Pan, £5.99, ISBN 0-330-48233-5
Contemporary Romance, 2001
Hello, Veronica Chichi here. You know, I am like the most popular Betty in my high school, and I usually don’t read many books. Because they make my forehead wrinkle, you know, and my boyfriend Bobby (he’s like the bestest and most popular football captain ever!) says he doesn’t like it when lines show on my face. Anyways, but this book, you know, Welcome to Temptation is just the deepest book ever!
Okay, so the story has some odd old people, but I guess we all get old sometimes, right? The story is about two sisters, Sophie and Amy Dempsey, coming to this boring small town called Temptation to film a video. Of course, I nod my head when Sophie just keep complaining and complaining. Not the way Scully complains when Mulder drags her into the sewers to look for slimy monsters, but smart girl complaints, you know, like how this town sucks, how she doesn’t like this or that or even these or even those. Anyways, I understand. I mean, I can’t stand anywhere but that new shopping mall strip at my area. Ooh, they just bring in this so rufus nail varnish, flaming hot red. Wonder if…
Anyways, this town is full of boring ugly fat people, except for those twenty year old Bettys whom our hottie hero Phineas Tucker ogles at. Phin is a bit old, but he’s okay for a guy who is named after his father who is also named after his grandfather. It’s a smalltown like Dallas, and I hear they not only do it with sheep, they also, you know, marry their cousins? So I guess you can’t blame them for being rather stupid when it comes to names. What kind of name is Phineas anyway? How do you pronounce it? Peee-nis?
This story is like, so deep. I mean, who would’ve thought ancient old geezers over 20 still have hot sex too. There are some sex scandals and other nasty things, but I sorta blank out the images of the fat ugly old people having sex in this story. Ugly! I mean, people over 20 should just behave like grandpas or something. Throughout it all, Sophie is like my favoritest heroine ever, because she just stands there and put on this sulky face. Just like me when I want the cheerleading squad to vote things my way (don’t tell them okay?) – Sophie is smart. That stupid sister Amy is so perky and happy but hey, she gets a secondary role here, you know, because she likes porn and other icky stuff. Slut! At least me, I will never do a porno film in real life – that’s like, you know, so virginity-pledge-like, so uncool!
And love is so deep. It’s like, you know, if you stick to one place and put on a sad sulky face, you get this prince charming. Penis, sorry, Phineas is like so unhappy in his lot, but he stays there and sulks for nine years – that’s longer than me not speaking to my mom and dad when they don’t let me pierce my ears. Respect, man!
And love is so hot. It’s like, all sex and funny repartee, but no boring mushy talk only granddads and grandmas do. Just like me and all the boys in the football team! (Oops, don’t tell Bobby, okay?) This story is like, wow, much better than Seventeen. This is so cool, I think I will reread it again. Maybe not, you know, I mean, Bobby just bought this new car, and it has the widest backseat space ever. I am just dying to try out this – hey, where is everyone going?