Kangaroo Jack (2003)
Main cast: Jerry O'Connell (Charlie Carbone), Anthony Anderson (Louis Booker), Estella Warren (Jessie), and Christopher Walken (Sal)
Director: David McNally

Movies like Kangaroo Jack must die. The computer generated kangaroo is beyond ugly, it can cause nightmare-induced lobotomy if one isn't too careful. It starts off pretty well, but soon it plunges into humor-free chase antics starring too many ugly computerized kangaroos. And what do you call a buddy-buddy movie with nary a trace of homoeroticism between them? I call it DOA.

The charisma-free Jerry O'Connell plays Charlie Carbone. His best friend is Louis Booker, your everyday funny fat Black guy who will never get a love interest in this movie, played by Anthony Anderson with all the enthusiasm of an eight-year old austistic kid high on crack. When they were kids, Louis saved Charlie from drowning, so they were best friends always.

Today, Charlie runs a hair salon (the movie doesn't even seem to be aware of its casting coup here) while Louis... he does something, I guess. Charlie's stepfather is Sal, a mob boss who likes just like Christopher "I need to pay the rent, so don't look at me like that!" Walken. A really stupid blunder involving many cops busting Sal's latest deal see our twosome forced to carry $50,000 to Sal's associate in Australia. But soon they lose the money to a kangaroo. Wacky hijinks ensue as our gruesome twosome try to get the money back, such as me trying out my swearing in Tagalog at the screen. Estella Warren shows up to play a Playboy bunny who got lost while trying to find her way to the Survivor set... or maybe she played a conservationist with a soft heart for bunnies. Or something. At that point, I'm beyond caring.

I think copies of this movie should be destroyed. If it can compel an animal lover like me to go get some barbed club and head off to Australia to knock some marsupial heads, I can only imagine how much suffering this movie would inflict on the peace-loving kangaroo population down under.

Kangaroo Jack doesn't do jack for me.

Rating: 45

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