Main cast: Kaiwi Lyman-Mersereau (Colin), Michelle Borth (Ashley), Joleigh Pulsonetti (Rose), Alex Feldman (Lucky), Jon Ada (Javier), and Brendan Fleming (Tyler)
Director: Ian McCrudden
Trespassers is basically a story of a bunch of kids who wander off to this beach in Mexico to enact an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial, only to get butchered by people in very fake plastic masks (also known as “zombies cursed by voodoo” or something).
Okay, so there are some skin being shown here from the ladies and the guys do look pretty easy on the eyes, but this movie is so unbelievably stupid that I can feel my brain cells slowly die one by one while I’m watching this movie. My favorite is how, in order to disguise how low the budget is, the movie is shot mostly in darkness. It’s night, you see, and the zombies are out while everything is dark. Only, with the extra cheap and unsophisticated lighting this movie can afford, I can barely make out what is happening on the screen.
And then, if it’s not enough that two-thirds of this movie is cloaked in darkness, the characters are too stupid for words. A big mistake that is committed is killing off the funny slutty female character early, because she has all the funny lines. Once she’s dead, the remaining idiots on the show have a collective intellectual capacity of a wet sock. My favorite scene is how, in a tent surrounded by angry zombies, our hero and heroine decide to do what everyone else would do in their situation: get carried away by passion and shag away. Clearly, the zombies are actually agents of good, sent by the forces of light to cleanse these morons from sullying the gene pool of us human beings.
As for the acting, well, apart from the funny slutty bitch character – whatever her name is – these characters are acted by pretty people who lumber on screen as if they are already two-thirds on the way to becoming zombies themselves.
Run for your lives from this putrid movie, folks. The best thing about it is the closing credits, because it is a sign that one has managed to sit through this movie without wanting to bash one’s head through the TV screen.