The Animal (2001)
Main cast: Rob Schneider (Marvin), Colleen Haskell (Rianna), John C McGinley (Sgt Sisk), Edward Asner (Chief Wilson), and Michael Caton (Dr Wilder)
Director: Luke Greenfield

Oh, Rob Schneider. Okay, so you hit big time hanging on Adam Sandler's shoestrings. So they say you are too ugly for prime time roles. But does that mean you have to come up with such stupid, silly movies like this just so that you can play hero?

The Animal tells the story of loser Marvin who, after a pathetic death scene, gets his wish to be a cop at last when he is rebuilt using animal parts. Meet Marvin, part man, part animal, all moron. He humps a mailbox when he gets aroused, he gets rejected by a goat with the kick in the... you know, he swims like an otter, and he wins the love of animal activist Rianna (that Survivor contestant, resembling a potted plant here judging from her acting ability).

Bestiality and toilet function jokes are okay if they are funny. But this movie just has to add in trite elements like our hero being a poor man's hero and he needing love and all. Big, big yawn, really. Thing is, Schneider can play a nice Mr Romantic, judging from some scenes here and there in The Animal as well as his previous toilet-bowl-material Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. But I guess he, like the rest of Hollywood, truly believes that he is not worth anything but toilet and mailbox-rape jokes. How sad, really.

Rating: 42

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