HOT SAUCE REVIEWS: MOVIES

Cranky, sarcastic reviews of... let's see, drama, comedy, horror, tragedy, space crap, monster wallop, anything and everything.

Lucy (2014)

The only explanation for the plot of this movie is that it is the frantic delusions of the director as he is seized by a powerful high, and this movie is his way to pay off his dealers while secretly Morse-coding all of us to intervene. Or something like that.

Into the Storm (2014)

Two hundred tornadoes hit a town all at the same time (or so it seems), things get blown up, inconsequential characters die, everyone else survives to proclaim how amazing humanity is because tornadoes can’t kill them despite their stupidity. In other words, business as usual.

Frozen (2013)

Cartoon of the century! Feminist films for future Social Justice Warriors of Tumblr! Empowering tale of girls taking care of themselves (although the cute and perky one still gets the boy while the more intimidating chick ends up alone), When a movie is hyped this much, it is never going to live up to expectations.

Burning Blue (2013)

Hot guys in love, the Navy, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – how can I resist? Well, it’s easier than I expected, considering how the director does his best to make sure that I don’t care even a little about these people and their story.

The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

The clarity of the messages in the book – on cancer, coming to terms with the inevitable, carpe diem – comes through despite the script laboring under the assumption that John Green is a pseudonym for Nicholas Sparks. Augustus Waters is horribly miscast, but Hazel Lancaster is perfect.


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