Main cast: Joshua Jackson (Luke McNamara), Paul Walker (Caleb Mandrake), Hill Harper (Will Beckford), Leslie Bibb (Chloe Whitfield), Christopher McDonald (Martin Lombard), Steve Harris (Detective Sparrow), William Petersen (Senator Ames Levritt), and Craig T Nelson (Judge Litten Mandrake)
Director: Rob Cohen

This movie obviously lampoons the Skull and Bones elite society of Yale University. The university where this movie is “based on” has big Y on the windows, and I don’t think the Y stands for Yiddish. I have no idea how the real Skull and Bones thing works, since I’m never from Yale, I’m the wrong sex, and I dislike elitist politics, but I hope none of the members of that group commit mass suicide rituals of shame after watching this movie.

Let’s put it this way: the plot is laughable in the first place. Middle-class, former white-trash turned law student Joshua gets accepted into the Skulls after winning a canoeing competition. His obligatory black best buddy warns him against it – “If it’s elite, it can’t be good!” Yes, wise thoughts indeed.

But what secret? The stupid society has a wide Batcave-like building on University campus as its HQ. Every member has personalized stationery and watches bearing – yes, skull insignia. Everyone seems to know who the members are. What secret? If this society is secret, everyone on Yale must be blind or really, really gullible or oblivious. Or both.

And don’t get me started about the stupid coffin rituals or free $100,000 bank accounts or free sports cars for the members. Unless, of course, the car folks are in the secret too. Is Heidi Fleiss in the secret too? Because I can’t see how supplying prostitutes for every member can be kept so a secret.

The plot? Hero has fun. Best friend dies. Hero runs. Returns to middle class roots. The end.

But trash that, really. If you ask me, this movie with all its half-naked young men jostling each other, boy, this movie isn’t about secret societies of undergrads. If you ask me, I’d say this movie is about a society of closet homos too dumb to know they are even in the closet in the first place. Why else would your best Skull buddy be called your “soulmate”? Ahem.