Oil’s Well That Ends Well (1993)

Posted by Mrs Giggles on February 9, 2018 in 2 Oogies, Idiot Box Reviews, Series: Tales from the Crypt

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Oil's Well That Ends Well (1993)
Oil’s Well That Ends Well (1993)

Main cast: Lou Diamond Phillips (Jerry), Priscilla Presley (Gina), Noble Willingham (Mr Petermeyer), Alan Ruck (Carty), Steve Kahan (William), Rory Calhoun (Spider), Saga Stevin (Jo Osborne), and John Kassir (Larry, The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Paul Abascal

Oil’s Well that Ends Well has nothing to do with the episode of the same name that featured the Three Stooges, although this one also resorts to comedy, mostly to hide its many inadequacies. Both episodes feature oil, although the conclusion to this episode is naturally less upbeat than the one with Moe, Larry, and Joe.

Oh, and be warned that this episode isn’t just about the castrating Feminazi hag, it also features a bunch of lecherous chauvinist pigs. Both sexes are equally crapped on here, and everyone acts like an exaggerated cartoon character.

The woman in question is Gina, who has a huge chip on her shoulder about men, given that her own history with them is pretty bad, to say the least. She is in cahoots with Jerry, and predictably, she is besotted enough to compromise her principles to retain his affection… to a certain degree anyway. The two of them plan to con a bunch of wealthy white men, only, there are twists and turns galore here as everyone is out to back stab and cheat everyone else. All over a piece of cemetery allegedly containing oil, too. Who will come out on top in this brawl of shrill, loathsome one-dimensional caricatures?

Oh boy, this episode. I have to hand it to Priscilla Presley – she does her best to carry a thankless role with some degree of convincing bitchy attitude. But Gina, like everyone else here, is written like she is the result of some spiritual exorcism by the scriptwriter Scott Nimerfro after one too many bad interactions with his fellow human beings. And John Kassir is appropriately very annoying in his brief appearance as a non-ghoulish puppet. But still, ugh. Also, this episode contains plenty of hammy, really bad dialogues that aren’t amusing because they seem to be written by an octogenarian trying too hard to emulate the cool kids.

One thing works well though: Priscilla Presley’s awesome delivery of the otherwise corny final line in this episode, and the way she executes the coup de grace after that. Sure, that moment is a typical example of really impossible science in action, but hey, I’m trying very hard to find a saving grace in this otherwise over the top annoying episode.

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