Blade II (2002)
Main cast: Wesley Snipes (Blade/Eric Brooks), Kris Kristofferson (Abraham Whistler), Norman Reedus (Scud/Josh), Leonor Varela (Nyssa Damaskinos), Ron Perlman (Reinhardt) and Luke Goss (Jared Nomak)
Director: Guillermo del Toro

Now this is one cool, sexy fothermucker of a kick-ass movie. Wesley Snipes is the man, the Godfather of Cool, and in the opening sequence where he and that bike and shades and lots of vampires staked? Cool. Adrenaline, gore, disembowelment, and lots of scenes that are nothing more than excuses for gratuitous long-drawn fights are even cooler.

In short, Blade II is the momma of all cools.

Never mind the asinine plot. Do we need one? Oh, if you insist. In the first movie, Blade is a half human/half vampire - this means he can walk in sunlight even as he craves blood to live. Blade may be the only superhero brought to life on the reel screen that doesn't make me want to cringe in horror. (Who said Spiderman? Ohmigod, the trailer sucks enough, but here's hoping nonetheless.)

In the last movie, Whistler, Blade's human mentor, bit the big one. This movie begins with Blade saving Whistler from vampirehood using some antivirals (don't ask). Then he is approached by two Cirque du Soleil refugees posing as vampires. After a really cool fight scene between Blade and the vampire princess Nyssa (this is her only chance to show her stuff, because after this, she turns back into an ornamental bimbo/love interest *sigh*), we learn that a mutant breed of super vampires are killing vampires. Can Blade help them? When all vampires are dead, the super vampires will turn on humans. We wouldn't want that now, do we?

Blade, Whistler, and gang agree, while keeping their guard up against the treacherous vampires led by gungho Ron Pearlman playing this badass dude. Taking a cue from the movie Aliens, Blade, Whistler, and a gang of vampire dudes start staking out vampire nightclubs and underground sewers for these super vampire mutants.

From vampires sucking on razorblades before snogging to graphic scenes of tearing flesh and lots of nasty-looking tentacles boring most uncomfortably into vampiric orifices, Blade II is like Wong Fei Hong on crack. Believe it or not, Blade gets mutilated but after a soak in a tub of blood, he comes out cool and new. Wow. He doesn't have a single scar on him after what seems like three thousand years of battling non-stop evil, and just in time too for some Touching Heartrending Moments with Useless Girlie. All in a day's job, I guess.

Towards the late leg of the movie, the overdose of action can be rather tedious. It gets rather inane too, especially when the "surprise" conclusion can be seen coming a zillion miles away. If anything, I kinda pity the Evil Super Vampire guy. I kinda find him sexy in a Nosferatu Stud way too.

Anyway, this movie is just cool. It may melt one's brain if one is not careful, but hang the snob, just enjoy, yes? Blade is just so fine, mmm hmm!

Rating: 85

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