Liquid Silver Books, $5.50, ISBN 978-1-59578-825-2
Fantasy Romance, 2011
Arwen Grayson is an ice-skating coach who is positively thrilled when her favorite band Soar comes to town and the lead singer, Gannon, starts showing signs that he’s interested in her. Yes, Soar is a rock group, because in romance novels, there is only one kind of music – rock music. Back to Arwen, she is living out her own Mary Sue fantasy.
In reaction, her nipples grew taut beneath her t-shirt, and a dull ache pounded deep inside her pussy. God, how she wished she could climb up on that stage and kiss Gannon until neither one of them knew their own name. But with her unspectacular looks, Arwen knew full well she wasn’t the type of woman to draw a famous rock star’s attention. Not when there were plenty of younger and gorgeous women in the crowd willing to throw themselves at him.
Is this how a menopausal female fan of Adam Lambert feel when she watches him on stage? Shudder.
Of course, it’s not special if Gannon is merely a human being. He has shoulder-length blond hair! And wings! He is like an angel! I’m not sure whether he sparkles though. Gannon and his four band mates – five, just like the Backstreet Boys – are the last of the Alte. They have wings, which, as the author tells me, bestow upon them the ability to “fly to great heights”. The Alte are not like chickens and ducks – got it. The New Alte on the Block are also immortals, having walked the earth for 1,000 years. How can anyone resist the Alte, who seem to have wandered into this story from Merry Gentry’s harem?
Arwen can’t. But alas, sex with Gannon has Deadly Repercussions! Still, Arwen is like, angel pee-pee is so sexy so OH YES, OH YES, OOOOHHHH YES.
The feel of Gannon’s cum filling her suddenly had Arwen realizing they had forgotten to use a condom.
He had just shown her his wings and told her that he’s a 1,000-year old alien. Of course she’d be so carried away with the joy of the revelation that, like any sane woman, she immediately jumps his bones without giving any care about the use of a condom.
Then again, Arwen isn’t a particularly bright person and is quite slow when it comes to put two and two together, as this excerpt will demonstrate.
“No, not anymore. The Alte are basically no more. Jalen, Malik, Keiran and Trae and I are the last of our kind. A thousand years ago, a sickness swept through our people, wiping them out. After succumbing to the same illness and beating it, only the five of us survived, though not without the disease irrevocably changing us. We have no idea why we didn’t succumb like the others did.”
“Like your eyes, or is that what makes you different from humans?” With her brow furrowed, she asked, “You said a thousand years ago? And that you all survived it then. That would make you — ”
“Over a thousand years old,” Gannon finished for her. “Not only did the disease change our eyes it also made us immortal, along with giving us the ability to manipulate the elements and hide what we truly are.”
Oh, and not to spoil anything that the official synopsis hadn’t spoiled: a villain shows up out of the blue in the last few pages to put an end to the pointless angst about how all that great sex is killing Arwen slowly, only to be dispatched in a most spectacularly anticlimactic manner, and by the last page Arwen finds herself turned into an Alte. What, you expect a heroine with a name like Arwen not to sparkle and have wings by the last page?
Written in a language more appropriate for readers below the age of ten (with the added bonus of clinical sex scenes) and featuring flat one-dimensional characters straight out of the most insipid Mary Sue fanfiction around, this one is… I don’t know. Aside being written for the author’s self-gratification, what good is this ridiculous piece of banality for, anyway? There are bad books, and then there are stories like Icy Temptation, which is so pointless that I can’t help but to wonder why the author even bothered to send it in for publication in the first place.