Music For Elevators
by Anthony Stewart Head and George Sarah, dance (2002)

Yes, it's Rupert Giles, the sexiest Watcher in the world, you see on the CD cover. Anthony Stewart Head's hitherto closest brush to music is having a brother who gave that silly One Night In Bangkok horror (Murray Head) and some nice song sessions on the Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV series. Is it a coincidence that after Head left the series - oh my heart - Buffy starts shagging Spike, Dawn just can't shut up, Xander becomes white trash, Willow turns spastic, and everything about the TV show goes down the chute?

But enough about Buffy. Anthony Stewart Head collaborates with George Sarah and comes out with this, Music For Elevators. Boy, it's so cool. It's beyond cool, it's freaking F**KING cool. This is no Mom-and-Pop adult rock tune collection. This is a New Age/trance electronica album. You want me to repeat that?

Shades of Deep Forest crossed with Ronan Hardiman with mild influences of garage, acid, and trance make up the fourteen tracks (plus two hidden tracks) on this CD. It takes a bit of getting over my disappointment that Head's lovely voice is partially masked by a vocoder device most of the time, but boy, Rupert Giles is so cool!

Just listen to him wax in French in Qu'est Ce Que J'ai Fait - it's pure, unadulterated estrogen meltdown, I tell you. If I can melt, I would have on the spot. That hypnotic beat in the background that reminds me of hot, sweaty... er, things doesn't improve things much. J'ai fait me, ooh, my lovely hot stud Giles you, j'ai fait me all the way to heaven.

He and Holly Palmer do a discordant John Lennon and Yoko Ono on the cover of We Can Work It Out, which is charming in an insane way, and there's also the straightforward rocky pop that is Owning My Mistakes. Deep Forest will be so proud of the dark and moody What Can You Tell Me.

But the best track is definitely the epic orgasm heatwave that is All The Fun Of The Fair, where guest vocalists Justine Machado and Amber Benson (the latter plays Tara on Buffy) match Head in a duet of erotic trance. The hook is so infectious, I tell you, I keep humming it until I wish someone will hammer it out of my hand.

Oh, and Alyson Hannigan, who plays Willow on Buffy also takes a guest shot at background vocal contributions, although unlike Benson, she speaks rather than sings. Joss Whedon, the genius turned bastard (I still blame him for the quagmire of suckdom Buffy has sunk into), also pens Last Time. Whedon, you better do the right thing and redeem the last few episodes of this season or this will be the Last Time indeed.

Actually, take away the Buffy connections, Music For Elevators is still a very well-produced earwax. Anthony Stewart Head channels Sting with ten times the tantric sex factor, and he singing in French... ohhhh. Fait me! Fait me!

If this is music for elevators, stop that dang thing now - I don't wanna get off. Ever!

Okay, gotta take deep breaths to control myself. Inhale, exhale, ohm. Apart from the annoyingly hammy and preachy lyrics - penned by Head himself - Music For Elevators is all about wholesome yummy Watcher sex factor. I can't get off, I can't stop it, and dang, what a ride! Wheee!

Rating: 94

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