Before YouTube, recapping music videos is totally a thing and not a waste of time. Really..
Season 2: Turn the Beat Around
I missed out a few important moments from my last week's recap. The Kewpie-Sleazebag-Kimborlee-King Tut love octagon has become even more complicated by Carmurp openly making a move on Kewpie this week (they even exchange a kiss towards the end of the show). But Kewpie said last week that he is wearing Sleazebag's socks. When asked by an idiot audience who should play Kewpie in a movie, Kewpie asks whether Sleazebag's available (he: "Ryan, are you available?" and Sleazebag: "You want to rephrase that?" while Randy Randy could be seen mouthing "What is going on between those two?" in the background) and that Brad Pitt is only second choice to the glory that is Ryan Sleazebag. I tell you, Kewpie is turning out to be a big slutty type, how cute.
In case you haven't heard, Corey Vanilli has been disqualified because that idiot forgot to inform the show people that he is scheduled to attend a hearing on the very day that is the grand finals of this show for charges of beating up his sister, a few cops, and generally behaving like a hooligan. Don't expect me to defend him, though. I cheered when I heard the news. His situation is in no way comparable to Frenchie's or Trenyce's - physical assault is a more serious crime than posing on an adult sex site or shoplifting. Besides, this week is Disco Night and I can only thank the Devil for revoking Corey's free pass and saving us all from being subjected to Corey's Bee Gees performance this week.
Unfortunately, there are still more fat to be trimmed from this show before it gets close to being decent. Carmurp and Josh Freaking Don't Tell And Don't Sing Just Get Lost are still around, and while I can tolerate Carmurp a little longer, Josh Don't Tell Just Get Lost You Stupid Ugly Talentless Twit really has to go. He's not only polluting my eardrums, he is turning this show into a right-wing media circus. But if I'm expecting the show to be improved tremendously with Corey's absence though, I will be bitterly disappointed.
Ryan Sleazebag dashes onto the stage as the fans cheer. I don't know why he is dressed in blue denim though - Country Rock is last week. I am expecting him to be wearing a Bee Gees white pimp suit that bares his torso to the navel and obscenely tight pants... you know what, I love what he is wearing this week. Thank you, wardrobe people, denim is so cool and blue is really Sleazebag's color!
"Get your groove on, it's Disco night," he calls out. Like last week where Finnola "All My Children and All My Teeth" Hughes is among the audience, there are some blonde smiley celebrities in the audience whose names rightfully elude me because any celebrity who attends this show must be really desperate for attention. "Some call me the King of Clubs," Sleazebag announces, "and some call me the disco queen," he adds as he outs himself in public, before continuing to say that he has a thatch of curls under his shirt and there is static ("if you know what I mean") in his pants. King Tut melts in a puddle of lust but we Giggles are clinging to each other and standing on the couch in terror. He then proceeds to say what seems like "f**k it f**k it f**k it f**k it f**k it f**k it" and I go, "Hell yeah, you say it baby!" until I realize he is saying "funk whatever funk blah funk yadda funk funk funk et cetera." Bummer.
I actually experience a nightmare after watching this show. Sleazebag and King Tut appear in my dreams wearing only thongs and they are dancing like idiots as Sleazebag sings a falsetto version of ABBA's Dancing Queen. "You can dance! You can ji-ive! Having the time of your life!" It's horrifying. I need therapy. It's all Sleazebag's fault.
Sleazebag proceeds to explain the absence of Corey this week. He says that show people are careful to screen the contestants but Corey's troubles came as a surprise to them, and poor Corey has been let go like a misbehaving kid because Corey "doesn't come clean". Sleazebag is talking really slowly as if he's addressing a bunch of five-year old kids, which is what I'm starting to believe the majority of the voters are. How else can I explain the Bottom Three this week? But I'm getting ahead of myself. We then see a heavily edited clip of Corey telling the audience that he is not guilty and he is sorry that he robs the chance of others who could have been here were not for his being here and then peeing away his chance at winning. I'm sure Livvy Oliverie, Bigboy, and Tomato are relieved to hear that you are so sorry that you have consigned them back to their hair salons and K-Marts that they try so hard to escape from. They are probably wishing that you put your girly falsetto to good use in the prison showers.
I do wonder though: why isn't Frenchie given the opportunity to explain herself to her disappointed fans?
Sleazebag introduces the judges using lame disco jargons, and then proceeds to bring out the Walking Botox himself, Verdine White of Earth, Wind, And Fire. Ow! Let's groove tonight. That man is scary. It's is as if he has died and they have embalmed him but he has somehow forgotten that and he decides to just leave the morgue to attend this show. His face shines with Botoxy brightness and his hair! His clothes! Those obscene tight black leather pants! It's Captain Hook! And to King Tut's horror, Sleazebag and Captain Hook begin flirting. "Ooh, confidence, I like that," Sleazebag says as Captain Hook looks up and down Sleazebag like how a starving boy eyes a prime slab of steak. Then we see the Captain Hook tribute clip, lots of scary hair and great, now I just cannot get Fantasy out of my head.
Anyway, let's not waste time. Out comes Creepy Rickey in a flaming orange jumpsuit and a smelly Afro wig in what seems like a pathetic attempt to get Corey fans to vote him by mistake. His song is Let's Groove. And ouch, his falsetto can pierce through lead walls, much less eardrums, as he shrieks "Let's groove tonight" in lethal supersonic that causes Captain Hook's shiny forehead to explode. He flings off the wig soon enough but he seems to be upped his falsetto at least three notes higher than usual. He switches to his normal register during the verses, and I find that his normal register isn't too bad on the ears. Then he's back to that earsplitting falsetto and I am in hell.
Judges. Randy Randy says that "I don't know, dawg" but there are some pitch problems. The whole thing sounds like a bad wedding reception. The always objective Charmaine Miss Paula booes him. That woman's borderline obsessive tendency to cheer the contestants on are really becoming scary now. Was she ever this weird last season? Miss Paula says that she can't disagree more because that song is perfect for Creepy Rickey and because she is an idiot who is driving me crazy with her vapid talk so shut up, please, and take a long holiday for the love of whatever. Captain Hook says that it can't be easy that Creepy Rickey is butchering, er, singing that Earth, Wind, And Fire song when he is in the audience, but hey, Captain Hook here likes it. King Tut thinks that Creepy Rickey should have just performed at children's parties - Iguanita Barber: But whaddabout da chil'run?! - across America. Creepy Rickey cuts in, saying that to be an American Idol, one has to be an entertainer. King Tut tells him that clowns are entertainers, but they sure aren't American Idols. Sleazebag quickly cuts it and ends what seems like a budding bitchfest by dragging Creepy Rickey to his Left Seat and consoles the clown by saying that if King Tut moves his head like Creepy Rickey did, his hairpiece would fall off. King Tut snorts.
Carmurp bursts onto the stage like Possessed Victim #3 in that horror movie about exorcism before cheerfully murdering Turn The Beat Around. Her complete absence of range and utterly flat singing do this song the perfect injustice, but it doesn't hurt that the song doesn't challenge her too much vocally. This song has the background vocalists doing most of the powerfully charged chorus while all Carmurp has to do is to fire out the words in the verse smoothly in a spoken-half-sang style and bleat her way through the chorus. "Turn the bleat around! Baaaa I love to hear per-cush-ion!" But you know what? She's very good when she's on that stage. What she lacks in her absolutely wretched singing, she delivers with spades in her stage presence, especially the adorable way she fires off those words in the verses ("Scratch-scratch-scratch!") with that cheeky shake of her chin. Cute gal, horrid singer, that's Carmurp. This performance is however one of the better, more energized ones of night, believe it or not.
Randy Randy says that it's alright, but a little too karaoke for him. He is awaiting someone who will wear out the song and knock him down - that will be the one he is looking for in an American Idol. Miss Paula blah blah good nice whatever. Captain Hook says that she gave a great performance and she will have to work on her skills and tighten up the areas where it must be tightened before she will go far. Ooh, I think someone just gave Miss Carmurp Yodel-lay-eeh-ooh here a backhanded compliment. King Tut says that while Carmurp may not be the best female singer, she's certainly the most "commercial". I don't know if being called "commercial" will make me happy, but Carmurp seems happy enough to receive that faint praise. She walks away to Sleazebag who holds her hand briefly before remarking on her new blonde hair extensions. "I had an extension once," he said, and needless to say, nobody laugh. What is he doing, dropping so many risque, unfunny innuendos tonight? Did Captain Hook really catch his eye that much?
Next is Kimborlee whose clothes are getting skimpier and skimpier each day. Today she is wearing a backless piece of cloth and a tacky-looking skirt. The poodle perm is gone though, thank goodness. Her Knock On Wood is however is more of a flat, tuneless screamfest. Easily one of her weakest performances ever. It's like watching a Wendy's commercial gone stupid.
Randy Randy compliments her on her looks and outfits but says that he hates the arrangement of the song. It's too much like a Vegas song, but he thinks she carries herself off fine. He adds that she reminds him of Jewel. I don't know what Randy Randy is smoking, but I do know it is an insult to be compared to that whiny Jewel creature. Wise Kimborlee thanks him for his "great compliment". Miss Paula notes that Kimborlee is "off pitch". She's a fan, she reminds Kimborlee, but she fears that Kimborlee may be getting too complacent in her performances. She should try to take some risks with that voice, Miss Paula tells her. "I'll take that into consideration," Kimborlee tells her (translation: oh shut up, you talentless has-been). Captain Hook loves her stage performance but yes, he has some problems with her pitch. Still, he knows that it isn't easy to perform a song and impress the audience in one and a half minute, because professional people like him sometimes need an hour to prepare themselves, et cetera. You know, I like this guy. He's actually giving coherent as well as constructive advice. Can we put Miss Paula out of commission and replace her with Captain Hook? King Tut says he agrees with the rest and gives Kimborlee six and a half out of ten.
Sleazebag takes her hand and invites her to "have a seat, my dear". He then proceeds to tell her that he likes her performance, but she, smart girl, isn't listening. She's waving and blowing little air kisses to her adoring audience. Kimborlee obviously knows who to pander to and who to ignore on this show, all the while putting a sunny, cheerful facade. What an insincere hussy. Too bad she can't sing that well, or I'll like her more.
Kewpie. Do we even have to? Everlasting Love. A dull, lazy performance more muzak than disco. His unevenly sized eyes are creepy but mesmerizing. Nice red glitter shirt. A completely unconvincing attempt at disco. It's like watching Queen Elizabeth perform It's Raining Men. Tacky dancing.
The judges love it, except for King Tut who says that in the context of this week's theme, Kewpie is "terrible". He can't see Kewpie as a future superstar, sorry. As King Tut makes notes to double the number of bodyguards around him when he leaves the studio, Randy Randy declares that Kewpie is the best so far tonight. Kewpie must really taste good if these idiots insist on tongue-bathing him every week.
Sleazebag holds up his hands, and Kewpie takes it and grasps it firmly. He puts on his best demure kd lang bashful look and Sleazebag squeezes his hand reassuringly and asks aloud why King Tut and Randy Randy have so different opinions. Randy Randy says that it's because he's the cooler guy. King Tut shrugs. Hey, people disagree, it happens. Good answer, really.
I'm getting really annoyed at how Sleazebag and the other judges take it onto themselves to boo King Tut every time the man opens his mouth. Yes, King Tut is playing the role of the evil curmudgeon, but it is very irritating that I have to strain my ears just to catch what King Tut is saying every time he opens his mouth. They keep drowning him out with boos every single time, it's annoying to the extreme.
Trenyce has gotten a new haircut. She looks pretty good in an orange jacket over a colorful top and knee-length denim skirt. Her I'm Every Woman unfortunately suffers from a truly horrible arrangement and too much vocal acrobatics. There are some notes that Trenyce just cannot reach and some obvious problems with the lower register. Still, it's a major improvement from last week's I Need You. Not Trenyce's best performance, this, but it's an improvement over last week.
Randy Randy notes some pitch problems but she makes him feel as if the show has finally started. Miss Paula commends her for performing like a true pro and "overcoming adversity". Miss Paula, I'd suggest you don't bring that one up so often. There are many impressionable idiots with voting power out there who would rather see a "bad stealing woman" go down while lifting an undeserving talentless Marine dude up because "he's a Marine and I love America". If you don't mention that "adversity" thing too much, those idiots will hopefully forget about it, out of sight, out of mind, that sort of thing. Just like how we don't bring up Arsenio Hall, John Stamos, the fat scandal, the Milli Vanilli charges, and that awful dress you wore on that MTV Awards show when you did that Crazy Coolin' song before a horrified audience. We got a deal here? Captain Hook commends her for having "the whole package". King Tut however is not blown away and says that she can't compare to Chaka Khan or Whitney, so why even bother? And yes, as if your darling Ruben is so much like Barry White, you stupid fool?
There's a very convenient "technical glitch" that prevents the appearence on the TV screen the number to dial if you want to vote for Trenyce. My husband's conspiracy theories seem to be more and more plausible each week.
Indeed, next is Ruben in yet another stupid 205 shirt. I'm sick of this guy. I'm tired of how the judges are hyping him as the winner and how that stupid Sleazebag always act as if he's Ro-oooo-ben's number one bitch. I'm also noticing how that guy is getting really complacent: his Can't Get Enough Of Your Love is noticeably more midtempo R&B than disco and while Barry White is a lush baritone, Ruben's a tenor. His version lacks the zest of the original and Ruben seems breathless after a few lines. If King Tut wants this man to be the new American Idol, I hope Ruben's cardiovascular system can stand touring the mall circuit all American Idols are expected to do.
The judges love him. King Tut announces that Ruben should win the competition. I think I can expect the complacency to worsen even next week.
Burger Queen is next, and I must say, she really looks better as the week goes by. Her lane gold top and pink shirt really look gorgeous on her. Her song? It's Raining Men. Thank you, Burger Queen, for injecting some gayness to a genre that is synonymous with that portion of society. So far this Disco Night has been shockingly asexual and camp-free. Where's the ABBA? Where's the Bee Gees? The Village People? Never fear, Burger Queen is here as she launches into a very competent version of It's Raining Men. The three gay men that still tune into this show once they booted off JD Adams and Alden Wynn can go "Hallelujah!" - heck, even the judges love it, except for Captain Hook who gives his somewhat reserved approval on the provision that Burger Queen did one of the "hardest" song of the era.
Saving the best for last, Josh Don't Sing Just Shut Up SHUT UP pounces onto the stage and croaks out Celebrate. I can die - it's really, really horrible. Never mind the bizarre contradiction of this buffoon moaning about how hard it is to be away from his wife and kid when other Marines are having hell in Iraq, never mind that it seems tacky for Mr La Uncle Sam Patriotisma here to be asking people to celebrate at this time, but damn, he is just horrible. Truly, truly horrible. He is still doing those awful faces when he sings, but his lifeless croakings of "Celebrate good times" is one for the funeral parlors. And his caterpillar eyebrows? Must die as well.
Stupid Randy Randy asks if Josh Screw You has a cold, and of course, that pudgy doughboy immediately nods his head. Yeah, Burger Queen has a bad case of strep throat last week and she pulled off I Can't Make You Love Me, but I guess we have to excuse poor Josh Screw You Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Come Onto My TV Ever Again because he has some cold that may not even exist? Shut up, Miss Paula. We need "a positive infusion of Joshisms" in disco like we need a yeast infection. Captain Hook says noncomittantly, "The show must go on" - yeah, deport this twit off my TV now! - and it is King Tut who saves the day when he says that the performance is "absolutely dreadful" and that pudgy fool will never get past the first round if he sings that way.
Sleazebag awwws and asks Josh Don't Even Bother if that was difficult. You have no idea, Sleazie. "That is all I can do," Josh The Gump says. Thank you, Josh. Now please vamoose.
Before this episode ends, we meet with Sleazebag and the Eight in the Red Room. After saying that King Tut is in a bad mood today (and who wouldn't, after seeing you flirt with Captain Hook, duh, Sleazie), he asks Kewpie if there is a big difference in how King Tut and Randy Randy influence him. Kewpie says some stupid BS that makes me sigh. Kewpie, you, like Ruben, is getting too complacent and you are buying your own hype. Your performance tonight is one of the worst - only Josh Germy Chin's and Kimborlee's are worse than yours - and King Tut is right about that at least. Kimborlee, when asked, says that she will still keep her opinions to herself. As always, she's a smart cookie. And then it's time to say bye-bye and move on to the results show.
Disco, huh? Puh-leese.
Black on grey, Sleazebag is channeling Gay GQ as he walks onto the stage for the results show. He says that he has spent hours picking glitter from every crevice of his body after last night's disco ball Chernobyl. Only he calls it "disco extravaganza". Is he trying to turn off the viewers of this show? What is this, some passive sabotage because they didn't give him a bigger dressing room or something? Because I don't need to hear of Sleazebag's crevices, thanks very much.
Apparently fifteen million votes came in last night. The Unholy Church Of Kewpinites and Cult of the Joshingorian Untellable Unaskables must have had more time on their hands than usual.
But since no results show is complete without an unbearably high level of filler moments, we first get a Q&A session between Sleazebag and the Eight. By the way, Trenyce is wearing a shirt emblazoned with the word "Trouble". Heh heh heh. That gal got guts, I like that.
Josh Don't Tell talks about how tough it is that he has to represent the Marines but he will have to do what he has to do - butcher happy songs - to make the nation proud. A ten middle finger salute is too good for this poseur. Carmurp, snuggling up to Kewpie like a lil' good Mormon lass offering her precious vee-vee to the almighty Kewpie, says that oh yes, she is so much comfortable now - see her Jodie Watley earrings and hair extensions? And as we soon see, she is indeed very comfortable with her new lifestyle as the famous and talentless. Burger Queen talks about how tiring it is to wake up at dawn and come home at late at night in their American Idol stinti but quickly adds that this is her dream all along, being a slave to the music industry. Dull.
Group sing. A Night To Remember. Creepy Rickey and Carmurp lead off and the resulting duet is a creepy combination of goat gurgle and high pitched rat mating calls. Then Kewpie and Kimborlee step out and sing the next line. The rest come out to do a chorus, and then poor Trenyce happily drowns out the hapless Josh Don't Tell in their duet parts. Burger Queen and Ruben round it off. All in all, an okay performance but with the harmony somewhat off, especially not when Kimborlee and Creepy Rickey keep drowning out their duet partners. This is the first time Trenyce gets to sing in her normal non-belting voice and I like it. She should try singing that way more often. Bonus points for Burger Queen who not-too-discreetly makes Kimborlee move back to her spot when the latter strays a little too close to camera hog territory.
A poll from Sleazebag to the really bored: please use your AT&T phone thingie and waste money to vote whether King Tut is in a bad mood because (a) he hates disco, (b) he hates everything, or (c) as Sleazebag puts it, "his tight pants are rubbing his crotch too tightly".
More time-waster. A plant in the audience, probably paid for Kimborlee's stage mommy, asks Kimborlee if she and JD Adams are dating. Kimborlee, flushed with pleasure because we all know you haven't made it until they ask about your love life, says tha JD will have to answer this one. Camera pans on JD, who is sitting with Kimborlee's family. I'm quite perplexed to find that he's quite nice on the eyes, even nicer than when he's all glittered up in that pimp-jacket thing on his prelim performance. He is a little bit of Joaquin Phoenix mixed with Mark Ruffalo and that facial hair he is grooming is pretty nice on him. Sleazebag immediately throws his roaming arm over JD and asks if they are dating. By "they", I mean Kimborlee and JD, just to make things clear. Yeah, JD. And what about Kewpie? Apparently both Kimborlee and JD are done with Kewpie - no more From Kimborlee To Kewpie - because JD actually blushes and acts all demure. "Have you kissed? Tell Sleazebag," you-know-who asks insistently. "Just a peck," JD answers. "He is going out with Kimborlee," Sleazebag announces as if it's some wedding of the century thing. "And he's sitting with her family too!" He suggests that JD go with King Tut to shop for rings.
Kimborlee and JD, camera hogs extraordinaire, do sound like a match made in heaven. Watch out, LA, these two are going to come over and take over the world!
Then we learn that poor Burt Bacharach's charity single has been scrapped in favor for God Bless The USA, now rearranged and reworded to become Proud To Be American. "Pui!" I go as they show Josh Why Can't He Be Struck Mute lead the first two lines followed by a limp chorus of the other males. I see Corey Vanilli is singing too. He's proud to be American! Then we see the gals join in the chorus, although Burger Queen is conspicuously missing. Where's she? Strep throat? Hmmm.
Then Trenyce sings lead in the second verse. Damn, I've been suckered! Now I will be buying this single after all. I hate this show. (I will also kick the ass of anybody who dares make jokes about Trenyce, patriotism, and criminal records, so there! You get your Kewpie bias, I'll get my Trenyce bias, and we're even.)
Carmurp, incidentally, is smiling and all dolled up when everyone else is at least pretending to be weeping dramatically. There is something creepy about her, I tell you.
"God bless the USA," Sleazebag intones solemnly as the clip ends. Tonight he'll have an American flag draped over his tanning bed before he gets into it and sleep it off like the Botox vampire he is.
And now that we are in a patriotic mood and we are thinking about those poor American soldiers and those poor Iraqi civilians dying and all, what better to watch next than to see the Eight getting dolled up in their Mansion? Ooh, Josh Don't Tell, America's Greatest Marine, is getting a pedicure (although remember, he misses his wife and kids and he worries about his friends in Iraq too). The sacrifices he makes for his country! Ruben uses his hands to give Creepy Rickey an orgasmic massage. I notice that Tomato is also in the scene, which suggests that this "funny" clip is filmed before last week. Burger Queen tries to act like a schoolmarm, asking everybody to get back to "work", and Kewpie protests. She whacks him playfully with a towel. God bless the USA.
Finally, we get down to business - the Bottom Three. To my horror, Burger Queen, Trenyce, and Carmurp get the Seats of Shame. Okay, I'm not so horrified at Carmurp being there, but Burger Queen? Trenyce? When "millions" can vote for Josh Let's Celebrate to stay despite his wretched, wretched performance? When there's shrill Creepy Rickey, the tuneless Kimborlee, the lazy Kewpie? Josh Don't Tell, here's my finger to you and here's another to your crazy screaming female relative in the audience and those idiot teenage girls who hold up that sign "Josh You Are Our Hope". Josh Don't Tell really must go. He is making a farce out of this show. He's cashing in on unhappy events for his own fame and fortune and there are enough idiots out there buying this crap to get him there. This is a mockery. This is... Florida!
Incidentally, Carmurp and Kimborlee are starting to look so much alike that I'm getting a freaky Single White Female vibe about those two. Carmurp is getting her hair done like Kimborlee's, and now she's zoning in on Kewpie after Kimborlee has used and abused that guy. I bet Kimborlee really hates this little prettier, younger wannabe, heh heh.
But before we learn who is going home, we have to see yet another clip: a car wash thing where the girls really let it all hang out wet and bubbly. Bravo. They kick out Frenchie but they make their female contestants do soft-porn for the kiddies. I hope the good Mormons of Utah are thrilled to see jailbait lil' Carmurp wearing a wet jumpsuit and flicking her hair in a come-hither look. Since I also notice Tomato around (they try to edit her out as much as possible, but there are parts of her too prominent to be overlooked, if you know what I mean), so Carmurp is still seventeen when this Bubbles T&A thing is shot. But maybe this is a patriotic thing, who knows? Lonely American soldiers in Iraq, this is for you.
Back to the show. Randy Randy is surprised to see Burger Queen in the Seats of Shame. Miss Paula predictably is surprised to see anybody in the Seats of Shame - after two seasons, I'd have expect her to get the concept of the show - so she blubbers on in her unique inane way. Oh, and shut up about Trenyce overcoming adversity, you nitwit! King Tut is surprised and says vaguely that he doesn't agree at all with how the show is run this week, before adding that one person sitting on the bench knows he should be on the Seats of Shame, but that person is "lucky". "I will not name him, but he knows who he is," King Tut says when the other two non-functional judges press him on who this person is.
It's obvious, isn't it, that King Tut is talking about Josh Shut Up. Not you, Creepy Rickey, don't nod your head like that, but you, Josh, who looks ahead blankly like an empty warehouse with no lights on in that skull of his. My faith in King Tut is restored if he recognizes and disagrees with the way the show is tongue-bathing Josh Don't Tell because he just happens to hold the correct job at the most convenient time. If he can now tone down the Ruben butt-kissing, he'll be alright again.
Burger Queen is safe. This time, she takes her time to hug the other two before returning to the bench. But she just has to lift a defiant palm up - screw you, you stupid voters! - as she walks back. Sleazebag then asks the remaining two to perform once more, "to show those people that don't vote for you their mistakes". And so they do.
Poll results are in. 25% think that King Tut is grumpy because he hates disco. 28% believe he hates everything. 47% believe that Sleazebag should reach down and ease the tension in King Tut's tightly padded crotch. 100% really need to find better ways to spend their time other than to respond to stupid polls.
Then Sleazebag finally announces that - drum roll - the person going home is Corey Vanilli! That's right, Carmurp and Trenyce are staying. These Eight's votes this week will be added to next week's votes. You know what this means, right? The Trenyce Worship Society and the Church of the Yodelling Carmurp will be working overtime next week to jam the phone lines with their love and devotion, so expect poor Burger Queen and Creepy Rickey to fall through the cracks. The others come down to hug those two, although I love how Trenyce gives Kimborlee this look when that camera hog almost pushes Trenyce out of the camera with her "enthusiastic" hug.
Camera pans to King Tut's look of surprise and then disgust when he realizes that nobody's going home. He'll have to muster up fake enthusiasm for Carmurp for yet another week, and I say he deserves it for selecting her as the Wild Card in the first place. How he cannot know of this "surprise" development though is beyond me. I think he's just putting a show for the cameras.
Then we have another group sing: Boogie Wonderland. This one is actually very good. Maybe it's the exhilaration of the Eight that nobody is going home, but this version is actually more infectious than the original Earth, Wind, And Fire version. The guys may look like total flops as specimens of male virility, but they manage to project a perfect booming quality to the verse. The ladies actually harmonize very well this time, with the accompaniment of Creepy Rickey's falsetto, the latter sounding very good in this instance. All in all, a rousing finale to what is actually a lacklustre episode. Kimborlee's impromptu jumping and saddling Ruben towards the end is pretty cute though. That gal, even in a group sing, is trying to hard to outshine everybody, I wonder what she will do when she gets the cut. Scream? Claw at the judges and rips off King Tut's wig? With Trenyce and Burger Queen looking like the next on the line of fire, Kimborlee going wild at her ouster may be one of the few things I can look forward to in this increasingly mediocre show.