THE AMAZING RACE

Season 8 Episode 9: Don't Talk to Me Like I Was an Animal or Something

Previously, the hypocritical behavior of the Whining Weevils and their feud with the other Families get amped up like a desperate attempt by the Families and the editors to mask the fact that there was really nothing going on that wasn't a watered down rehash of something in the previous seasons or pointless bunchings inserted just to make sure that the Families and the audience won't bust any brain cell trying to actually, you know, think. After driving around here and there and jumping around up and down, the Whining Weevils got Yielded after taking the wrong direction but they weren't eliminated even when they were ready to go. Because it was a non-elimination round, see, and the finale isn't going to be this episode or the next one so the show has a find a way to prolong its misery. Okay. So now, where were we?

We are, according to Philo Koughie, Salt Lake City, Utah, which is famous of its Mormons, or so it seems from this show and the stupidest brat ever Rachel Weevil's diary entries. Philo explains that Salt Lake City is thus named because it is close to the Great Salt Lake. I learn something new on this show every day. Salt Lake City, says Philo, is the capital of Utah. That's nice. Maybe this season can be used as educational aid in Geography classes because it sure as hell won't be worth watching again in syndicated reruns. Philo wonders whether the Whining Weevils will starve to death by the roadside because they won't have any money in this leg to buy ice-creams and Big Macs. What, you think they will need money for anything else in this leg of the Race? Watch and learn, newbie. Philo also wonders whether the Lunzes will get to maintain their lead over the others. I'm wondering that, too, until I remember that there are more bunches in this season than those in Philo's pants. What, what did I say? It's not my fault that the nice guy is wearing all those pants that show off his package in a way that it's hard to miss. It is nice of him to try to lessen my pain of having to endure through this episode. When I scream in terror when I come to the end of the episode, I think of Philo's lovely care packages and I feel so much better.

12:46 am. The Lunzes learn that they must now head over to the Park City High School. A high school? What, are there dinosaur fossils or something? It turns out that this is just an excuse for an early bunch because come on, look at the time. Will a school be opened after midnight? By the way, Bone is wearing an "Uncle Bone" T-shirt. Megan talks about being spoiled by her brothers on this Race and ain't everything peachy today, really. She announces to the camera that she is sick. In the Lunz vehicle, Nick announces that he doesn't want Megan to be in the vehicle when she throws up. Goo-Goo Eyes announces that Megan isn't going to throw up, she just has "cramps". Megan reassures the camera that she is indeed being pampered by her sensitive brothers and loving every minute of it. Alex compliments Megan for keeping up with the boys. She is, after all, only a girl. With cooties. And cramps. Eeeuw. But she manages to keep up with them so wow, she's not so bad after all!

1:23 am. Hmm, it looks like the Blandsens were farther behind the Lunzes in the previous leg that the editing suggested in the last episode. As they leave, they blab about wanting to stay out of the feud between those touched by God and those Bone/Boobs heretics. You know what I'm talking about, surely?

1:30 am. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters are off. Christine complains that she thought they would all get along but now, eh, not so much. Of course, it can't be her fault, she never expects her sisters to lash out at her because that is not polite behavior. People are so rude nowadays when they speak back to a bossy bitchy woman who cries at weirdest moments! In their vehicle, Michelle grabs the map from Christine without a word and basically she, Tricia, and Sharon are still not speaking to Christine. She must have really driven them over the edge sometime between the last episode and this one but because such drama isn't as exciting as the Whining Weevils' apocalyptic battle against the minions of Satan on this Race, the show doesn't think that I will care to see any of the Christine drama. And you know what? The show is right. I don't care.

The Lunzes reach the Park City High School where... surprise, surprise, it is closed. Still, they get to be first in the queue when they take the number one card from the nearby board. The clue tells them to bugger off and do something until the school opens, and then it is time for them to help inflate some hot air balloons that they will ride on to get somewhere. At 6:00 am, the school will be open for business. Or more specifically, at 6:00 am there will be transportation to take the Families to the hot air balloon spot every ten minutes. Why they even bother with the time intervals, I have no idea. These Families are bunched already. Just get one big bus and send them there at once! Even better, bus them straight to a spot a mile from the Pit Stop and let them duke it out running to the finishing mat! The Lunzes sleep after Goo-Goo Eyes dramatically announces, "Now I lay me down to sleep!" Praying for, I'm sure, this show to keep. The Blandsens show up next, the Godawfulshrieky Sisters after them, and everyone bunks down in their sleeping bags. It's about five minutes into the show and everyone is fast asleep. I think they are trying to tell me something.

5:02 am. OH MY GOODNESS! Look at the time! It's a good thing then, isn't it, that the Whining Weevils have plenty of time to catch up with the others now that they get to leave some three hours and thirty minutes behind the Godawfulshrieky Sisters but in an hour's time, they will be at most just ten minutes behind the next Family? What will this show be without the Avengers of God, Smiters of Rudeness and Mean People, and Big Mac Lovers that are the Whining Weevils? Mrs Weevil is offended that people dared to Yield her clan of holy evangelists twice in this Race. Those people are possessed by the devil! Rebecca accuses the other heathen Families as "down and dirty". Silly Rebecca, people get down and dirty, they don't become down and dirty. She vows that the heathen infidels won't hold the Whining Weevils back. They get directions from a local although I don't hear Rachel telling that person that she is so sorry about the poor soul being from Utah. Maybe Mrs Weevil has declared this person One Of Them and they will all spend eternity together in the great big McDonald's in the sky. As they reach the High School, they honk loudly so that the infidels will wake up and realize that the Whining Weevils are here to smite them down with Rolly Weevil's burning sword of justice.

Megan wakes up and, having taken Pepto-Bismol before she slept, feels better already. She doesn't have to worry. It is indeed very possible to just sit tight in this leg of the Race from start to finish without having to do anything. The Whining Weevils, still honking and tooting their horns, reach the gates of the High School and realize that they are saved by the bunch. "Your Yield didn't work for us, sucker!" yells Rebecca out the window. Well, the Yield didn't work because it was a stupid non-elimination round but... yeah, the Yield didn't work. Stupid Race designers. "Dude, they love it. They showed up at the right time," is the Lunzes' reaction. Hey, I think I will root for them for the rest of this season. They can be a little funny at times. The Whining Weevils take the last number. Rachel goes around reenacting the Waffle House dance while singing aloud that the Whining Weevils got to sleep in a bed. This young lady is in dire need of coaching from genuine mean girls if she actually thinks that dancing like an utter fool is an effective taunt to her enemies. Mrs Weevil booms to the Lunzes, "Are you sorry you wasted your Yield? You will be." Since they are as threatening as a bunch of clowns trying to kill people with water pistols, I'm sure the Lunzes are trying not to burst out laughing.

As the other Families look on in stupefied bewilderment, Mrs Weevil goes up to Goo-Goo Eyes and insists on giving the Lunz lughead a high-five because, as she says, "Thanks for wasting your Yield, yes!" Goo-Goo Eyes manages to say, "No problem, dude!" and goes on to say that they thought the Whining Weevils were behind them. Mrs Weevil now demands to know whether Goo-Goo Eyes is really sorry. If she is hoping for an apology, she's not getting any because Goo-Goo Eyes says no. "Hell, no!" Megan mutters to one of the Godawfulshrieky Sisters. The Whining Weevils in the meantime vow to be nasty and mean to the Lunzes because the Lunzes started it, wah wah wah, the usual. These folks are so bitch crazy that they are almost hilarious to watch.

At 6:00 am, the Lunzes are the first to leave for the balloons. They try to get philosophical about the Whining Weevils. Nick, who is pretty much The Lunz at the moment since he's the one getting all the airtime, allows that the Whining Weevils are from a "different land" not like the Lunzes who he calls "Midwesterners". And here I am thinking that the Lunzes are created in a secret laboratory at Mattel from teeth and synthetic rubber. Megan thinks that Mrs Weevil isn't like any mother she knows. Nick thinks that Mrs Weevil is just being that way because nobody likes to be Yielded. He's too kind - Mrs Weevil is already bitch crazy before her clan got Yielded. Anyway, I'm exhausted after watching the Whining Weevil drama. Can these people talk about something else? How about the potential comic hilarity to be had from passing wind in a hot air balloon?

As Mrs Weevil acts like a crazy fruitloop acting like she has just survived cancer with a million dollar jackpot to sweeten the deal instead of being saved from Yielding by the stupid bunch, the Blandsens take off after the Lunzes at 6:10 am. A lot can happen in ten minutes like an UFO sucking up the Lunz vehicle and taking off for Mars, so you have no idea how much I am in suspense at this moment. Can the Blandsens catch up with the Lunzes or will they trail behind forever? At 6:20 am, the Godawfulshrieky Sisters take off while the Lunzes are starting to inflate their hot air balloon (don't worry, they have sophisticated inflators for those balloons so nobody has to huff and puff until they collapse from the effort, Mr Blandsen). Can these Sisters catch up? The Godawfulshrieky Sisters memorably try to work together to move their balloon and someone counted, "One, two, three, four..." "Four?!" goes Michelle, who is probably the most tolerable of the Godawfulshrieky Sisters at this point. Heh, my sentiments exactly. Why not "five"? At 6:30 am, the Whining Weevils leave and they declare their Christian jihad on the Godawfulshrieky Sisters. "They're bottle blondes with implants," says Rebecca in her attempt to mock those Sisters. I have a hunch that she hasn't seen her own reflection in, oh, ten years or something because Rebecca here needs some Christian-charity makeover herself. Let those with hideously colored hair and skanky fashion sense be the last to cast stones, et cetera.

The Lunzes take off in their hot air balloon. The Blandsens, getting there, look up at the Lunzes where one of the daughters - Morticia, Morgana, or Morena, I don't know - declares that she loves Bone Lunz because Bone "kills" her. That's nice for her. At least someone is getting her jollies on this show. The Blandsens leave next. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters follow, after noting that Rolly Weevil is struggling with the Whining Weevils' balloon. They don't care. Neither do I. Oh, and eventually after some prayers and struggles, the Whining Weevils manage to take to the air as well. In their hot air balloon, Nick Lunz watches the Blandsens approach and tells the camera that the Blandsen daughters are coming close. As an afterthought, he goes, "... and their dad." I appreciate the effort, Nick, I really do. Thank you. I'm smiling now so Nick, thanks. Nick then notes with some dismay that the Blandsen balloon is quickly approaching the Lunzes. Oh no, will a collision happen? Please let one happen! Okay, a collision happens eventually but it is a mild bump of the balloon that will hardly cause the heart to skip a beat. The Whining Weevils, watching the collision, mask their collective disappointment at the lack of fiery pyrotechnics that resulted and pretend to be relieved that no one was barbecued a few hundred feet up in the sky. Elsewhere, Michelle announces that she is now cured of her fear of heights while Rolly Weevil wants to know who made the basket because he once had a dream of falling off a hot air balloon. I don't get to hear the response of the balloon driver but I sincerely hope it's either the Mormons, the Amish, the French, the Arabs, or the good people of Utah.

The Lunz balloon lands on a grassy hillslope where they disembark and get their next clue. They must now travel to the Heber Valley Railway in Heber City, some fourteen miles in the direction where they came from. The Blandsens land next like the way they do everything on this show - quietly, without fuss, forgettably - and they take off after the Lunzes. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters land next, after making some silly fuss about how the driver can't find any place to land amidst the expanse of land below them. Then someone is screaming and screaming and no, that's not me, it's the Whining Weevils because they act like they have "crashed" when they actually land with maybe a little bump on the ground. With that, those odious creatures are off as well. Ahead, the Lunzes reach the Railway in question and realize that they have to carry out a Detour. Philo explains that "Spike It", Families must build a twenty-foot stretch of railroad using old-fashioned equipment. I hope they get to wear anklets like those people in chaingangs do. For "Steam It", Families must carry 400 pounds of coal using a big wheelbarrow to a train car and use buckets to fill up the train car. It's a no-brainer if you ask me: a wheelbarrow can carry 400 pounds of coal pretty quickly and therefore "Steam It" seems like a more pragmatic choice compared to the ambiguous nature of those traditional equipment that will be used in the "Spike It" option.

Still, the Lunzes, the Blandsens, and the Godawfulshrieky Sisters - the last two show up in exactly the same order that they left the Pit Stop earlier this morning, fancy that - all choose to spike the little buggers. The Lunzes opt to shove Megan to the sidelines - she is, after all, only a girl with cooties - and Megan is pleased because she gets to see her brothers sweat it out and act silly. The Blandsens again have little drama to offer. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters, on the other hand, are at each other's throat. Surprise, surprise, Christine is the target of the other Sisters' ire. Sharon tells Christine that she is not helping the other Sisters at all. "Well, well... don't talk to me like I'm an animal or something!" barks Christine in response. Silly Christine, I have a hunch that if she's an animal like a dog, Sharon will be all love and kisses for her. It's the human Christine that Sharon can't stand. Come to think of it, maybe Sharon is wishing that Christine is an animal, like a puppy that won't get in the way while being cute or a cockroach that Sharon can crush to bits with the sole of her shoes. The Whining Weevils show up later and Rolly gets to handle the heavy wheelbarrow for them as they opt to steam the buggers because Mrs Weevil and her two useless daughters can't do anything useful on the Race, it seems. Maybe it takes three to hold hands and pray that the wheelbarrow isn't made by the Mormons.

When Rolly has moved the wheelbarrow to the train car, he has to climb up the ladder to the top and collect the buckets of coal that his useless mother and equally worthless sisters pass on to him. But compared to the Godawfulshrieky Sisters, for example, the Whining Weevils are making good and steady progress. They aren't a bad team when it comes to racing, although how much of their performance is due to the bunchings and the way the designers try to make sure that the Families always end up close to each other as much as possible is open to debate. It's just that they are painful to watch because they are very hypocritical and mean in a nasty and unimaginative manner. I find it easier to enjoy a TV villain who is witty, intelligent, and shares the joke with the audience. The Whining Weevils, on the other hand, are stupid people who are outright mean and nasty without displaying any measure of wit or sense of humor. They are pathetic, really, and a part of me really pities them because they are being made the butt of jokes and the target of the audience's ridicule and disdain when they seem to have no idea how they come off as on TV. It is one thing to be mean but to be told that they are mean and nasty on a TV show before an audience... man, that's as bad as putting the Whining Weevils in a public pillory and inviting everyone to throw rotten vegetables at them. I don't think even the Whining Weevils deserve to be at the receiving end of such merciless public humiliation.

One of the Blandsen daughters - Fellini, Felony, or Fennony? - gets hit in the head but don't worry, there's nothing too gory like a pick-ax through the brain or anything like that. Monica or Moneesha or Moesha reassures everyone that she is fine and the Blandsens get back to work. I am starting to appreciate their brand of low-key drama. Christine, on the other hand, decides that her rendition of some song about working at the railway will motivate the other Godawfulshrieky Sisters into action. Yeah, she's lucky that they don't tie her to the railroad tracks and leave her behind in that condition. Christine is that annoying family member that seems determined to bug everyone else to no end. Meanwhile, the Blandsen daughters realize that Mr Blandsen is good at hammering while they couldn't have handled those heavy equipment on their own, prompting Mr Blandsen to talk about how at last he is of use to his daughters. The sky opens and a cone of golden light shines down on him while the angels in heaven sing Hallelujah.

The Lunzes are close to finishing their task. Megan announces that she helps with fixing the bolts. It's okay, she can just sit down and stop pretending to help because I don't think anyone will think less of her if she does just that. No one cares about her, let's just say, the ones who really care about the Lunzes are mostly those who want to get to know Nick Lunz on a more intimate level. The Whining Weevils are close to finishing their task as well. Christine, in her latest attempt to help her Sisters, wonders aloud how much coal they have to carry in the other Detour, causing the others to loudly shut her down. Maybe Christine should have just line-danced by the sidelines to entertain the troops. Then, what do you know, the Lunzes finish up spiking them buggers down first. I honestly never see that one coming. Their clue tells them to head over in the direction of the Bonneville Salt Flats to locate this Tree of Utah, which Philo says was built to bring "color and beauty" to the Weevil-forsaken landscape. Looking at the structure of this so-called Tree, I guess the men of Utah must be quite insecure about their masculinity to have this phallic monument erected in their home stretch. As the Lunzes leave, one of them announces that he wants to build his own railway track. To go with the World's Even Bigger Office Chair, perhaps, that he wanted to build in a previous episode? I shudder to imagine what he will say once he sees the architecture of mutated testicles that is the Tree of Utah. "Three strokes is all it took for me!" this Lughead announces, causing Bone Lughead to sneers that it took Goo-Goo Eyes three strokes in bed too. Those two then thump fists at the sheer awesomeness of their creative joke while Megan tells those two to cram it. She should be more flustered about how awesome her brothers are when it comes to displaying a stupefying lack of wit when it comes to their jokes. Nick may be the exception, although given the quality of the wit in this season, that isn't saying much, I know.

The Blandsens finish their Detour shortly after and they all talk about Mr Blandsen's courageous way with the hammer in their vehicle. "I don't even think I did one thing! I tried to, like, hit it, and hit like three feet off!" one of the daughters - Hannah? Hoover? Hammah? - says. I hope she isn't the one in love with Bone because she's going to get herself in a whole new world of disappointment if she's currently disappointed with being three feet off from hitting it. Elsewhere, Michelle announces aloud about Christine who is seriously annoying her, "Can I have a different partner, please? One with a smaller mouth?" Christine announces that she'd go help Sharon next but if she's hoping that Sharon will appreciate her kindness, she's going to be as disappointed as the future Mrs Bone when Sharon says, "Okay, don't get in my way, please!" The Whining Weevils finish up and leave in the meantime. Shortly after, with lots of Bag It On Christine Please drama, the Godawfulshrieky Sisters finish up and leave after the Whining Weevils. Perhaps the Sisters will be a more functional unit without Christine because it does seem like all three sisters are unanimously unhappy with Christine and this is significantly hampering their progress and morale.

In their vehicle, Christine cries when the other Sisters blame her for getting them in this Detour and they act surprised when she tells them that she doesn't want to speak to them anymore. She complains to the camera about the Sisters not giving her some "kudos" that she thinks she deserves - for her singing, I suppose - and she thinks that her sisters is missing out a lot on some undefined thing that she never elaborates if they don't appreciate her awesomeness. Aww, is she planning to sing a happy song to the other Sisters and now she has decided not to because they are mean to her? That is such a devastating loss. Sigh. This is the difference between a team of four women and a team of four men, I suppose. Why does the stereotype about a bunch of women working together eventually degenerating into petty squabbles always come true?

The Lunzes are the first to be at the Giant Hairy Mutant Testicles of Utah and lo, they search hard to locate the yellow and red clue stand cleverly hidden in a landscape of grey and tan. The clue tells them to head over to Rendezvous Beach in Garden City. Bone, by the way, can't pronounce "rendezvous". You know how it is with fratboys: there's no such thing as a rendezvous for them - everything is broadcasted across the fraternity complete with scoresheets, diagrams, and animated butt-whacking with towels in the locker room. The Blandsens show up next, with one of the daughters rechristening the Tree the "Tree of Hemorrhoids". Nice one, that. The Whining Weevils show up next. I'm sure you have noticed that, apart from the Godawfulshrieky Sisters having an obvious start of a meltdown over Christine's antics and behavior and allowing the Whining Weevils to overtake them, there is virtually nothing in the design of this leg of the Race that allows one team to actually overtake another team. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters show up finally with Tricia and Christine finally on talking terms when they both think that they know where they should go to. Philo delivers the good news: at the Rendezvous Beach, Families will spend the night at the Bear Lake Rendezvous State Park and leave at a stipulated time the next morning. The first Family to arrive will leave at 8:30 am the next morning, followed by the next team at 8:45 am, the next at 9:00 am, and finally 9:15 am. Bunches after bunches after bunches... the fun never ends in this season!

The Blandsens show up first at the Park so they get to leave at 8:30 am the next morning. The Whining Weevils show up with plenty of drama, with Rebecca who is driving needing people to help her with making a turn and in the process gets Rolly to reveal on national TV that Rebecca failed Maths class - a class taught by Mrs Weevil, which shouldn't be so encouraging a fact in the first place. So, is there anything these lovely young ladies at good at, not counting ignorance, pettiness, and hypocrasy? I guess they could be good when it comes to pointing fingers and ordering their men around, I suppose. Anyway, the Whining Weevils get to leave at 8:45 am the next morning. It is only when they discuss that they need to get money do I remember that they started out in this leg of the Race with no money and they haven't even begged for any yet. Still, it is very thoughtful for the imbeciles who designed the Race to create the leg after a non-elimination one where the mugged Family do not need to use any money at all. Is this the Christian charity version of the Race? I'm sure the Whining Weevils will approve. The Whining Weevils proceed to beg for money and it's as anticlimatic as any teams in the past who begged for money and received all they need and more. Mind you, someone even gives them a map. Maybe in the next season we shouldn't even give the teams any money. Let them just beg! Who knows, maybe one of those teams will actually get enough money to share among everyone else on the show and they can then all quit the race two episodes into the season to go home happy.

The Godawfulshrieky Sisters show up next. Finally, the Lunzes who were leading until now show up. What happened to them? Philo explains that another "production error" happened, this time on the Lunzes, where some idiot once more drained the battery of their vehicle in a botched attempt to recharge the camera. Is the camera crew manned by interns this season? Then again, the whole Race is one big botched production error so I shouldn't worry too much about that. It galls though that like the Godawfulshrieky Sisters in the previous episode, the Lunzes are not given any time credit despite being delayed by the camera crew. The Lunzes talk about trying to be optimistic as they set up camp.

8:30 am. The Blandsens learn that they must now head over to Durham Ranch in Wyoming. They do so while chattering unmemorably, just like they always do. And again, it's more driving on roads for me to recap and I don't know how to do that without boring myself to sleep on the keyboard of my computer. At 8:45 am, the Whining Weevils leave. At 9:00 am, the Godawfulshrieky Sisters leave. Christine complains of a stomachache and the other Sisters understandably scoff at what they see as the latest attempt by Miss Thang here to get attention. At 9:15 am, the Lunzes leave. Megan acts like she's the only young lady with brothers as her brothers act up to the cameras for hormonal housewives to sigh over and she acts like she's exasperated by them. The Lunzes are Your Everyday Family and I suppose I should go, "Yes, Yes, They Are Just Like My Family And I Want To Marry All Of Them!" to the TV screen. Sigh.

At the Ranch, the Blandsens learn that it's time for a Roadblock. Two members of the Family must get up on horses and herd trained cattle into a pen. This one used to be more interesting when it's held in South America. As his daughters go off with some cowboys to get ready for the Roadblock, Mr Blandsen calls out, "Don't be afraid to ride him, Lauren!" Hey, this is the same man who wanted to join his daughter in mooning at the next car on the road, remember? The Roadblock takes place in exactly the non-happening non-dramatic manner that describes this whole episode and the Blandsens leave just as the Whining Weevils are approaching. Their clue tells them to stay old and faithful. Or something. Oh wait, Philo steps out to explain that the Families must head over to the Yellowstone Park and find the Old Faithful geyser that goes ka-poom every 90 minutes or so. They must wait until they see Old Faithful ka-pooms in front of them before they can get their next clue. Hmm, that means there will be another deliberate bunch to either stagger Families some 90 minutes apart or get them to leave Yellowstone Park at the same time. Perfect. And it's, what, only fifty minutes into the hour of this episode?

The Whining Weevils face the Roadblock. Oh please, they own horses in real life, so yeah, this one will really be a challenge to them, unlike, say, a Geography quiz. Oh, and Mrs Weevil gets to remind people that her husband, you know. By the way, apparently that name on her T-shirt, Chris, is that of the new guy she's going to marry. I have nothing against her moving on with life and all that, but I find that it's really tacky for her to flog the whole "I'm a weak widow forced to be strong for my family boo-hoo-hoo" drama when she's all this while engaged to someone who is helping her cope with life after the death of her husband. She shouldn't portray herself in a misleading manner about how she and her children can't move on with life at all, yadda yadda yadda, when they already are moving on. Or at least, she already is, contrary to what she is trying to present herself as on TV. I do feel sorry for her husband's death and I don't want to feel like they have manipulated me into feeling something for them when they aren't what they portray themselves as on TV. Am I making sense here?

The Godawfulshrieky Sisters show up at the Farm and, while Sharon is told again and again to be careful not to overshoot the turn and have to waste time trying to turn their vehicle around as a result, Sharon overshoots anyway. You can imagine the noise that results from this, I'm sure. Worse, it's Michelle and Christine who try to direct Sharon to turn around the vehicle and the progress is understandably slow and painful since both Michelle and Christine are not on good terms with each other. Finally, a helpful guy who is passing by takes over from Sharon to help them make that turn. Sharon, watching the guy work, wonders why she can't do the same. Michelle says that it's because Sharon is retarded. Sharon readily agrees. Here, it's clear that when Michelle and Sharon argue, they could still manage to retain some humourous banter to keep things from becoming too personal. All gloves are off, however, when it comes to Christine. Either Christine is too thin-skinned unlike Sharon and takes all criticisms and insults too personally or she has really irritated the others with her mouth and mood swings beyond the point of no return. Probably both. Some mild drama ensues when the Godawfulshrieky Sisters want to drive into the road towards the Farm while at the same time the Blandsens are trying to drive out. The Blandsens insist in their vehicle that it is only right that the Godawfulshrieky Sisters pull over and let them pass. Okay, if they say so. The Whining Weevils pass the Godawfulshrieky Sisters next. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters Michelle and Sharon take the Roadblock and Michelle's horse throws her off. Maybe the horse is related to Christine. Still, the rest of the Roadblock is pretty uneventful.

The Whining Weevils, on the way out, come across the Lunzes who are on the way in and Mrs Weevil lowers her window to tell them, "You're supposed to yield for outgoing traffic!" Nick apologizes but the Whining Weevils call the Lunzes rude regardless and Rolly mocks Nick for apologizing to them. These people are beyond being parody material by this point - they are a circus freakshow attraction of four. The Lunzes aren't above mocking Mrs Weevil at this point, so yes, they are pushing the Whining Weevils' buttons and causing the Whining Weevil to become even more bewildering freaks as a result, which in turn causes the Lunzes to prod at them some time. It's a vicious cycle and I wish all of these weirdos will stop and just continue the rest of the Race with their mouths shut. In the case of the Lunz Lugheads, with their shirts off as well. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters are done and they meet the Lunzes on their way out. The Lunzes take the horses with gusto and then they are done.

What's next? What's next? Gosh, I feel like I've been spending forever recapping this interminably dull episode. Oh yes, the Blandsens have parked themselves in Yellowstone Park and are now approaching the Old Faithful. The next ka-poom is at about 4:30 am... which is 50 minutes away. So while the Blandsens wait, the Whining Weevils show up. The Whining Weevils apparently don't know what they are supposed to do because they just run around like the crazies that they are while wondering why the Blandsens are just sitting there. The Blandsens on the other hand are wondering why the Whining Weevils are running around. One of the daughters wonders whether those Whining Weevils are "retarded". When Mrs Weevil scornfully asks the Blandsens whether they are just sitting there and waiting for Old Faithful to erupt, acting as if she is somehow right while the Blandsens are wrong, I can't blame the Blandsens if they think that Mrs Weevil and her clan are "retarded". Does she expect to climb down into Old Faithful or something? (Now won't that be a sight to see?) The Whining Weevils are again lucky because they arrive just in time for Old Faithful to go off. The Godawfulshrieky Sisters manage to see Old Faithful erupt from the car park so they miss the eruption by mere minutes. The Blandsens and the Whining Weevils get clues telling them to drive south on Highway 287, find a ranch at Number 15,200, and look for Philo there. No mention of Pit Stop, nothing, so yeah, no one's going home at the end of this episode.

The Lunzes show up shortly after the Godawfulshrieky Sisters and they realize that they too have missed the eruption by minutes when they catch the Blandsens and the Whining Weevils leaving. As those two Families settle down to wait and plot among themselves about the upcoming footrace to the Pit Stop that they believe is coming up next (Christine will apparently try to trip someone - not Michelle, hopefully), the Old Faithful erupts again and then they too take off from the Park. The Lunzes in their vehicle note the wordings of the clue that have no mention of the Pit Stop and speculate that something "weird" is afoot. If they actually are fans of this show and have watched the previous season instead of being recruited for their teeth and physique, they may actually know for a fact that there is something "weird" afoot.

The Blandsens and the Whining Weevils therefore stupidly race to meet Philo and his package, both waiting in a most relaxed manner on a fence - and Mr Blandsen actually outruns the useless Whining Weevil women to the fake finishing mat. Philo then tells them that the Race is not over yet and he's here to pass their next clue to them. Someone whines about how much longer the Race is going to be. At least she's whining. I'm tempted to scream at the TV and throw things when the words "To be continued" flashed across the screen. This season is never going to end, is it?

Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..

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