The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Main cast: Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard, and Michael Williams supposedly as themselves
Directors: Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez

It seems I'm going to get panned for saying that I won't be giving The Blair Witch Project my unreserved two thumbs up. After all, current opinion is that if I don't like this spooky, scary movie, I'm either

(a) A philistine insensate with gore and computer-generated effects; I probably enjoyed brainless nonsense like The Mummy. I did, by the way,

(b) A complete twit who is probably middle- or lower class trash who enjoys Jerry Springer,

(c) A moron.

Don't you love elitism amidst movie audiences? Well, I'd say it loud and proud.

Blair Witch irritated me silly.

Here are the reasons. I'd be concise.

  • Heather Donahue just can't shut up. The longest pause she has in between faked, forced sunny chatter is exactly one minute forty three seconds. Hubby and I timed it. We can't stand her.
  • I have no idea what the characters are like, or even who they are, for that matter, except that Heather has a mouth the size of Heathrow Airport's landing pad and one of the guys has a girlfriend whose dad likes him.
  • The camcorder is always on even during spooky scenes. Nice. Now I know they are purposely staging all this nonsense to scare the viewers of the video they're making and maybe get an A+. They're probably now sipping pina colada in Mexico, laughing their heads off at people's gullibility.
  • While I admit the movie is very scary, and there are times I would have been terrified out of my wits - if Heather has just shut up - it doesn't excuse the fact that to me, this movie has minimum characterization, a one-tracked plot that ultimately, like a bowling ball, sets the three person to die and nothing else, and little else.

At the end of the day, after watching The Sixth Sense, I remember Bruce Willis and Haley Osment and their wonderful relationship. For this movie, I remember being scared and little else. Oh, and an urge to buy rolls of those super-sticky scotch tapes the next time Heather drops by.

Rating: 48

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