Unan1mous: Episode 7
The show begins with a message telling me that there will be some graphic content in this episode and therefore I should exercise discretion. Perhaps like watching something else, because this episode is an unpleasant one. It is not very entertaining to watch these bunch of idiots because Steve, Tarah, and Jameson become viciously cruel and self-righteous, the perfect combo for a most virulent kind of hypocrasy that makes me glad that this episode is barely twenty minutes long (counting commercials and all). If I have to watch Steve for an hour, I think I will actually smash my head through the TV screen just to end my pain.
Where we last left the Herd, Jameson is all atwitter because he's confident that he will get six unanimous votes at the Inner Circle that will make him... well, not a millionaire but someone with an extra $470,234 to burn. The votes are cast, and now JD reads the votes. Jameson, Jameson, Jameson... Jonathan. Yikes. Never mind, JD says that Jameson could have cast that vote for Jonathan. A look at Jameson's face though tells me otherwise. JD reads the next vote: Richard. Oops there goes the money! Jonathan confesses to the camera that he is the one who voted for JD continues to read the vote. JD continues to read the votes: Jonathan and Jonathan. This means Jonathan isn't the only way who is being sneaky. Jameson is not as smart as he thinks he is, bwahaha!
Jameson talks to the camera about how he feels betrayed, although if you remember, he tried to get Jonathan and Richard to vote for him under false pretenses so Jameson is in no position to squeal about being played. Meanwhile, JD scolds them for blowing the vote for the sixth time and "burning" nearly 1.1 million dollars in the process. After restarting the clock, he says that someone has to be brought back into the game to enable the unanimous vote to happen. I don't see the logic to this latest "twist" but hey, I suppose they have to get the Herd to do something in this episode so they may as well bicker and quarrel some more.
JD says that the Outcasts can now choose among themselves one person to reenter the game. He asks the three eligible idiots - Richard, Jameson, and Jonathan - to wait in the Isolation Room. At once Adam crows to the camera that the opportunity he has been waiting for since he became an Outcast has finally arrived. He can play the game again! Oh, he loves this game more and more, he says. However, his love may not be so bright once Steve is done with Adam. Adam stupidly "explains" to the Outcasts that he told them that he was voting for Jonathan in the recent Inner Circle. Steve, of course, starts going on a high horse about how Adam has played them and is therefore a selfish man that refuses to see the money go to someone deserving. The swill that I've come to expect from a disgusting waste of flesh that is Steve spills out in all its noxious glory as Steve rants and rails about Adam costing "an innocent man" the money just to play the game. Oh, so Jameson is an "innocent man" now? Has Steve conveniently forgotten how Jameson and Tarah screwed Vanessa over? Oh, that's right, Steve believed that Vanessa screwed him and therefore that's okay. Besides, this is a game. This is not some charity show where money is given to the most mentally feeble.
Adam wants to return to the game but Tarah haughtily pushes for a decision where all four of them refuse to reenter the game. Steve and Vanessa agree with her so Adam is outnumbered here. Adam wants to go back - he pleads for them to send him back, but Steve decides that Adam must pay for spoiling the opportunity of wee innocent Jameson getting the money.
Meanwhile, in the Insolation Room, Jameson is complaining most obnoxiously that they could have all gone home if they have all given him the money. See, making Jameson rich is for the good of everyone! Richard reveals to the camera that he'd rather stay in the Bunker until "hell freezes over" before he gives Jameson "one red cent" because Jameson is too sneaky for his liking. So now I know who is the other person that gave a vote to Jonathan. Meanwhile, Jonathan thinks it's "funny" to see all those greedy people out there fighting to get back into the game. Richard then goes on a non-sequitur path and announces that since everyone is willing to lie, cheat, and steal in this game, he'd start doing the same as well! Jonathan has the cheek to tell Richard that Richard should be above all that scheming. Richard however insists that people are rewarded for lying in this show so he'd lie as well.
JD comes back on and Steve tells him that the Outcasts will not send anyone back into the game. JD however refuses to accept that decision and insists that they send someone back in. If they can't make a decision among themselves, he wants Tarah, the group leader, to decide who should go back in. He tells Tarah that she can send herself back in, which is therefore exactly what she does. To the camera, she says that she wants to play the game, blah blah blah, which is fine if she doesn't go on a high horse at the same time and slam Adam for playing the game. Adam is very angry while Steve is pleased because, as he says to the camera, Adam isn't someone that should be "blessed" with the money.
Tarah runs into the Isolation Room to hug Jameson while Richard sighs in exasperation. He tells the camera fiercely that he is "fucking pissed off" that instead of the group becoming smaller so that he has a better chance of winning, the group has instead become bigger. JD asks aloud that now that there are four people eligible to play, perhaps the "balance of power has shifted" and there will be an unanimous vote at the next Inner Circle. Steve says aloud, "No!" JD merely says that they will all find out eventually.
Jonathan tells the camera that he's certain that the money will dwindle to zero by the time they all get to leave the Bunker. Now that is what I'd call a happy ending to this show. Meanwhile, Adam peppers four-lettered words all over the place, causing Tarah to try to avoid him for these few days. Meanwhile, Adam sulks on his bed and Jonathan tries to console him by revealing that Jonathan was the one who spoiled the unanimous vote for Steve back in the second episode. He asks Adam not to tell anyone and Adam agrees, telling Jonathan that the man has played a "great" and "damned solid" game. Jonathan tells Adam that he will avoid Steve because if Steve knows, there will be a "war like no tomorrow".
But when he overhears Steve telling Jameson how Jonathan's mother means nothing to that man since Jonathan broke a promise that he made on his mother's name, Jonathan comes out to confront Steve and tell the man to lay off any insults directed to Jonathan's mother. Actually, Steve is insulting Jonathan rather than Jonathan's mother, but I can see why Jonathan is annoyed that the fat waste of flesh brings up Jonathan's mother in the first place. Steve talks about how they should give the money to someone who played the game best (in that imbecile's mind, that person is Jameson). Oops, Jonathan ends up smugly revealing that he's the one who spoiled the you-know-what for you-know-what in what he hopes to be a demonstration of the way he played the game the best. Steve, needless to say, is not too appreciative of Jonathan's sneakiness. Steve tells the camera that Jonathan is "vindictive" and "selfish" because Jonathan cost Steve $1,500,000. The mind boggles as to how Jonathan can become vindictive after he denied Steve the money. It is Steve who is vindictive as well as a disgusting example of a putrid lamebrain but I suppose it's too much to ask for an offal like Steve to get some self-awareness.
It is a bizarre threesome of Adam, Jonathan, and, of all people, Richard as the three men get together to console each other about how they, at least, aren't hypocritical about the way they are playing the game. Frighteningly enough, they are correct about that. Adam tells Jonathan that he is glad that Jonathan told them about you-know-what, especially when that makes Jonathan a bigger target of Steve's stupid ire than Adam, heh, and Jonathan gloats about how shocked Jameson and Tarah look when he made his revelation. I think they were more likely shocked about how easily Jonathan swallowed his own foot. Richard says happily that Jameson and Tarah, whom he calls "the two snakes", will have to now go after each other (huh?) and Adam echoes what must be the sentiment of any sane person watching this show when he says, "Fuck the both of them too!" Richard says that it is "ironic" that Jameson and Tarah have Adam to thank for getting the opportunity to play the game. He thinks Jameson and Tarah should give their votes to Jonathan because of this. Richard is so adorably naive sometimes, I tell you. Jonathan vows to make the rest of the game "suck" for the people out there. Ooh, I can't wait. Knowing this show though, I have a hunch that he won't do much to follow-up on his vow.
Meals are being served so it's a tense moment when the two factions meet to collect their trays. Steve moans about the money dwindling down and how "good people" are reduced to being "a bunch of dogs fighting over a piece of meat". If the game offends his sensibilities, why don't he leave then? For this obnoxious waste of carbon material's sake, I hope he's an actor playing a parody of the Rupert Bonehams of reality TV shows because if Steve is really like this in real life, he will do the world a big favor by offering himself up as a test subject in a radiochemical experiment of some mad scientist.
Steve throws the first shot by answering Tarah's question about why Jonathan, Adam, and Richard won't sit with them by comparing the three men to dogs and how people don't eat with dogs. Steve then has the nerve to complain to the camera that the three men "have the nerve" to laugh and have a good time in front of him. What on earth? Does Steve expect the three men to sulk in shame or something? Vanessa, Tarah, and Jameson aren't any better. The three men, in an obvious show of bravado, make stupid jokes and toast each other, but it should be noted that they never actually insulted the others like Steve comparing the three men to dogs. Meanwhile, Steve takes another of his famous leap to conclusions by saying that Adam knew all along that Jonathan changed the vote. How is Steve certain of this? It is possible that Adam knew, but believe me, Steve is saying this just because he has designated Adam as the one sole cause of his problems in his mind, just like how he quickly blamed Vanessa for his problems previously. Steve is stupid like that: if he's not being played by other people, he thinks and comes to all the wrong conclusions. Seriously, I hope Steve is an actor and this show is scripted because otherwise, something must have gone seriously wrong in evolution to have resulted in a gross walking example genetic and mental handicap like Steve here.
Tarah becomes really hateful when she and Steve start talking loudly about how "some people" have no lives to go back to so that's why they are here to play the game. What does that make Tarah then, since she's playing the game as hard as Jonathan? Steve of course agrees with Tarah, saying that Adam has no house, no job, and therefore Adam is pathetic. Meanwhile, the three men speculate about how Steve must be fuming that Jonathan cost him the money and laugh. They have no idea how accurate their speculation is. Or maybe they do know, because they must be laughing and being blissfully unconcerned just to drive Steve crazier like they know he will be. And then Jameson takes it to himself to tell the three men that "they should all rise above" petty disagreements. Steve takes it to himself to join them as well. I'm sure you can imagine what happens next.
Without much prompting, Steve starts saying that the three men must be happy to stay in the Bunker because they have no jobs and homes so the Bunker is their home and all. This coming from a truck driver who admits to being poor and wanting to make some easy money - Steve is no different from Richard but he acts like he's a millionaire who knows the best way to spend money wisely. Jonathan tells Steve that Steve is just bitter over being played and Steve responds by wondering what happened to their promises to be friends and all. Steve is acting like he didn't go to Tarah and Jameson to form an alliance behind Adam and Jonathan, it's ridiculous to watch how hateful he is in his hypocrasy.
Adam points out that he has not screwed anyone in this game (conveniently forgetting his role in Vanessa becoming an Outcast). Steve insists that Adam knew that Jonathan changed the vote all along and calls Adam a liar. Steve tells Adam that Adam is a drunkard who has no job and then has the nerve to scold Adam for not trying to resolve their differences amicably. Words fail me when it comes to Steve. Adam starts using four-lettered words liberally as he accuses Steve of insulting him when Adam never insulted Steve and Steve repeats that Adam is a homeless drunk and a liar. Richard has a big grin as he watches the two men quarrel. Maybe he's amused by how much Adam sounds like a bling-bling ghetto rapper when Adam is angry. I half expect Adam to start breaking into a rap any time now.
Burger King now gets its sponsorship money's worth in the obligatory intermission. Steve, his eyes openly straying off camera, most likely to read what is written on the teleprompter, makes a pitch about Burger King's yummy burgers. Eeuw, do the folks at Burger King know that they will be getting Steve as a spokesperson for them in this show? Jameson is "craving" an ocean and beaches and all. Me too. I'm also craving to see him falling off a cliff into the ocean in question. Richard hopes that everyone can be friends after the show. Ooh, he's so funny. On the other hand, Adam giggles and acts like he's drunk as he hopes that they can all stay in the Bunker for, oh, two more years.
Steve now whines to Tarah and Jameson that he has never been "cussed like that" before like Adam did to him and he is so sad that he just took it "like a woman". Something tells me that I should start feeling sorry for Steve's wife. Adam, seated with his two new buddies nearby, yells at Steve that he has never once "screwed" Steve. Steve, of course, is bent on making himself a martyr even if he has to invent reasons to be one. Jameson now tries to mediate things between Steve and Adam by saying that Steve and Adam have hurt each other. Adam comically insists that he has not hurt Steve at all, rather, it is Steve who has hurt Adam badly. Jameson whines to the camera that everyone is so hostile when everyone should try to be "human beings". Yeah, let's see how he deals with thing when he's an Outcast. Adam pretty much tells Jameson to go hang and leaves the room. He tells the camera that he doesn't feel like wanting to help these people come to an unanimous decision. Oh, that's what I need to hear, the show will last forever. Of course, everyone who has checked the weekly TV schedule will know that the show ends in the next episode - everyone but Ryan Seacrest, that is - so I'm not too worried about the show lasting beyond next week, heh.
Steve is now whining to Tarah that his children must think poorly of him for not beating Adam after Adam spoke the way he did to Steve. Oh, that's nice, Steve is now teaching his kids to beat up people who make them mad. Tarah reminds him that his wife told him before he came to this show to keep his temper under control. Steve then talks about how he's on this show for his wife, blah blah blah, and now he has embarrassed his wife. He has, although he's thinking that he has embarrassed his wife by not beating anyone who cusses him out after he threw the first insult while I'm thinking that Steve is embarrassing everyone remotely connected to him by his every second on this show. As Steve now sobs like the pansy wuss he actually is, Tarah tries to assure him that his wife will see his presence on the show as an "accomplishment". If being on this cheap D-grade exploitation TV shw is an "accomplishment" for Steve, he really has no right to lecture Adam on how sad Adam is for not having a home, a wife, and kids. Steve continues to cry as he whines to the camera about how there is "so much darkness" here that he can never hope to pierce. "It's dark... it's dark," he says.
And may he rot there in the darkness, that stupid big fat tub of dumb.
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