Main cast: Owen Wilson (Lt Chris Burnett), Gene Hackman (Admiral Reigart), Gabriel Macht (Stackhouse), Charles Malik Whitfield (Rodway), Joaquim de Almeida (Piquet), David Keith (Capt O’Malley), Olek Krupa (Lokar), Vladimir Mashkov (The Tracker)
Director: John Moore
It is movies like this one that give makes people around the world think that Americans are all dumb jingoists. Behind Enemy Lines is remarkable in that it features an irritating and reckless American soldier bumbling his way through the entire Serbian militia too dumb to even shoot straight. Yeah, I get it: Americans rule, Serbians can go suck buffalo droppings.
Chris Burnett finds himself dropped in the middle of hostile Serbian territory because his plane was shot down. He is shot down because his plane is circling around bad Serbians on the ground below digging a fresh grave for their victims. Yeah, circling around like a giant dark albatross in the sky. Maybe someone told these dudes on the plane that Serbians are dumb, blind, deaf, and unarmed.
Chris would have remained hidden if he didn’t squeal like an indignant pig when his partner was killed and then abandoned his cover to run up an open hill. The movie proceeds with Chris wandering aimlessly in the open – mind you, he’s blond, a perfect target for even shortsighted men with guns. The evil Serbian tracker runs and runs and runs but the poor man just can’t keep up. Then again, maybe it’s because Serbians in this movie wear ugly threads and smokes, unlike Chris who probably has a Nike sponsorship deal.
Meanwhile, in US, the big honcho Admiral Reigart huffs, puffs, and makes atrocious and hackneyed patriotic statements like how American boys are brave and should grab the enemies by the crotch and squeeze. Or something.
So yeah, let’s salute the reckless, stupid American soldiers! They may do stupid things and break all the rules and protocols in name of testosterone, but they do it with a wholesome smile. Besides, a Serbian is a dumb, rude, unwashed git who can only wish he is American. Long live America! Viva stupid filmmaking! Hail brainlessness!