Avon, $2.99, ISBN 978-0-06-149087-3
Paranormal Romance, 2007
Note: this is a combined review of several short “books”.
For $2.99, one will get a short story from Avon. We are talking about really “short” here, a single-chaptered short story that isn’t worth even half of that price, if we want to discuss value for money here. In fact, I don’t even how to review these… these… things without writing in big red fonts that I want my money back. Since they are so short, I may as well write one single review for all of these overpriced “books” that I’ve purchased.
After Dark by Delilah Devlin. Our heroine Natalie is a vampire. She has wings growing out of her back. Don’t ask. My $2.99 has grown wings and flown out of my reach, so I’m not too surprised by the fact that our ditsy heroine has wings. She is worried that she is losing her boyfriend Rene. Or something. Seriously, I have no idea what is going on here. This one seems to be a short chapter from some much longer story because I have no idea why these vampires have wings or why Natalie is sleeping with Rene. I don’t care, come to think of it. I just want my money back.
Delilah Devlin’s What a Wolf Wants trades the winged vampires for more familiar randy wolves. Some dumb woman named Dani opens the door one night to sleep with a naked man who emerges from a pond while a wolf watches. And waits. Or something. Again, I have no idea what is going on here or whether the author has just sold me a chapter from some story that she failed to sell to Red Sage Publishing but again, I don’t care. I weep for my lost $5.98.
Jess Michaels’s The Lover Hunt sees Lady Carolyn Wolverton wanting a new lover to replace some bloke and she has two potential shag buddies to choose from: Alec Hamilton and Stephen Dubois. But why settle for one when a lady can have two, right? So, for $2.99, I get a ménage à trois thing that culminates with the lady taking the two blokes at once. $8.97 could have bought me a mass market paperback book. I need to lie down.
In Leda Swann’s Polly’s Game, prostitute Polly Hawkins at 32 wants to retire to run an inn far from London, so she’s game for one last hurrah. She bumps into Harry Fitzgibbon and plays a naughty game of “let’s tell secrets” with him. They have sex and these two somehow manage to fall in love at the end of the session. What, I’m not supposed to laugh at how ridiculous this ending is? I’m amazed though that it takes two people to write this story, what with Leda Swann being the pseudonym for two authors collaborating together. Just thinking of how I could have added a few more dollars to $11.96 in order to buy a trade paperback makes me want to cry.
That’s it, really. And, that’s it for me as well when it comes to “exclusive” electronic short stories by Avon. All four put together don’t even add up to a quickie, it’s more like a botched affair with a fellow who suffers from premature take-off.