Savage Thrusting Passion
by Minerva D'Antoinettalla, historical (2000)Porcine, $6.99, ISBN 0-667-99881-P
Ms D'Antoinettalla returns to her top form after ten years of hiatus from the romance scene. A warm applause for the triumphant return for the Grand Dame of Romance, who is now clearly stronger after her ordeals (fifteen divorces and sixty-five speeding tickets and ten court orders for DUI) and we readers only reap the benefits of her brilliant pen.
Serena Ninnyhammer is a beautiful Southern debutante kidnapped by a dangerous and virile half-breed Taito Donkeyface. Taito wants to seek vengeance on Jonas Ninnyhammer for stealing his people's beef sticks by impregnating Serena and sending her back ruined.
Soon Taito can't help falling for Serena because she is Innocent and Pure compared to his fifteen impure, sex-mad mistresses, and Serena's constant escape and falling into trouble only arouses the reader's admiration for this feitsy heroine along with Taito's affections. Will love triumph? Will Serena be saved by love of this dark virile passionate half-breed?
Ms D'Antoinettalla has clearly outdone herself with vivid historical backdrops. In fact, our beloved visionary has taken it into her able hands to rewrite history, abolishing slavery and the Indian wars. "I know my readers don't want to be troubled by too much bad history, so I make it such that there has never been any war or slavery in my books! Black people and Indians have always been free in my stories, and everyone's happy!" she says in the afterword. What a genius. Other lesser imitators could do well to emulate Ms D'Antoinettalla's grand vision.
There are a few flaws - only a few - and minor - very minor - ones at that. Such as a complete absence of logic, credible plot, convincing characterization, and coherence, but let's not forget that Ms D'Antoinettalla has her publisher backing her with a $3.4 million dollar promotional deal, including a $10,000 front cover advertisement in this magazine. And she has already fourteen NYT bestsellers - she's a genius and she definitely can't do wrong!
What are you waiting for? Can you hear your heart screaming to read this book? That's why I've written this glowing review and made this the Hilarity Koffins Top Pick! Click on the full-sized advertisement next to this review to buy this book. NOW.
"Ms D'Antoinettalla returns to her top form after ten years of hiatus from the romance scene."
"She's a genius and she definitely can't do wrong!"
Reviewed by Hilarity "Wouldn't It Be Orgasmic If A Neanderthal Hunk Savages Me And Clubs Me Into His Cave?" Koffins