Unan1mous: Episode 6
Where we last left the Herd, Tarah and Jameson found themselves facing producer-delivered karma when they realized that they had to depend on Vanessa's goodwill to take one of them back into the game. The one not picked would be the newest Outcast.
When the show begins, the ticker is down to $555,063 and Vanessa ponders over who she will rescue. Jameson has his arm around Tarah's waist like they are both waiting to see who will be crowned Miss America. Tarah and Jameson both tell the camera how they are very worried about Vanessa's decision. Vanessa however announces that she doesn't have petty vandettas as much as she is choosing the person who has made her laugh before and who she thinks will use the money responsibly. She has lived among these people for who knows how long and she still thinks that they will use the money "responsibly", hmm. I guess some people will always remain optimists. The responsible person in Vanessa's opinion is Jameson. Tarah therefore has to wear the jumpsuit of shame and join Vanessa, Adam, and Steve in the Outcast Circle. JD reminds them that there are now only three people eligible to win the money - Jonathan, Jameson, and Richard - and banish them from the Inner Circle.
Tarah says to the camera that she is "worn out" and disappointed by the recent turn of events but as long as she's in the Bunker, she's going to keep fighting for the money. Jameson later lies on the sofa and stares glumly at the ticker. He tells the camera that the money ticks away, a dollar each second, and he's not pleased with the way things are going. He adds that the Herd now decide to convene one more time to see whether they can come to an unanimous decision to see which of the three men will get the money.
At the meeting, Steve is holding a familiar white ball that they last used to determine whose turn it is to speak but Adam is however the one speaking. He says that he'd like to have some more time to make a play for the money for himself. He then contradicts himself by saying that his decision to win the money for himself isn't a "selfish" one. Adam must have not read the definition of the word "selfish" in a dictionary. Still, I won't mind his attitude one bit (I do question the wisdom of telling it aloud to everyone else though) if I am certain that there is actually a way for an Outcast to win the money. Perhaps Adam is betting on the hope that JD will announce a random rule change sometime in the near future that allows Adam to lose his Outcast status. It seems unlikely that JD will implement that random rule change, but Adam is, after all, a betting man at heart.
Steve says that Adam is being selfish. He tells the camera in disgust that Adam intends to drag the game on and on for a chance of himself winning the money even as the money dwindles. To Adam, he asks whether Adam intends to wait until there's no money left to cooperate with an unanimous decision (which, if you ask me, is a valid if petty decision for an Outcast who has nothing to lose) and Adam says no, he wants some more time to play the game. Steve pretends that Adam has never spoken and says that Adam would rather see them all "rot in hell" while he dawdles and lets the money "get down to nothing". Vanessa tells the camera that Adam is "throwing a wrench in the works" and "people are going bonkers". It seems like only Steve is going bonkers, however, because he's the one foaming at the mouth while everyone else just keeps quiet and listens wearily as those two men argue. Vanessa tells them to take some "quiet time" before they resume their "discussion".
While she's speaking, Steve gets off his seat and leaves the room. This causes Vanessa to lose her temper for the first time on this show and throw the white ball at Steven. It misses him but it gets him charging back into the room insisting self-righteously that he just wants to go to the bathroom and asking whether Vanessa will be happy if he does his business into a bottle in front of her. This guy is so obnoxious, ugh. Vanessa tells him that he could have at least told her that instead of letting her believe that he's walking out while she's speaking to him. Steve's brilliant answer is that she didn't shut up enough to let him think, which is somehow the reason for him to rudely walk away from her like that. Adam finally has had enough and challenges them all to do what they have congregated here for: to pick someone to win. He demands that Vanessa pick someone right now to get the money. Vanessa just tells him never to yell at her again and Jameson agrees, telling Adam that Adam shouldn't have yelled at a "lady" like that. Adam actually apologizes to Vanessa there and then and leaves the room. Steve leaves too, saying, "I'm tired of excuses and I'm from New York too!" Are New Yorkers infamous for making excuses or something? I'm definitely missing something here.
Adam tells the camera that he has never quit in his life and he will not quit now. As long as he's still in the Bunker, there's a chance that he may win the money so he's not going to call it quits. Nice, but isn't he the guy that leads the "give Steve the money!" movement in the first two episodes? Adam really confuses me.
While Steve and Adam don't agree on many things, though, they both agree, however to listen to the three eligible Herd members to state their case as to why this person should win. Jameson says simple that Jonathan and Richard have said previously that they don't want the money. He has never said - he wants the money, and therefore, he should get the money. Jonathan says that he wants the money to buy a family home for himself and his brother and he also wants to buy himself a condo. He insists that this is ample evidence as to how he will spend the money responsibly and therefore he should get the money. Richard on the other hand doesn't disappoint me when he gets dramatic and says, in between cries of anguish and frustration like he's overacting in some South American telenovela, that he is 42, has never held a dead end job for long ("Something always comes up!"), and his mother is paying his insurance premiums. He tells the others that he knows how pathetic he is and all he wants is "his turn", "one chance" to redeem himself. In a way, I have to admire a screw-up who isn't afraid to admit that he's a screw-up. The thing is, I find it hard to believe that he's a screw-up because he is listed on the official website as a "writer" and I'm pretty sure that I've seen him in some sitcom or something in the past. When silence greets his melodramatic display of anguish, Richard says brokenly that he needs some time alone and runs off to bury his face in his hands in some corner. Tarah tells the camera that she isn't sure whether Richard is a wonderful actor or he's really deserving of the money, but she's giving the performance of his two thumbs up. I guess Richard can then get a starring role in Tarah's personal comedy then, a step up from selling bath tubs and other things that he claims to have done in the past.
The next morning sees the Herd asleep on their beds or on couches like they've all been inhaling too much sarin gas. Jonathan wakes up and indulges in some morning chit-chat with Jameson where he lets slip that he walked away from a job that paid him "at least" $200,000 (read: escort gigs and nude X-rated modeling) and he has bought a brand new Mercedes prior to this show. Pornography has always been a lucrative business, after all. Jameson tells the camera that he can't wait to tattle to the others. Over breakfast, Jameson baits Jonathan's ego into revealing that Jonathan has a brand-new silver Mercedes that Jonathan later backtracks and claims to be months old. But somehow Jonathan manages to blab that he doesn't have to make any downpayments on the car (read: some wealthy old man must be paying for his car) and Steve won't let go of that. He keeps grilling Jonathan about the inconsistencies and holes in Jonathan's magic no-downpayment Specialty Auto Unit car until Jameson giggles happily behind his drink and Jonathan snaps defensively that he doesn't know anything and the car doesn't even have a license plate yet. Okay, so maybe that dirty old man is also a criminal that deals in handling stolen cars. Steve asks Jonathan why that man is being so nervous and Jonathan snaps back nervously that he doesn't know why everyone is jumping on his case. After some more bickering with Steve, Jonathan threatens to throw his plate around the table. Steve tells him that the women on the table may not throw things back at Jonathan but he certainly will, heh. Jonathan has more to say but Steve tells him to stuff it because Steve isn't listening to him anymore. If he has done this from the start, he may not be wearing the Outcast jumpsuit.
To the camera, Steve says that he will never ever give Jonathan a single cent because Jonathan already has a Mercedes-Benz and therefore Jonathan is being very greedy to want the money. I'd respect him more if he says that he's not giving Jonathan a cent because he hates Jonathan's guts because the whole "greed" and "deserving" argument is ridiculous in a show where everyone signs up hoping to win the money. What makes Steve less greedy than anyone else who signs up to win some easy money?
The ticker goes below $500,000 as the the female annoucer calls the Herd to the Inner Circle. JD elects Tarah as the new group leader and announces that they will now complete surveys about each other to help them reach an unanimous decision. The results will be revealed but who wrote what will be kept confidential. Jameson reveals to the camera that the survey asks about who's lying, who's deserving, who's playing the game - in other words, nothing they haven't discussed a thousand times before, no siree. Come on, JD, I thought this is a sadistic show. Why not reveal more embarrassing secrets of these Herd members? This show started out so nasty and now it's turning into a watered-down version of Big Brother, sigh. Anyway, once the surveys are completed, the surveys are lowered down into the table platform thingie (more likely an intern pulls a rope to bring the platform down) and JD then tabulates the results and sends the results back up to the Herd members. You know what this means, people? That's right, the Bunker is a two-floor set located inside a studio.
Tarah results the results of the survey aloud. The person that is the best liar and who also deserves the money, according to the majority of the Herd members, is Jameson. Richard is like, "What the hell?" Especially when he's deemed the person who will be least responsible in handling the money. If that's any consolation, at least he's not the person the others would never give a single cent to (that person is Jonathan). Richard says that he can't believe that the others think he's the least responsible person ever and says that they don't know him. But can he blame them for thinking that he is when he told them that he couldn't hold any job for long? When someone couldn't keep so many jobs, that means something must be wrong with that person. Steve explains the camera what seems to be the attitude of the majority at the Inner Circle: Jameson lied the best, which means he's playing the game the best, and because of that, Jameson deserves to win the game. So what happened to all the loud self-righteous indignance about the money going to the deserving? These people are really confusing and I don't even know why I try to make sense of their constant swings in attitude and moods. If this show is scripted, the scriptwriter should be fired. Vanessa stops Richard's blustering tirade by asking him whether he has played the game. Richard says that he has played "a little bit" and once more goes into that speech about how he never has any opportunities in life until now, yadda yadda yadda. This is the third time he's telling them the same story and this is the third time these people don't care even if they keep giving lip service about picking the most deserving winner. They don't care because they can't stand him, period. Why can't poor Richard get that inside his head?
To the camera, Richard is amazed that somehow the person deemed the most dishonest person in the room is also deemed the most deserving of the money. "What? Are you kidding me?" he says. He delivers his line in such a stilted manner that, if he's really an actor, I can understand why he's stuck in this show. He can't even muster indignance in a convincing manner - he seems to be instead reading aloud from a teleprompter.
Now the Outcasts meet privately where Steve tells them that the "gift that is given" (the money) should be taken care of and it's their responsibility to make sure that happens. Okay, so we're back to the whole "the most deserving" crap. But this time around, the person deemed most deserving is Jameson. Apparently they think he's the best liar but he's also the most deserving winner as he'll use the money wisely. Remember, earlier Jameson told them simply that he wanted the mony badly. I don't know where they get this idea that Jameson will use the money wisely or, come to think of it, he's telling them the truth if he had told them that he'd use the money wisely. How would you know when a good liar is telling the truth? Then again, why am I even trying to make sense of these people's thought processes and actions?
Adam tells the camera that maybe "winning" in this show means being a team player and coming to a "group decision". Yup, and he'll still be a bottom-feeder at the end of day, cherishing of the day when he gave Jameson money and wondering why Jameson isn't his best friend forever. Twit. Tarah tells the camera that she believes Jameson should win the money, apparently because he's her friend or something since she doesn't elaborate on the reason, and she's now playing for him to win. That's so sweet of her. Maybe she'll then take her favorite live ammo and force Jameson to hand over a share of the money to her.
Tarah tells Jameson that Jameson will get an unanimous vote if he can get Richard and Jonathan to vote for him as well. Their plan is to mislead the two men to cast votes for Jameson. Jameson tells the camera that he has invested time, energy, and emotions into this game so he doesn't intend to lose.
"If I had my way" intermission time, sponsored by Burger King who must now surely regret investing their the money into this show. Richard talks about wanting to give the money to someone deserving. He's talking about himself, I think. Steve says that the only "hope" that keeps him in the Bunker is to see them all reach an unanimous decision. Yes, because the world will change for the better if seven stupid people on this stupid show can ever come to a decision as to who should get some stupid money that would no doubt be doled out in miniscule monthly payments over a period of fifteen years or so. Jameson wants to get out and Vanessa wants everyone to vote for Jameson so that the confetti will "pop up" and they can all go home. She sounds like she's sure that she can't win the money and she just wants the whole game to be done with, which is most likely the first honest sentiment I've seen from her since episode one.
Back to Jameson, he now privately approaches first Jonathan and then Richard. To Jonathan, Jameson tells the man that the plan is to stiff Richard who they both agree isn't a good player of the game and eliminate him so that it's a "most deserving" Jameson and Jonathan last two standing. Jonathan agrees that he would vote for Jameson while Jameson would vote for Jonathan to break the unanimous vote. They swore on their mothers to not betray each other and Jameson thinks this is a surefire evidence that Jonathan will not lie to him. Hmmm. To Richard, who has been asleep all this while, Jameson wakes the man up and lies that there'd been a huge argument between Jonathan and Steve while Richard was asleep so the plan now is to stiff Jonathan out of the game by breaking the unanimous vote. To do this, Jameson would vote for Richard while Richard would vote for Jameson. Jameson very obnoxiously threatens Richard that should Richard betray him, he and Tarah will make sure that Richard will never win the money. He treats Richard like a moron to the point that I would be thrilled if Richard is only pretending to be asleep and he and Jonathan have some secret deal behind Jameson's hubris-laden hairy back. Jameson yammers to the camera that he has secured everything to win and he is "at peace" with winning.
The Herd members are called to the Inner Circle. JD calls for a vote. The votes are cast and Jameson is more than ready to deliver his Academy Award speech. Steve on the other hand gives a very irritating speech about how their greed and selfishness robbed someone of the money and now he hopes that they can all make reparations for that one person. It is nice that he is saying this now when he's not in the running to win the money. Otherwise, it was all about how those selfish people were robbing him of the money, pffft.
But whether Jonathan and Richard did dance to Jameson's song or not, I'll have to wait until the next episode to find out.
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