HOT SAUCE REVIEWS: MOVIES
Cranky, sarcastic reviews of... let's see, drama, comedy, horror, tragedy, space crap, monster wallop, anything and everything.
Oh look, another morality tale about never trusting creepy people who live in isolated farm houses.
A couple of losers wake up in a scary building… you know, that whole thing is so, so played out by now.
Annoying and dull tourists get caught in an earthquake in Chile. Good news: they get hurt. Bad news: it’s still boring.
Good news: Rusty Joiner takes off his shirt once or twice here. Bad news: you can see more of him online, this movie blows.
This is either an unintentionally hilarious comedy or a horrible B-grade flick unfit for consumption. Pick your poison.
Christopher Nolan wastes almost 3 hours to show that women are horrible emotional creatures. If you take them to space, don’t bring them back.
Is Ouija a flat and boring movie not worth my time and money? The pointer says: YES! YES! YES!
After Effect proves that the most terrifying thing in a horror movie is the budget cut.
Come savor the best Japan cinema has to offer: disembowelment, gore, vagina-to-mouth skewer attacks and more.
Yes, it’s really called Killer Mermaid, and yes, there is one here. It’s better than it should be, but not good enough.
Self Storage is probably one of Eric Roberts’s worst movies ever. Think about that. Then again, let’s not.
Two newlyweds walk in the woods… you can probably guess the rest, but that’s okay. The lead actor would distract you with his nudity.
Overly hyped as the best horror movie of all time, The Conjuring turns out to be a polished rehash of every past haunted house flick.
Of all the vampires in movies, the dude in Dracula Untold may be the most tragic pushover of them all.
Denzel Washington brings on his most piercing glare and scowl to The Equalizer. The impressive body count by the hero here, alas, includes the plot as well.
A Walk Among the Tombstones is an entertaining stop-those-serial-killers movie. It won’t blow anyone’s mind or change the world, but it does its job well.
The Maze Runner could have been the most gory and scary dystopian teen flick to hit the screen, but it ends up being the most limpid one to date.
In many ways, the movie version of The Giver is missing the more elegant nuances of the book. It still manages to entertain and touch the heart, though.
Is this movie a way to pay off the director’s drug dealers while secretly Morse-coding all of us to intervene?
Video game adaptations tend to be awful, and this low-budget thing with a D-grade cast is bound to be bad, right? Of course it is.
Reviews posted before May 16, 2014 are stored in the older version of this website. No, I didn’t move them over because I don’t have the time, sorry. Click here for those reviews.
The layouts of those old reviews are not very user-friendly if you use a smartphone or a tablet, sorry about that.
- Eve of Passion by AC Arthur
- Bride for a Knight by Margaret Moore
- An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
- The Gunslinger and the Heiress by Kathryn Albright
- Trade Me by Courtney Milan
- Shotgun Wedding by Olivia Rupprecht
- The Apple Pie Knights by Deborah Smith
- Say Yes to the Marquess by Tessa Dare
- A Lady’s Secret Weapon by Tracey Devlyn
- Gilded Lily by Delphine Dryden
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