Charles River Press, $3.49, ISBN 0-9793844-3-5
Mixed Genre Erotica, 2007
This 2007 edition of Coming Together: An Erotic Cocktail Volume 2 is, I believe, a slightly revised edition of the version originally self-published via Cafépress back in 2005. A few stories in the initial edition have been replaced by new ones. I didn’t read the original edition when it was published back in 2005 so I’m not sure which story is replaced by which.
As per the previous volume, all proceeds from this anthology will go to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a most lovely organization devoted to making sure that we all continue to get our online pornography, among other things, so you can really do worse than to pony up $3.49 for this baby. Also, this particular volume similarly claims to present an assortment of smutty fiction and poetry of all kinds, from straight stuff to gay stuff to, er, family bonding, and more. Claim to, that is.
I have the same issue with this anthology as I do with the previous volume – where is the smut? I don’t know about anyone else, but when I purchase an anthology marketed as a collection of works by the cream of the crop in the adult written erotica website Literotica, I expect sweaty, hot, and primitive sex with a few taboos broken in the process. I am not expecting what I find here: authors trying to impress me with their familiarity with the thesaurus and fancy phrases of poetry. If I want these things, I’d sit in that Starbucks near the liberal arts section in the University during lunch time.
ABSTRUSE kicks off the show with Dr. Bob and His Dildo, which is not sexy as much as it’s the author showing off her marvelous ways with double entendres and her oh-so-wacky sense of humor. I think she must have mistakenly believed that she’s sending a story to Giggling Together: An Ebonics Cocktail Volume 2 because for the life of me, I have no idea how this self-consciously showy story is supposed to fit into the theme of this anthology. This story seems to set the theme for the likes of Jamie Redmond (Sock Love is about shagging pieces of laundry) and Jess Malarkey (Outdoor Angie which has to be read in order to appreciate how absurdly showy and self-conscious it is). I don’t know what to say. As much as I find some stories pretty cute and inventive, I’m not sure why I should not feel cheated of hot smut in this collection of tales.
Some stories do have sex, but not the sensuality to go with it. For example, Will Belegon asks, Wet Panties?. He obviously hasn’t read the previous two stories that come before this one if he believes that I am in need of fresh underwear at this point. Scott likes Susan but Susan went out with Derek until Derek dumped her so now Susan shags Scott. Hallelujah, the end. At least someone’s shagging in this story instead of trying to impress some English professor, I must say, although I’d swear Susan is possessed by some kind of ghost when she has her claws around Scott’s little buddy. What kind of non-possessed horny woman would go on such a long monologue before jumping on that poor kid?
“Ummm, I think you have been hiding something from me. Your goddamned fucking cock is so hard. You have wanted this for a long time, haven’t you? Why didn’t you say something? Didn’t you know I wanted you, too? DON’T! I told you to shut up! Just listen. I’m not going to wait any longer, Scott. I’m going to fuck you right now, right here in the swing, in the middle of the open. The rain makes it better. It is so warm and wet. Just like I am. No one will catch us. They are all inside staying dry. Do you want that, Scott? Do you want me to slip my panties off and ride your hard cock right here in the rainy dark of the playground? Do you? Do you want to fuck me, Scott? Do you want to put your cock in me? YOU CAN ANSWER ME NOW!”
Let’s see, it is raining and she’s speaking to him just like how that poor girl talked to the priest before her head started spinning in that movie The Exorcist. I’m expecting her to go down on poor Scott and then, boom! As lightning strikes, Scott will look down and then see Susan grinning at him, only now her face is white and looking just like the Cryptkeeper’s grandmother. He’ll start screaming as the scene fades out into a THE END.
What, that’s not nice? I think I’ve seen a movie just like that one.
Then there’s Rob Graham’s Buzz Me, in which Teresa tells her husband Mike that she has an important presentation to give at the company and he tells her to wear those vibrator thingie that can be remote controlled (if you have seen that movie Shortbus, you may know what I’m talking about) up her guess-where. She then gets buzzed, so to speak, as she tries to give her presentation because her husband thinks that he’s being funny. Good for her to find the whole thing such a turn-on because if I’m in Teresa’s shoes, someone’s going to get that vibrator shoved up his own behind and I’ll give the remote control to a bunch of kindergarten kids and tell them to take turns to sit on that button all day long just so that Mike will feel just how good it is when an asshole is trying to make a fool out of him in front of the boss.
Sherry Hawk must have believed that she’s submitting a story to a HP Lovecraft-type of anthology instead of a Humpy Loveboat anthology because Possession is a ghost story. A ghost story. With only one sex scene that’s meant to be creepy rather than sexy. I don’t know what to say. While Dranoel’s Do You Still Love Me? isn’t sexy, this story makes me cry, oh dear. It is such a most heartbreakingly sweet story of grief that for a while I am thinking that this anthology is the best ever because of this story. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t belong in a sexy anthology.
Thankfully, some authors deliver what this anthology on the whole is supposed to deliver. Tatelou’s Public Humiliation is actually quite tame for a story of its kind but there are threesome, exhibitionism, and naughty shagging so… alright! The anthology is halfway over by the time this story shows up but hey, at least the party is about to start. This story is followed by Justanne Farrow’s lesbian love fest Chocolate Sauce and Handcuffs. This one is hot too although I have my doubts about all that chocolate sauce being used. Having struggled with stains from such sauces on clothes and tablecloths, I can only wince as I think of the bedsheets and the frantic scrubbing that will ensue. The appropriately named Alex de Kok presents a pretty sweet yet sexy tale of Halloween teenage sex in Be Gentle with Her. But the really good fun can be found in Awful Arthur’s A Honeymoon Affair, a really naughty story about swingers behaving badly as sixty-year old Frank bets with his friend that he can get a very much younger woman on her honeymoon to cheat on her husband with him. Adultery and horny old coots – now we’re talking good smut here. Janie Anderson’s Pleasing Ellie is also too much fun – this one has the additional bonus of being down-to-earth while remaining too sexy for words. I think this is my favorite story of the bunch.
So there you have it, only a handful of authors who actually deliver the sexy stuff. The rest of the bunch are too involved in… I don’t know what they are doing, to be honest. The theme of this anthology is “an erotic cocktail”, no? So why the ghost stories? Why the “look at me, I’m so witty” self-indulgent stories? As for the latter group, let’s just say that they believe they are funny, but they really aren’t that funny.
Cantankerous muffin who loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, chocolates, and fantastical stories.