Grand Central Publishing, $6.00, ISBN 978-1-4555-6118-6
Contemporary Romance, 2015
Now, despite what those jealous hags out there may say, I have nothing against authors who started out making lots of money peddling misogynist fantasies known as New Adult using the Kindle store. Lauren Layne sold some books to Grand Central Publishing as just another stop in her beautiful career, and Frisk Me is the first book in a series of cop brothers who have big issues and bigger… crotch tissues (hey, that rhymes) to serve to swooning ladies everywhere. I’m all for a big issue – after all, the longer it is, the harder you look; and the harder you look, the longer it gets. Not to mention, the longer it is, the harder it hits, so everyone’s happy at the end of the day.
But Frisk Me is practically a clone of every story that ever features a lady reporter, and I don’t know who decided that we need another one of those in the already cluttered market.
Luc Moretti is a hot cop after a video of him saving a little girl went viral, followed by another video of him giving his coat to a homeless guy. He hates the fame and the spotlight, however, because he’s actually a tortured fellow, having partner and dead girl issues that give him the ticket to act like a little brat with a thorn in his butt cheek. His fame draws the attention of a TV station which wants to produce a special mini-series of this hot cop in action, and hence this is how he meets Ava Sims, the reporter who will cover his every move. She is a brat too – never let it be said that these two are not perfectly matched – and she still holds a grudge because he gave her a traffic ticket three years ago. She and he get into a childish spat as she brings up that ticket again (she was in the wrong, by the way, and she knows it, but still, how dare he) and it’s all downhill from there.
The story follows the standard script as follows:
- Luc acts up like an immature brat, to drive Ava away, mostly because he’s scared that his dark secrets will be revealed on TV. That’s a good idea – annoy the person who can happily portray you as a baby kicker on national TV.
- Ava bites back and acts like an immature brat too, because she’s so spunky and feisty that she channels her inner ten-year old like only a diva can.
- They fall in lust, love, whatever.
- Of course, that taping Ava didn’t want to end up on TV does just that.
- Luc blames Ava for being a fake and a slut when he knows all along what she is and, you know, she’s just doing her job.
- Ava quits her job because she’s not happy doing what she is doing. Wearing make-up and wanting to succeed are all traits of a skanky whore anyway – virtuous romance heroines like her only want a man to make their lives complete.
Seriously, this story is exactly like every other story that follows the script, the author doesn’t even seem to be trying here. Worse, the characters all speak like spoiled kids, their baggage is one-dimensional and stereotypical, and their conflicts make them all look like big babies that cannot take any accountability for their own actions and words. The worst is Luc – he’s supposed to be a cop but he ends up more like a big boo-boo of a boob, as fun to read as a stuffing a wet rag into one’s underwear. Therefore, this book feels more like a badly-written copycat of better books in the past that have similar story elements. It’s not fun, it’s not interesting, it’s just boring and pointless. Frisk Me can blow me.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.