Season 5: When The Lights Go Down

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Wooh! In this season, the Red Room is no longer a room as much as it is an open space with sofas and all located a few levels above the stage and the audience. That way, a bitter contestant can hurl himself or herself over and down to commit suicide when a performance doesn't turn out too well. Ryan "Never" Sleazebag stands outside the Red "Room" and tells the camera that the judges have done their job - choosing characters to fit all kinds of stereotypes to populate the roster of semifinalists - and it's now up to America to start descending into the crazy and overidentifying with these semifinalists. Tonight, the ladies will duke it out for all kinds of chances to play second fiddle to the guys.

Sleazie steps out wearing a red-and-white checkered shirt under his typical suit and pants ensemble and welcomes everyone to the show. He'd like to thank everyone for making the season a really great success so far and putting more money into the pockets of the people behind the show. Sleazie says that it will now be a new level of competition altogether. "No more crying cowboys! No more Brittenum twins - a few cheers here in the crowd," he says. How nice for him to admit that Garet and the Brittenum twins are given spots in the workshop auditions just for them to put on some freakshow for the audience. The show is becoming more upfront about how it is treating the audience like suckers and the audience cheers and plays along anyway. Sometimes when I believe that irony is dead in the world, I watch this show and I remember again. Ah yes. Sleazie wants everyone to know that they should all start voting after this episode because only six ladies will move on to the finals. He then introduces the ladies who will wait in the Red Room for their turns at the stage and points out that the guys are seated in the audience to watch the ladies perform. Sleazie now introduces the overpaid mouthpieces that he calls "judges": Randy "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" Randy, Miss "When The Lights Go Out" Paula, and of course, King "Because The Night" Tut.

Despite the gag order from the producers forbidding them to do any banters that remotely hint of immoral male-to-male intimacy, Sleazie just have to lift an eyebrow playfully at King Tut as he goes all British and proper on King Tut before asking King Tut whether the man feels that the criticisms he had received throughout the auditions are valid. Oh please, King Tut and Uncles Ken and Nigel are expected King Tut to generate column inches by his slamming of the fatties all over the place. Unless Sleazie is subtly hinting at a different kind of criticism altogether? The "you don't send me flowers anymore, YOU JERK!" kind of criticisms? King Tut, with dashing bravado, scoffs at the notion that he has had any criticisms in the first place. Sleazie looks kinda flummoxed as he looks around the audience, asking for support of some sort, as he says that perhaps King Tut needs a clear definition of "criticism" made to him. Like, clear as in "you don't send me flowers anymore, YOU JERK!" King Tut stands by his word. Sleazie asks the man whether the man had been "a little too harsh". King Tut, thinking of the times of Uncles Nigel and Ken wanted Sleazie cut because the man was piling on the pounds during off-season and King Tut stepping in to say that if Sleazie goes, King Tut is leaving too (why else do you think those freaking "King Tut is quitting!" rumors surface before the start of every season, eh?), tells Sleazie that no, he hadn't been harsh as much as he has been defending Sleazie.

Sleazie tries to bite back a smile as he asks King Tut, "How so?" King Tut is honest for the first time when he tells Sleazie that he has been defending Sleazie from people who call Sleazie obnoxious. For two seconds, Sleazie smiles and looks dreamily ahead but then he quickly composes himself once he catches sight of Uncle Nigel holding a sign saying "TOO GAY, STOP ALL THAT NOW!" and laughs as if he thinks King Tut is so full of it. He smiles at King Tut and says, "And that would make you... what?" The love of his life? The man who defends his honor? "Normal?" suggests King Tut. After all, he is like everyone else. His heart can break too, after all. King Tut closes his eyes tight and shakes his head at Sleazie, as if to warn that man to save those gushing feelings for more private moments when it's just the two of them and the whipping crop. Sleazie just tells Randy Randy that King Tut's dowager mommy Julia can't be too proud of King Tut at that moment. In London, Julia throws her pillow at the TV, screaming that King Tut never listened when she tells him again and again that a man of his stature should marry a proper English gentleman of class and not some loser American gasbag like Ryan Sleazebag. That's before Sleazie sends Julia the monthly discount coupon for some facelift treatments at his favorite cosmetic surgeon and Julia loves Sleazie again for the whole of two weeks.

Sleazie now points out that Miss Paula seemed tougher to please too throughout the season. Miss Paula thinks of all the male bums she has pinched and the number of cards on which she has scrawled her phone number and says that she is impressed with this season's contestants so she's not that tough to please. Just ask Corey! Sleazie and Miss Paula then patronizingly talk about how the audience is becoming smarter too and is therefore harder to impress. After all, when the stupid little girls are now squeeing over a less greasy version of Conty Bint called Ace Young while their mothers are squeeing over David Radford who unlike Rank Sinatra at least looks like he's not under ten years old, that's when we all realize that the American Idol audience - their daughters and their momsies - are all growing up. Awwwwww! "Everyone knows who's pitchy," says Miss Paula. Sway agrees. King Tut says that Miss Paula has stolen his line and causes Miss Paula to snort, "How original! Every bone in your body is original!" King Tut sniggers and winks at Sleazie off-camera and Sleazie blushes, knowing that at least one of King Tut's bones can do some pretty cute tricks. Sleazie asks Randy Randy who that man thinks will win, as if anyone sane and capable of independent thought will seriously consider Randy Randy's opinion on anything. Randy Randy says that this season is the "boys' thing to lose" because he "believes in the boys". It looks like the search for the Great White Male Hope, postponed last season because they needed a replacement to Kelly when Kelly, er, broke away ("Na na na na, na na na na na to you, Simon Fuller!"), is now back on the upswing.

Um, is it just me or Sleazie is looking extra smouldering hot today? With his flirtation with King Tut and all, he seems like a new man compared to his dialing in in the previous season. Sleazie introduces a montage of the ladies' happy moments and scenes of their workshop or pimp clip moments that lasts about ten minutes. This show has to find something to fill up two hours after all.

And now, Mandisa takes the stage to open the show. Her introductory clip has her saying that she wants to show how the sistas can rock too therefore her song today is Heart's Never, which she hopes she can take it and "trick" it out to make it her own. Woosh, fires rise in the background as Mandisa takes the stage. She seems to know that the best way to show a finger to King Tut is to look fabulous and that's what she does here, looking so fine in what seems like black kimono over a red naughty lingerie-like thing. Her vocals aren't the finest I've heard but she truly rocks here because she has stage presence by the spades and she lures the audience into enjoying her performance because she seems to exude this joie d'vivre from being on stage and singing her heart own. It's a fabulous way to start the show and a great way to introduce what Mandisa promises to deliver in future episodes.

Randy Randy calls the performance "hot" and says that it showed her personality. He finds there were a couple of "short moments" but on the whole he liked it. Miss Paula says that Heart tunes are daunting to cover but Miss Paula thinks that Mandisa had even surpassed Cattle Underwood's performance of Alone in terms of greatness. I won't go that far but I kinda agree with her in the sense of Cattle's Alone is good but a little too guarded and careful while Mandisa took on Never and performed it like she's having a good time. King Tut doesn't find the vocals "perfect" but he thinks that Mandisa has shown the other eleven ladies that she's a person to beat and he predicts that she will last all the wall to the finals. Is that "finals" as in the finale or as in the top twelve, hmm?

Kellie Pickler is next. Predictably, she once more whores out her daddy-slammer-junkie story like the two-cent phony that she is and her performance of Martina McBride's How Far is dedicated to her drug dealing father. But when she starts singing, I can see at once why she feels this need to exploit her manufactured melodrama because this white trash parakeet's voice has no volume and she ends up shouting her way through the song in a desperate attempt to avoid being drowned out by the band. I have no idea why anyone will want to support this low-rent two-cent version of Cattle Underwood when Cattle Underwood is still alive and kicking to impersonate Martina McBride but hey, I suppose that it is possible that there are many sweet people out there who genuinely are moved by her story. Frankly, Kellie can't move far enough for my liking.

The judges all say that there are problems in her performance and then they take pains to assure her and everyone watching this show that Kellie is supposedly very likeable and therefore that's okay. I can rant here about how the judges, especially Randy Randy, always insist that this is a singing competition but conveniently overlook that when it comes to pimping some chosen ones but I find myself doing that every season. I'm not in the mood to work myself up further over someone like Kellie because Miss Fake Granpa-Daddy Me Me Me here isn't worth the exertion. "Pick Pickler?" Yeah, for the annual roadkill sacrifice!

Ooh, here's Becky O'Donohue, also known as the reason my husband is watching this episode with me. He's still bitter over Amoonda Ovula last season and hopes that Becky will somehow manage to escape the wrath of the little girlies with phones to last a little longer into the competition for his enjoyment. Alas, Becky has breasts, she isn't blonde, and she looks like a grown-up woman that these little girlies can feel threatened by. We'll see, I suppose. I understand hubby's anguish over Becky because... well, see: Patrick Hall. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. In the Red Room, Becky tells Sleazie that she can't wait to get on stage to perform. Her song is Patti Smyth's excellent song Because The Night, although 10,000 Maniacs' cover of that song may be more familiar to most people. By the way, the fact that Patti Smyth and Bruce Springsteen allow this song to be performed on the show gives me hope that someday, someone like, say, Chris Daughtry will get to perform Sad Eyes and make me swoon. Anyway, back to Becky. She starts out very strongly but somewhere around the bridge, just before the chorus, she loses her sense of pitch and hits a noticeably wrong note. She never recovers from that mistake and the song goes completely out of tune from that point. The fact that this is a very excellent song and many men (and some women) swoon when she sings, "Touch me now!" save her performance from being a complete trainwreck.

Randy Randy doesn't think that Becky has the best voice and he also finds some pitch problems here and there but he finds the performance most enjoyable. He says that she turned out better than he expected her to be and I suppose that's a compliment. Miss Paula hints that she's mixed something with her alcohol that she pretends to be Diet Coke by saying, "Okay, I've said from the beginning I think that your charm and the way you command the stage is what your magic, that is what your little pixie dust that you have. Realistically, there were notes that were off throughout the song!" The audience and Randy Randy go "Ooh!" and she asks rather sharply whether they are agreeing or disagreeing with her. "Again, so what?" she says dismissively of Becky's pitch problems. Remember, talent doesn't matter when Miss Paula likes you. She tells Becky not to be nervous as the nervousness will show in the performance. King Tut says that the performance, "visually", will get a ten from him but "vocally" only a six and half. You can thank me for not making the obvious "six and a half inches" joke here. He thinks that Becky may not be good enough for this competition as there are better contestants in this bunch. Like Kellie? Naw, can't be.

Ayla Brown is next and I suppose that her parents' pedigree (Senator and TV personality) and her being a basketball player are facets of her personality when it comes to this show. Her performance of Christina Aguilera's Reflection (which is from that Disney cartoon Mulan). You have no idea how ancient I feel when Ayla says that her favorite cartoon while growing up is Mulan. Didn't I watch that cartoon only a few years ago? Ayla's also taller than Sleazie, causing Sleazie to jokingly ask for a phone book to stand on. I must hand it to Sleazie: he's so charmingly desperate to pander to the camera that he will happily toss aside his ego for some self-effacing jokes at his own expense. And he manages to be so convincing about it too, like he knows that everyone sees him as a joke and he doesn't mind that one bit as long as we still love him at the end of the day. When Ayla sings, I am reminded forcibly of one of the reasons why I don't like so many teenaged contestants in this show: Ayla may sing technically well but dang, she sings like a polished robot with very little nuance in her voice to show that she understands a little of what she is singing about. These sweet young ladies sound good but they don't have the experience, on stage or in life, to really find a way to emote in their performances. Fantasia was one such teenager but she's... well, Fantasia. Ayla just hits the high notes, glides over the song, and sounds very nice but forgettable at the same time.

Randy Randy thinks that there was "a crack" at the high note towards the end but he enjoyed the performance. Miss Paula insists that Ayla "showed vulnerability" and "worked the microphone" although honestly all I see in Ayla (and many other ladies in this episode) is a polished performer who has mastered the techniques without knowing how to breathe life into their songs and show a little of themselves to reel the audience in. I mean, when Fantasia sang Always On My Mind, it's like her heart is breaking as she sings about how she never took the time to call her loved one and now she is filled with regrets for taking this loved one for granted. Then there was Summertime, of course. But Ayla? I get nothing from her, just some pleasant music. Still, in this competition, it's probably too much to ask for anything more than pleasant music sometimes. King Tut thinks that Ayla showed some emotion towards the end (read: high notes, which this show often confuse for emotions) and thinks that Ayla isn't as robotic as he initially thought she was.

Thank heavens Paris Bennett doesn't sing in the same voice that she uses when she speaks because Paris' high-pitched helium-overdose baby squeaks will drive me up the wall in no time. She talks about her family in her introductory clip although she thankfully refrains from dropping the fact that her grandmother is Ann Nesby. Her performance is Midnight Train To Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips. She chooses this song because she is from Georgia and she likes Gladys Knight. When she says that, I am reminded that she's seventeen in every sense of that word. Her performance is manic with plenty of jumping arounds on stage with hand-movements that are last seen in Fantasia, which shows her performance roots in gospel. While the performance experience may be evident, her singing leaves me somewhat cold because Paris is blasting out the song without subtlety like it's a happy song when it's not. She clearly doesn't understand a word of the song she is singing as she is going on with a smile on her face. Even her performance gestures can be jarring such as when she mock scolds the audience when she sings, "So he's leaving the life he's come to know!" Maybe I'm spoiled by Fantasia but when Paris sings, I see a very young lady who is a great performer but also a very inexperienced one when it comes to actually bringing a song to life. Still, she's a fabulous stage presence and she is very entertaining to watch.

Randy Randy calls the performance "hot" - that's as far as his vocabulary goes tonight - and then says that he knows Gladys Knight (Aunt Gliddy) and had spoken to her when she was a guest judge in season two, which he somehow says proves why Paris' performance is hot. I can't connect the dots in his thought train - is he saying that I'll be hot too if I sing something from one of his buddies? Miss Paula calls Paris her idol because Paris jumped around, avoided a wardrobe malfunction, is a show woman, and is also a baby doll. Hey, I'm just reporting what she says. King Tut marvels that Paris is only seventeen - and here I am sighing over the fact that Paris is seventeen and she'll be probably great after some growing-up - and compares her to Fantasia. Sleazie reveals that Paris keeps an "intimate diary" of her experiences on this show and tries to get her to reveal what she wrote the last night. She just says that it's about how she got ready for tonight. Yeah, how believable. Most likely it's reports of strange sounds coming on from King Tut's room ("Why are Sleazie and King Tut scolding Ace like that and why is he crying for them to whack his backside harder? Gosh, these people are strange!") or the latest antics of Brenna the Bitch ("Brenna made Sleazie cry again when she snatched the mascara from Sleazie and told him that she'd kick him if he tried to get it back.").

After the special Paris Pimp moment, it's now time for Stevie Scott to take the stage. She once more reminds everyone that she has a background in opera and she sings in five languages (helium, chipmunk, Disney, noise, and squeak). She promises to deliver something different from the audience and that something turns out to be Josh Groban's To Where You Are. She's not too bad during the verse, but when she hits the chorus, she starts slipping into some kind of chipmunk-like falsetto that causes her to be nearly drowned out by the band. She finishes on a high but nearly inaudible note.

Randy Randy finds the performance "non-emotional" and says that he found himself daydreaming while Stevie was singing. Miss Paula disagrees, saying that Stevie was "ethereal" and "intimate" while insisting that Stevie sang the song in the correct manner. King Tut says that Stevie completely messed up and compares the performance to that of some little brat who decided to sing out of tune during some "horrible Sunday lunch". He thinks that Stevie will have a problem come results night and Miss Paula insists that King Tut is the problem, not Stevie. Sleazie comforts Stevie by telling her to take the judges' words to heart (what, that she sings like an out-of-tune brat?) and when he realizes that she towers over him too, says that he's taller than Tom Cruise. While Tom Cruise's lawyers rewatch that scene a hundred times to detect any gay innuendos in that scene, Stevie tells Sleazie that hey, maybe he will get a chance from her. As if he cares about Stevie when King Tut has a much better falsetto, surely!

Sleazie reminds everyone that the show is on for three nights a week and that you all have to make your own fun on the other four nights. Yeah, rub that in, Sleazie, just because we don't have a cuddly honeybunny to take the paddle to the arse to like you have Sleazie. Hussy! Now Sleazie brings forth spotlight-loving constantly-posing Brenna Gethers who tries unconvincingly to make people see her as a loving misunderstood bunny by bringing up how she loves her family and singing Stevie Wonder's You Are The Sunshine of My Life. Ooh, I love Brenna and I am not ashamed to say that but girlfriend here has a nasal alto that is poorly suited for that song. She is often very pitchy but worse, she is boring. Where's the bling-bling? Here I'd like to propose songs for Brenna to sing the next time.

1. Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls
2. Anything by Blu Cantrell
3. Milkshake by Kellis
4. Goodies by Ciara
5. Don't Let Me Get Me by Pink
6. Where The Girls At by 702
7. My Lovin' (Never Gonna Get It) by En Vogue

Randy Randy is disappointed that Brenna played it safe with her song choice and Miss Paula agrees. King Tut says that he likes Brenna's attitude and says that she has nothing to apologize for. All three judges pretty much tell Brenna not to sheath her claws. I'd agree but the thing is, image is very important in the minds of the majority of the people voting on the show and I don't think Brenna will ever stand a chance in this competition because of her attitude. I'd love to be proven wrong, of course. In a way, I agree with King Tut when he tells Brenna to bare her claws and scratch him because I'd rather see Brenna go out by being herself instead of pretending to be something that she isn't and being booted anyway for her efforts. Going out in style is often the best way to go, after all! Sleazie thinks that King Tut asking Brenna to scratch him shows an "interesting dynamic" in those two's relationship (guess who loaned Sleazie that catwoman outfit with five-inch nails that Sleazie would be wearing for his date with King Tut tonight?) and explains that it must be because Brenna and King Tut have the same birthday and then they all have fun with how ancient King Tut is. King Tut winks at Brenna but of course, there will always be people watching this show that takes offense at Brenna's behavior for King Tut, conveniently overlooking the fact that the rudest bint on this show is King Tut himself. Watching Brenna, I suddenly get it: she is King Tut and Sleazie in a way because she would happily make herself a fool for the camera (unlike Mikalah who makes a fool of herself unwittingly most of the time) and her ego can match King Tut's. Gosh, how can I not adore her?

Heather Cox talks about how she loves and breathes this show and watches it like a stalker. Apparently she was so moved by the hideous group performance of Diana Ross' When You Tell Me That You Love Me from last season that she will sing that song tonight. Is she aware of how pathetic she comes off as on TV? Can we please stop pretending that the song was an original song written for the show? It's a Diana Ross song, people, not a song by that tone-deaf Vonzell, okay? It says how bad Heather is when compared to Heather's horribly pitchy performance complete with cracked notes and painful key changes, Vonzell's version comes off like Diana Ross' original schmaltzy but enjoyable version.

Randy Randy says that he is hoping for great things from Heather but instead she bored him. Since Heather had sore throat and all that and therefore she couldn't croak her way out of the bag during the workshop episodes and still they let her through, is Randy Randy saying that he somehow expected her to be good and all because she is blonde and wears cleavage-revealing blouses? Randy Randy thinks that unlike Heather's cleavage, the key was too low for the performance. Miss Paula says that she agrees with Randy Randy although she admires Heather for contracting laryngitis previously. Miss Paula will give Heather a medal if Heather contracted chicken pox. King Tut accuses Heather of playing safe and "evaporating" her personality, which may or may not be related to her cleavage. He says that Heather sounded like someone taking elocution lessons. Yes, from Vonzell! He thinks that no one will remember Heather. Miss Paula cuts in to say that people would remember that Heather is beautiful though. After all, as long as women are beautiful, nothing else matters! King Tut is appropriately disdainful of Miss Paula's "reassurance" to Heather. Heather tries to tell Sleazie that her voice is off again tonight and King Tut interrupts to say that she is clearly trying to find excuses. Of course she is.

After some joke about a slippery Randy Randy and a bottle of baby oil that I am afraid to wonder about, Sleazie introduces Melissa McGhee, the only female contestant tonight. She has virtually zero airtime before this episode. She chooses Faith Hill's When The Lights Go Down to sing because that song took Celena Rae very far in the previous season after all. Melissa sounds better than Kellie Pickler but that's not saying too much, I know. Melissa is too breathy at first but when the chorus kicks in, it's as if she suddenly remembers that this is a do-or-die situation for her compared to Paris, for example, who would never be eliminated, and sings her heart out to bring the song to a strong yet understated finish. I like her. She seems to have a kooky personality in her introductory clip and I like the sultry alto that she has. Why does the wretched Kellie Pickler have to stay while Melissa McGhee has no hype at all?

Randy Randy notes that the song started out shaky but Melissa managed to finish strong in the performance. He wasn't too impressed but he likes the tone of her voice. Miss Paula however thinks that the performance was a standout for Melissa and Melissa made the song her own. King Tut thinks that she sang better than some other ladies tonight but he find her forgettable and her eyes "lifeless". Thanks for giving Melissa some sympathy votes, Melissa. Thank you. I love Melissa for pointing out that King Tut may not remember her because she has not been shown singing at all before this episode. That's a rather polite but definitely valid stab of the finger to King Tut's forehead about the unbalanced air time the contestants can get in the audition episodes.

And now, one of the two most ridiculously overhyped performances of the night: Lisa Tucker and her version of Jennifer Holliday's I Am Changing. She starts out flat and then proceeds to screech out what seems like the same line in the same notes again and again for the entire song, with no emotion, nothing. Let's just say that Lisa is from the Latoya London school of All Polish No Soul kind of singing. She has oodles of stage charisma, I'd give her that, but that performance has no build-up, nothing, because Lisa is going all vibrato in the same note all the way from mid-performance to end! Like Paris, Lisa is too robotic at times, technically polished but displaying zero emotion when she sings. She's sixteen, after all, and in many ways she's merely an imitator of better and more mature soulful singers instead of knowing who she really is inside, sigh.

Randy Randy was worried that the song may be too "old" for her and while she started out rough in his opinion, he thinks that she pulled off the performance very well. Miss Paula calls Lisa "this little precious gift", adds that Lisa lights "the fire" in her heart, and calls Lisa "poised". "You have this gift. Either you have it or you don't. From start to finish, you are a star!" says Miss Paula in her rare moment of lucidity. King Tut says that Lisa has just made "girls five or six years older" look ordinary. He thinks that Lisa will be a star and people will look back at this night ten years from now and say that this is "the night". The judges are really building up Lisa to be so much better than she actually is.

It's now Kinnik Sky's turn to perform. People, her name is pronounced "Kin-NIK", with emphasis on the last syllable. She will perform Oleta Adams' Get Here. What I like about this performance is how she actually has a different arrangement from the original version - which is to say, this isn't a carbon copy of the original performance. She starts out very strong but towards the crescendo when she starts belting out her heart like there's no tomorrow and they are coming to steal all her Aretha Franklin CDs away, Kinnik becomes somewhat flat to my ears. Call me weird but I find this performance more memorable than Lisa's. I like her.

Randy Randy thinks that Kinnik was really rough and sharp in the middle but she finished strong. He'd give the performance a six. Miss Paula disagrees, saying that there were a few sharp notes but the overall performance was a powerful one. King Tut thinks that Kinnik's problem is that her performance was decent, "cabaret" in his words, but there are a few "amazing" performances from younger ladies who overshadow her. At 28, Kinnik apparently is no longer relevant, huh. "You are being overshadowed by the young pretenders tonight," says King Tut and I must say I am puzzled by his use of the word "pretenders" since he's supposed to enjoy the "young" performances of Paris and Lisa. Kinnik graciously says that she's willing to learn, even from "babies". Okay, maybe that's graciousness with a touch of meow since she reveals to Sleazie afterwards that she never expected Randy Randy to find her performance that lacking.

And now, the most overhyped performance of the night: Katharine McPhee's version of Since I Fell For You by Barbra Streisand as well as like a thousand other artists out there. Okay, here's the deal: she is so annoyingly camera-conscious that she starts making these constipated faces that she believes to be adorable to the camera even when she is singing. She is "dancing" by moving her body above her waist back and forth so that she comes off like her upper body is about to topple off her waist. Katharine sings well but she is even more cold and soulless than Lisa in her performance, more robotic than Ayla, and more annoying to watch than Taylor Hicks. Okay, maybe Taylor Hicks is more annoying to watch.

Randy Randy thinks the performance "hot" and barring "a couple of spots", he finds the performance "amazing". Miss Paula says that this show is the greatest on earth and she loves her job because she loves to see greatness like she sees greatness in Katharine. The tedious overhype slatherings continue when Randy Randy says that he takes back his words about the season being the guys' to lose while King Tut says that Katharine is the best vocalist out of four good ones tonight. The unctuous Katharine squeals and continues her "cute" and "bubbly" "I'll kiss you antics!" to Sleazie but he says that he has just eaten onions. Don't ask me whose onions he's talking about. You people are perverts, I tell you.

And with that, the show is done and the twelve ladies gather around Sleazie where Brenna drives Sleazie away by dancing like she earns her living gyrating in a revealing bikini in some bling-bling music video. Brenna is so adorably uncaring of the fact that the other ladies treat her like she's a plague-ridden harlot as evidenced by their quick moving away from her as she poses for the camera and only the camera, heh. Kinnik mouths to the camera begging for votes. Does that work? And with that, it's time for a wrap and we should all go to bed early so that we'll be freshened up and ready for the men to strut their stuff on stage for us tomorrow.

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