Cerberus (2005)
Main cast: Emmanuelle Vaugier (Dr Samantha Gaines), Sebastian Spence (Jake Addams), Greg Evigan (Marcus Cutter), Garret T Soto (Kul Jae Song), and Brent Florence (Zach Gaines)
Director: John Terlesky

Cerberus has guilty pleasure written all over the cover of the DVD package because this one, people, is so cheesy and ridiculous that you'll be embarrassed to admit that you like it even a little. But it does offer a rather schlocky good time in its running duration of slightly over 90 minutes, due to surprisingly serviceable acting and some kitschy action-packed moments.

The fact that the lead characters are very easy on the eyes also makes this movie easy to appreciate, although I'm afraid there is not even a little hint of nudity here. This is a "proper" action horror film after all. Still, Emmanuelle Vaugier has a French exotic beauty vibe going for her and the always reliably rugged Sebastian Spence makes sure to show off those biceps of his at every available opportunity.

Ms Vaugier plays Dr Samantha Gaines, an archeologist of sort who gets dragged into the mess when her mentor is killed and an armor said to belong to Attila the Hun is stolen. You see, the armor contains a map that pinpoints the location of Attila's sword. When he was alive, Attila made a pact with the Devil so that he could be successful in his various war campaigns and now, whoever owns the sword will have great powers such as immortality. Samantha and the US operative Jake Addams are now hot on the tail of the bad guy Marcus Cutter and his men. Marcus works for Kul Jae Song, the ubiquitous Korean nutcase who wants to destroy the USA in his surfeit of patriotism. The three-headed dog comes into play when it is discovered that whoever takes the sword will also trigger its release.

Cerebrus in this movie looks so much like a rubber toy that I can't help laughing out loud whenever that thing shows up on my TV screen. Okay, this movie clearly doesn't have a halfway decent budget to work with, but nonetheless, Cerberus is a well-paced action-packed B-grade movie that is pretty easy to enjoy. Seeing Greg Evigan trying to be Jon Voight here breaks my heart since I remember him as a good-looking guy in his prime back in the 1980s, but he puts on a manic performance that makes me laugh. This one is as far from high art as one can get, but if you do happen to catch this entertainingly silly show playing on TV, you probably won't suffer much if you sit through it.

Rating: 70

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