Season 3: Chain of Fools

"Here we go again!" Ryan Sleazebag goes again, back in style and killing fashion with a lethally ugly black shirt with huge glittering collars, announcing this week's Eight, saying that only two will advance to the Finals, wondering whether the next Idol comes from this group, oh just stick a fork in it and be done with it.


Ryan "Equality, Fraternity, Liberace" Sleazebag walks into the studio to canned applause. He welcomes everybody and explains that tonight the audience will play judges to eight "fabulous" performances. He suggests that last week's disastrous episode was due to "nerves", which is understating the ghastliness of that occasion as last week's episode is arguably the worst post-audition episodes ever in the history of this show. Why do you think it was due to a case of nerves, Sleazebag? Well, he explains that it can't be easy to sing before the three "cold" judges that are here to "guide the way".

This is the cue for him to introduce the reptile-cold King Tut, who says that Sleazebag has the nerves to criticize King Tut's fashion sense when Sleazebag is wearing something that will drive a Klingon into heat. Sleazebag sniffs and says that what he is wearing is called "fashion". I always think that there is a good reason why nobody wears that stupid outfits designers put on their ugly zombefied models every year on the catwalk - not because normal people will be unable to wear those overpriced strips of curtains unless they remove two-thirds of their intestines, but because these "latest fashion" thingies are just darned hideous. Sleazebag though must be among those group of people that think nothing of how stupid those fashion people on Entertainment Weekly come off when they call people to pay for a three thousand dollar handbag because brown leather is "in". Um, where was I? Stone cold Miss Paula, there she is, and of course, Randy Randy, whom Sleazebag calls "half the size, all the dog". Sleazebag tells the audience that the judges are merely mouthpieces as the audience are the ones that decide who will advance, blah blah blah, and Sleazebag asks King Tut if he can borrow two hundred dollars to pay off the long-distance call from Nicaragua because Sleazebag phoning in his schtick can be expensive as well as tired and so bloody boring.

Sleazebag walks into the Red Room to chit-chat with the judges. The first person to perform is Elizabeth LeThunderthighs, a twenty-year old dance instructor from Massachusetts. In her introductory clip, the car door opens, she looks at the camera, and shoves her foot at it, because she is a dancer, you know. She vows to be funky and to tear up the studio. She tried to be classy but wearing some off-shoulder cocktail dress outfit in Pasadena only to be criticized by King Tut for. "It didn't work," she says with a cheeky "oops" expression, which is why today she is wearing a one-piece sleeveless thingie that ends just an inch above her ankles, displaying her ample arms and thighs in a very unflattering way.

Her song is I Wanna Dance With Somebody, which isn't so bad as this season she is backed by a live band. She starts off on a wrong note but recovers to deliver a rather shaky and somewhat vibratoish version of Whitney Houston's hit song. It's passable for some late night club performance, I guess. She moves around, kicks her legs here and there, but the performance feels subdued. All in all, she's just okay.

Randy Randy thinks that she is amazing to have "all those performance skills" and he thinks that she is "hot". I think "that was hot" and "I'm feeling you" are his new "dog" and "what's up" for this season. Miss Paula thinks that Elizabeth's vocals are "spot on". King Tut agrees with her in a way as he describes Elizabeth's performance as "Good singer, cheap performance." The crowd, led by the other two judges, boo him. King Tut tells Elizabeth that her performance is "just not good enough" and adds that he's the only one of the three who knows what he is talking about. The crowd boo some more. Randy Randy calls King Tut the "great performer".

The three judges have become so predictable, I think Randy Randy, Miss Paula, and King Tut can easily be replaced by an orangutan, a chimpanzee, and a gorilla respectively. Come to think of it, the primates will be more entertaining to watch, especially when they pull Sleazebag's hair and make him cry. How about it, Loathgoat the Mr Producer? The primates come cheaper too.

Back in the Red Room, Sleazebag congratulates Elizabeth LeThunderthighs on a job well done and asks her to take a deep breath. He mocks Randy Randy's "It was hawwt!" and asks Elizabeth to comment on King Tut's "cheap performance" comment. She says that she is corny and cheesy by nature because she wants to have fun, so cheap is alright with her. Sleazebag agrees, saying that corny and cheap aren't bad - he's been that way all his life, he says. Put more coins into the phone, Sleazie, and try harder the next time.

Why is Sleazebag so sombre and lifeless this season? Where is the flaming cheeseball of last season? Well, here's the inside scoop of what seems to be a brewing subplot waiting to unfold in subsequent future recaps: Sleazebag, in his quest to be Hollywood's king of cool, has been overextending on several big-time gigs like hosting his TV show On Air With Sleazebag, taking over from Rick Dees on that Top 40 show ("Sleaz-eee and the weekly Top For-teeee!"), hosting his usual radio show, hosting this show, and who knows what else he is doing. It won't be long now before he will experience a nervous breakdown of Mariah Carey proportions on the show, I suspect.

Sleazebag announces a commercial break and turns to tell Eric Yoder, who's next, that he feels that tonight will be a good night. When the break's over, he resumes his conversation with Eric, asking Eric whether the guy is nervous. Eric pats Sleazebag's hand and says that he isn't. Sleazebag smiles and leans a little forward while Eric sits straighter and wets his lips in anticipation and... and... and then King Tut breaks through the door with a mighty yell of "You cheating bugger!" Everybody screams in horror at the sight of an enraged King Tut chasing poor Eric round and round the room with an ax raised high above his head while Sleazebag stands on the table and screams and screams.

Not that they showed the events that happened after that hand-patting thing because this is, after all, a family-friendly show.

In his introductory clip, Eric explains that he's a twenty-five year old commercial air pilot from St Louis. So that explains the air stewardess costume King Tut found in Sleazebag's wardrobe. Tell King Tut, Sleazie, who is auditioning to be on Britney's Toxic video again, Sleazie? You're so busted. Eric says that King Tut commented that Eric doesn't seem to have a personality. So what Eric did is to listen to the fabulous people who have dressed up this show's contestants like diamonds of first water (just look at Elizabeth LeThunderthighs) for fashion tips and listens to Debra Byrd for personality tips. He hopes to impress the judges tonight.

The camera pans on the two men Eric brought as guests. How does a mousy and awkward looking guy like Eric get all those hot guys to be with him? Life is not fair.

Eric's song is In The Still Of The Night, which makes Sleazebag's saying that he feels that tonight will be good even more suspicious in nature. What is the song about, anyway, hmmm? Whatever it is, Eric can't have a wonderful time as his song isn't that good. He starts out in tune but I cringe when he dives into vocal acrobatics that see him singing in falsetto. He tries to hit two high notes in succession, hitting the first but botching the second one in an excruciating manner. It's an okay song, an okay performance, nothing too much to shout about.

Randy Randy thinks that the performance is "cool" - it starts out slow for him, not too exciting, but Eric "brought it home" towards the end. What's "it"? The alley cat? Randy Randy likes the falsetto part, and Eric says that he goes into falsetto just for him. Miss Paula thinks that Eric sounds a little "scratchy" at first but she likes that he goes into falsetto. King Tut again compares Eric with Kewpie, only he says that Eric doesn't have the personality. Kewpie has personality? I thought he has just a million freaky wax-statue-melting faces. Eric insists that he has a nice personality. King Tut can't see it. All he can see is Sleazebag dancing to Toxic in that air stewardess outfit while Eric sits on the passenger seat with a lecherous leer, and oh, King Tut is hurting and tormented. Eric is so not going to the Finals.

Back from one more of a series of neverending commercial breaks, Sleazebag commends Amy Adams on her personality and she demurs as they both talk about how she loves to talk. Her hair is "freshly pink" as befits her role as the token Contestant With Colored Hair of the Season. One can only hope that she does better than her previous two predecessors. In her introductory clip, she says that she is a twenty-four year old (yeah right) make-up artist from California. She has watched the last season "religiously" and still can't believe that she is here today. While feeling nervous at the thought of being watched by so many people, she won't let the nervousness go to her head, she says.

What is this? Diva Appreciation Week? First there's Whitney Houston and now there's Jennifer Rush/Celine Dion as Amy belts out The Power Of Love. I don't like her version - her voice is very vibratoish and she can't hold the high notes steady. Her alto is very breathy, and her belting out the chorus is very unsteady. In fact, the whole song is like a house of cards under a strong wind - it's a miracle how her wobbly voice manages to pull the song together. I miss Trenyce.

Randy Randy thinks that Amy has a colorful personality, she can sing, and she started on a bang, although he also notes some pitch problems in the performance. Miss Paula thinks that Amy is "phenomenal" and she has loved Amy since the first day she saw Amy. Oops, I think someone has raided the drug cabinet again. Amy says that she loves Miss Paula too. I guess I know now who slipped the key to the cabinet into Miss Paula's handbag. King Tut says that Amy sang well but as he was watching her performance on the monitor, he can't help thinking that Amy is more of a Cabaret Idol than an American Idol. This is one of those times that I agree with King Tut on his definition of Cabaret Idol. I won't be surprised if a few rounds at cabaret singing and can-can dancing are listed in "twenty-four year old" Amy Adams' resume. Miss Paula insists that Amy is a good singer. Well, she is - better than Miss Paula anyway. King Tut agrees that Amy is a good singer, but what he wants to say next is shot down by Miss Paula.

Amy gives a derisive "Cabaret? Yeah right!" snort in the Red Room, and Sleazebag tries to look amused. Poor Sleazie, come on, take a break, go curl up and sleep in the store room for a while, because you are overworking yourself and it can't be good. You're corny and cheesy and more plastic than a cart of Ken dolls but watching you weary and listless like this is killing my mood.

"The eyes of America are focusing on Jon Peter Lewis!" Sleazebag says as a way of announcing the Pen Salesman. I actually like his introductory clip, not where he makes those stupid faces at the camera, but the part where he says with self-effacing humor that he feels ridiculous at photoshoots because he doesn't feel like a photogenic person. He just wants to make music, he says.

"Out of his butt?" my husband snorts.

Because that's what the Pen Salesman seems to be doing - he grabs the microphone with both his hands as if his life depends on holding it as tight as he can, bends forward a little, and that's it - he remains in that position from the start to the end of his performance. I like his voice and his display of some self-effacing wit warms me a little towards him, but his version of Elton John's Tiny Dancer feels really odd. He seems to be mispronouncing every word to the point that my husband asks me why the Pen Salesman is singing about Tony Danza being a ladle. The arrangement is pretty dull as it is, but the Pen Salesman is also stopping at odd places in the song to catch his breath. All in all, it's like watching a wax gnome statue left out at the garden of the Brady Bunch residence trying to finish a song as fast as he could before he melts completely in the sun.

Randy Randy tries to be kind and calls the Pen Salesman's voice "interesting", spoiling the euphemism by adding that he thinks that the voice is "cartoonish". Still, he says that he is "feeling" the Pen Salesman. Miss Paula commends the Pen Salesman on a job well done but she doesn't think that the performance is his best. She adds in a non-sequitur typical Paula way that he has a lot of fans. King Tut says that "to be honest" he can't look at the Pen Salesman and think of him as an American Idol, only an American with a good voice. Randy Randy asks King Tut to explain his statement. King Tut says that he just doesn't feel that the Pen Salesman has star qualities. Randy Randy says that the Pen Salesman is better than last week, "they all are". Miss Paula agrees fiercely, "Yeah!" King Tut snorts, saying that even he will be better than those jokers last week and he can't sing.

In the Red Room, Sleazebag, with melodramatic Christopher Lee hand gestures, asks the Pen Salesman what the guy thinks Randy Randy means when the Fatty No More guy talks about "feeling" the Pen Salesman. The Pen Salesman, playing the couquette virgin boy to woo the soccer moms hung up on these things, says that he has no idea. Sleazebag repeats his question, emphasizing the feeeeeeeeling in case no one gets the notion that he is making another Ambiguously Gay Joke, only this one features Randy Randy (Ow! My! Eyes!). Um, Sleazie, tell Randy Randy that he may be skinny now but all of you will need to do better than this before we consider him the new sex symbol on the show that will topple King Tut from his throne. I ain't feeling it, dudes.

Sleazebag introduces the "lovely" Charly Lowry, a twenty-year old UNC student who talks about her Lumbee heritage and her husky and distinctive accent in her introductory clip. She hopes that people will overlook her accent and see her as a good singer. Whatever happens, she says that she will treasure the experience of performing on this show.

Yup, it's definitely Diva Appreciation Week. No, make that a Trenyce Appreciation Week as well, as Charly performs Aretha Franklin's Chain Of Fools. She has the moves and some stage presence, but she goes slightly off-key towards the end of the song. This performance is not bad, but not special either. Trenyce was robbed. Randy Randy likes her accent because it reminds him of his southern heritage and rather condescendingly asks Charly to speak something. She obliges. Yes, Randy Randy, make people feel like some sideshow freak, will you, you twit? The song is alright, he tells her, with pitch problems here and there. Miss Paula likes Charly - what a shocker - but feels that the performance could have been "tighter". Why can't these judges say something that people watching this show can understand? King Tut announces that he will say something really shocking - he agrees with Miss Paula. Miss Paula grabs his cheeks and kisses his left cheek, drawing shocked gasps and applause from the audience who have been instructed to do so. Charly says that at least something good came out of her performance. King Tut nods to Charly, adding one last nugget of wisdom, "You've just got to let it go." Good advice - after watching the cringe-inducing scripted comedy on this show, I need to go too.

In the Red Room, Sleazebag says that Charly has done something no one has ever done before and he can't wait to see how the relationship between those two develop. King Tut yells from outside, "If you think I will grant you a divorce this easily, you are absolutely dreaming!" - a pause - "And I am not letting you keep the cat!"

Jonah Mountanonu is next. He shows Sleazebag some neck-rolling exercise which he claims will warm up his neck, "all five of them." His introductory clip is all about him from Hawaii. Aloha! Did you know that he's from Hawaii? Can you guess that he's from Hawaii? Do you like his Hawaii shirts? Aloha! Oh, and he was some freestyle rap champion, he was in a reggae band before that, and he raps at the end of the clip to thank America for choosing him to be here. Um, no, that is not correct. The judges chose him to be here, not the audience, so get this straight, Jonah: you're not so well-loved like you think you are. Aloha to that, buddy.

I have absolutely no idea what he is singing. According to written sources, he is singing Carl Thomas' I Wish, but he can only wish to sound good because I don't hear any semblance of melody from him at all, just words spoken in a rushed way. I can also hear his wheezing intakes of breath in between each few words that come out of his mouth. Jonah's performance is a joke, easily the worst of the season so far.

Randy Randy claims to be "disturbed" by the song as he cannot sense any vocal skills from Jonah in that performance. He tells the man that he has picked the wrong song; he has to shine tonight but he doesn't. Miss Paula agrees only to then prove that she is still demented when she adds that she still thinks that he has a good voice. King Tut snorts and says that he thinks otherwise. Jonah's timing is all over the place, he says, and the performance is "just not good". Jonah is supposed to shine, but King Tut thinks that he failed to do so with his performance.

Jonah tells Sleazebag in the Red Room that he thinks he has done good because the crowd is "moving". Moving to the exits, I bet.

Remember that annoying sixteen-year "The Sound of Bulgaria" Leah Vladowski? She's changed her name to Leah LaBelle and she's next. Oh, and she's seventeen now. Her Bulgarian background prompts Sleazebag to try speaking in an accent and the whole unfunny gag is painful to watch. Sleazebag, here's a dollar, come home, stop phoning in from Taiwan, please.

Leah is an exchange student, as her introductory clip explains, and she thinks that King Tut says some "mean things" - like "Dial down that cutesy crap act, you see-through plastic Valley Girl Tinkerbelle wannabe!" - just to see how she handles herself. Her mother was a Bulgarian pop star, whom I'm sure led a wonderful career until the communist regime swooped in and seized all her money. Music is her life, Leah insists, it's her heart - it's not about the money! Yucks, what an irritating creature.

Keeping in theme with the Trenyce Is Better Than Me week that this episode is shaping up to be, Leah Tinkerbelle performs I Have Nothing and no, just no. The voice has some potential to be listenable, but Tinkerbelle here starts out flat and goes out of tune during the high notes. Tinkerbelle can't belt and I don't know who leads her to believe that she can. Trenyce owns all of you.

Randy Randy asks her how she think she did. She thinks that she did pretty good considering that it's a "tough" Whitney Houston song. Wow, Tinkerbelle here already expects high praise from the judges, ooh. Randy Randy says that Tinkerbelle did some runs and made the song her own, so he loves her tone and he's "feeling her". What a creep. She's only seventeen, Randy you creep. Miss Paula says that Tinkerbelle is a star because she is oh so pretty. Vapidity in a fishbowl, that's her alright, that Miss Paula. King Tut looks at Miss Paula and says that he will say things in words that Tinkerbelle will understand. Tinkerbelle is like a designer dress, he says, where it's beautiful until he takes it home and discovers a slight rip in it. Tinkerbelle has what it takes but there's something not quite there yet, he says, concluding that she has the most potential of the contestants here so far. After all, she's seventeen and she's from Bulgaria. Communists and record executives - what's the difference? She'll be right at home.

Sleazebag asks her as she walks in the Red Room how she is feeling. She gushes that she is speechless. Sleazebag reminisces about the time King Tut made rips on Sleazebag's dresses - I think - and thankfully the commercial break cuts in before the graphic details spill out into the open.

Latoya London is next. She's a twenty-five year old student from Oakland and this is the first time the audience gets a glimpse of her. She doesn't know what the show wants. The first time King Tut saw her, he called her outfit "mumsy". After switching the mumsy maternity dress from a tablecloth, she scoofs, "Old-fashioned? Nah!" and twirls around in her tablecloth, saying "You like?" She says that she is her own star and she's set to wow everybody over and...

Holy cow, where did this girl come from? She can sang, people. Okay, I'm not fond of that infamous very long high note that she holds towards the end of the song and what's this about the whole Diva thing, really? Latoya performs All By Myself but her version is more like Celine Dion's rather than Eric Carmen's, especially towards the end when she decides to unplug her tonsils and screech. I love her singing when she's delivering the more understated early portions of the song. The oversinging towards the end isn't that bad, but I like a little more subtlety and Latoya is as subtle as a speeding bullet train. She is easily the best, judging from her vocal abilities and the ease she performs on stage, no question about that, but I suspect that she sounds better when I have earplugs on.

Everyone gives her a standing ovation - loud is the new good, see? - and the praises come fast and thick. Randy Randy calls her the best he has heard since the season began and finally the show has started. He rattles off a list of qualities he feels Latoya has in abundance and Miss Paula chimes an "Amen!" after each word Randy speaks. Miss Paula uses sixteen words to call Latoya "unbelievable". King Tut jokes that he doesn't like Latoya because the audience doesn't like her. He comments that she keeps quiet all the time but the moment that she walks onto the stage, she seems to know that she is better than the others. The whole point, and he has one, believe it or not, is that he finds Latoya "superb" and "outstanding".

In the Red Room, Sleazebag is shocked that King Tut is actually capable of using the word "outstanding". Gosh, no wonder they are fighting. Was your performance that bad, Sleazie?

Leaving the Eight in the Red Room where seven people will stare hatefully at Latoya, Sleazebag walks on the stage and talks to the judges. He asks them how this episode has turned out for them. King Tut asks Sleazebag why Sleazebag doesn't use his "regular voice". Sleazebag insists that he is speaking in his regular voice. Take a rest, Sleazie, and here, have some of Trenyce's olive oil. All judges agree that tonight is one of the best nights of the show. Sleazebag turns to the audience and asks them to decide whether King Tut knows what he is talking about or they can ask him to stick his opinions where the sun doesn't shine, "namely," Sleazebag says, "Great Britain." And then he's out, bye bye.

Control room, people saying that the show's gonna blow (kidding), and zooming into a monitor, it's... hey, the results show! The Eight stand in a row on the darkened studio as the Sexy Manly Voiceover Guy says that they have given the best performances of their lives so stay tuned, people, to see how America voted, blah blah blah credits.

Ryan "Gray And Black, Pants And Dreck" Sleazebag comes out in a really M Is For Metrosexual outfit comprising grey suit jacket over dark black shirt complemented with black trousers. He sports an unstubbled look, however, that is more emaciated and worn out than artfully disheveled. He looks awful - maybe he should drop that Rick Dees gig so that he can sleep an extra few hours each week. Do you want King Tut's mother to fly down and make you her special chicken soup, Sleazie?

He wonders who among the Eight will head off to a bright future which he says can be described in three words, fame and fortune. Hmm, that's two words, but I'll let that one slide. He says that six will return to obscurity best described also in three words, paper or plastic. King Tut says that it is very rude of Sleazebag to insinuate that the six losers will be no better than supermarket check-out staff. Sleazebag says that he is just emulating King Tut. They argue some more until they remember that they are on American Idol and not Oprah. Sleazebag introduces Miss Paula, reminding her that where he came from, they get their mouths checked after kissing King Tut. Sheesh, when will these people learn to keep their personal marital discords out of this show? These two men are so hurting, I can't bear to watch. Where is the love, people? WHERE IS THE LOVE? Sleazebag makes a crack about Randy Randy being a dog - when he lifts one leg, watch out, people!

The audience goes "Whoo!" in mock enthusiasm as Sleazebag introduces the Eight. There were thirteen million votes last night, Sleazebag announces, before giving a recap of the previous night.

Q&A time. Elizabeth LeThunderthighs feels nervous about her chances as she feels that this group is good. Spread the Gross Bowel hate, LeThunderthighs, spread it around. Latoya is asked whether being under the radar is her strategy and instead of telling Sleazebag, "What do you think this is? Survivor? I won't be under the radar if you people would stop showing so much of that gigolo freak and that scooter girl, will I?", she politely says that she's the cool, calm, and collected type. Jonah proves that he can't talk about anything that doesn't revolve around Hawaii.

The judges all think that Latoya and Tinkerbelle will get through. Sleazebag asks, King Tut argues, but King Tut at the end of the day makes his point using a tedious race analogy: he cares about this lot, unlike last week. Okay, does that mean that these two have kissed and made up now? Sometimes these two men send off so confusing body signals, I tell you. Miss Paula pipes up that she agrees with King Tut about this week Eight's quality, prompting King Tut to grab her cheeks and kiss her full on the lips. The crowd hoots as Miss Paula gasps, waves her hands to ward off bad juju, and gulps down her cup of water. Is she choking? She should have swallowed that pill she has in her mouth instead of sucking on it. Sleazebag asks what those two are up to. Something is going on, he says. Between Randy Randy and Sleazebag, King Tut cuts in while Randy Randy says that it's getting hot in "here". Or is it "herre" now? Sleazebag turns to Randy here and says that he hopes that Randy is talking about the contestants. Randy insists that he is. A commercial break thankfully ends this nonsense.

Okay, results. Latoya - hmm, tough one, that. She looks bored as she takes the seat but laughs as Sleazebag asks her to sit down carefully. Jonah - nope. Charly - nope. Eric - nope. LeThunderthighs - she perks up when Sleazebag says "America agrees..." and sighs when he concludes that America agrees with King Tut. Sleazebag asks her to stop staring at him funny. She blinks at him, because Sleazebag's phoning in using a lousy connection from Tasmania. Amy - yes. And now it's Tinkerbelle (whom Sleazebag says sang I Am Nothing last night - a mistake that amuses me so much because I'm twelve) and the Pen Salesman. Who's in?

Sleazebag asks the Pen Salesman to pick a number. The Pen Salesman pick ten. Sleazebag says that he is thinking of another number and since the Pen Salesman failed to guess the number correctly, it's time for a commercial break. That is so funny, I tell you, I almost break a leg laughing.

The Pen Salesman is the third person to be in the Top Three. No Tinkerbelle? That's great news!

Sleazebag reveals that Latoya received 32.3% of the votes. As she gets ready to perform, he says that she seems to have two personalities, the quiet and calm person and the vibrant performer. Latoya sings a heavily improvised All By Myself that consists of nothing more than non-stop high notes belted at the top of her voice. She really needs to dial down her volume.

Amy Adams puts her hands to the sides of her head dramatically when Sleazebag announces another commercial break. Sleazebag's "sorry but we have to put a commercial break now!" schtick is already getting stale. Loathgoat should seriously consider the three primates and one babboon thing that I have suggested.

Sleazebag announces next week's Eight. Amy and the Pen Salesman exchange a confused look, which is understandable because Donnie "DUI" Williams has been quietly disqualified for drinking and driving and George "One More Fake Twentysomething Dude Can't Hurt" Huff takes his place. You can suggest that King Tut has given Miss Paula a cold sore via the act of kissing, you can talk about Randy Randy feeling the contestants, but heaven forbid that you drink and drive, because that is not what this family show is all about.

Sleazebag then announces that Amy Adams is also in the Top Two. She says that she feels "so stupid" and nervous but she's feeling good at the chance to sing one more time. Her rendition of The Power Of Love this time is even more wobbly than before. The camera pans lovingly on the tears rolling down Tinkerbelle's cheeks as Amy sings, awww. The credits roll through Amy's performance, until at the last note of Amy's, the camera goes back for one last, lingering scene of the tears still rolling down Tinkerbelle's face. She wears waterproof mascara, thank heavens. Cheer up, Tinky, maybe mommy can take you back to Bulgaria where you can duet with that Aqua ex-lead singer on a hot new Eurotrash disco version of Jungle Boy!