Lake Placid (1999)
Main cast: Bridget Fonda (Kelly Scott), Bill Pullman (Jack Wells), Oliver Platt (Hector Cyr), Brendan Gleeson (Sheriff Hank Keough), Betty White (Delores Bickerman)
Director: Steve Miner

My husband, he who studies animals has a fondness for hokey old horror movies, especially the forces-of-nature-go-haywire-and-destroy-us-errant-humans sort of hokey. It was he who dragged me to the cinema to watch this piece of flim-flam movie.

After the movie my hubby had fun nitpicking the movie for croc errors. I told him, "Honey dearest, you are not a crocodile scientist, you study conservation. Now go eat up your dinner". So what do I think of the movie? Well, it's okay. So-so. Only because Bill Pullman's in it that I gave this a so-so. Otherwise... ask me again in one week and see if I remember this movie.

Hands up people who thinks crocodiles are scary. Me too. Now hands up who thinks crocodiles eating big bears and moose are interesting. Hmm. Some giant very big croc is eating up things in a rate far more than a normal croc would, including a beaver tracker. The local sheriff, blunt of so many sarcastic jokes, call in for help. Jack from the Fish & Game Dept. is brought in, along with two of the most irritating characters David Kelley has ever created.

And I thought Ally McBeal was bad. Ally, at least, has some funny moments. Kelly (err, funny, Dave) is the whiniest, most obnoxious woman ever with permanent PMT (that's pre-menstrual tension for you guys, but remember, only we women can joke about such things). This woman is sent to Maine because her boss, whom she's sleeping with, has just dumped her for her colleague and friend. She's creating an Ally-ic atmosphere at her museum (she's a paleontologist, maybe that's why she's grumpy - too many old bones in her closet), so the boss with good sense packs her off to the unwitting Sheriff Hank and his deputies. Those poor men never knew what plague hit them - lo, hear her whine about mosquitoes, sleeping in tents, and the general unhygienic conditions of the Great Wide Outdoors. I'm surprised Hank didn't shoot her after ten minutes in her company. I'm even more surprised a nice, roguish good-looking man like Jack would even give her a second thought. Oh, I forgot, she's the heroine.

Her friend the psycho (yes, I think he's mental, to paraphrase Hank) Hector, a mythology professor, is worse. He is more annoying than funny as he foolishly risks the lives of other people in his mad quest to swim with crocodiles. I really resent the stereotyping of Science professors as either absent-minded or dour while Humanities professors are madcaps. I resent that! How come there are no cranky people in the academis, like me?

Oh yeah, the thrills. Not many, I'm afraid. I've stopped laughing after they brought on the cartoony severed toe - I started yawning after the initial fear of watching those swimmers swimming in croc-infested waters fade with yet another dumb thing Hector or Kelly said or did. Frankly, I didn't care after all.

Rating: 53

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