Well, this is it. Our hosts voice over a montage of the ten wannabes that will perform tonight blinking at the camera that this is the first semifinal episode where the audience at home will get to vote on who will advance to the finals. Ten wannabes will perform, but only three will move on to the finals based on the number of votes they receive. And with that, here are the credits.

Oh my, look at our hosts Brian "The Frim-Fram Sauce" Dunkedvermin and Ryan "I Will Do Anything" Sleazebag. They are both dressed in a most unflattering kind of black. Sleazie is wearing this jumpsuit thing that comes with a long line of white from his neck right down to the juncture between his legs. If that isn't a "Look at me! I want to be famous!" cry for help, I don't know what is. As they walk past the three judges who are seated behind their desk and pretending to look knowledgeable when we all know they have been drinking gin spiked with hallucinogens in their Coke cups, the two stooges recap what happened in the last two episodes. I'm sure you know the story. Millions of hopefuls, auditions, dreams are crushed, and now, the first batch of ten from the 30 chosen will sing for the audience's votes tonight so that they can move on to the finals and become the biggest superstars in the whole universe. I can't help staring down there at Sleazie's, you know, there - I blame the zipper landing strip thing of his shirt - confident that all this talk of superstardom and fame will at least give him a chubby, and I can only conclude that either Sleazie is more in control of his libido than I expected or he's a very underendowed fellow.

The two stooges then hide their lower bodies behind a piano as they explain that there will be nine wannabes who will move on to the finals. One more of the losers will be selected from a wild card round to round off the top ten in the finals. I'm pretty sure Sleazie dry humped the piano at least once during this exposition. The two stooges then walk to a window which allows one to look into what Dunkie calls the "Red Room" - red after the color of a Coke can, that is, and not red as in the color of the blood that will splash all over the bathroom floor once some of these losers go home and realize that they will not be getting famous anytime soon in this life. The ten wannabes of this episode are seated in the Red Room as they wait for their turn to perform and they fake enthusiasm when they see the two stooges greeting them through the blinds over the glass panes.

The two stooges now explain that in the past week, these wannabes attended an "intense workshop" to pick their songs and wardrobe. This is a cue for a segment of these wannabes arriving in LA and meeting Debra Byrd for a vocal warm-up. Dear Aunt Debra have these losers go "loo-loo-loo loo-loo-loo loo!" in a massive group session before giving them some individual coaching in front of the camera. Aunt Debra looks enthusiastic here. They must have paid her a lot of money. That or she's really desperate to be noticed by the country. Some "Hollywood stylists" are also at hand to pretend to care as these wannabes play dress up.

Sleazie and Dunkie now take to the stage and point out that this is indeed a small studio. There is a fellow at the piano, the three judges at the table, and that's pretty much all there is to the place. Dunkie and Sleazie make some silly joke about how they all call the judges something less flattering than "big shots" during the rehearsals before introducing the judges. Randy "I Haven't Begun Wearing Those Shades Yet, Haw Haw!" Randy! Miss "Dope-Hearted Snake" Paula! Miss Paula practices what she intends to say to some of the more desperate wannabes on the two stooges first: "Hello, my boys!" she rasps. King "I'm Really Important! Trust Me!" Tut!

King Tut eyes the two stooges and he must like what he sees as he says playfully, "Hello..." Sleazie must have seen something that he likes in King Tut's eyes because he tells Dunkie that clearly, King Tut is dying to judge them and he wants to know what King Tut feels about them (read: Sleazie). King Tut looks straight at Sleazie and says, "Nice outfit." Yeah, he notices that white landing strip too. Sleazie is such a slut! King Tut drolly asks whether Sleazie is auditioning for a Star Trek movie. Sleazie says that he thinks it's cool to wear the same outfit every episode. That way, King Tut can stare at Sleazie's crotch all the time! What a slut. That guy sure moves fast, doesn't he? Dunkie, feeling rather irrelevant at the moment, interrupts them by pointing a finger at King Tut and telling him to mind his tongue. King Tut laughs in a most evil/sexy way, as if he's telling Sleazie that yeah, he'll definitely mind his tongue and Sleazie is going to enjoying every minute of that "minding". Oh my god, and we aren't even five minutes into the show!

Dunkie and Sleazie talk about how to vote before entering the Red Room to talk to the ten wannabes. It turns out that Tamyra Grey will be singing first and she thinks that it is good to perform first because she'll get it over with ASAP. She then walks out of the room as Dunkie wishes her well.

Tamyra's introductory clip focuses on her getting her "beauty sleep" which is as silly as you'd imagine. She then walks onto the stage, gives a "Hello!", and powerfully launches the first of the many high notes of her performance of Jennifer Holliday's And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going. It's a very good performance, full of energy and impressive runs. Yes, I think I'm going to love her indeed!

Randy Randy thinks that the performance was "very good" and "very impressive". He thinks that it's the best she's had in her. Um, Randy Randy, that was the first official performance in the season, so it's way too early to pull out the superlatives. Miss Paula babbles about confidence and prettiness. She doesn't have much to say, but that's probably because she hasn't received her first paycheck yet and therefore is unable to get something good from her local pharmacist. King Tut says that he's going to be harsher on the wannabes from this stage onwards but he also believes that Tamyra is "sensational" and she will be moving on. She returns to the Red Room where the other wannabes are pretending that they are so happy for her. Dunkie and Sleazie then engage her in a banal post-performance chatter that contains words like "happy", "amazing", and plenty of silly giggles.

Up next is Jim Verraros who has earned himself the moniker of Sad Clown Boi from me the very moment he pretends to act surprised that he's up next. Please. This guy probably blackmails his teachers after performing sexual favors on them, so I'm not buying his innocent act one bit. In his introductory clip, Sad Clown Boi tries very hard to come off like an earnest and passionate clueless dweeb who hangs on to any advice that he hungers for from everyone around him. Oh, please. Oh, and he then reveals that he used to be fat. Yeah, and he's now fake. I don't know if that is much of an improvement. Sad Clown Boi then shows up on stage to perform Nat King Cole's When I Fall In Love. Yes, again. He's definitely milking the theme song of his parents' deafness and how he is this great a person for not pushing a pillow over their faces for all it is worth, I tell you. His performance is so affected, complete with creepy orgasm faces and quivering lips, that it's like watching a rock trying to shed tears. Ugh.

Randy Randy finds the performance boring with some flat notes here and there. "Uninspiring" is his final verdict. Miss Paula disagrees. King Tut also agrees with Miss Paula that the performance was one of Sad Clown Boi's best but he adds that poor Sad Clown Boi had to follow "star" Tamyra's performance so the poor sod looked so ordinary in comparison. "If you win this competition, we would have failed!" King Tut says. Ouch, now that is harsh. Natalie in the Red Room agrees, making a horrified face on behalf of Sad Clown Boi. Sad Clown Boi however stoically thanks the judges and retreats to the Red Room where he then gets drenched with apologetic and insincere feel-good platitudes from Dunkie and Sleazie.

Cute guy Adriel Herrera is next. He is still pretending that he's 18. Oh please, if he's really 18, then he must be some kind of tragic alcoholic of some kind. The introductory clip reminds everyone how he made Miss Paula blush - as if that is any achievement as I suspect anything halfway cute with a penis makes Miss Paula blush. If she's in a happy mood, one doesn't have to be cute to make her blush, I suspect. Adriel takes the stage and then lives up to the "cute but oh my god, please don't speak" stereotype by launching into a predictable and boring performance of Edwin McCain's I'll Be. It's not even a compelling performance by any stretch as he is in danger of being drowned out by the piano at times.

Miss Paula gets to speak first and she naturally thinks that he's awesome. Randy Randy agrees, saying that it is the best of Adriel that he has seen. King Tut says that Adriel has proven to everyone that he is a "star". Well, if he is suggesting that Adriel will be a star in your friendly local neighborhood gay strip club, yeah, I'd agree. Adriel goes back to the Red Room to get more hero worship from Dunkie and Sleazie who wax lyrical about Adriel's gift to the ladies. Whatever that gift is, that is. I doubt it's his singing ability. Adriel says that he is so happy that the judges "didn't wreck" his "dream". Yes, but let's see if the folks at home will, heh.

Rodesia Eaves will perform next. Her clip is all about her clothes and her session with Aunt Debra. Apparently she was initially not familiar with the song at all but now she's loving it. It's all as interesting as listening to Adriel sing. The song turns out to be the Monkees' Daydream Believer. Ouch, girlfriend sounds sharp and even off-key at so many instances here. She finally growls out the last few lines as she makes some odd twitchy motions that are supposed to be... dancing, I think.

Miss Paula thinks that the performance was shaky at first but it was alright on the whole. Randy Randy blabs about "gospel", "urban", "hip-hop", and other bizarre things. King Tut hates the performance, however, saying that it was "terrible" and he "honestly" didn't know what that performance was all about. Poor Rodesia looks shaken as she weakly retreats into the Red Room where Sleazie and Dunkie try extra hard to pretend that they want her to feel better. The wannabes give Rodesia a standing ovation as she walks in, no doubt thinking in their hearts, "Hah! That's one less competition for me!" It is interesting how King Tut's negative comments seem to make more impact than the other two judges' positive babbling, and if you ask me, this is because King Tut delivers his judgment concisely and succinctly while the other two dance around their words. The end result is that King Tut seems to know what he is talking about while the other two are just babbling. This is why I suspect that most people out there consider King Tut's verdict the most "honest" one of the three judges'. Rodesia insists that she harbors no hard feelings against King Tut.

Oh look, it's Dunkie, posing before some PCs as he asks everyone to visit the official website idolondrugs.com. He claims that one can read gossips there, even make up some gossips themselves (my suggestion: King Tut and Sleazie are doing it in the broom closet), and email those folks that will never bother to answer you back. Whatever.

So, who's next? It's Natalie Burge's turn. She tells Sleazie that she feels calm and collected. In her clip, she is seen struggling to keep up with Aunt Debra during the mass singalong session. Oh dear, is this a sign of things to come? Natalie walks up to the stage and greets the judges rather nervously. However, she starts out strong in her rendition of Patsy Cline's Crazy. The performance feels rather ordinary to me, though, and I doubt I will remember much about it once she's done singing. She's competent, but she's rather lacking in the charisma department.

Miss Paula thinks that Natalie was nervous but the performance was "awesome". Randy Randy thinks that the performance started out strong but petered out towards the end, but hey, he thinks the performance is good on the whole. King Tut on the other hand thinks that Natalie, at 17, has chosen a song that he feels is too old for her. He doesn't know what to make of her. You know, it will be so much easier if this show ponies up the dough to secure the rights to some contemporary songs that Natalie can sing to make King Tut happy. How does one sing music appropriate to one's age when the selection of songs available are mostly music from at least two decades ago? Natalie insists that she's just showing some appreciation for "older music" because this is of course her fault and never the fault of the show. She retreats to the Red Room where Sad Clown Boi hogs the camera by hugging her and making Natalie's post-performance chat all about Sad Clown Boi's non-existent chemistry with ladies. Natalie does confess that she fell behind the music after a while and she was trying to keep up.

Next up, Brad Estrin. I have no idea who he is until now, although I remember seeing him a few times in the last episode and thinking that he looks pretty cute. The introductory clip has him taking off his shirt - thank you, Brad - and showing off his phoenix tattoo, which alas is on his back and not on his flat abs. Apparently he thinks of himself as some kind of phoenix, always rising and growing and rising and growing some more and then rising some more and then growing some more and... oh my. What? Sorry, I got lost in thought for a while there. It's a lovely thought too. He takes the stage to perform James Ingram's Just Once. Oh dear, his voice is so unsteady that he has trouble keeping a consistent pitch especially when he is using his lower register. He sounds much better when he's hitting the upper register, but all in all, this is a song that is all wrong for his voice. He's a tenor, James Ingram is a sexy baritone, and therefore Brad sounds really weird trying to blindly emulate James Ingram's singing instead of adapting the song to fit his own register. Maybe he should have performed the whole thing with his shirt off.

Randy Randy flat out says that he doesn't like the performance, giving it 3 out of 10. Miss Paula thinks that the performance improved towards the end. King Tut thinks that the performance reminded him of something in a "local Chilean variety show... Chilean karaoke". "It just didn't make the grade," he says, although he concedes that the audience may disagree. I know. We should never underestimate the voting power of Stupid Little Girls in the audience. In the case of Brad, however, I am counting on the Stupid Little Girls to make me happy and put Brad through. I need to see at least one more time that bare chest, er, I mean, his singing talent before I can make up my mind whether he's making the grade. Brad back in the Red Room hopes that the folks of Chile will get to vote after the show. Hey, he has some sense of humor! What are you little girls waiting for? Vote for the cute guy today! Poor Brad, he will never live the whole Chile thing down.

Ryan Starr gets to sing next. The introductory clip reminds everyone that she is the one who loves her clothes that leave her midriff bare so that dirty old men can easily shove dollar bills into her... wait, wrong show. She steps on stage and performs a smoky and raspy version of Nat King Cole's The Frim-Fram Sauce. It's a cute song and she puts plenty of energy into it, as if she is thinking of killing all those jerks she had encountered during her own waitressing days.

Miss Paula babbles about Ryan's personality coming out during that performance. Hmm, does this mean that Ryan accidentally left her zipper down? Randy Randy is "totally thrown off" by Ryan's performance. King Tut calls the performance "very cabaret". I think he's trying to say that Ryan's performance thrown him off because he has preconceived notions of her being this rock star wannabe on the show. Dunkie and Sleazie greet Ryan with a babble about Ryan's search for a personality. Hey, let's not encourage her to go skimpy some more.

Justinn - two N's - Waddell is next. He's the one with the dreadlocks while Justin Guarini is the one that looks like a celery stick with a huge ball of fuzz at one end, so you really shouldn't confuse these two. He correctly points out in his introductory clip that he was not even shown on any of the previous two episodes so he's planning to make an impression. And by this, he's wearing a brown jacket over his bare body so that everyone can take a good look at his abs. Too bad he doesn't lose those jeans because he really needs all the help he can get as his performance of the much-covered When A Man Loves A Woman is a forgettable one thanks to his boring high-pitched voice. The camera close-ups on his face also makes me realize that he bears a strong resemblance in terms of looks to that young lady who stars in that TV show That's So Raven and that is one distracting similarity indeed. Memo to the camera man: close-ups on the abs, not on the face, silly.

Miss Paula says that Justinn gave an "overall" good performance but she thinks also that she has seen better performances from him. Well, we only have her word on that, given that we haven't seen him perform before, eh, stupid show producers? Randy Randy finds the outfit "interesting". Justinn says that he has a lot of love to give. Yes, but do we want his love? I have a feeling that the poor dear won't be pleased with the answer. King Tut says that Justinn shouldn't have picked a song that he is never going to perform as well as the original singer, whose name is lost in time after the millionth pointless cover version of this song came out to terrorize human civilization. King Tut however thinks that Justinn has a "good" image so yeah, he'd like to tell Justinn, "Well done!" Justinn is as confused as one would imagine, although he shouldn't be. Those abs are really nice to look at, especially when the camera never goes above his neck. Sleazie and Bunkie discuss Justinn's outfit some more in the Red Room because the virgins watching this show have never seen bare abs before, and Justinn sportingly describes his outfit as "Aerosmith meets urban meets nudity meets body meets everybody meets you". Big words indeed for "vote for my body, not for my singing".

Big-haired Kelli Glover is now going to take the stage. Her introductory clip sees her asking her mother for an opinion on song choice and her mother insisted that she sings Whitney Houston's version of Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You. As an obedient daughter, Kelli dutifully obliges. She has even the make-up folks try to make her resemble Whitney Houston as much as possible here. Here's my problem with this performance. As much as I enjoy Whitney Houston's version of the song, I don't think that Kelli's attempts to mimic Whitney's performance note by note is a good idea. Let's face it, she's never going to sound as good as Whitney. Like King Tut would say, why perform something that is so popular when you know that you can never match up to the original?

Randy Randy says that Kelli did very good in her performance but he finds the falsetto part a little "flat". Kelli also lost her breath when she overextended, he adds. Randy Randy giving concrete and sane advice? Take note of this moment, because I doubt he'll ever be this lucid in a long time. Miss Paula babbles about how pretty and how wonderful Kelli is. King Tut thinks that Kelli is a "fantastic" singer with "a tremendous talent" but he is disappointed by that performance because he feels that Kelli should be her unique self instead of copying Whitney Houston. Somewhere out there, Dolly Parton makes a note to call her lawyers to ban this song from being performed on this show ever again because nobody seems to remember that she did the song first. Back in the Red Room, Sleazie and Dunkie tries to console Kelli by reminding her that King Tut called her unoriginal but at least he didn't mention "Chile". Both Brad and Kelli make plans to beat Dunkie up after the camera has stopped rolling. Sleazie wonders aloud where King Tut goes to listen to his karaokes because he is already making plans to stalk that man.

Oh, how cute, here is a montage of the ten wannabes of this episode goofing around and dancing around the Red Room in what is called the "Coca-Cola moment". And here I am, thinking that you need something from Miss Paula's secret stash to feel and act that happy. I think this show sometimes have "Coca-Cola" and "prime grade coke" confused.

The last performance of the day goes to Christopher Aaron. No, I don't remember ever seeing him before either. He tells Dunkie that being last doesn't make him nervous. He's "chilled" instead. Does that mean that he feels as if he's frozen stiff in some very cold freezer? His introductory clip reveals that he has known Tamyra for five years - they go way back and he actually asked her for fashion advice prior to this episode. His choice of song - Brian McKnight's Still In Love - is a wise one as his voice does bear some resemblance to Brian McKnight's. But unfortunately, he's also a most forgettable performer as he lacks ample charisma to make me sit up and take notice of him.

Randy Randy thinks that Christopher sounded "amazing" and "very confident" without "overdoing it", praising him for being cool. Christopher says that people call him a "cool cat". Miss Paula says the same things that Randy Randy did, only she adds in "angels" and "clouds" to make her words more insipid than ever. King Tut thinks that Christopher has finally shone and it was a "fantastic" and "brilliant" performance as well as song choice. In the Red Room, I believe Tamyra is even more excited for Christopher than the man ever is.

The two hosts recap the performances of the night and remind everyone to go vote for the next two hours after the show ends. So who will have to go back to their mundane lives of obscurity after this? The result episode will of course reveal everything.

Results night. The two loser hosts have abandoned black for woolen jerseys and pink tight pants this time around. Sleazie, cupping his crotch unless he absolutely has to lift his hands because he only wants the relevant people to look there, says that three million calls came in the night before and some kind of record has therefore been set in America. I believe it's for the highest number of phone calls made by people who should find better things to occupy their time. After wasting time babbling about how the show works, they introduce the judges. Randy Randy, Miss "Birthday Girl today!" Paula, and King Tut.

Dunkie attempts to tease Miss Paula by saying that he will give her her present "later". Oh Dunkie, you're backing the wrong horse here. Look at Sleazie. He knows who is running the show. King Tut says that Miss Paula looks good for a woman of fifty and Miss Paula bungles up her response by giving a convoluted and barely coherent comeback about how she borrowed some kind of anti-aging cream from 70-year old King Tut. Sweetie, a simple and concise comeback, like "At least I haven't caught herpes from Ryan Sleazebag!", would have done the job much better.

After the pointless "banter", the two stooges point out the three silvery chairs that the three wannabes with the highest votes will sit on later that evening. And finally, they recap the performances of the previous night. I never noticed until now how Ryan Starr was shrieking something like "I want your father on the side!" during the final refrains of her performance. Nice.

Now it's pointless Q&A time. Natalie couldn't sleep! Christopher drank a lot of beer! Kelli talked to her mother, boyfriend, and best friend! Sad Clown Boi is trying to stay calm and focused! Do I care? No, of course I don't. The TV screen then comes alive and it is revealed that Randy Randy, Miss Paula, and King Tut all predict that Tamyra would go through. Tamyra acts demur and humble when I bet inside she's all, "Hah, eat your heart out, bitches!" And on and on, the "banters", sigh.

Creepy Ford commercial: the ten wannabes pretend to be driving or pose in front of the vehicles in question as they talk about how banal they are every time they open their mouths.

And now, the revelation of the first of the three who will be moving on to the finals. Sleazie tries to be funny in prolonging the inevitable but what do you know, it's Tamyra who will be moving on. Oh my, let me try to pretend to be shocked here. At any rate, Tamyra gives some rehearsed beauty pageant responses to the two stooges' banter while thinking that these interviews are run by amateurs. King Tut pats himself in the back for predicting Tamyra's ascension to the heavens.

We still have some twenty minutes to go in this episode so they bring back Tameka to weigh on the performances. Oh, Tameka, you've sold out and you're no longer funny anymore. And she really isn't. The stooges then invite Rodesia and Sad Clown Boi to take potshots at Tameka as well as at the judges. Sad Clown Boi gets a nice dig on Tameka but it's scripted so whatever. Natalie's self-righteous query to King Tut about how he sleeps at night is so misplaced. King Tut sleeps well, thank you, because you only have to look at his paycheck to feel all that insomnia clearing away. And then...

Oh, screw it. I'm not recapping the rest of the nonsense. The next two wannabes that will be moving on are Ryan Starr (second highest vote getter after Tamyra) and Sad Clown Boi. Ah well, it looks like the collective abdominal powers of Brad and Justinn didn't cut it for them. Sad Clown Boi. Honestly now, what does he have that Brad doesn't? I don't get it. What is wrong with you people?

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