Samhain Publishing, $5.50, ISBN 978-1-61923-284-6
Romantic Suspense, 2016
Good lord, there are a bunch of women here who called themselves Kinky Kougars – yes, with a K. What are these people, graduates from the school of the try-hard wannabes?
Suzanne Mayhew, our heroine, has recently lost her almost ex-husband Frank in a car accident, not that she is grieving too hard as he was a cheating no-good SOB. She lets her friend introduce her to the Kinky Kougars, who promise in turn to introduce her to young men that will dominate her, and she’s all quivering with anticipation. But first, she is going to sell off her dead husband’s collection of classic cars.
Our hero, Neil Callahan is a cop. With a name like that, what else could he be? It’s that or a rodeo dude, I guess. He’s also 15 years younger than Suzanne, although with her being in her forties, this isn’t that dramatic a May-December story. No Betty White lookalikes getting happily spanked by a Justin Bieber lookalike here, that’s for sure. He is intrigued by the Mustang that is on sale on her yard – no, that is not a dirty innuendo – and, shortly after, the lady selling the thing.
The car was hot, a vintage Mustang—1965 or so, he thought—in near-showroom condition. Yet the car’s current owner drew his attention away from the vehicle. It said something about how tempting that butt was. How firm, yet curvy.
Which was definitely not what he should be thinking, unless he wanted to talk cars while sporting a mammoth hard-on. If this were porn, he could do that and find himself banging the callipygian redhead within thirty-five seconds, and she’d turn out to be as kinky as a cheap garden hose. But this was real life, so she’d probably pepper-spray him, or at least think of some good reason to cut the conversation short, leaving him without either the information he wanted on the car or a chance to flirt with her.
Wait, how is a cheap garden hose kinky again? Must be some kind of romance novel secret sex code that I am not in tune with, clearly. “Yes, yes! Spank me! Hit me! Treat me like your cheap garden hose!” Did I get that right? And I tell you, Neil must really be an ass man to know that ‘callipygian’ word. They are soon driving down the highway, going into the tunnel, racing up the hill, down the back alleys… and it’s all good, until her ex-husband’s past catches up with her in a not-very-nice way. Good thing that Neil’s also a cop, eh?
Yes, I know, we are all going to read this story for the hot younger-male boinking moments, and in many ways, the author delivers. The initial skin-to-skin contact sees her with her hands around his bare hips as she happily enjoys her taste of heaven. However, I find myself strangely unmoved by these scenes. These scenes may be describing naughty things, but there is something very mechanical about the actions – he does this, she does this. I would have liked to read more about what they are experiencing too. A little more description of such nature would have made these erotic moments more, well, erotic.
The suspense part is pretty standard – nothing too amazing, but at the same time, nothing too dire. It’s also doesn’t have many surprises though to divert my attention from the fact that the romance is quite on the fluffy and underdeveloped side. Mind you, I’m actually glad that Suzanne didn’t spend too much time bleating about her age or acting like a prude, but I also want a little more emotion aside from “OH YES STICK YOUR CHEAP GARDEN HOSE INTO MY GERANIUMS YEAH BABY!” Especially when I’m not feeling too much like that garden hose from reading the sexy moments. I guess I just want to feel something, and this otherwise pretty readable story doesn’t quite succeed in doing that.
Still, there is no harm for you to give this a try if you want a sexy story with an older woman and a younger man. I don’t find the many sexy moments here as erotic as I’d have liked, but maybe you will feel otherwise, who knows.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.