Main cast: Jenny Wade (Honey Pie), Diane Ayala Goldner (Biker Queen), Chelsea Richards (Tat Girl), Melissa Reed (Tit Girl), Clu Gulager (Bartender), Juan Longoria García (Lightning), William Prael (Hobo), Carl Anthony Payne (Slasher), Hanna Putnam (Secrets), Josh Blue (Short Bus Gus), John Allen Nelson (Shitkicker), Craig Henningsen (Jean Claude Segal), and Tom Gulager (Greg Swank)
Director: John Gulager
You know, I could have sworn I already reviewed this movie back when it first came out, but it looks like I haven’t. Having caught this one recently on cable, I may as well get it over and done with. Sad to say, my second viewing did not improve my opinion of Feast III: The Happy Finish: the franchise has degenerated into an unfunny joke played by the Gulager family on their audience.
The gang are still trying to escape the monsters, taking off from right where the previous movie ended. This time around, they are joined by a couple of other characters, most of them revolving around some physical defect or scatological reference as punchlines. The most capable are probably Shitkicker, who seems like an all-American hero who arrives at their time of need, and Jean Claude Segal, a martial artist hero – but that’s hard to confirm, given that our clown car of fools waste little time accidentally crippling or killing the very people who could have saved them. That’s the running, obvious joke here: the moment anyone halfway competent shows up, expect our losers to damage that person fatally by mistake.
On top of the various unfunny pile-up of gags (which include rape, defecation, vomiting, etc), the movie decides that it would be so cool to stage a bulk of its late third under a rapidly flashing stroboscope – that scene would have driven anyone into an epileptic seizure. Let’s not even start with shrill, loud siren-like sounds and such – the Gulager family seem to have reached a point where, in this movie, they are just testing to see how much crap – often, literal crap – they can subject the audience to without getting them to sue. The ending is the final straw, as we have a mariachi singer basically singing about how these imbeciles have taken the audience for a ride – thanks for the money, now they are off to plague someone else, someplace else.
Looking back, I can only wonder whether Feast was an accidental work of brilliance, or perhaps it was good because Project Greenlight enforced some quality standards on the end product. Heaven knows, the previous movie and especially this one are just literally turds left on the pavement by the Gulager clan.
If you have not watched any of these movies, watch the first one, and then for the love of everything sacred and holy, pretend that the next two movies do not exist.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.