Main cast: Antonio Banderas (El Mariachi), Salma Hayek (Carolina), Johnny Depp (Sheldon Jeffrey Sands), Mickey Rourke (Billy Chambers), Eva Mendes (Ajedrez Barillo), Danny Trejo (Cucuy), Enrique Iglesias (Lorenzo), Marco Leonardi (Fideo), Cheech Marin (Belini), Rubén Blades (Jorge FBI), Willem Dafoe (Barillo), Gerardo Vigil (Marquez), and Pedro Armendáriz (El Presidente)
Director: Robert Rodriguez

Is this where I confessed I have not watched Desperado? I did watch El Mariachi though, but I wasn’t too impressed by it. I feel as if I’m watching a disjointed and choppy movie in Once Upon a Time in Mexico – I think I’m missing something big.

The plot, as far as I know, is that in Mexico, people are shooting and killing each other left and right. Rogue CIA guys like Sands wants to kill criminals, criminals wants to kill the good guys like our El Mariachi, everyone wants the President, and many people die. Sparsely interspersed between these non-stop disjointed NRA commercials are scenes of El Mariachi brooding or Sands showing off his new T-shirt (Cleavage Inspection Agency – CIA, geddit?). Salma Hayek, the woman that gets second billing in this movie, appears for ten minutes tops. Robert Rodriguez must be really insecure in Eva Mendes’s ability to draw in the menfolk to pack their butts on the cinema seats.

Anyway, this movie is an often incoherent montage non-stop firepower sequences. It’s a dick flick in every sense. I can enjoy a good dick flick as much as any other person, but in this case, I also find myself trying to figure out what is going on. I guess this movie will be better if one has watched Desperado or is very forgiving of any movie as long as there’s Johnny Depp in it acting as if he can’t contain his disdain at the crappy movie he’s in. Me, I lost my way in Mexico City and I’m never more glad to see the theater exit.