Main cast: Paul Walker (Brian O’Conner), Tyrese Gibson (Roman Pearce), Eva Mendes (Monica Fuentes), Cole Hauser (Carter Verone), Chris “Ludacris” Bridges (Tej), Thom Barry (Agent Bilkins), James Remar (Agent Markham), and Devon Aoki (Suki)
Director: John Singleton
Oh goodness me, oh my. 2 Fast 2 Furious not only smashes my (admittedly faulty) gaydar screen into smithereens, it is so ridiculous yet so good to watch that I propose we should make at least one movie per year starring Tyrese and Paul Walker. There are never a screen couple that sizzle this hot with pure unadulterated Abercrombie-and-Fitch summer hot manlove and chemistry since… well, the original movie, The Fast and the Furious. No, this movie is even better.
I mean, without Vin Diesel’s sexy but unapproachable presence, our golden American beachboy Ken doll, Paul Walker, is now free to hug Tyrese and they both pretend to check out the honeys with “potential” even as they only have hands and eyes for each other. Tyrese’s Roman Pierce dramatically emotes – or tries to – by declaring to Walker’s Brian O’Conner, “When I needed you, your ass was nowhere to be found!” Call me twelve, but I snicker so loudly over that one. “I know you better than you think!” Roman continues. Mr Walker, trying to emote but less successfully, agrees, “I know you did, bro!”
Love is in the summer air as Brian, now an out-of-job ex-cop, is busted for street racing. The FBI asks him to go undercover to infiltrate cartel boss Carter Verone’s gig. Brian chooses his old friend, Roman, to help him, and after some rolling in sand, legs-around-your-neck “Where is your ass, boy?” reunion, they’re together again, awww. Aiding them is Monica Fuentes, who is undercover as Carter’s moll. Brian and Monica pretend to be in lust with each other, although we wise audience know why nobody blinks and asks why Roman and Brian seems to be living together on a one-bedroom boat later in the movie. Because it’s the way things are: Roman and Brian should be living together in a one-bedroom boat.
This movie is ridiculous, of course. Carter Verone deserves to have his ass busted because which idiot would hire street racers in very distinguishable cars speeding demonically down the highway to do his dirty deeds? I can imagine the cops having a hard time spotting a pack of race cars tearing down the road indeed. But this flimsy plot is only an excuse for the movie to pack in car chases non-stop. And oh, what fun they are to watch! The resulting adrenaline surge is so, so good because this movie sure knows how to pile on the excitement that draws me in using fancy stuntwork and dizzying cinematography. Unintentional comedy comes from seeing silly patrol cars trying to outrace our heroes’ speed demon cars.
Mr Tyrese is actually very good playing the forgiving boyfriend, er, I mean, buddy. Mr Walker is wooden and he cracks me up with his really hammy attempt at talking ghetto – let’s just say Offspring’s Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) is Brian O’Conner’s theme song – but so what? He’s gorgeous, especially with those oh-so-dreamy eyes. Between him and Mr Tyrese’s muscled goodness, I’m in eye candy heaven. Which leads me to my biggest complain: damn it, where are the shirtless shots? Each actor has only one brief shirtless scene. What is this? How could this exploitation flick not have more shirtless shots? I suggest we remedy this oversight immediately in Furious 3some Faster 3ways with an opening scene of both men naked and cuddling romantically in bed after a satisfying bout of blissful hot sex.
Of course this movie won’t change the world or win any awards or teach kiddies any new ways to live one’s lives. This is, after all, one of the hottest mainstream soft porn blockbuster movies from Hollywood. I can’t help but to applaud the 2 Fast 2 Furious brand of wholesome exploitative goodness. Fast cars, good times, hot boys, gorgeous babes – what more can one ask for?
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.