Cheaters Never Win... And They Cheated!
The Amazing Race 4: Episode 1

It's a plane! Call me pathetic, but I am actually counting the minutes until the show comes on. While I'm a little disappointed at this season's teams - too many pretty boys and gals and too many boring date couples and two and half teams too many using their sexuality as gimmicks - the first episode delivers with style. This one-and-a-half hour special suffers from some zany editing - a common problem that resolves itself once the herd is thinned - but damn, it's good.

Hello, Philo Koughie! It's so nice to see you again, you craggy-faced manboobed Travel Channel stud you, and my, aren't we all hot in black sweater today? He's standing at the helipad which he says, "high above Los Angeles, the gateway for the Western United States". Camera zooms to the Dodger Stadium. We see buses bringing the teams to the stadium which is the starting point of the Race. Then we see the teams coming out of the buses and we hear their voiceovers as they introduce themselves.

First, there's Team Cordelia. They're models. One of them claims to be bisexual. They say that they are thrill seekers - cue scene of them doing shooting practices - and they are adrenaline junkies. They say it's good that they're hot because hot women have it easier than men. They obviously want the audience to hate them.

Team Incontinent-Air - two middle-aged friends Steve and Dave who say that they know they are old and out-of-shape but they will try to win the race "without breaking a sweat". Four words: In Your Dreams, Granpas.

Team Don't Ask Don't Tell or Team DADT. There's Chippo and Top Gun. They say that they're married but they refuse to be made to feel inadequate because of their gayness. Ooh, on the defensive already, even before they start lobbing at you two? That's never a good attitude. Speaking of Top Gun, can they find anyone else who looks even more of a stereotypical Falcon porn star? Chippo looks like a nice guy, but Top Gun? Meh. I've seen blow-up dolls more natural-looking than that guy.

Team MillieChuck, comprising of the Virgin Millie and Chastity Chuck. They're dating, they're virgins. In case you missed the last one, the show thoughtfully puts "Virgins" in their profile, and we're not talking about Virgin Airlines people here. They have been dating for twelve years and by all accounts, they are each other's first and only significant other since they were twelve or so. "They don't get married for twelve years and they're not having sex in the meantime?" hubby asks incredulously. "That boy - sexually confused. That girl - clueless." They say that the Bible says that people must not have sex before marriage. He says he is scared of commitment. She says she wants to get married. Let us watch as Bisexual Cordelia and Top Gun DADT break up this couple during the As The Pit Stop Turns moments.

Team Father-and-Freak. Dad's a correction officer. The son's a loser and a complete freak.

Team Cyrus. Rus is the Undergear model whose photos are now being transmitted across the Internet alongside Top Gun DADT's ultra-cheesy shirtless pictures. Cindy's the one who looks like that daytime TV actress whose name one can never remember. They're friends who wants to see if their relationship can go a little farther. Some people explore this avenue by booking the cheapest motel room they can find and letting everything go. Other people join The Amazing Race 4 and make complete fools out of themselves.

Team Hot Mommas. They are married to NFL players, and now they say it's time their hubbies cheer them on just like how they cheer their hubbies on during the NFL season.

Team Oily Bohunk. Steve and Dave. One of them said on the official website that he has a phobia of fat people and the other guy says he has sex to vent out his frustrations. They claim that George Dubby Bush is their idol because he "kicks ass". Then the webmasters realize just how stupid Team Oily Bohunk comes off as and reedit everything. Bah. They talk about how strategic and confident they are. Ugh, go away, bohunks. You're not even pretty.

Team ChrisAmanda. Another dating couple. They say that people think they are bumpkins. Amanda cusses like a potty. I like this team.

Team Barr. Kelly "Roseanne" Barr and Jon "Dan" Barr are engaged. Hopefully, they say, they will still be married after this show. Hopefully. Doubtful.

Team Sookie and Jackson. They're overweight and they are eerie in their resemblance to Sookie and Jackson from The Gilmore Girls. Both are strange but adoring in their devotion to each other. They're funny too, even if they almost caused an earthquake/avalanche on the icy slopes of the Italian Alps. "We're fat. We're 40, but we're fun. We have to beat the others mentally," they say. Great motto, but come on, we're talking about The Amazing Race 4 here, not some mental challenge puzzles.

And finally, the Sideshow Bobs. Evil clowns who insist that they are funny, just like how clowns always tell kids at birthday parties that they're not here to steal all the cakes and eat the puppies. They say that they are here to have fun, adding that they are shot out of a cannon ten times a week.

Back to Philo and his dramatic pose at the helipad. He says that these teams will travel 40,000 miles where one team will win the million dollars. Who will become friends? Who will become enemies? Who will save the children? Oops, wrong show.

Hubby says that the Cordelias are pretty hot. Sssh, don't tell, but I think I find Chastity Chuck pretty cute.

Now we are at the center of the field in Dodger Stadium. The Teams are standing side by side like they always do at the start of every race, watching Philo as Philo smiles at them. Because he's the grand Philiminator, you see, that's why he can smile. He tells them the usual lines about thirteen legs blah blah nine elimination Pit Stops and four non-elimination Pit Stops (counting the final Pit Stop) blah blah first clue in the Team's bags located a distant away blah blah first to reach finishing line (Chastity Chuck, that'll be my place) wins the million dollars are you ready yes then GO!

The Teams cheer and then dash for their bags. Chastity Chuck and one of the too many dark-haired guys dash for the same bag at the same time, but it turns out that the bag is Chuck's. Watch out, boy, strange men will be grabbing your bag throughout this Race. The Cyrus reach their bags first and rips open the Clue envelope. The Clue in each team's bag indicates that they must fly to Milan, Italy, where further instruction awaits. Virgin Millie shrieks at Chastity Chuck to grab their bags while the Oily Bohunks call each other "dude". Close to forty and still using adolescent male slangs? Get over it already, guys. I hear Sookie squealing. Maybe she realized that they forgot to pack the sweetrolls. Team DADT is running. The Hot Mommas seems lost and they're not even out of the stadium yet. This is not good.

Their SUVs await in the parking lot. Team DADT varooms off first, where Chippo remarks that they will have a lot of SUVs trailing them. Indeed, at this point, Roseanne Barr is telling Dan to follow those "California-looking boys" because "they have the look" to be from California so this is the DADT's turf. We see six SUVs varooming after DADT. I hope there's no horrifying pile-up because these roads can be dangerous.

Credits. I like how they have Father and Freak stand separated by a gate so that it's like Father is sneering as Freak is locked up in prison. Ohmigosh, the show has really started. I can't believe it!

Back from the credits, Team DADT says that they are trying to lose the SUVs at their tail. It's difficult because short of crashing through the road divider, there's really nowhere they can hide. Father asks Freak whether Freak knows what he is doing. The Cordelias' SUV is still in the Stadium car park because the back door won't shut. One of them decides to sit at the back and pull the door close. Cindy tells Rus to drive slowly and carefully. Yo, Cindy, I know you look like Joan Allen a little, but we aren't in Pleasantville. Step on the gas, buddy! "Get outta my f**king way, dammit! I'm gonna eat the back of your *bleep*," Amanda shrieks at a passing car that crossed her way, before telling the camera that Chris thinks that she has two sides - the good girl and the devil. The *bleeping* devil, that is. Virgin Millie tells Chastity Chuck to focus on mashing the gear lever in the SUV as a practice for their wedding night - wait a minute. Watch out, Sunset Boulevard - the Teams are coming in their ugly SUVs!

Actually, DADT isn't from California - the Oily Bohunks are the Californian natives. True to their being males, they refuse to ask for directions and inexplicably take the longer route to the airport.

The Cordelias are still at the stadium car park. Finally, fed up, they ask for a new SUV. Philo's voice comes on to explain that when a team experiences vehicle problems through no fault of theirs, they can request for a replacement vehicle. But there will be no time compensation, so the Cordelias will have to drive fast to make up for lost time.

DADT is trying to lose the SUVs at their tail, but still no luck there. Freak announces that he wants to be the first Team on the first plane and kicks everybody's ass. The Sideshow Bobs beat a red light. Cindy tells Rus not to follow suit, and then says inexplicably that this is very exciting for her. Virgin Millie is still telling Chastity Chuck to focus. He tells the camera that she's the only woman he has dated. Hubby snickers and wonders if woman is the operative word in that statement. Amanda is still letting loose a wonderful array of bleeped expletives.

Team Incontinent-Air is lost and is trying to orient themselves. Meanwhile, they discuss how they will get air tickets, because remember, they are air traffic controllers and they know their way around airports. Just not highways. They decide to follow where the airplanes are heading, hoping that they will find the airport eventually.

The Hot Mommas are also lost. They zoom past Cyrus and ChrisAmanda - Amanda bleeps - but oops, look, here comes a highway cop! Rus is excited to see a "CHiP" and Amanda is even more excited, no doubt hoping that CHiP here will book the Hot Mommas for speeding. Hot Mommas, however, are unfazed. One of them sticks her head out of the window and asks for direction. You always ask the cop that stops you for direction. And the cop thoughtfully escorts the Hot Mommas to the airport, much to the disgust of ChrisAmanda and Cyrus. Rus exclaims how disappointed he is that the CHiP doesn't pull the Mommas over.

The Barrs pulls up at the airport carpark first. DADT asks for direction to the airport carpark, they aren't too far behind. Thanks to LAPD's finest, the Hot Mommas are next to arrive.

Sookie and Jackson are caught in a traffic jam. The Oily Bohunks still refuse to ask for directions. The Cordelias are asking for directions left and right. Sideshow Bobs are sure that the airport is there... somewhere there, that is. They make a wild skid turn to make their point, whatever their point is.

It is a mad dash for the shuttle services for the teams except for Incontinent-Air, who inexplicably decide to walk instead. Incontinent-Air Dave wonders why they have to walk. Incontinent-Air Steve says that there will be a lot of walking on this Race. DADT and the Barrs manage to get on the shuttle, with the Hot Mommas shrieking and pounding at the door angrily as Dan Barr asks the driver to pull off without waiting for the Mommas. Roseanne remarks to Dan that karma will bite them all back one day. Oh goodness, who lets this killjoy into this show?

There are three planes flying from LA to Milan. The earliest flights are Swiss Air and Lufthansa, both leaving at the same time. Differences in transit stops will see the Swiss Air flight reaching Milan forty minutes earlier than Lufthansa. The catch is, there are only seats for four teams in Swiss Air while Lufthansa has three. The third flight, KLM, leaves an hour after the first two flights.

The teams are obviously unaware of the differences in transit time between Swiss Air and Lufthansa, because Cyrus, MilleChuck, and ChrisAmanda head straight to the Lufthansa counter. Meanwhile, the Sideshow Bobs ask for information, and promptly books the first tickets for Swiss Air. The Barrs stand at the Swiss Air Counter, the Father-and-Freak behind them, followed by the Hot Mommas, and DADT. The Barrs get their tickets fine. Meanwhile, the Incontinent-Air geriatrics finally walk in, wearing their air controller caps in a shameless attempt to get favoritism. Father-and-Freak, noticing their caps, thinks that the Incontinent-Air will be a great ally for Freak's "superteam". Thus the Father-and-Freak team buys two sets of tickets, causing the Hot Mommas to see red, blood red, murderous red. They promise karma and retribution, warning that "Cheaters never win... and they cheated!"

The Hot Mommas and the DADT walk off to the KLM counter to join Sookie and Jackson. Meanwhile, the Oily Bohunks finally walk in, and DADT approach them. So the Holy Pecs Alliance is formed. DADT wonders if they should out themselves to the Oily Bohunks. The Cordelias finally arrive, Brunette Cordelia snapping and bickering at Blonde Cordelia. All these remaining teams board the KLM flight, one hour later than the other seven teams. One of the Hot Mommas, Monica, hopes that the early flights will somehow be delayed to give the trailing teams a chance to catch up. She gets her hope granted in a way - the Swiss Air flight is delayed by thirty minutes in transit, reaching Milan only ten minutes ahead of Lufthansa. Not that this delay benefits the teams on KLM in any way.

Now we move straight to Milan. Philo is there, wearing a cream-colored sweater under a brown jacket. He says that all teams are approaching Milan now. Gee, and for a moment I thought one of those planes may end up in Luxemberg instead, oh silly me. He says that when the teams reach Milan, they will have to make their way to the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, a nice hub of shops and eateries. There, they will find the next Clue Stand for further directions.

Swiss Air lands at Milan at 1.40 pm, and Lufthansa at 1.50 pm. All seven teams have only a small time difference separating them, so as usual it's a mad dash for cabs. Except for, yup, Incontinent-Air who take their time walking. I'm getting really annoyed with this team. They're just begging for an elimination. And what's this about standing there on the moving conveyor belt? I hate people who do that. I always accidentally bump my heavy luggage bags at their heels whenever these freaks just block the entire belt and just freaking stand there when I want to be fast and beat the long queue for the cabs.

The Teams talk while they're in their cabs. Roseanne says that the Barrs have been here before. Incontinent-Air Steve says that he has never been to Milan, or anywhere else outside of America and says that this is a disadvantage for his team. The Sideshow Bobs discuss breaking wind and how their (non-existent) sense of humor will be their secret weapon. The Father And Freak try to speak Italian to some locals.

Philo explains that the clue in the Galleria tells the teams to look around for hidden envelopes around the place. Inside each envelope is a boarding time for the chartered bus that will take them to their next destination. There are four envelopes for the 2.00 am bus, four for the 4.00 am bus, and the remaining four for the 6.00 am bus. Naturally, you will want to be on the 2.00 am bus. The Barrs reach the Gallery first, and after looking around and Roseanne calling Dan an idiot for asking the locals instead of hunting for envelopes, they claim the 4.00 am bus, not knowing that there are better alternatives. Same with the Cyrus. Then the Barrs caught notice of the 2.00 am ticket and curse when they realize that they can't exchange their 4.00 am to 2.00 am. ChrisAmanda decide to look for the 2.00 am envelope. The Sideshow Bobs grabs the 4.00 am envelope.

MillieChuck finds the 2.00 am envelope and alerts ChrisAmanda, whom Millie calls a cool team, to the location of the envelopes. Chris tells Father and Freak, who tell Incontinent Air, and Incontinent Air wins this season's Dandruff Of The Year award.

At 3.20 pm, the KLM flight arrives at the airport. The teams dash for the cabs. Sookie trips, causing a minor earthquake. She and Jackson laugh ("I'd like to say I was tripped, but I wasn't!"). They're so cute together. The Oily Bohunks call DADT over to grab the train together while the remaining teams catch cabs. Sookie and Jackson cheer as their cab overtakes the Cordelias' and tells the smiley-faced cab driver that he's doing a great job. I don't know what possessed the Holy Pecs Alliance that taking a train will be faster than taking a cab, so the Hot Mommas, the Cordelias, and Sookie and Jackson all arrive at the Galleria just as the earlier teams are leaving. At the Galleria, Sookie and Jackson finds the 6.00 am ticket. Josh points out the last 4.00 am ticket to the Hot Mommas, saying, "It's not going to hurt us, and I felt like they needed the help, and I don't really want those two blonde chicks with the fake tits (the Cordelias) up in there." Now, Freak, girls aren't scary. I know you want to make up for your lack of Daddy Love by forming a Daddy Boi sandwich with the Incontinent-Air geriatrics, but seriously, Freak, girls aren't that bad. Really. The Hot Mommas declare them even now. The Holy Pecs Alliance have to settle for the 6.00 am bus.

Rounding up: 2.00 am - The Boring Bus - MillieChuck, ChrisAmanda, Father and Freak, Incontinent-Air. 4.00 am - the Barrs, the Hot Mommas, Cyrus, Sideshow Bobs. 6.00 am - Oily Bohunks, DADT, Sookie and Jackson, Cordelias.

Night falls, and now everybody will have to decide what to do now. Sookie and Jackson decide to go get a room at a hotel, but he balks at the price. Meanwhile, all the other teams except for Cyrus decide to get a hotel room too. When Sookie and Jackson finally decide to get that room they didn't want earlier, it turns out that every available room has been taken by the other teams. How nice that DADT decides to let them share. Sookie is pleased that she is spending the night in a room with three guys. Top Gun DADT says that DADT is a gay couple - yes, yes, I get it already, and since you two broke up immediately after the Race, please stop going on and on about marriage because it's embarrassing to the both of you - but they're not telling Sookie and Jackson about it. DADT gives the camera and the other team a funny look before slinking off to eat to do what fakely-married gay couples eat together while Jackson starts crying because he has failed his wife. She comforts him and they both awww together. It's sweet, but Jackson, Sookie, is there a point to this? You two are overdoing that sentimental nonsense, so dial it down, please. Outside, somewhere, the Cyrus decides to bench down for the rest of the night. To keep warm, they begin bickering over respect and communication.

It's now 1.55 am, and we see the first four teams waiting for their 2.00 am bus. As they depart and the next four team leave two hours later, Philo Koughie announces that the teams are driven to Cortina d'Ampezzo at the foot of the snow-covered Dolomite mountains. The scenery is amazing, by the way. The 2.00 am bus reaches the town square at 9.00 am where they walk up to the Clue Stand. They are asked to get an airlift service to go up to Cinque Torri, follow a marked trail up the mountain track, where then they have to do a Detour - "Search" or "Rescue". "Search" requires the team to make use of a locator beacon to find keys to a snowmobile buried under the snow in a 160-acre field. This is obviously a slow task. "Rescue" is a faster, but the team will have to walk across a rescue bridge supported only by four steel cables, then zipline across a ravine before heading off to the next Clue.

Chastity Chuck confesses that he is "freaky about heights". That's why he can't take the plunge. The Incontinent-Air are walking slowly as the others climb out of the airlift and dash for the Clue Stand, with one of the Sideshow Bobs thoughtfully shrieking the location for the rest to follow. Oi, Grandpas, just go home already. All teams choose Rescue. Virgin Millie is particularly eager to climb high mountains. Oh, Chuck, I don't think she wants to wait any longer.

ChrisAmanda cross the bridge first. Chris doesn't dare to look down. Amanda looks down. Virgin Millie walks slowly and steady and thanks Chris for helping her up. She then calls out encouragement to Chuck as he walks across the bridge unsteadily, "Chuck, you're awesome, good job!" Then both teams scamper off to ziplock across the ravine, wheeee! Father and Freak are next across the bridge, Freak complaining that his Father's slow walk across the bridge is making Freak look like a sissy. Too late, Freak, you're already a sissy. By this time, ChrisAmanda has reached the Clue Stand, and they learn that they must now hike down the slopes to the airlift station and then take a cab from Cortina to the Pit Stop, Hotel Lajadira. The last team to reach this Pit Stop will be - let's say it together, people - eliminated!

So they begin their hike down the slopes. Amanda is tired. "Come on, Flo! You're stopped! You're not coming!" he yells at her. Amanda replies, "Dude, if you yell at me again, I'm going to die." Chris is really angry when MillieChuck pass them by. Chastity Chuck says that Virgin Millie is the fire that lights his life and fuels him on. I'm not touching that loaded statement. MillieChuck is waiting for them and Father and Freak so that everybody can be in first place together. Aren't these two sweet? They make me want to puke.

Meanwhile, the Incontinent-Air geezers are trying to cross the bridge. They say again that they are old and falling back from the rest of the pack and "that's not good". What a bunch of whiners. Can we eliminate them now, please? Why do these senior citizens come onto this show totally unprepared for mental and physical rigors and then whine about it on TV? If we Giggles decide to go on this show, you bet we will take time and train ourselves physically for the Race first, even if our own limbs aren't as strong as the young ones. Stop whining, you two, you're giving us old coots a bad reputation.

The 4.00 am is making its way to Cortina at this point of time. The Hot Mommas reassure themselves that at least they're in the middle of the pack, not in last place. They decide to take the Fast Forward so that they can skip the next task and head straight to the Pit Stop. The Fast Forward requires them to put on snowshoes, trek to the top of a mountain, and uh, that's it. Altogether now: lame, lame, lame! At least put in a bad-tempered ibex or something to stir things up. The Hot Mommas hope they're doing the right thing. Frankly, I think it's not a good idea, after all, they have four teams trailing at least two hours behind them, but hey, whatever rocks their boat. They have no problems getting the Fast Forward, so woosh! They're off to the Pit Stop. They hope they will be the first team there.

Meanwhile, up at the slops, Incontinent-Air Dave falls down and says he can't bend his leg. His partner stops, digging holes in the snow so that Incontinent-Air Dave could use them to balance himself. Once down, he thanked his partner for being the only one in the world he will do this with. Ladies and gentlemen, the real married couple of this show. Yeah, yeah, what Incontinent-Air Steve did for his partner is really sweet, but that doesn't negate the fact that they are totally useless so far on this Race and I still don't care even a bit about this team.

ChrisAmanda makes up with air kisses as they take the airlift down to the town below. He says that he should have been more supportive instead of heckling Amanda. They, MillieChuck, and Father and Freak all reach the hotel, scramble up the stairs into the snow-covered field nearby where Philo and a local important guy - the mayor? - await. They all hold hands and step on the Finishing Mat, where Philo tells them they are all tied for first and they all win a vacation to Hawaii, thanks to American Airlines. MillieChuck, when American Airlines retrench another six hundred employees to accommodate the unexpected extra four winners of their vacation, you two are to be blamed. Virgin Millie sounds perky as usual, saying that they are all friends and she is so happy all six of them will depart at the same time tomorrow. I bet she won't be that magnamimous with the million dollar prize.

The Hot Mommas are fourth. They hug and are so happy because they are in the middle of the pack and they can handle everything tomorrow, once tonight they take a pillow and push it over the faces of the Barrs and Father and Freak.

Meanwhile, the second batch of teams are attempting the Rescue detour. Cindy says she is scared of heights but she'll give the whole detour her best. Now that's the attitude! Roseanne Barr compares the ziplock thing with marriage. Dan says he doesn't get it. If he doesn't get it, he'll never get it.

Incontinent-Air - fifth.

Remember the 6.00 am bus? Right now, the bus is making its way to the city. The Cordelias is sure that someone from this bus is getting eliminated today. Talk about stating the obvious. DADT asks their cab drivers to hurry. The Cordelias ask for directions. Blonde Cordelia cosies up to a really handsome restaurant guy who asks her if he can treat her with some coffee. Bitch, I hate her already. She also asks whether he has seen any other teams "who look like her" around the place. Of course he says no. She simpers, twirls the spoon in her coffee cup, and flirts until Brunette Cordelia screams for her to get going now. "Oops," Blondie Cordelia says and leaves the restaurant after giving a smile for that restaurant guy. I'm moving to this place. I love coffee too.

The Barrs complete their Detour and are sixth. The Sideshow Bobs put on their red noses when they step on the Finishing Mat - begone, Evil Clowns, begone! - to claim the seventh place. Cyrus is eighth.

Sookie and Jackson are now on the airlift up to the Detour station.

DADT reaches the Detour first, Sookie and Jackson next, the Oily Bohunks catching up fast. One of the Bohunks trips and glides across the snow a good distance across. Jackson trips and falls. Sookie trips and falls. Watch out, avalanche! The Cordelias are the last to arrive.

DADT trots the wire, the Bohunks struts the ziplock. But Sookie can't cross the bridge. She freezes halfway, paralyzed by fear. Jackson, who has successfully crossed the bridge, calls out encouragement but she just doesn't move. The Cordelias, stuck waiting for their turn, seethe and Brunette Cordelia says, "This sucks, man. I can't believe we got behind the slow team." Finally, Brunette Cordelia steps on the bridge and trails slowly behind Sookie. Blonde Cordelia follows behind. "I can't watch," hubby moans. "The bridge is going to collapse!" Sookie finally staggers to the other end, and Brunette Cordelia leaps past her, apologizing as she does so. Then the Cordelias are off while Sookie and Jackson catch their breath.

Meanwhile, the Oily Bohunks are having a tough time in their downward trek, and they lose precious time when they see the flag for the other Detour and head off in that direction instead. They come across the snowmobiles, want to take one - or three - but the scary guy guarding the snowmobiles will not let them. Brunette Cordelia is wailing and moaning and she has to be pulled along by Blondie Cordelia, obviously the better half of the team, by a rope around Blondie's waist tied to Brunette's wrists. I'm not joking. Minor earthquakes rock the mountains as Sookie and Jackson run. Or try to. Valiantly.

DADT is in ninth place. The Oily Bohunks bottom out at tenth place.

We see a team making its way up the stairs to the hotel. Then we see... oh look, it's the Cordelias. They're in eleventh place.

Sookie and Jackson are last and they are eliminated, kicked back to Star's Hollow without much ceremony. Not that I'm surprised. These two are out of shape and out of their league in this show. Still, when Sookie says tearfully that she has done amazing things today that she will never do elsewhere, and Jackson saying that all that matters to him is he spending the rest of his life with her - aww, they really are sweet to watch. "In spite of all the physical and emotional damage we've done to ourselves, we've had a good time," Sookie says with a laugh. What a nice couple. But really, while I do wish I can follow them a little longer, it's just a matter of time for this couple before they get eliminated. They simply don't have what it takes.

Meanwhile, the Race has just begun, and it's already looking to be a blast. Next week there will be DADT bringing on the ugly, masked detours, gondola fights, and I just can't wait.

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