HOT SAUCE REVIEWS: MOVIES
Cranky, sarcastic reviews of... let's see, drama, comedy, horror, tragedy, space crap, monster wallop, anything and everything.
Is Ouija a flat and boring movie not worth my time and money? The pointer says: YES! YES! YES!
After Effect proves that the most terrifying thing in a horror movie is the budget cut.
Come savor the best Japan cinema has to offer: disembowelment, gore, vagina-to-mouth skewer attacks and more.
Yes, it’s really called Killer Mermaid, and yes, there is one here. It’s better than it should be, but not good enough.
Self Storage is probably one of Eric Roberts’s worst movies ever. Think about that. Then again, let’s not.
Two newlyweds walk in the woods… you can probably guess the rest, but that’s okay. The lead actor would distract you with his nudity.
Overly hyped as the best horror movie of all time, The Conjuring turns out to be a polished rehash of every past haunted house flick.
Of all the vampires in movies, the dude in Dracula Untold may be the most tragic pushover of them all.
Denzel Washington brings on his most piercing glare and scowl to The Equalizer. The impressive body count by the hero here, alas, includes the plot as well.
A Walk Among the Tombstones is an entertaining stop-those-serial-killers movie. It won’t blow anyone’s mind or change the world, but it does its job well.
The Maze Runner could have been the most gory and scary dystopian teen flick to hit the screen, but it ends up being the most limpid one to date.
In many ways, the movie version of The Giver is missing the more elegant nuances of the book. It still manages to entertain and touch the heart, though.
Is this movie a way to pay off the director’s drug dealers while secretly Morse-coding all of us to intervene?
Video game adaptations tend to be awful, and this low-budget thing with a D-grade cast is bound to be bad, right? Of course it is.
This movie is a reboot, and tells a familiar tale, but it is completely ruined by that brain damaged bimbo who is responsible for every single mess in this movie.
Two hundred tornadoes hit a town all at the same time (or so it seems), things get blown up, inconsequential characters die. Business as usual.
This Marvel adaptation is the one I have been looking forward to the most, so of course it has to be the one that disappointed me the most too.
Cartoon of the century! Feminist films for future social justice warriors! When a movie is hyped this much, it is never going to live up to expectations.
Yes, it’s Hercules. This is, simply put, one of the most enjoyable average flicks I’ve come across in a while.
Out come the apes wielding machine guns and going kung-fu banzai on everyone’s asses, and everything begins to feel truly special.
Reviews posted before May 16, 2014 are stored in the older version of this website. No, I didn’t move them over because I don’t have the time, sorry. Click here for those reviews.
The layouts of those old reviews are not very user-friendly if you use a smartphone or a tablet, sorry about that.
- Pen & Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton
- How to School Your Scoundrel by Juliana Gray
- Loving Laney by Harmony Evans
- Engaging Brooke by Dara Girard
- Wrangling Wes by Jacquelin Thomas
- Tropical Madness by Marc de Faoite
- Ouija (2014)
- Steel’s Edge by Ilona Andrews
- After Effect (2013)
- Fate’s Edge by Ilona Andrews
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