Total-e-bound, £2.99, ISBN 978-1-906328-26-9
Paranormal Erotica, 2007
One night in July 2008 – yes, 2008 – our heroine Arabella Smith is reading a book she has purchased in a second-hand book store, A Border Shepherdess, when she falls asleep in her bedroom in Brisbane and wakes up in 1888. In a “small South East Queensland town outside Toowoomba called Glendenholme” to boot. A reason for this could be Arabella, before she falls asleep, noticing a signature in the book, “Amy Louisa Robillard, July 23rd 1888”, and wondering what life would be like in 1888 for Amy Louisa. Or maybe it’s from that sex dream she has with this guy “with the biggest cock ever” (thirty inches both in length and girth, perhaps?) who tells her to “come to him”, literally as well as figuratively.
Arabella finds herself in the company of two matronly sisters who inform her that she isn’t the first time-traveler they know of – there are two others – and they will help her figure out why she has been sent back to 1888. Maud and Aggie soon play fairy godmothers as they help Arabella meet up with the well-endowed fellow of her dreams, Garrett Robillard. Garrett is already declaring that he loves her because they’ve already shagged in their dreams and it was good enough to make him fall in love with her. Or something.
“Just get away from me.” Arabella stepped back and hit a shelf of dry goods behind her.
Although she felt no actual malicious threat from him there was something about him that scared her – something that was all too real.
Could that something be his fifty-inch penis?
“You know I can’t, Arabella.” Garrett reached out and stroked her face gently. “I love you.”
“What are you, nuts?” Arabella pushed his hand away. The face stroking had been nice up until the declaration of love. “You don’t even know me! The only thing I remember about you is you are a part of a dream and you have a very large cock. It’s not the basis for a relationship.”
I really don’t think telling a man she is trying to discourage that she thinks he has an eighty-inch penis is going to help matters.
Garrett chuckled at her words. “I am glad to hear you enjoyed being with me, honey. I hope to be spending more time with you and inside you soon.”
See what I mean?
This story is mostly sex scenes interspersed with Arabella saying that she can’t fall for Garrett because she has to go back to her time while the Rainey sisters tell her to embrace the love and the hundred-inch penis. Lust in Time probably will be a half-decent read if the lines uttered by the characters in this story are less cringe-inducing. The above sample I’ve offered is just one of the many corny and unintentionally humorous lines in this story. It really doesn’t take long before this one crosses the campy funny read line and moves into almost subliminally ridiculous territory. Amarinda Jones really should consider saving those corny lines for The Last Comic Standing instead the next time around.
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