Exit Wounds (2001)
Main cast: Steven Seagal (Orin Boyd), Isiah Washington, Jill Henessey, and DMX
Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak

It must be the new cliché to have Black characters in an action movie layered over with rap tunes. Attract the young and hip crowd, you know, because Steven Seagal playing the straight, dull-witted, colorless lead character is definitely not what is the best thing about this time-wasting piece of - er, movie. Here is an actor who has clearly outlived his shelf-life as an action hero. If he's Clint Eastwood, Seagel would be playing old cowboys or old reporters in decent but unmemorable movies. But Seagal is not Eastwood.

Hence this movie is pretty embarrassing. It's like watching your grandpa on life support determined to star in the new porno flick regardless whether he can actually get it up or whether the audience will flee screaming when they see him on screen. Steven Seagal, looking rotund and worse for wear, playing a vigilante cop busting some ridiculous corrupt-cops-drug-dealer-conspiracy racket, looks ridiculous. Where's Jet Li?

DMX provides the soundtrack and the youth factor, but this movie is horribly dull and clichéd. Seagal's character sprouting Kung Fu Guru mysticism and hokey good-wood philosophy isn't any better. It's like watching a large pimple on one's face. I should just switch off the player and do something else, but I just can't turn away. I must see the whole movie, if only to see how bad it can become or whether Granpa Seagal would break a hipbone, even if I know I will be suffering from the traumatic aftereffects.

Good guys win, Seagal gets his paycheck, and he can start gaining back the 30 pounds he lost for this movie (part of his contract, if I'm not mistaken). Move out of my way, I need some fresh air bad.

Rating: 14

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