On a Dead Man’s Chest (1992)

Posted December 9, 2017 by Mrs Giggles in 2 Oogies, Idiot Box Reviews, Series: Tales from the Crypt / 0 Comments

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On a Dead Man's Chest (1992)
On a Dead Man’s Chest (1992)

Main cast: Yul Vazquez (Danny Darwin), Paul Hipp (Nick Bosch), Tia Carrere (Scarlett), Sherrie Rose (Vendetta), Heavy D (Farouche), Gregg Allman (Toland), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: William Friedkin

On a Dead Man’s Chest is the spiritual sequel to For Cryin’ Out Loud, as once more, it’s rock and roll. Hey, we don’t want to waste the props and sets after all. In Tales from the Crypt style, a rock concert is basically a handful of extras going “Whoo!” in a room dimly lit to give the impression that the whole thing happens on a stage.

There is a problem within the rock band Exorcist. If you ask the wild, restraint-free lead singer Danny Darwin, it’s that bitch Scarlett, who married Nick Bosch, the more responsible guitarist and song writer of the band. If you ask Scarlett, the problem is the out of control drunkard Danny – he’s bringing Nick down to his level, and her husband is better off applying his talents either onto a solo career or with another band. These two make their animosity clear when, during a homecoming concert, Danny introduces Scarlett to the audience by hoping out loud that Scarlett wouldn’t emasculate Nick before calling her a bitch. Of course, Nick doesn’t like that, so Danny blames Scarlett for coming between him and Nick.

Danny has an ally in Vendetta, his favorite groupie who dislikes Scarlett for not being down with the groupies following the band. She introduces him to this tattoo artist, Farouche, who has a reputation for creating a tattoo of something that has gotten under your skin onto you. Guess what ends up on Danny’s chest. That’s right, a big tattoo of Scarlett’s face, much to his chagrin.

Charmingly, Danny crashes at Nick’s place, which gives Danny plenty of opportunity to yell invectives at Scarlett whenever he feels like it. When Scarlett tells Danny that the man needs to move out, it’s war. Between that and Danny’s increasing anger over the fact that he can’t get the tattoo removed – it comes back immediately after every attempt to remove it, like… magic – as well as Vendetta egging him on and on, he soon loses all perspective and things go really wild as a result.

This episode is pretty generous on nudity – Sherrie Rose goes full frontal, while Yul Vazquez shows off everything but his little birdy – and the denouement is deliciously gory. However, the whole episode feels like it’s rather haphazardly put together. Danny’s paranoia and dementia seems to jump abruptly from point A to Z, and the tattoo thing is pretty vague. Did it somehow drive Danny to violence because he didn’t pay Farouche? Why? Is it some kind of punishment for assholes? Mind you, if it is a punishment, why does it punish Danny, but not Vendetta who eggs him on constantly?

Still, Yul Vazquez puts on a manic, charismatic performance. It’s just a shame that his character is poorly written to the point that Danny just seems like a demented yelling chipmunk that does whatever the plot requires at any given moment. Tia Carrere also puts on a fun performance, albeit an unintentionally hilarious one, as most of her facial expressions are just too funny to watch. Especially when Scarlett is attacked by Danny in the shower – that scene is comical because of the faces she is making there. Sherrie Rose plays the usual evil female character, but her willingness to get naked also helps to keep this episode memorable when the sorry script is barely up to the task. All in all, this is one episode that is saved by the cast.

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Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.

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