Truth Or Dare
by Lori Foster, contemporary (2006, reissue)
Zebra, $4.99, ISBN 0-8217-8054-9

Truth Or Dare is a collection of three of Lori Foster's short stories featuring three really stupid women that were published previously in Brava anthologies. I'll cut and paste the reviews of each short story here for your convenient reference.

First up, Satisfy Me, which made its first appearance in the anthology All Through The Night. It's a sex shop plot thingie she has done before. Maybe she fished this one out of her reject bin. Neurotic me-no-want-sexy girlie Asia Michaels plays Truth or Dare with her coworker Cameron O'Reilly who walks around with a horrendous bulge in his crotch. Brrr, scary. Silly girlie needs sexual comforting, and sex sex sex sex sex ensues. I realize I can pretty much draw the lines on my ceiling out of memory by now.

Next up, Indulge Me which showed up first in I Love Bad Boys. It's about this Virgin Queen Becky Harte entering a sex toy shop and getting the rogering of her life by this man working with her, George Westin. She's in her twenties, he's pushing forty, so yeah, sugar daddy time baby!

Don't get me started about a sex store opened in the middle of a conservative small town, unless it's one of those Twilight Zone shops where the evil storekeeper will spirit you to an alternate dimension ruled by demon nurses holding giant needles filled with Maalox. Don't get me started about Becky, her friends Asia and Erica. Any males out there having lesbian threesome fantasies starring Asia, Becky, and Erica, porn star bunnies?

Then Becky sees her first porn video (from description, it seems like one of those cheap, tame softporn pay-per-view stuff you get on cable) and it's braindead time. Gosh, she is shocked! Do people kiss down there? (No, dear, they put on raincoats and read aloud Faulks to each other.)

There is mild bondage in this story, but Becky is so unbelievably neurotic and "pure" (in a ridiculous way) that I have a hard time swallowing the notion that this child-like woman is actually being tied up and buggered silly. I mean, it feels morally wrong or something.

Finally, Drive Me Wild from I Brake For Bad Boys. This story is so half-baked, the author probably dictated it to the editor via her mobile while taking her morning toilet session. Erica Lee, supposedly strong, is on a dare from her friends has to look for a sex slave. This, people, is what series heroines do when they are not being bankrupted by lousy financial decisions or agonizing over how to conceive a baby once the magic 30 deadline hits them. What a lively lot. I say we ship them all to an atoll and test a nuclear warhead on them all.

Anyway, Erin's long time secret admirer Ian Conrad has had enough. He decides to woo her. By "woo", I mean he confronts her, calls her stupid - she is, I concur - and fickle and flirty and tells her that she is no longer allowed to see or sleep with anybody else but him. If a man says that to me, he's going to get his balls kicked so deep he will be swallowing them for breakfast. Erica looks at his powerful thighs and body and swoons. This is sexy, this is powerful.

After some pointless rambling, they do a shower thing that is lifted straight out of the author's Never Too Much. Hmm, maybe this novella is conceived in between the author digging her nostrils and working over Never Too Much or something.

Silly Harlequin Blaze sex scene, extended a little longer to increase the duration of stupefaction it causes on me, and it's love, the end.

What an inspiring story. I'm going to sit on my toilet bowl tomorrow morning, take a notepad, and see what I can write during that time I need to um, do my thing. You reading this, Kate Duffy? Call me dear, I have so many half-baked crappy stuff you can fill the next twenty Brava anthologies with, I'm at my hotline 1800-OH-BITE-ME.

Rating: 31

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