Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..
PROJECT RUNWAY
Season 2 Episode 10: Makeover
Previously, the Fashionistas were told to make a dress for a garden party out of flowers and plants. Most of them pretty much glued leaves and other ugly bits onto that one dress that they seemed to only know how to make. The judges wondered why there weren't more flowers used. Maybe apart from with the measley $100 the Fashionistas were given, they were also expected to rob a bank to get money to buy all the flowers that would make Nina happy? Dan won - yay - and Andraé was out. It was a matter of time anyway for him and Kara. This week, what excuse would the judges use to get rid of those pesky people that they didn't like (whose names aren't Chloe and Dan)? They won't get rid of Santino, of course, because they were afraid that people would stop watching if there was no more drama around Fashion Week, so it's either Nick or Kara who will be kicked out by the end of this episode. Stay tuned!
The Apartments. Kara and Chloe talk about how they can't believe Andraé is gone. "Oh no, it's so weird! The game is like, bang-bang-bang!" says Kara to Chloe. Sometimes I don't think Kara knows what she is saying either. Chloe tells the camera that she thinks Andraé is a great designer and she is "very surprised" when he left. Ooh, so Andraé is one of the three she imagined to be Chloe's Ideal Top Three? I'm sure Andraé will be thrilled. Santino pretends to be two people (him and Tim) as "they" talk about how much Santino misses Andrae. It's kinda sad, watching him, it's like he really has no friends to talk to and he has to resort to a make-believe father figure (Tim in this instance) to keep him company. The camera pans on poor Andraé's now empty bed (Andraé didn't bother to make the bed before he left, heh) as Santino voices over that it's "kinda sad" that Andraé left because he was the "glue" that held the four men of Apartment 35D together. Indeed, Andraé left behind a message on the blackboard in that apartment: "1. 35D lives on. Andraé Gonzalo". No sign of item number two that Andraé might have written. Nick had drawn Danyelle in Andraé's moss dress by the message and written, "Loved your dress Andraé" next to that sketch. Awww, Nick is so sweet. Then Santino continues his confessional, saying that he is "one of the most talented people in that room" because he was won two challenges - the show flashes back to the two winning dresses of his and they look really similar when shown back to back - and he really thinks that he'll make it to Fashion Week. Of course he will. The people behind this show is nothing but predictable.
As Nick brushes his teeth in the kitchen - maybe someone is hogging the bathroom? - there is a confessional where he tells the camera that he never expected to be in the bottom two last week so he's going to "step it up a notch, definitely". Dan phones home to tell his family that he has won again in this rigged freak show and tells the camera that the producers and judges have given him immunity so yay, he can turn in "tassels and a zipper" in the upcoming challenge and still be safe. As his apologists explode all over the online message boards trying to justify why Dan is still their darling-est sweetest and bestest not-gay-but-bisexual pet boyfriend, Dan says smugly that this sense of invulnerability is a "great feeling to have". At this point I'm really grateful that for the most of this season Dan has been given very little screentime until they start making him win all kinds of challenges because this guy is another Kara Saun in the making, ugh. As the Fashionistas leave for Parsons, Dan says for the sake of the camera, "And then there were five!" That is for the sake of his fans, I suppose, who obviously can't put together the fact that one and one is two and that Dan is never going to marry all of them.
At the Runway, Heidi steps out and explains that the next challenge is one big stupid joke: the Fashionistas will be designing something for each other in some makeover challenge. The Fashionistas act shocked and monkey-faced for the camera. They will look that way if Heidi reveals that everyone will be having Burger King for lunch - "Burger King! That's amazing!" they will squeal - so yeah, they are as shocked and stunned as they are always on this show. To give this challenge some appropriate product placement value, the show helpfully lets me know that this challenge is called the L'Oréal Makeover Challenge: Create A New Look For A Fellow Designer. Take note of the part where the challenge says to create a new look for the other person and also the part where Heidi tells them that the challenge will consist a "head to toe makeover". Or maybe not, since the judges and the Fashionistas certainly don't. Heidi then says that she will "go down the line" - something tells me that she really doesn't know what "go down the line" means - and draw names from a bag to determine who will design for who. Santino will be designing something for Kara. Kara will repay the favor. Nick will be designing for Daniel, Chloe for Nick, and Dan for Chloe.
What kind of idiots will set up this challenge when there are so few Fashionistas left, anyway? Won't it be more exciting if, say, the likes of Marla, Diana Eng, and Emmett are still around to be made-over by, say, Andraé, Guadalupe, and Santino respectively?
Anyway, with the challenge instructions done and dispensed with, it's now time for Danyelle to meet her fate. Dan of course will keep Rebecca and Danyelle knows this, seeing that she is already in tears when she steps out on the Runway for the pointless "choose your model or no?" stunt. Dan says that he is not sending Danyelle home as much as he is sending her to "do better things". Great, he's now Daniel Franco. Ugh. Danyelle sobs, runs backstage and hugs everyone, and tells the camera that she's "a little emotional" because this is the "last" she'll see of them. Well, if she's going on to better things on Dan's freaking blessings, chances are she won't see much of these mediocre Fashionistas in the future so in a way, what she is saying makes sense.
At the Sweatshop, Tim pointlessly repeats what Heidi told the Fashionistas to them. He points out the obvious as well: the Fashionistas will be walking the Runway this time instead of their models. Tim then explains that the Fashionistas have two days to complete this task and $200 to spend in the process. He gives them one hour to brainstorm among themselves before taking them shopping. He then leaves the Fashionistas to do their thing.
Nick tells Chloe that he'd love to be "suited up" in an "Italian Eurotrash" way. Chloe takes down notes. Chloe tells the camera that she wants to make Nick look "expensive" - unlike the old Nick which looked cheap, of course - and "a little bit more polished". She's nearly getting the meaning of the word "Eurotrash" but I'm sure she will find a way to revert back to her middle-class boutique sensibilities. The bourgeoisie don't change overnight, after all! Chloe tells the camera that she and Nick have decided on a "pinstriped vest and pants with a pink shirt. Pink? Going for the obvious now, aren't we? Chloe promises Nick that he will look very sophisticated.
Elsewhere, Santino wants Kara to make him look "preppier", "cleaner-cut", and "more all-American looking" because he thinks it will be "funny" if Kara succeeds in doing that. "I've always wanted a pair of Madras pants!" he tells Kara. Kara proposes a "sort of collared thing with a long-sleeved top underneath". I try to picture what she's saying and I really can't, which explains why I'm not a fashion designer, I suppose. To the camera, Kara says that she'll give Santino a "preppy style with sort of urban undertones". Kara animatedly gestures with her hands and all, looking exactly like a crazy woman, as she says that Santino is ready to "CUUUTTT!" and "SHAAAAAVE!" and "GROOOOOM!"
Chloe flicks her hair dramatically - remember, she does everything naturally for the cameras - as Dan proposes to make her a "very fun-loving party gal". Chloe chuckles naturally and organically at this. Dan, imitating Nick's head bob in his confessional, says to the camera that Chloe is a perfect person to design for. He plans to create some "expensive" more "going-out" outfit that is "fun and flirty". He promises her that she'll be buying him drinks in that outfit that he'll whip up because she certainly won't be buying her own drinks.
Nick tells Dan that he has a cool idea: he'll dress up Dan in a "very tight-fitted jacket" with "shoulders" and "tight, tight, tight skinny sleeves" in order to accentuate Dan's skinny frame. Dan is like, "Exactly, exactly!" As Nick takes Dan's measurements, he tells the camera that he's making Dan into a "sort of sophisticated European young guy wearing a very tight slim suit". He says that it will be the "1980s" but he also says that his design will be more modern. That's a lot of words to describe the fact that Nick is going to make Dan look even more like some heroin addict than he already is. Both men exchange a high-five over their collective brilliance.
In the meantime, Santino learns from Kara that she'd like to be made over into a "more funky and sophisticated version" of herself. Well, that's something sedatives can fix, surely. Kara tells Santino, with a dramatic flourish and a "ta-da!" as she dances before him, that she'd like a "more adventurous" dress. She has only herself to blame when Santino tells the camera that he's making her "an amazing jumpsuit" that will show off what he calls "her body in all the right ways". His sketch, by the way, is really good as it shows a sexy and sleek catsuit design. But with him being Santino and taking into consideration the insane time crunch of this show, the end product is another thing altogether, sigh. Santino thinks that his design will move Kara away from her current "free-spirit granola kind of hippie... maybe" look.
When the hour's up, Tim shows up in the Sweatshop and tells the Fashionistas that it's time to head over to Moods, the only shop that matters because it's paid a lot of money to be featured prominently in every episode, for their regular Supermarket Sweep ritual. Among a flurry of photogenic "candid" moments of the Fashionistas, Chloe tells the camera that they have 45 minutes to shop. This time around, they move in pairs so that the one designing can show off the fabrics they like to the person being designed for. Santino says to the camera that he likes Kara as a person - that's what they all say, and yes, some of their best friends are minorities too - but he feels that she is "very weak". He goes on to say that he helps Kara "a little bit" while shopping for fabrics in that he pretty much picks all the fabrics for her design. Nick tells the camera that he respects Santino - and yes, that's what they all say too - but he is not keen on working with Santino again after the Banana Republic challenge and he knows how difficult it is to work with him. Santino is telling Kara to pick up a checkered white and green fabric while Tim predictably tells Chloe that the pink fabric she's chosen for the back of the vest is "great". As if he has anything remotely negative to say about Chloe, really!
Back at the Sweatshop, the Fashionistas get ready to work. Nick tells the camera that he stumbled upon a "beautiful cashmere from Italy in a sort of grey tone" and he shows this off to Dan in the Sweatshop. He plans to use it for the jacket as well as pants. Dan tells Nick that he doesn't think the fabric is too shiny or too dark and Nick agrees with him, saying that the fabric is elegant. Santino, looking on, makes a mocking face. He tells the camera that Nick's fabric is "a little feminine" and "a little too shiny". Dan however tells Nick that he loves the fabric and Nick tells the camera that he's going to make a "fully-lined jacket and pants and shirt and scarf". He knows that he's being ambitious but he states confidently to the camera that he can "do menswear" and has done so for a while (the sound you hear is Emmett cursing the producers for cutting him from the show before this challenge can take place), which he claims is his "secret weapon" in this challenge. That's when I know for sure that he's a goner by the end of this episode because this show has one formula that never goes wrong: the moment someone says that he or she is confident about doing well in this challenge, that person is toast. The exception is Santino, of course, but we all know why he's being kept on the show and talent has nothing to do with it. Way to kill a show, really. Someone should hand the producers of this show an award for utmost stupidity.
Chloe takes Nick's measurements and makes him wear the vest she has tentatively created for him. She is sure that he will like the vest a little loose but he tells her that a vest should be tight. Chloe can't imagine why anyone will want to wear a vest that tight and decides that she doesn't know much about menswear in the first place. She doesn't remember who she is designing for, is she? Nick likes Paris Hilton and his idea of a design for Dan is pretty much "tight, tighter, and tighest, oh yeah". Chloe tells the camera that this challenge is "her biggest challenge" because she doesn't know how to assemble menswear. She claims to be nervous in this challenge. Yes, like she will be cut anytime soon before the finale.
Six hours until the end of day one. Nick sews in the sewing room and he voices over that it's great that they all have two days to work on their designs since he needs time to complete this particular design of his. Chloe and Kara exchange insincere "oh, I can't believe it!" platitudes over the fact that Nick is already sewing while they are still measuring and cutting their fabrics. Chloe says to Kara that she doesn't think that she will ever be that fast. Somewhere, Emmett must really hate this episode. Dan tries out the pants Nick has sewn for him and they both think the pants are fine on him. Kara, walking past, exclaims that Nick already has "so much shit up". Chloe tells Nick that she's going to hire him. Dan looks at those pants in the mirror and I must say, for a man wearing a pair of supposedly tight pants, Dan is completely flat like a plank in the crotch. Is it mean for me to say that I have a hunch why his ex-girlfriend dumped him? Dan thinks that the pants look "so weird". That's because he doesn't seem to have any male genital. Nick tells the camera that it's not that he's fast ("That's just what I do!") as much as the others needing to catch up with him. Any more doubts that he's a goner by the end of this episode?
Four hours until the end of day one. Dan starts a stupid game called "Would you rather?" and asks everyone whether they'd like to "make love" or "have sex". Oh, I can see Dan being such a riot at parties, I tell you. Chloe would rather "make love" while Santino would rather "have sex". Dan's voice over comes on just as Nick says what must be something really naughty to have Kara giggling like that. There you go. This show doesn't want me to have any fun at all. Instead, it labors under this delusion that I am more happy to have Dan telling the camera that the "Q&A" doesn't happen just on the Runway but also in the Sweatshop as well. Oh, that's so hilarious, Dan! I laugh and I laugh and I laugh some more until my water broke and I think I've just given birth to our love child in the living room! Dan is now asking the others what kind of food that they don't like at all. Nick starts to say something but Santino interrupts to say that he ate "feces" when he was a kid. That explains a lot, really, about Santino! Snort. "Eating my own feces is the key to everything," Santino says. Nick tells the camera that Santino is driving him crazy. Why, because Santino is trying to steal Nick's limelight? Back at the Sweatshop, Santino goes on in his monotone, "Never more in my life do I notice how many times I have to shit in a day!" Nick tells the camera that Santino always jumps in on people's conversation. Oh no, the fight is on between a drama queen and an attention hog. Maybe the pot and the kettle can serve as judges for the fight!
Back at the Sweatshop, Chloe proves that she and Dan will make fabulous party entertainers when she asks whether the others prefer having no teeth or having bad skin. Nick starts to say he'd rather have bad skin when Santino hollers that he'd rather have no teeth. As Santino goes har-har-har, Nick says to the room that he thought he was the one talking while Dan sarcastically says that Santino was "fucking pausing" when Nick interrupted Santino. Nick says facetiously, "Oh? He was pausing? Okay! And I thought I was talking! Oh, I interrupted him? Thank you!" He then asks Santino whether Santino was starved for attention as a kid. Whispering that Santino is "such a dick" under his breath, Nick resumes cutting his fabric. He says aloud to Santino, his back turned to that man, that he knows something must have happened in Santino's childhood. Still, he tells Santino that he loves that man. At the rate Nick is going, isn't it more polite for him to tell Santino upfront not to interrupt him when he's speaking? Santino tells the camera that he had overcome adversity when he was a kid in Missouri and people used to think he's weird, unlike now where people think he's a fine upstanding young man indeed, and he's determined to "go down in history". Go down in flames, perhaps? Santino is sure that he will do just that one of these days because he claims to be the type that "never ever gives up". Still, it's most admirable that he has so much confidence in himself. Not many people have that, especially when they look like a lice-infested street bum creep like Santino.
Three hours until the end of day one. Tim shows up for his predictable "it's late, your work's almost done, so let me ruin everything for you by telling you the problems about your work that you can't fix in time!" routine. He approaches Chloe first and Chloe tells him that her shirt pattern is done and she hopes to cut everything out by tonight before finishing up everything that has to be done the next day. She is somewhat confident that she can finish everything in time. Tim approaches Kara next and she tells him that she has three pattens finished as well as the pattern for an arm. She says that should she get everything done by tonight, she'd be okay the next day. That doesn't seem too reassuring. Tim just goes, "Okay!" Santino is next. He shows off the fabrics that he intends to use and Tim thinks that the color palette is "incredibly rich" and he's encouraged by that to want to see Santino pull it off. Santino is just worried about the time and Tim is very helpful indeed when he tells Santino, "Just keep watching the clock and carry on!" Is Tim on crack? He leaves at about 9:24 pm. I assume his time with Nick is cut from this episode for who knows what reason. The Fashionistas keep working. As Kara tries the pants she has created on Santino, he asks her whether they are "space pants" because his backside is "out of this world". Ooh, that's funny. Funnier than Dan's party games, at least.
10:59 pm. Or "one hour until the end of day one" according to the show. Santino voices over as he watches Kara work that he's concerned for Kara because he feels that she's fallen behind in terms of finishing her work. When he realizes that Kara intends to work on the pants only in the next day, he tells her to hurry on it because he doesn't want to walk naked down the Runway tomorrow. Kara wonders whether she should cut out the pants tonight because she's "pretty exhausted". Santino insists that she has to. I think it's a matter of pride for him that Kara designs something that makes him look the best on the Runway. Kara, acting and looking more like some insane bag lady from the street, goes to the camera, "Santino is like woh-woh-woh-woh-woooo!" She sighs in exasperation. Back at the Sweatshop, Kara and Chloe both agree that it's harder for the ladies than for the men in this Challenge. Kara has created menswear in her line of work before, judging from her portfolio in her official website, but I guess she'd rather agree with Chloe and keep working rather than to indulge in more chatter with Chloe. Nick finds the pants Chloe is fitting on him okay while Santino just has to say, "You can't polish a turd!" Chloe says that Santino is being rude. Nick tells the camera that hey, it's Santino. He says that Santino always has to be a jerk to everybody and he doesn't understand that man as a result. It looks like the honeymoon is over between those two. Dan tells the camera that Santino is a great designer but also an arrogant man. "And obnoxious," he adds. Thus concludes another perfectly illuminating and substantial confessional from Dan on a subject matter that he is not even involved in. Thanks, Dan!
At 12:00 am, the Fashionistas call it a day. But in Apartment 35D, the drama continues. Dan, who seems to fancy himself the Yoda of the guys, has another banal quote for Nick and Santino: "Unnecessary tension will breed nothing but bad things". Bad things. Dan is so freaking banal and trite that he makes me want to weep. Santino says that he's here to be in the final three at the Olympus Fashion Week and Nick says that he understands that, only that he doesn't feel that it is necessary to create "tension" in the process. Maybe it's time that he put a pillow over Santino's face and sit on that pillow?
The next day, the five Fashionistas lounge in a carefully choreographed group pose that must have required a few takes at least as they casually greet Tim who has apparently just walked into the room. Tim announces that there is a special surprise for the Fashionistas today: Collier Strong, "consulting make-up artist to L'Oréal Paris" (his rumored real name is Colin Stanley), is here to give them all make-overs for their upcoming Runway walk. The Fashionistas manhandle and shout into Collier's ears how much they love him. Oh dear, these people are so not doing things naturally now and it's pretty obvious how they are deliberately pretending to be more excited than they really are. Screaming into Collier's ears that they love him? That's really overdoing it. Kara and Santino will be the first to be taken to the make-up room.
Now, do I have to recap the pointless make-over advice sessions? I have to? Okay then. Santino is on the hot seat first and Kara is suggesting to Collier that he shave off Santino's beard "down" and the hair "off". The show captions Kara's image for Santino as "All-American Preppy". Alrighty then. Collier studies Santino's face and thinks that Santino with a beard is like Brad Pitt having facial hair to cover up his pretty face. Collier goes as far as to say that Santino has "magnificent skin" and "beautiful eyes". I know this man is paid to flatter the Fashionistas but I don't understand why he must make my skin crawl like that. Santino tells the camera in a manner that I suspect is sarcastic that Collier wants to trim his beard to show off his jawline, therefore making Santino prettier than Brad Pitt. Oh please. Brad Pitt after a truck has run over his face will still be prettier than Santino.
Kara is next on the hotseat and the show helpfully captions Santino's image for Kara as "Sexy Jumpsuit". Yes, I always wondered what a sexy jumpsuit makeover looks like. Apparently it entails some trimming of Kara's eyebrows to highlight their "great natural shape with a really good arch". Collier thinks that "monochromatic" make-up on Kara's face will bring out what he calls her beautiful eyes. Either Collier is a natural optimist who sees beauty in everything or he's laying the BS really thick here. For Dan's "European Male" look - apparently the show now concludes that all European males will look just like Dan - Nick suggests some tanner and a bronze for Dan. Collier thinks that it is "more dramatic" however to keep Dan as pale as he currently is. "Exactly!" Nick goes, as if what Collier saying is what he has been suggesting all along. "I love it!" Dan says. He loves everything, doesn't he?
For Dan's "Party Girl" makeover of Chloe, Collier suggests "a lot of textures" on Chloe's face. No, he's not going to rub a piece of sandpaper over Chloe's face, instead he's going to highlight Chloe's lashes individually with mascaras. As for Chloe's "English Dandy" makeover of Nick - wait a minute, an Eurotrash is a dandy now? - Collier says that Nick has "beautiful skin and great eyes". I have this feeling that everybody Collier gets paid to babble vapidities to has "beautiful skin and great eyes" even if Collier is making over the Swamp Thing. Collier also says that Nick's hair is "a great shape for his face". Eh? How can hair be in a great shape? Is he saying that Nick knows how to abuse the hair gel? And that's it really, for Collier's most enlightening and entertaining "See Me Babble Nonsense To Fill Up The Episode Airtime" segment. He doesn't even hit Santino in the head with a brush, which is the least he could have done!
Now it's back to the Sweatshop for more work. Dan fits some blouse he has made on Chloe, something that leaves a lot of cleavage bared. She complains that "maybe it's too tight". It's eight hours until the deadline when Santino starts making his Tim impersonation, this time saying, "We started with five turdy designers... we polished them!" What is with this man's preoccupation with turds and faeces? It's quite sad that at his age his sense of humor has never gone beyond the scatalogical. Santino calls out to Nick when he realizes that Nick isn't laughing like he always would but Nick just ignores him and walks to the sewing room. Santino tells the camera that Nick is giving him the silent treatment over his "You can't polish a turd!" quip to Nick earlier. He says that he is joking. And if he is joking, surely the other person shouldn't take offense no matter how annoying Santino is, right? What a tosser. In the sewing room, Nick tells Kara that Santino is "the most egostical" man he has ever met. Kara tells him to take everything Santino says with "a huge pinch of salt" because she feels that Santino tends to exaggerate things.
Later, Nick is ironing when Santino calls out to him, "Truce!" Nick ignores him. "Nick, don't keep it going," says Santino. At that moment, steam starts to come out of Nick's iron. I don't know whether that hilarious scene is a rare fluke of momentary genius on the idiot editors' part or a fluke. It must be fluke as well as lucky great timing. Next is a bizarre scene where Santino's voice is played over the scene of Santino watching Nick fit his clothes on Dan. Santino's mouth isn't moving as he "speaks" so unless this speech is clearly from a confessional. Santino addresses Nick in his confessional, "I was your friend and I was willing to help you but fine if you want to give me a silent treatment or whatever. Then I'm not going to tell you that the suit you're making for Daniel Vossovic, it makes him look like a girl and it's sewn bad." Wow, that kind of sentiment is so childish that I start to feel a little sorry for Santino. He acts like he's still some sulky little kid trying to find ways to get back at someone who doesn't think he's cool and all that. Also, what kind of weirdo addresses another person in a confessional? Does he expect Nick to watch this episode, cry in regret when he realizes what a generous friend Santino could have been to him if Nick treated Santino nicer and laughed at all his turd jokes, and call up Santino begging for forgiveness? What a weirdo.
Four hours until deadline. Tim shows up for his routine "Surprise! You've made a mistake and you have no time to do anything about it, haw haw haw!" inspection trip. Kara insists to a concerned Tim that she is feeling fine. It's only that she's worried that her makeover for Santino isn't a "complete" one. She wonders whether she should have put him in a suit. Tim tells her that she shouldn't turn Santino into something that he doesn't. Heh, I guess Tim doesn't believe in polishing turds either. Kara is obviously taking the "makeover" part of the challenge seriously because she is worried that the clothes she is making are too much like Santino's current wardrobe. She's the only one who cares about such things because the judges clearly don't care as long as they can make their chosen ones the winner at the end of the season. Tim tells Kara to keep doing what she is doing. To Santino. Tim tells the man to edit his designs carefully because he is in danger of being "one-note" like Nina said he was. (Nina, of course, would never call Chloe one-note.)
Chloe and Nick are examining her clothes on him when Tim calls them over. Since it's Chloe we are talking about, Tim is full of love and compliments for her design. Nick explains that he means what he says in a "positive way" before saying that he feels like a "senior flight attendant for British Airways" in Chloe's clothes. Chloe laughs in a rather forced manner while Tim says that he disagrees with Nick's assessment. Of course Tim disagrees. Heaven forbid that Chloe gets even a little criticism on the show! As for Dan, he is not sure what he is doing but he assures Tim that everything about the design will be finished by midnight. As for Nick, Tim examines the man's work and says that he's "worried" about the "feminine overtones" of the design. Nick says that he will try to "masculinize" the design although he's not sure how he will do that. Tim also thinks that the lack of pockets on the trousers is a "feminine issue" and advises Nick to tell Dan to just keep the jacket on over the pants. Nick tells the camera that he wishes that he could have added pockets to those pants but he's already "94% done" in his work and he can now only ask Dan to "butch it up" on the Runway. Dan, after all, is the epitome of manliness on this show. Tim then takes his leave after happily sowing all kinds of doubts in the hearts and minds of those not named Chloe and Dan.
9:55 pm. Work, work, work. Dan "jokes" that whenever he freaks out about time management issues, he would then remember that he has immunity. He expects the others to laugh at his "joke" and Chloe does so in a forced manner. If Dan keeps this up, he'll be Jay without the bitchiness that makes Jay watchable within the context of the show. Kara fits a sweater on Santino and Santino thinks that Kara should have added some plaid over the collar region. To the camera, Santino says that he has to "direct" considerable attention to the pieces of clothing that Kara is making. I guess no one told him that (a) he can't look any uglier than he already is and (b) if Kara's clothes suck, it's her who will be cut, not Santino. Why is Santino so concerned about the clothes Kara is making for him again? It's not as if he will get to keep those clothes, surely? What a moron. Santino says that hey, he needs to work on his own project too. Hey, so why doesn't he then? Kara agrees with him about the plaid and Santino then runs off to work on his jumpsuit.
One hour until deadline. Kara is laughing in the sewing room while Santino "jokes" that Kara is having a "laugh attack" and she should get back to sewing because he doesn't want to be naked on the Runway. Nick tells the camera that he knew Santino would take over Kara's project to the point that Santino isn't paying attention to his own work. Perhaps Santino knows that he will never be cut as long as he plays the villain in this show. At that moment, Santino has some trouble with the sewing machine and says aloud to no one in particular, "Uh oh! The momentum has been stripped away!" Dan tells the camera that Santino's jumpsuit for Kara is "ridiculous" and Santino is still far from finishing it. Is it just me or has Dan become a very critical and nosy busybody of late, giving catty confessionals about subject matters that don't involve him at all? 11:50 pm. 12:00 am. It's now time to call it a day and close the Sweatshop for the night.
The next morning, Nick is pretending to be a dramatically cartoonish flight attendant because that's how he feels about wearing Chloe's designs. Dan is humoring him. Meanwhile, Santino sulks in bed because, as he tells the camera, Dan and Nick have turned him into their enemy of sorts. He thinks he's being charitable when he tells the camera that the positive side of him wants to chalk up the actions of Nick and Dan as that motivated by their "competitive spirit" while the other half of him thinks that those men are just being jealous of him. I don't know. Perhaps those two men resent the fact that Santino stays on and remains a pest on the show even when his designs were the worst in at least two challenges in the past. Perhaps they are turned off by his constant aggravating cries for attention and his tasteless jokes involving turds. Still, Santino consoles himself by telling the camera that he won't be out at the end of this episode. At the rooftop, Chloe and Kara are enjoying some quiet time. Chloe tells Kara that she thinks the two of them are safe in this challenge. Kara says that with only five of them around, "safe" isn't even a word anymore. Chloe tells the camera that now that they are down to five, it's time to see who can "survive".
At Parsons, Tim reminds the Fashionistas that they are modeling the designs made for them. They have two hours to tie up loose ends and get dolled up under Collier Strong's supervision. After the montage of the Fashionistas getting dolled up, Nick returns to the Sweatshop and tells the camera that none of them finished their outfits the night before and now it's a mad dash to do what they can to salvage matters. Nick irons and steams the jacket he made for Dan because he realizes that the ripples and other imperfections at the seams are sewing. It's a nerve-wrecking time for him, he says. Still, he thinks he has done the best he can in this situation. Meanwhile, Kara squeals in delight when she sees the newly-groomed Santino and says that he looks so handsome. He puts on Kara's clothes and thinks they lookg great on him. Nick puts on his clothes on Dan and thinks that the clothes don't look feminine at all while Chloe at the same time is adjusting her clothes on Nick. Kara puts on Santino's jumpsuit while Chloe tells the camera that contrary to what Dan thinks, she feels that his clothes look horrible on her. She's not fond of all that taping that is done at the bustline so she's just "playing model" and trying her best to sell those clothes on the Runway. Kara finds Santino's jumpsuit very "horribly uncomfortable" to wear. Santino tells the camera that the sleeves on the jumpsuit are last-moment additions and he hopes that everything works out on the Runway. Kara tells the camera that the jumpsuit is glued to "every part" of her body. Tim shows up to call the Fashionistas to stop working and leave the Sweatshop. "Santino, come out now, zip up later," he says and... eeuw.
Just before the Runway, Kara realizes that the sleeves of her jumpsuit are coming off. She tells the camera that she is furious. Why is she furious? I'd be jumping in joy and doing my best to "accidentally" rip apart those sleeves on the Runway if I were her. Nick tells the camera that Santino's outfit is "unfinished... yet again". I'd be really interested to know of those previous moments when Santino couldn't finish his outfits and I would especially love to know why the judges never called Santino on that. Dan tattle-tells with relish to the camera that Santino is "bullying" Kara backstage and telling her not to move or the jumpsuit will fall apart. All the more for Kara to start doing jumping jacks on the Runway then if she knows what's good for her. The camera shows Santino standing and looking sullen while Kara nearby looks miserable. Santino tells the camera that he is "shitting bricks right now" and he hopes that Kara will tell the judges that she feels amazing in the jumpsuit which she should claim is everything she wanted and more.
Runway time. Heidi steps out in a most unflattering Santino-like top and tells the judges that the Fashionistas are behind getting ready to be the models of the Runway. The Mighty Ogre and Nina all pretend that they don't know about this all along. The guest judge this week is Freddie Leiba, a "fashion stylist". After Heidi and her voice-over have done their job, the show begins.
Santino comes out first with Kara's design. It's a nice one. Santino is wearing what seems like a greenish-grey polo shirt over a white long-sleeved T-shirt along with really nice white and red plaid Madras pants. The hat he is wearing is clearly and uniquely Kara's. He really looks cool like Kara says. Kara comes out in Santino's jumpsuit next and... well, it's a jumpsuit. Kara actually looks pretty good in it and if she's uncomfortable, one can tell just by looking at her miserable expression. Just as it is with Santino's ice-skating disaster of a dress, I think that this jumpsuit idea would have worked so much better if Santino has more time to work on it. Yeah, I like the jumpsuit and I'm as surprised by that as I'm sure you are at me.
Dan comes out next with Nick's outfit and really, maybe it's just me being a fashion dingbat but I think his ensemble is very nice indeed. Is it feminine? Perhaps a little but come on, this is the modern time when gender lines can be blurred in the name of being trendy and fashionable. Just look at all those pretty boy emo rockers who go around sporting slender and even skeletal heroin chic looks, black mascara, and more lipstick than guys used to wear fifty years ago. What I'm saying is that it's ridiculous to accuse the ensemble of being feminine like it's a bad thing, especially when the person wearing it is someone with a slender androgynous body type like Dan and not some stereotypical square-jawed Johnny Bravo jock. I like the colorings, I like the elegant and chic cut of the jacket and even the pants, and I think the scarf gives the ensemble a touch of Eurotrash coolness that Chloe can only dream of replicating.
Chloe steps out with Dan's creation and it's a truly hilariously awful outfit. She is wearing what seems like a red dress under a brown corset device. On someone taller and thinner, this dress may work, but on Chloe, it makes her ten times shorter and plumper than she actually is. She may end up buying Dan drinks at the end of a night out, like Dan said, only she'll spike that drink with something nasty that will make him feel ill for days. Finally, Nick steps out with Chloe's creation. Chloe has created a design straight out of a Beginner's Menswear 101 manual - unimaginative, looks like every men's jacket and pants ensemble out there, and it has this ugly pink back. Nick has a really fierce walk though and he sells the outfit like it's pure gold.
When the judges have tallied the scores, Heidi brings out the Fashionistas for the Q&A session. Freddie thinks that Kara has made a significant makeover on Santino and Nina thinks that Santino now looks "softer". Heidi also agrees, liking the color scheme Kara used to give a "fresh" image that still recognizably Santino's. The Mighty Ogre, who looks like he had a recent accident in his tanning bed, thinks the overall outfit is terrific. The Mighty Ogre wonders whether Dan is slacking due to his immunity because the hem is a mess and the design looks unfinished. Heidi thinks that Chloe looks more sexy and outgoing before the makeover and the Mighty Ogre says that Dan has "aged" Chloe in that outfit. He says, "It's like, I don't know, "eighties bitchy. Kind of like Knots Landing." Dan says well, he (Dan) can't be right all the time then. That sounds pretty snotty but hey, I guess being told all the time that he is so much better than he actually is can do that to a person.
Chloe, of course, can't do wrong. Freddie compliments Chloe on the proportions and the fact that Nick would own that outfit. Hey, if Nick could have owned that outfit, then what Chloe did wouldn't be a makeover now, would it? But trust the judges to overlook that when it comes to precious sainted Chloe. The Mighty Ogre announces that menswear is hard to make so the fact that Chloe pulled this challenge of speaks volumes for her talent. Yes, and I also remember how this orange pumpkin said that flowers are profound and people who are inspired by flowers to be banal are creative geniuses. The Mighty Ogre also gushes that the ugly pink back is a great way to "break the staidness" of that design. Hmm, and here I am thinking that the design is staid because it's a very ordinary menswear ensemble with no distinguishing features!
It's Nick's turn in the spotlight now. Freddie reasonably enough doesn't like the fact that all those ripples are visible at the seams of the back of Dan's coat. The Mighty Ogre once more says that menswear is tough to make and Nick acknowledges that he has delusions of grandeur. The Mighty Ogre thinks that the problem here is Nick choosing a "very mushy and soft" fabric that is more appropriate for womenswear. Heidi asks Nick how the jacket closes and Nick points out that the jacket doesn't close, which is to say that either it has no buttons or Nick doesn't have time to sew them on and make buttonholes in the jacket. The Mighty Ogre sighs because all menswear jackets must have buttons, you know. He also doesn't like the fact that the pants have no pockets. He thinks the jacket looks like "the Golden Girls jacket" and I think he's now making far-fetched comparisons that only he can visualize in his head. What the heck is a Golden Girls jacket? The kind of jacket worn by the mother in that TV show? He also finds the pants looking more like leggings. He has completely lost me there. Is Mr Hotshot Trendy Fashion Designer here saying that all pants must look like pants and all jackets must have buttons? Is this challenge emphasizing wearability and conformity over fashion sensibilities? I really don't understand the criticisms about the lack of pockets and buttons in Nick's design because fashion isn't supposed to be about creativity. But then again, Chloe wins this challenge with her plain and unimaginative generic design so I guess that may just be the case in this show.
Nina and Heidi point out that Kara doesn't look too excited in the jumpsuit, in fact, she looks embarrassed at times to be showing her "booty" that is displayed amply in the jumpsuit. Santino lies that Kara was jumping up and down in excitement about the jumpsuit before the Runway show. He suggests that Kara is just tired. Nina doesn't buy that and points out that there's a rip visible on one of the sleeves. Santino lies again and says that it probably tore backstage after the Runway show when they were, uh, jumping up and down in excitement or something. Kara keeps quiet even when Nina asks her whether Kara feels comfortable in that jumpsuit. Freddie likes the jumpsuit because Kara looks sexy in it and Freddie can see her body. Um, creep. With that, Heidi calls the Q&A to a close and temporarily banishes the Fashionistas so that the judges can discuss matters like what to get for dinner among themselves.
Freddie isn't fond of Dan's design, Heidi hates it, and the Mighty Ogre thinks that Dan is just coasting. Yeah, Dan is not capable of creating something awful for once, just as he's not capable of realizing that Chloe isn't shaped like a typical model and he couldn't just design something like he normally would for a typical model. Dan is, after all, golden. Chloe gets lots of love. The Mighty Ogre can picture Nick in that outfit. I'd suspect that it's because Nick can get an outfit like that in any menswear store should he need one for a formal function. Nina likes Kara's outfit and Heidi agrees. The Mighty Ogre says that it's not easy to "make sportswear for men and make it look professional and believable". He's in awe that Kara even made a hat to go with her ensemble.
Heidi thinks that Nick's design is awful because Dan looks like he's just rolled out of bed to get onto the Runway. That's reasonable. The Mighty Ogre however keeps going on about "men's trousers with no pockets at all... anywhere" and compares those pants to "some leggings that Friar Tuck would wear". Except that Friar Tuck never wore leggings and... oh sheesh. The Mighty Ogre is really trying very hard and it shows, this desperation of his to come off as witty and bitchy. That or the long hours he spends baking himself in the tanning bed has killed too many of his brain cells.
Freddie sheepishly admits that he likes Santino's jumpsuit and Nina agrees that the jumpsuit is "different from a fashion point of view". And there she was saying earlier to Santino that no one wears a jumpsuit anymore nowadays. Nina and the Mighty Ogre are always so willing to contradict themselves to suck up to the guest judges, it's pathetic to see. Sometimes I wish Nina will just go away but then I realize that her going away would mean that the even more repulsive creep Anne Slowey will be sitting in for her. Nina is the least of two evils, I suppose. Heidi and the Mighty Ogre point out that the jumpsuit is falling apart and Nina says that Santino doesn't think about what is comfortable to a woman. But is comfort so important when it comes to fashion design? Again, this is a matter that this show should seriously sort out: whether it should take the high fashion route or the mainstream mass production of saleable outfits route. They cannot eliminate someone for being impractical and then keep another person because that person is "creative". The rules can't change week by week. A part of me that love watching the first season of this show still wish that this show will manage to pull itself out of the hole it is currently digging itself into and I feel that a final stance on high fashion versus commercial viability.
Backstage, Kara is crying to Nick, saying that she should have said something against Santino on the Runway and shows Chloe and Nick how Santino actually glued a seam that is tearing apart on her thigh. Dan wonders why that jumpsuit took so long to make and Chloe points out that she made three pieces of clothes in the time it took for Santino to make one freaking jumpsuit. Back to the Runway, Heidi calls the Fashionistas out to the Runway again. Heidi tells Dan that he's lucky that he has immunity because she would have cut him off today if he hasn't. "Lucky me," says Dan as he is allowed to leave the Runway. That man just doesn't take criticisms well, does he? Heidi's awkward voice-over comes on to praise Chloe as well as Kara before the real Heidi announces that Chloe is the winner of this challenge. I guess Heidi or someone feels the need to acknowledge posthumously, so to speak, that Kara has done something wonderful that they refuse to recognize in this and the previous episode. It still doesn't make the voiceover less sloppy or the injustice against Kara less evident. I mean, Chloe's generic and utterly forgettable design wins this challenge, for heaven's sake! Chloe obnoxiously tells the camera that a part of her can't believe that she won... but she also thinks she did the best job out of everyone and not only that, she took things to "another level". Yeah, another level of craptastic genericity. This show would be so much more enjoyable if the remaining Fashionistas are all mute.
It's now Santino versus Nick and somehow the whole showdown is anticlimatic because it's clear by now that this show is never going to get rid of Santino. He knows it, I know it, everyone knows it. Heidi's awkward voiceover comes on to "tell" Santino that he has won two challenges in the time and while "some" of the judges like the jumpsuit (Freddie, of course), "the bottom line is" (as per Heidi) that the jumpsuit is unfinished. Awkward Heidi's voiceover continues to "tell" Nick now that he has won one challenge and the judges respect his talent but everything about this design from fabric to execution all fall short. Real Heidi tells Nick that his ambition has gotten the best of him. Nick, therefore, is cut.
You get that?
Zulema was cut for her outfit which was deemed unfinished. Santino is safe despite his jumpsuit falling apart on the Runway.
Emmett was cut for being unimaginative and ordinary. Chloe wins this challenge for designing something that can be purchased in any menswear suit-and-tie store and Nick is cut for being too ambitious, whatever that means.
You get that? Because I certainly don't understand what is going on in this show anymore. Screw 'em all, I say, and let this season limp to a predictable Dan or Chloe win so that I can forget that I wasted months following this trainwreck of a season.
Nick holds back tears - okay, he sobs a little - as he tells the camera that the fat lady hasn't sung yet so it's not over for him. Backstage, he hugs the others except for Santino, Chloe telling him that everything is okay and it's all good. Why is she saying that? Of course everything is okay for her because she is going to Fashion Week! Nick tells the camera that his dream is to have a show in New York and who knows, he may still get there one day. As he clears his workplace, he hopes that his family will be proud of him and think that he did well on the show. The camera deliberately keeps rolling as Nick looks down to control his sobs, which is this show's nice way of trying to milk drama out of its manufactured conflicts as much as possible. Before this episode aired, the promos were going on and on about a "favorite" being cut. Oh yes, this show definitely knows what it is doing. The sad thing is, it's not that hard for the audience to realize what the show is trying to do as well.