Category:Film Reviews

The Theatre Bizarre (2011)

Raped by a frog monster, dismembered and eaten by freaks, squashed up into a box… this is what happens when horror movies try to be too arty.

It’s like Unfriended, only with only one likely dead girl and her distraught father.

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s one of the most worthless movies of 2018.

The only reason to watch this one is the beautiful violence, but even then, the body count is kind of low to make up for its flaws.

The star of the show is a guy who looks hot in tight black undies as he violently murders the hell out of people.

White people in America are loving this movie because it makes them feel woke. Don’t tell them it’s full-blown mediocre fare.

This is the equivalent of getting a stack of giant Anthrax spore-filled envelopes from China and Australia.

Jason Statham turns out to be the only valid reason to watch this thing, and even then, he’s fighting uphill.

The lead actor quit show business and is never seen in LA ever again after this movie. That should tell you something.

Don’t be fooled by the kickass poster – someone decided that this movie is better off trying to be Twilight.