutes to listen to him announce something very important. He has a "big surprise" for them: the "supermodel among supermodels" Iman will guest judge and also wear the winning design on the red carpet of "a big event". For the sake of the Fashionistas, I hope the "big event" is something like a high-profile award ceremony with plenty of cameras around instead of something like the aftershow party to celebrate the debut episode of some has-been rock star's reality TV show. The Fashionistas all squeal like they are told that Gwyneth Paltrow will wear the winning design at the red carpet on Oscar night. Kara thinks that it is great to have an icon like Iman wearing one of their dresses to the red carpet. Yes, but the red carpet of what? After Tim has left them, Santino says aloud, "Holy shit!" To the camera, he gushes the party line about how great Iman is and then says that he feels his design will be one that Iman will like. Dan announces to the others that he loves Iman's voice and he can't wait to hear her speak. He tells the camera that this challenge will "make or break" them because they aren't just going to head on to the Fashion Week if they make it but if they win this challenge, someone of Iman's "calibre" and "beauty" will be wearing the winning dress. Oh, blessed be the dress that is worn by Iman!

Dan now starts to fish for compliments again when he starts saying how nervous he is. Chloe of course says that he'll be okay, the usual. Dan insists that he is "anxious nervous" because he wants "it so bad right now". He thinks that winning will jumpstart all their careers. Chloe says that winning will jumpstart his career. She says that she is still questioning whether she wants to win. Dan goes, "Oh my gosh!" while Santino cries, "What?" Kara just looks harried like she usually does. Chloe starts talking about how she once had that kind of life and it's apparently a "hard life" according to Chloe. Dan tells the camera that Chloe doesn't want the kind of fame that this show will "ultimately" catapaults her to. Yes, because Jay is such a superstar in the world, I tell you, selling zillions and zillions of clothes and other merchandises and living the big life instead of pathetically making TV shows about how tough his life is, with all those self-made problems of his and what-not. Dan says that Kara, Santino, and himself would love the big break that Chloe is being so flippant about. Chloe tells the others that her sisters will slap her if they know that she is expressing doubts at this stage of the competition. As Kara is asking Chloe why she's saying all that "crap", Chloe tells the camera that she went to New York when she was twenty and now she's in Texas to live a "balanced life". To the others, Chloe says that it is a "seriously hard life" being a... um, successful designer? A superstar? Dan is like, "I know, we've talked about it!" because he loves sounding wiser than he actually is to the camera. Chloe tells the camera that she is freaked out when she's so close to being in the final three, apparently because she will then have to close her boutique, dump her husband, sell off her kids to some Hanoi sweatshops, and enjoy being a celebrity superstar if she wins.

Is this the kind of banal and utterly insipid "polite" conversation that goes on in the Sweatshop? No wonder Santino keeps his mouth shut, I tell you. At the rate Dan and Chloe are going about how hard it will be to be so successful and so, so famous, they are counting the chickens before the eggs are hatched and I don't know whether to laugh at their hubris or feel embarrassed at how ridiculous they are coming off as on TV.

Six hours until the end of day two. As the Fashionistas work, Kara pretends that she's a WWE announcer watching herself work as she keeps announcing things like, "Sunday goes Kara with her charmeuse. She's pulling it apart. Can she... can she?" Picture she going like this while she's bent over on her knees on the table trying to cut the charmeuse in question. Simply hilarious. Dan comes in to join in the hilarity with his fake atrocious British accent. I hope he doesn't think that he's a wit because that guy is proving to be a punchline-killer with his "Oh gosh, how do I respond to his awfully corny joke?" conversation stoppers.

Then it's 8:35 pm and Tim shows up again. Maybe he's finally discovered that his online "Emmett" is actually a teenaged pimply-girl who watches this show when she's not rewatching her taped copies of Queer As Folk and believes fervently that gay men are so adorable because they are placed in this world to serve as straight teenaged girls' pets and slash fiction subjects, and therefore he's now going to torment the Fashionistas as a way to vent. He announces that he's taking them all to a field trip during the dinner break. Chloe goes, "What?" "Field trips" on this show, after all, is always a nicer way of saying "boring and often anticlimatic wastes of time". Tim now orders the Fashionistas to follow him now and lets Dan know when the twit asks him that the Fashionistas don't need to bring their bags along with them. Kara wonders to the camera whether Tim is crazy to take them out of their Sweatshop. On their way to the mysterious destination, Chloe echoes that sentiment aloud, clearly not too pleased to be whisked away from her work.

Well, obviously Tim is not crazy because the Fashionistas would no doubt be thrilled to end up at a party in Suede with the also-rans of the previous season when they could be spending time catching up on loose ends in their designs. "Tim, what do you have planned for us?" Dan says in the most stilted and most obviously rehearsed manner possible this side of bad soap-opera acting land as he and the other Fashionistas follow Tim through the door. Maybe that is the tenth time they make him say that line as they reenact the whole walk-in scene. Heidi then greets them in this most well-lit party decorated like it's some... oh gosh, a ten-year old's birthday party instead of an actual party to cater to drunk supermodels and hedonistic fashion designers. Of course, it doesn't help that Heidi chirps like she's the most chirpy mother ever to throw a birthday party for her kid. Tim, Heidi, the Mighty Ogre, Jay, Kara Saun, and Austin along with the models Grace, Heather, and Rebecca stand in a straight line of two rows (the models are stuck at the back row) like they are in a kiddie school choir performance as Heidi chirps her welcome to the Fashionistas. The bartender sulks in the background looking like she is now thinking that no overtime pay is worth being stuck on TV in a party as lame as this one. Heidi introduces the guests to the Fashionistas like they have never seen the Mighty Ogre or their own models before and then calls them to mingle and have fun. I tell you, this is the most amusing "party" I have ever seen - it is just begging for a parody because it is so freaking staged and ridiculously sanitized in a "the fashion industry parties are as enjoyable as your average family-friendly birthday parties at Wendy" manner to suit the tastes of all those girlies tuning in to watch this show just to ogle at cute gay guys like Nick and Dan when they are not shipping Tim with Andraé or Emmett.

Lots of forced and fake "rapports" ensue. Kara tells the camera that they all have fun when they "sizzle down with the little sizzlers... you know". No, Kara, I don't know. Should I bring a fire extinguisher just in case? Kara Saun is still a black hole when it comes to personality as she and Dan both congratulate each other and themselves for knowing how important the final challenge is, how stressed out they all are at this point, and how brilliant they both are to have figured all this out by themselves. Jay and Santino bond over mutual hubris, a convinction that the world out there hates them because the world is jealous of their unbelievable talents, and how they will clinging to this show ten years from now in a desperate attempt to extend their fifteen minutes of fame. Demonstrating that he no longer has any sense of irony, Austin wears what seems like Dame Edna's dress and a shawl as he twirls around and shows off his brand new skeletal body to the others. "You can never be too thin or too rich, I always say. I've got the thin part down. I've just got to work on the riches," he says. Oh, that poor thing. He should either get a sex change and be done with it or at the very least stop blaming Wendy Pepper for his ouster in the first season. Come on, does anyone really expect Nancy O'Dell to wear that rainbow-colored lollypop dress he made in that final challenge?

Chloe and Kara Saun discuss how Kara Saun's life has changed after the show and Kara Saun is as usual smug and insufferable in how self-righteous she is, never mind the illegal Dollhouse shoes that she hides in her closet. Apparently Kara Saun's ramblings wake Chloe up to the notion that being famous and rich really isn't such a bad thing and therefore she's now hardcore serious. Or something. Gotta love people who act like martyrs when it comes to having fame and fortune. Are these people training to be TV evangelists or something? Kara (not Kara Saun) apologizes to the Mighty Ogre for being corny but she's so glad to meet him. The Mighty Ogre says that fashion is all about new things - he will of course put himself under the "always new and trendy" category of things - so he's just as happy to meet the Fashionistas as Kara is to meet him. He then gathers everyone for a toast to celebrate how exciting they are all and how talented they are as well. Oh, and for doing a fabulous job in creating those dresses. Or something. Just drink, for goodness sake, because this episode needs fillers and this unnatural and stilted party may as well go on forever. Cheers!

The Fashionistas and Tim eventually wind up back at the Sweatshop. "Someone's finished all of her dresses!" some guy which sounds like Dan sing-songs to Tim. I sincerely hope that the person is not Dan because Dan is smiling smugly as he tries to get Tim's attention to his dress by twirling his mannequin. I hate to imagine that Dan has grown into this annoying attention-hog as of late. He's already pretty unbearable to watch so he doesn't need any more annoying traits. Kara asks Tim how much time the Fashionistas have and Tim tells her that they all have until one. He bids them farewell and leaves them to their own devices. Kara rather redundantly tells the camera that the Fashionistas get back to work in the Sweatshop after the party, maybe for the sake of the blind people watching this show who can't see what is happening on their TV screen. Kara approaches Chloe for help, saying that she is "so worried" about the obvious puckers on her garment. The puckers at the back of Nick's design must still be fresh in her mind. Chloe helps Kara by telling her that Chloe doesn't "do stretch" because of the puckering.

Santino watches the two women and Kara going drama queen about her dress with a "What on earth?" expression on his face while he works on his dress. He tells the camera that his design says something that is "so different" from the designs of the other Fashionistas so he thinks he should be given a spot in the final three because he takes risks. How nice that he comes to this conclusion after creating the same freaking dress week after week while Fashionistas who did take risks were cut for taking risks. But if he wants to be the exciting and unusual one in the final three, by all means then show me those exciting and innovative designs and I'd happily root for him to win. Don't just talk the talk - walk the walk also, Santino.

Dan sighs as he works that one of them has to leave tomorrow. He keeps babbling annoyingly banal things like this that I am seriously wishing that he is the one that ends up leaving. That will get him sighing even louder, I'm sure. Dan tells the camera that Santino keeps adding more and more to the man's outfit and therefore Dan thinks that Santino is someone who keeps going "over the top". He calls Santino's dress "extremely overdesigned". Meanwhile, Chloe decides to ignore Tim's cautions and stick with her instinct because, as she says, she knows proportions and gowns. Is she saying that Tim doesn't. At one, they leave the Sweatshop.

The Apartments. At the ladies' place, Kara says that they have "quite a challenge" that night. Chloe says that if they go out, at least they go out with "strong pieces". Yeah, in their greatest fantasies where their works will be considered "strong". Kara hopes that Santino won't go through because she doesn't "get" Santino's dress. Chloe says that Santino's style isn't hers. "If he keeps adding paillettes, it's going to be a turkey," Chloe says of Santino's dress in a rare moment of hubris-free lucidity. At the men's place, Santino wonders whether Dan's dress will be "in" or Kara's. I guess he's comparing those two because their designs use similar colors. Then the conversation jumps to Santino saying that Kara, Chloe, and Dan have played it safe on the show. And he hasn't? The same stupid gee-gaw laden babydoll dress week after week? Watching Santino play the "risk-taking innovator" card is like watching a pencil-pusher insisting that he's an entrepreneur just because he's the last one yet to be retrenched from the company. Dan tells Santino that well, they have to do what they can do. Santino says that he likes Dan's dress and thinks that Dan will be okay. Dan sarcastically widens his eyes and lays his hand over his heart, saying, "Thanks, I'm hoping just to get by." Watching these two is very tiring, I tell you. Dan is so passive-aggressive in his dislike of Santino while Santino keeps pushing Dan's buttons.

Morning, day of Runway show, also known as "At last, this episode is coming to an end when I fear that it never will!" Kara gets ready for the day and asks Chloe whether she is ready to "rumble". Chloe just sticks the toothbrush into her mouth and closes her eyes. Nice. Kara tells the camera that she thinks that Chloe is just tiptoeing around the challenge and wonders whether Chloe is really passionate about her career as a fashion designer. With that tidbit to start the morning, the Fashionistas are all ready and they leave for Parsons. At the Sweatshop, Kara struggles with her mannequin and asks Santino whether "someone" can help her. Santino just points at somewhere off-camera and Kara answers for him, "No." Santino tells the camera that he can't afford to waste time helping people when he could be making a "very impressive outfit". The thing is, the dress isn't beautiful at all and also, Kara just needs help in moving the mannequin across the room. God. Kara says it best when she tells Santino that he can be such a dick sometimes. Santino tells the camera that he has to be selfish or he will end up being the "asshole that has helped everybody". Who had he helped in the past? Did he think that he helped Marla, Guadalupe, and Diana when he said that those women hadn't had sex before?

The problem with this show, in my opinion, is that it has become the Santino showcase and Santino is such an overwhelmingly self-unaware asshole with no redeeming trait if you don't think that he has some great talent that will change the fashion industry completely as long as we somehow hold out breath and bite our tongue until he magically demonstrates that talent. I certainly don't think so and therefore watching him dominate this show with his pointless insults, obnoxious behavior, and camera-hogging, none of which is part of a strategy to win and all of which are just because the guy is a complete asshole, is a draining experience. He doesn't fill me with rage or anything, he just drains me with his repulsive face and voice and tires me out. When this season is over, I will not be looking back at it with fond memories.

Tim shows up for some last-moment critiques although what good all his critiques will do at this eleventh hour before the Runway show only he will know. They must be still fumigating his office. Tim tells Chloe that he is "disappointed" that Chloe did what she did without taking into consideration Tim's previous helpful "advice". He points out that the dress is hugging the rear end of the wearer and Chloe insists that the dress is meant to do just that. I hope Iman will love having her rear end framed and showcased by Chloe's dress. Tim tells Chloe to be prepared to tell Nina that the dress is meant to make the wearer look like "she has a big fat ass". Wow, Tim can be such a bitch, what with "gumby legs", "elongated marshmallow", and now this. It's a good thing that he's gay, I suppose, since I don't think there's any woman that will meet his exacting standards in physical appearance!

Tim is also disappointed when Kara reveals that she's not giving her dress a sash like Tim suggested. It's Ignore Tim Day and the poor man obviously doesn't enjoy any moment of it. Tim says that Kara shouldn't be "ambivalent" about her design and hints that the dress looks incomplete. Kara however believes that her design already looks complete. No it doesn't, it looks only half-finished and also from what I can see, there are plenty of frayed threads sticking out here and there to suggest that the garment is poorly sewn as well. Tim tells her that her dress is "just a dress" and asks her to be prepared to respond to questions asking her what's so special about her dress. Tim tells Dan that Dan's dress and Kara's look similar but Dan's feels better. Dan says that he knows that his dress will "open" differently on the Runway and therefore he is confident with his design. Tim is fine with Dan's design and moves on to Santino. After Santino explains that he intends to add more stuff to that dress, Tim says that he is already thinking of costumes for a Renaissance fest when he sees that dress. It's Guinevere when Santino should be doing Hollywood glamor. He thinks that Santino has the most work to do in repairing his dress. He then tells the Fashionistas that the models will show up soon after he leaves and they have an hour to doll the models up and get them dressed up for the Runway.

After Tim has left, Dan says that he's not nervous (again, he's initiating a conversation designed to get people to reassure him that he's the best and the greatest, sheesh) and Chloe again bites the bait by saying that he thinks he's not nervous but he actually is. Santino says that he hopes the Mighty Ogre didn't eavesdrop on him and Tim just now or the Mighty Ogre will go, "I don't know where you guys live, but it's like you guys live in a Renaissance Fair!" He puts on a near-perfect imitation of the Mighty Ogre. Maybe when the world tires of him and realizes that his so-called creative genius potential will never be delivered, he can earn his living performing on the street for pennies. Chloe wonders aloud, "Grace, where are you honey?" Oh look, worry no more, Chloe, because the models are here. They get dressed and dolled up, with Dan telling the person making up Rebecca to refrain from making Rebecca look "too costumey" because he wants Iman to relate to Rebecca. He obviously hasn't seen Iman in Michael Jackson's Remember The Time music video. Oh, and amidst a flurry of fittings, Chloe tells the camera that the "bottom line" is, she really wants "it" and she has come this far not to want "it". How nice to hear, really. I must call up my friends. Fashion is saved because Chloe wants it. Hal-Versace-lujah! Tim comes in and announces that it's time for the Runway. Chloe tells the camera that it will suck to come this close and not win. Yeah, whatever, the show is ending so be quiet, silly cow, and let's not delay the inevitable.

Heidi steps out on the Runway and babbles the usual spiel. She must be more alert than usual because there are no obvious voiceovers in this episode when usually there would be like a zillion of them during the times when Heidi has to tax her brain cells and repeat her lines (see the previous episode for a particularly horrid example) and once more simply says that Iman will be wearing the winner's dress in an unspecified red carpet event. For all that means, Iman could end up wearing the dress when she goes shopping for a new carpet. Heidi introduces the judges who are the Mighty Ogre, Nina, and of course, Iman. And now, the show begins.

Eden walks out in Kara's design. It's a flowing dark black-blue dress with no sleeves and a racer back. Kara decided to use the sash after all - it's now tied around Eden's waist to emphasize the waist and it trails down at the back to create a swishing horsetail effect. It's a pretty decent dress although not especially awe-inspiring. Even at the distance to the camera, I can detect some odd threads sticking out of the dress and I can only imagine that the judges will see more construction problems in that dress since they are seated closer to the Runway. Oh, Kara, she has really handed her head to the judges on a silver platter this time around.

Heather steps out next in Santino's outfit and it's yet again a ghastly execution of a potentially interesting concept. One thing's for sure: the gold will look really good on Iman compared to the colors of the other designs. But while the top is pretty nice if unexeceptional, the skirt is overladen with so many paillettes that it looks like it weighs a ton. The pailletts create this ugly illusion that glistening long trails of scum are stuck on a plank that is pitched into the sand by the sea. My husband says that the dress looks like it has leprosy and I'm going to borrow his description for this dress. Santino is right though in how the dress is unique enough that the judges can't deny him a spot in the final three: it's the only one that suggests that its designer has some creative bone in his body instead of slavishly copying designs out of the photographs in People.

Oh my, can Chloe's dress be more ghastly on Grace? Grace is tall, bony, and completely devoid of curves. What I get therefore is Grace's painfully jutting pelvic bones visible with every step Grace takes on the runway. When Grace turns around, her back looks huge and if Grace certainly does not have a big behind. Also, all kinds of puckerings are showing, as Chloe says to the camera, and the dress looks like it's been rolled up in a suitcase before it's put on by Grace without ironing the dress first.

Finally, Rebecca steps out in Dan's design. It's a very generic and simple blue dress that looks like it's better off being some lingerie. Dan's crazier fans can scream that simplicity is a virtue until they grow up and discover that the best boyfriends are guys that are interested in sleeping with them, but this dress is really devoid of any distinguishing trait whatsoever.

The judges tally the scores and Heidi now calls the models to join the Fashionistas on the Runway for some Q&A. I check to see whether the latest episode of Project Catwalk has been completely downloaded to my PC. It has? Oh, goody!

Anyway, Heidi shines the spotlight on Kara first. Iman says that she'd steam Kara's dress if she was Kara because the puckers on the skirt are very distracting. Iman also feels that the length of the dress feels "skimpy", as if Kara had run out of fabrics halfway in the creation of the dress. Nina points out that she can see a few threads hanging from the hem of the skirt, which is uneven. The Mighty Ogre points out that the dress Kara is wearing at the moment - a greyish dress with blue sashes wrapped around the waist which Kara designed herself - is full of energy unlike the dress Kara created for this challenge. This leads to Nina and the Mighty Ogre wondering why they have never seen Kara showing off her skill with prints. Gee, do Kara's great designs for the last two challenges mean nothing to these judges? They are grilling her like she has never created anything decent on the show before, sheesh. Kara babbles and stammers that she wants to see her design as a "blank canvas" (way to dig her own grave there, really).

Nina wonders why the judges shouldn't believe that Kara will come up with a boring line for Fashion Week. Is she kidding? I mean, I know Nina "Why Don't Anyone Bring Me Flowers?" Garcia is not the smartest person on the show, although she is certainly an Einstein compared to the incomparably moronic brown cow Anne Slowey, but this question is really pushing Nina towards Anne Slowey Slow Train To Vulgarsville territory. How can they accuse Kara for being boring when Dan, Chloe, and Santino have been creating the same dresses week after week in the previous challenges? Kara may be inconsistent but since when is she ever predictable and hence boring like Dan and Chloe? Kara promises that she will bring on the "bam" and the judges have to trust her on that. Nina says that Kara should have seized the chance when she had it in this challenge.

Dan is next to be under the spotlight. Iman asks him for his inspiration for that dress. Dan doesn't respond with "Banana Republic" like he should have, saying instead, "To kind of encompass everything that I am as a designer - very clean, sophisticated." That's not even an answer to Iman's question! Dan is so full of it. Iman says that she is hoping to see something different in that dress. "Do you know what I mean?" she says. Dan is too arrogant or too stupid to realize that Iman is asking a rhetorical question, saying, "I don't have a problem with creating a beautiful dress. I can do that with my eyes closed. It's creating that one thing that makes you go wow." Okay, he stops right after that last sentence so it's not a case of sloppy editing here as much as Dan is babbling sentences after sentences that don't make sense when they are put together. Iman says that the dress is generic. Dan responds by saying that he can design beautiful clothes effortlessly - yes, Dan fans, he is unbelievably modest like you claim he is - before following that up with an incomplete sentence. Is Dan high on something?

Nina says that Dan's dress is beautiful and well-sewn but she wonders how she will know that Dan's designs for "New York Fashion Week" won't be boring. I don't think I have any answer to that stupid question other than "duh". It's sad but I think I remember more of Chloe's designs on this show than Dan's. I can only remember Dan's blimp bag monstrosity but even then I can't really visualize how that dress look like unless I see the photo at the official website. I can, however, remember how Chloe's designs look like even if they are all similar to me after a while. If Dan wins, he will be the first designer to win the show without creating anything particularly memorable throughout the season. Dan, who looks like he's swallowed something rancid, asks Nina incredulously, "Do you consider this boring?" Nina says that she considers the dress safe and boring. Since she, Heidi, and the Mighty Ogre encouraged that boring fellow by letting him come this far and giving him a swollen ego by telling him that he is so much better than he is even halfway close to being, I suppose she has only herself to blame when she finds Dan's dress boring. It is, after all, the kind of dresses that he has been throwing at them since day one and the ones that they supposedly love to no end.

And now, Santino. Iman asks him what he is thinking when he designed that gold leprosy dress. Santino says that he made up this story about a "very talented, brilliant designer" - I wonder who he's talking about since it can't be him that's the talented and brilliant designer, snort - who's held hostage by a "very young, talented, ambitious..." - "Diva?" supplies Iman - "...diva" that wants him to make her beautiful dress. I think that the diva would have enough sense to deliver that guy back without even asking for ransom once she's seen that leprosy dress. Nina babbles that Santino's dress is the most "editorial". "Creativity is fantastic but there is a point when it becomes a joke," she babbles. I guess she's trying to say that Santino has gone too over-the-top again with his design. Both she and Iman start speaking at the same time about how a dress can be eccentric but also elegant and wearable at the same time. Apparently Santino's design isn't elegant. The Mighty Ogre thinks that Santino is trying to get back at them by being everything that they accuse him of being and more. It's sad but the Mighty Ogre is now officially a big ugly joke, what with his simpering unctuousness to guest judges, his ridiculously fake orange tan, and his unpleasant voice. What happened to him? He is trying too hard to be witty but failing most of the time and now he's glowing like a radioactive pumpkin.

Chloe tells Iman that her dress is inspired by the 1940s but she has "modernized" the dress a little. It's all about the sleek lines and the glamor of old Hollywood, she says. The Mighty Ogre however is not impressed with the sewing of the dress, pointing out that it is puckery and "a little less meticulous than usual". He points out that the darts on the dress look "very dressmaker-y". "You're about wearability," he tells Chloe, "but that still doesn't give me the handle on what is Chloe's statement." Iman says that a definitive point of view is what separates one designer from another. Ha, ha, ha, this is awesome, Chloe finally getting called on for being a boring generic seamstress. It's too bad that they didn't do this way earlier in the season when it becomes apparent that Chloe has no distinct point of view, maybe at around the fifth episode. The Mighty Ogre calls Chloe's dress "underwhelming".

Heidi now asks Chloe to name one person among the Fashionistas that should be eliminated. Santino makes a face like he's sure that everyone will gang up on him again like they did in the conference room of 7th On Sixth earlier in this episode. Chloe mentions Santino without hesitation, taking care to say that he's a "genius" but construction-wise he isn't up to par. Heidi invites Santino to cast the next stone and Santino says that he feels Chloe should be cut because Dan and Kara are both creative while Chloe may be a brilliant pattern-maker but not necessarily a great designer. It's like Santino has suddenly morphed from a repulsive maggot to a spokesperson of my thoughts about this show. Santino, I must admit, knows how to adapt and turn himself into a convincing underdog in the eyes of the audience when he certainly isn't one at all. Dan chooses Chloe, saying that the "only reason" he says this is because Chloe already has an established business and he believes that Santino, Kara, and himself will benefit the most from winning. How magnanimous of him. Everything he says on camera seems so calculated to put him in the best possible light even when he's being a passive-aggressive sniveling brat, it's like he's a more dishonest version of Santino in the sense that he plays to the camera like Santino does, only Dan will insist that he's only trying to gain screentime for the good of the audience or something. Creepy, really. As for Kara, she calls Dan and Chloe "two very classical designers" and Santino "one very extravagant man". She'd take Santino and then choose Dan over Chloe. By this time, Chloe is like, "Wait, all you just wait... biatches!"

Heidi asks Chloe what Chloe thinks of the other three Fashionistas wanting to see her get cut from the show. Chloe is spared from answering that question on TV when Heidi asks her next how much Chloe wants to be on the Olympus Fashion Week. Instead of answering the obvious - "As if I will not be on Fashion Week since I'm already in the top four, duh!" - Chloe says that if she doesn't want to win, she wouldn't be on the show. "It was agony," she says of the show, "there was so much to do, so much work and no sleep. I do want it badly. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here." Heidi calls the Q&A to an end and temporarily dismiss the Fashionistas from the Runway.

You know what galls me about this "tell me who you want to see out" questioning session? It's the fact that the show deliberately sets out to create friction among the Fashionistas obviously and transparently only to then have Tim act affronted when he huffs and puffs about how Dan and Kara "betrayed" Chloe in his corporate shill/PR-related soapbox "podcast" sessions on the official website. Why pretend to be outraged by something that you deliberately set out to cause? Who is this show trying to fool by acting the outraged moralist when it has succeeded in causing friction among the Fashionistas? Does the show hate me so much that it tries to take me for a gullible idiot that will fall for its contrived machinations?

Chloe whines to the camera that she feels hurt and even "backstabbed" by the other Fashionistas, especially by Kara and Dan. Is everyone on this show determined to make me vomit blood or something? Because with that confessional, Chloe officially becomes a stupid crybaby cow. She told them that she doesn't want to win that badly. She told them that winning the show will plunge them into a horrible life that she apparently fled from once upon a time. Can she now blame them for wanting to see her gone? She acted like she wanted to be gone, after all. They work hard to win and here comes Miss Perfect telling them that she doesn't know whether she wants to win. That's like an insult to them in light of how hard they bust their bums off to get where they are on the show. Really, what does Chloe expect them to do?

Outside at the Runway, Heidi points out that the dresses are all underwhelming for final challenge designs. The Mighty Ogre seems puzzled that the dresses all turn out to be "templates" when the Fashionistas should be seizing this one last opportunity to shine in the judges' eyes. Oh, I don't know, maybe because the four Fashionistas in question all suck at being creative? It's not as if they are displaying the flaw of being boring in their designs for the first time, contrary to what the judges would like everyone to believe!

Heidi brings up Chloe's dress and says that the butt didn't fit, which was why Grace turned very quickly on the Runway instead of letting everyone admire her behind. The Mighty Ogre thinks that Chloe could have done a better job on that dress. Iman says that Carolina Herrera has once designed a dress just like it. Hey, is there anyway Iman can replace Nina Garcia in future seasons? She's fabulous. The Mighty Ogre mentions that Chloe didn't "necessarily step out of the box" in her design. He's only noticing that right now?

Now, Santino. Heidi says that Santino has the biggest point-of-view on the show but the Mighty Ogre thinks that Santino's dress is "an explosion in a sequin factory". Bellydancers Gone Wild also crosses his mind. Heidi and Nina agree that Santino's dress is far from boring while Iman bizarrely brings up the fact that she would wear a dress that is not her if the dress is in her, which is her roundabout way of saying that she will wear an unusual dress if she likes what it, I guess. The Mighty Ogre once more says that Santino is talented and adds that Santino needs to be "corralled but not crushed". Why are these judges acting as if Santino is some teenaged prodigy who needs to be trained by some fashion Obi-Wan Kenobi type? That man is an adult, he is already set in his ways, and he's not going to change just because the judges of a stupid reality TV show believe that he should. Come on! Santino doesn't need some sort of lifeline that these judges seem to believe that winning this show will offer Santino. He should be made to put out or give out like the judges treated the other Fashionistas. That's only fair, right?

As for Kara, the Mighty Ogre says that Kara always has "lots of explanation" for her designs but the garments never match the grandiosity of her explanations. How strange that I only recall Kara doing that for her boring dress during the inspiration challenge, yet here is Nina saying that Kara has apparently never created anything memorable. I know, I know, Nina isn't the brightest bulb in the house. Nina now shrieks that Kara talks about knowing her textile designs but not showing any of her skill in her designs on this show. The Mighty Ogre then says that Kara always brags about knowing her way around printed fabrics and Nina shrieks louder that Kara never shows them any printed colors. I always knew that it was a mistake for Kara to not pack her printing press along with her clothes when she comes on to this show. No flowers and now no printed colors, how horrifying! You'd think the show is giving them a pathetic measley budget and ridiculously short time constraints to design their works judging from how lazy these Fashionistas are in hiding their talent from the judges! The Mighty Ogre squeals about Kara possibly hiding some "hidden poochie". I think these two judges must have been hit by a bus while crossing the street a few days ago and are now suffering from some kind of mental handicap as a result.

Iman thinks that Dan's dress is very simple and it has a nice color. Iman isn't as smart as I think she is if she doesn't realize that the color of Dan's design will look really hideous on her. The Mighty Ogre, after bagging Kara loudly and hysterically like some demented Ronald McDonald impersonator who has lost his wig and is now bent on murder, claims that Dan's dress may be simple but it is sewn well and is wearable. But Iman then brings up that the dress doesn't tell her anything about Dan's "point of view" and the Mighty Ogre therefore hilariously cuts short his waxing poetry of Dan's dress to agree with Iman that the dress doesn't make a strong statement about Dan as a designer.

With that, Heidi brings back the Fashionistas on the Runway. Quickly, Santino is announced as safe and Dan is the winner. Iman tells Dan that his dress has a beautiful silhouette and is classical and simple. She also says that the dress is "borderline boring" but she isn't afraid to wear it since she herself is not boring. Iman is fabulous. Dan however looks like he's not going to love so much having Iman speak to him again, heh. Now that genericity and playing it safe as awarded and it's clear that all that talk about stepping up and being innovative while displaying a strong vision in one's designs is just that - talk and nothing more, Heidi banishes Kara and lets Chloe head backstage to join Santino and Dan to be the final three that will supposedly be the only ones with the luxury of putting on a show at Fashion Week. Kara vows not to play it safe anymore and then goes home to create a line for Fashion Week that puts the designs of Chloe and Dan to shame. Good for you, Kara.

I'm ready to switch off this show for good when the show cuts to five months later where Dan is ready at the Elle closet to help Iman fit into the winning dress. Dan brags about how the dress looks great on Iman and how he doesn't even have to touch the dress to keep it in place. Yeah? The next scene sees him doing just that, bending down to brush the hem of the skirt to smoothen it. If he wants to brag, at least don't be so blatant in lying about things, sheesh. Dan says that it is an accomplishment to have his dress worn by someone like Iman at the red carpet. Look, there's Iman at the red carpet... of the party thrown by Elle to celebrate the airing of the first episode of this season. If only Dan can see my face as I explode into howls of laughter at his expense!

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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