HOT SAUCE REVIEWS: MUSIC
Pop, rock, kitsch, tarts, emo brats, boybands, girlgroups - yes, dear, heard them all, got the T-shirts, and written the reviews.
Taylor Swift finally embraces pop in what is most likely her most calculated album ever.
He wants to cover every inch of my body with his autograph. I hope he dots every i carefully. Wait, did I say that out loud?
Oh no, this is a new album from Ne-Yo, and nobody – NOBODY – is going to tell me otherwise.
Any fan of Sarah Brightman has probably heard most of the songs here, so there’s no need to bother. Unless you like Done a lot, that is.
Another washed-up boyband trying to come back. Can’t blame them, but they could put more effort into it.
How cute, it’s LFO. Wait, these guys are called MKTO instead. Let’s hope they last longer than those fair-weather beach bums.
No surprise that Of Monsters and Men are from Iceland. Only a band from that weird continent called Europe could come up with something this quirky.
Backstreet Boys keep coming back, like geriatric uncles in stained boxer shorts trying to pull a Magic Mike before a crowd of bewildered teenage girls.
Parents may cringe when Ariana Grande sings about things like “Don’t let these eyes fool ya, I can take it. Hold nothing back – give it to me!” but I’m sure their kids would definitely approve. Bang bang into the room, baby!
Cher Lloyd shows marked improvement in her follow-up effort, but because the bar was set so low previously, this means a new and improved Cher Lloyd is about the same level as the Demis, Arianas, and other mini-skirted sweet tarts out there. Sirens is a fine song, though, worth a few listens.
Sia discovers a new generation of dreamy little girls who would ordain her as the spokesperson for their little earthquakes. Hey, with Kate Bush and Tori Amos getting a bit long in the tooth, may as well hand the job to Sia.
We have “street thug” Iggy Azalea and now we have “punk band” 5 Seconds of Summer. What is wrong with Australia and why are they doing this to the rest of the world?
Yes, it’s another release by a singing competition winner that is tanking in the charts. Come what may, though, Tessanne Chin can always take pride in the fact that she delivered a gorgeous adult contemporary album that hits all the right spots.
I’m not sure what happened, but while the previous album is fabulous, this one is a sleeping pill. The best song is a cover version – that’s how dreary the situation is.
Since when did Lana Del Rey’s daughter come up with an album? Wait, that’s not it? Anyway, this album is Lorde’s beautiful apology for Royals being played to death everywhere.
If Tori Amos and Suzanne Vega somehow have a child together, that child would make this album. Angry, sultry, moody, temperamental – Lana Del Rey sounds like she’d be someone amazing, once she grows up and stops writing those silly lyrics.
RuPaul may be born naked, but she’s also covered in cheese.
While he still has some way to go in convincing the world he isn’t a one-hit wonder, Phillip Phillips’s follow-up effort suggests that he is, at the very least, moving forward in the right direction.
It’s difficult to see how hard Mariah Carey clings to the last vestiges of her relevance, only to flail this much in the process.
Oh, screw dignity. BEST ALBUM OF 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARRY ME SAM SMITH I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviews posted before May 16, 2014 are stored in the older version of this website. No, I didn’t move them over because I don’t have the time, sorry. Click here for those reviews.
The layouts of those old reviews are not very user-friendly if you use a smartphone or a tablet, sorry about that.
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